Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
SOPHIE
I wake up to the doorbell ringing. My first thought is that Rob has come back, and a giddy, stupid feeling fills my chest. It’s eight, half an hour before my alarm was set to go off. I slip on a pair of sweatpants and practically race downstairs to answer the door, tripping on the last step and catching myself on the banister. Good grief. I’m desperate and a klutz.
But it’s not him.
It’s Hannah and Briar, with a bag of pastries and a tray of coffees. Normally, I’d be happy to see my friends, but I can’t deny my mood deflates like a punctured balloon. I’d been hoping he would be the one bringing me breakfast.
Then again, Rob and I had agreed on rebound sex and a fake relationship. I probably shouldn’t blame him for giving me exactly what I’d asked for. Or for not wanting me to wait on him last night.
It’s just…I’ve started to want more.
Hannah raises the coffee tray. “You have to let us in. We come bearing gifts.”
I yawn. “Isn’t it a little early for all of us?”
“Yes,” Hannah says, “and you’re entirely to blame for my lack of sleep. I’m as invested in your sex life as I would be in a terrible show on the CW.”
Briar just smiles and shrugs. “I wake up to do yoga every morning at six thirty, so I was already up.”
“I’m stunned that I don’t hate you.” Hannah nudges Briar with her shoulder, a small smile on her lips to show she’s joking.
It occurs to me that we all could have hated each other, like Rob said. We could have decided to be jealous, but instead we’ve built something beautiful.
“Come in,” I say, and follow them into the dining room.
They set their offerings on the table, and I grab us some of the scary eye dishes and napkins. Then Briar serves us each a muffin.
“Soooo,” Hannah says. “I hear that Rob was super-duper busy last night.”
“She’s been texting with Travis,” Briar says pointedly.
“Oh?”
“This isn’t about me,” Hannah says dismissively. “And I only asked for his number so I could get some intel about your boyfriend.”
“Fake boyfriend,” I correct, which feels strange when I can still feel the phantom ache of him between my legs, and hear the echo of his voice telling me to put those shoes on for him.
But I have to remember that Rob didn’t ask for any of this. Our fake relationship was my idea. Last night was a fluke. Just a thing that happened, which wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t set the ball rolling.
I can feel my friends watching me, probably reading every expression passing over my face.
“Yes. Fake. Obviously ,” Hannah says. “Did you give yourself fake sex hair too?”
I give myself away by self-consciously touching my hair.
“I told you,” Hannah says triumphantly to Briar, who nods.
“Look,” I tell them, glancing toward the stairwell to make sure Otis isn’t coming down. The last thing I need is for him to join in and tell them all about the strip of condoms I begged him for last night. “You’re the one who told me I should have rebound sex with him. It’s no big deal, right? I mean, it doesn’t have to be one. Lord knows, he’s probably slept with dozens of women. Maybe even hundreds.” I pause, dwelling on this thought, and feel my heart beating faster. “Do you really think it could be hundreds?”
If so, it probably meant nothing to him. It would be like flossing—a thought that’s horribly embarrassing.
Hannah laughs. “No. I don’t think he’s slept with hundreds of women , Sophie. Or at least Travis doesn’t think so. He says Rob’s always been a bit of a loner.”
“Gosh, how long were you texting with him last night?”
“Let’s circle back to you having rebound sex with Rob. How was it?”
“She doesn’t have to say,” Briar interrupts, glancing at me. Tugging on one of her long blond locks, she adds, “But I think we would both appreciate a general idea of whether it was good.”
I feel my cheeks heating up. “It was really good. Like, I feel like I didn’t really understand what good sex was until last night. I…” I dart a look at the stairs again, then whisper, “I wore my wedding shoes.”
Briar sighs contentedly. “That’s so romantic.”
Laughing, Hannah bumps shoulders with her. “You think it’s so romantic that he fucked her in the shoes she was going to wear to marry his brother? Mind you, I’m not knocking it. It’s definitely hot.”
I roll my eyes, but it feels nice to have friends like this. Friends I can talk to about anything, even the elephant in the room: the fact that we’ve all slept with Jonah, so we know exactly what mediocre sex feels like.
