The Resolution
Elizabeth glanced at the door again, anxious to start furiously writing her newfound intelligence to Jane. She even ignored the gentleman as she thought about all she had learned, wondering if she might return to Cheapside sooner than planned.
She was forced to admire Mr Darcy’s cleverness.
With little time to plan, and given a terrible hand of cards, he had played skilfully and swept the board.
In the midst of appreciating this, she briefly considered it unfortunate he was so far above her.
She quite liked the taciturn man now that she understood him better and regretted that she would likely never see him again.
She thought that in another life, they could have been friends.
She finally said, “Mr Darcy, I believe that may be the best conversation of my life. I applaud you, sir! I am impressed by your quick thinking!”
He appeared at a loss as to how to receive a compliment on anything other than his estate or looks but finally nodded with a rather handsome smile.
“Thank you, Miss Bennet. It means a great deal to me.”
They sat in contemplative silence for a few minutes, until he spoke again. “Now that I have kept my half of the bargain, are you willing to trade?”
She startled, then had to take a moment to recall he wanted her to pay for all that delicious gossip.
She was not certain she wanted to tell him much of anything, but a bargain was a bargain, and she judged he was trustworthy.
The only evidence against that thesis was from Mr Wickham, and she was largely convinced there was more to that story than the man related—and Mr Darcy was far more likely to be the injured party.
“Ask,” she said in resignation.
“I must know!” he said.
She furrowed her brow in confusion and gave him a look indicating he owed her an explanation—or at least phrasing his desire in the form of a question.
“I must know if you or Miss Bennet organised the rumours. I give my word as a gentleman I