“He was just trying to help me.”
Hannah gives me a disbelieving look. “You think he had sex with you because he was being nice?”
I shrug, feeling the thought burn into my brain. I don’t really believe it, at least not all the way, but an old voice whispers in my ear, He felt bad for you. He left…
“It was very nice of him.”
“I don’t doubt it, but that’s not why he did it,” Hannah says.
“You’re beautiful, Sophie,” Briar says firmly. “And you’re glowing this morning. We would have known what happened even without Hannah’s invasive texting. Heck, we’ve known he’s interested for weeks. Hannah says he couldn’t look away from you when you were wearing your wedding dress, and he’s kept popping back up?—”
“Because he feels guilty about what Jonah did,” I say. “He’s trying to make amends.”
“Men don’t fuck women to make amends on behalf of their cheating brothers,” Hannah scoffs. “They do it because they want to. He wanted to. ”
I think back to last night, to the way Rob looked at me, like I was a feast he wanted to gorge himself on.
“Okay,” I concede, rubbing my forehead. “You may have a point. But he still left afterward. It mustn’t have meant that much to him.”
“Did you want him to stay?” Hannah asks, lifting her eyebrows. “Did you ask him to stay?”
“No.” I lean back in my chair, feeling stupid now. “But I am supposed to meet up with him and Emil today at the park.”
“He’s introducing you to Emil?” Hannah asks. “It’s obvious Emil is super important to him. Travis told me all about it.”
Briar and I exchange a split-second knowing look.
Hannah laughs. “I’m not into him. If I were going to fuck anyone in that band, it would be the one with the weird name, but everyone knows two redheads can’t sleep together. There’d be a supernova.”
“You like Bixby?” I ask. “He barely said two words the other night.”
“Thus the basis of his appeal. I’m done with men who talk a lot. My bullshit threshold is very low. Plus, I’m not into him either. I was just making a point. I’m definitely not sleeping with anyone in your kind-of-fake-kind-of-real boyfriend’s band. Our web is tangled enough, don’t you think?”
I can’t deny that.
“Sure, but if you really want to sleep with Bixby, I’m not going to get in your way. Maybe we can all rebound with the band.”
I’m mostly joking, trying to make light of something heavy.
“No, thank you,” Briar says. “I meant what I said. I’m done with men. Even if I get another cat, it’s going to be female.”
Hannah laughs. “We’ll see how long that lasts. But let’s get back to the fact that Rob asked you to hang out with the kid he wants to foster. That’s sort of a big deal.”
“Yeah, but I asked him for that too.”
Hannah gives me a pointed look. “Ask and ye shall receive. He doesn’t need to give you what you want, you know.”
“This brings us back to him trying to make amends,” I say.
“He doesn’t even like Jonah,” Hannah says. “I don’t see him going out of his way to make amends for something his brother did. Look, I’m not saying he’s your one true love or any of that bullshit. But he likes you. He wants to be your friend and enjoy those sweet, sweet benefits. Nothing wrong with that.”
“But why?” I ask. I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m honestly not sure. I’ve acted like a complete nutcase around him, getting on his case one minute, begging him to have sex with me the next.
“He sees in you what we see,” Briar says simply, as if it should be the most obvious thing in the world.
Suddenly I feel burning behind my eyes. “What if I don’t see it,” I ask in an undertone. “I…I’ve been trying to, like I promised to last weekend. But it’s hard. My whole life…no one’s ever wanted to keep me.” It feels like I just peeled back my skin and showed them my insides, but I force myself to keep going. “I thought Jonah did, and I felt so grateful . It makes me sick to think about it.”
Briar takes my hand and squeezes it, her grip surprisingly strong. “You’re not getting rid of us.”
“Even if you wanted to,” Hannah agrees. “We’ll keep showing up with muffins, and it will be a whole stalker situation.” She’s her usual Hannah self—not a big feelings talker like Briar—but she presses a hand to my back, then adds, “And if you can’t see it, then it’s our job to remind you. Just like you’re always throwing compliments at us. Telling Briar you love her ridiculously gorgeous hair and all her rocks. Telling me how much you like my big mouth.”
“I think she said she liked your lipstick,” Briar says with a soft smile.
“And the smart mouth underneath it,” I say, with tears still welling in my eyes. “I like everything about both of you. You know, Rob told me something last week that I’ve been thinking about a lot. He said our past makes us who we are, so we can’t resent it. I’m glad that all this crap happened with Jonah, because if it didn’t, then I wouldn’t have you two. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a real friend.”
“Me too,” Hannah says, squeezing my shoulder.
“And me,” Briar adds.
“Speaking of,” Hannah says. “Did you hear anything from that bartender at The Ginger Station?”
“I haven’t reached out to her yet,” I admit. “The whole Rob thing kind of took over.”
Briar gives her a quizzical look. “Why is this so important to you?”
“No one gets left behind,” she says. “It was one of our rules when we were kids. Probably because my dad was totally crap at keeping an eye on us. That’s why I’m working with Liam. He needs someone to keep him in line.”
I realize I felt the same way about Otis, although that feeling has been shifting. The more space I’ve given him, the more he’s grown. “You don’t like working at the brewery?” I ask.
“Eh, it’s okay,” Hannah replies. “You know me. I like being around people, and the team is pretty good. But it’s not my dream job, no. I’m there for Liam.”
Interesting. I haven’t met Liam yet, but from what she’s said, he has a short fuse. It’s hard to imagine Hannah shaping her whole life around a man, even her brother. “Does he know that?”
“No,” she says, giving me a piercing look. “And he won’t. Ever.”
“I’m not going to tell him. We haven’t even met him.”
“Can we meet him and Connor?” Briar asks, Connor being Hannah’s younger brother.
“Oh, you don’t want to meet Liam. He’s an asshole.”
I laugh. “We don’t want to meet the big brother you love so much you’re working at a job you only sort of like so you can keep an eye on him?”
She laughs, shaking her head. “Look. You’re going to meet him at some point, but I want to make sure you’re inextricably attached to me before you do. Connor’s great. The life of the party. But he lives in Boston.”
“We want to meet Liam and Connor,” I say. “We’re already very attached to you.”
“You also told me I could hire him if my brewer quits,” Briar points out. “Which is almost certainly going to happen, because my father just announced he’s not giving anyone more than two consecutive days off until the end of the summer, and our brewer’s girlfriend lives across the state.”
“You’ll both meet him,” Hannah says, waving a hand. “We’ll have a beer together sometime, pinky swear. But I’m with him at work all day, and honestly it’s good to get a break sometime. Anyway. We’ve let things wander too far from the point, which is that it bothers me that we don’t know what GingerBeerBabe’s deal is. If she is on Team Jonah, I feel like we should know, especially after Sophie and Rob just declared World War III on him.”
“Crap, you really think we did?” I ask, biting my lip. “I don’t like conflict.”
Hannah smiles at me. “You stood up in a booth and told a roomful of people exactly what a cheating jerk he is. He’s going to try to bite back. So we have to bite harder. I’ll follow up on the whole GingerBeerBabe situation.”
I glance at the clock, and my pulse leaps. “On that ominous note, I have to get ready. I’m supposed to be at the park in twenty minutes, and it’s at least ten minutes away.”
Briar stands up. “We’re helping you.”
“I’m just going to the park,” I say. “It’s no big deal. It’ll probably be boring.” But when I think about seeing Rob again, my pulse picks up, and butterflies start fluttering drunkenly in my midsection.
I don’t know what I want from him, but I have to be at least this honest with myself: I want something.
“Your self-esteem is a very big deal, actually,” Hannah says as she gets up and puts a hand on her hip. She’s shorter than me, but she knows how to strike a pose. “And we’re going to help you feel beautiful. Because there’s a confident, badass bitch inside of you—we’ve all seen it—and you need to keep feeding her if you want her to show up more.”
“Is this because I’m meeting Rob?” I ask, laughing through the knot of emotion in my throat. “You should have seen the lame getup I was wearing last night. He didn’t seem to mind.”
“Exactly,” Briar says emphatically. “Because he sees you for who you are.”
“But you don’t,” Hannah says. “So we’re going to help get it through your thick head if it’s the last thing we do.”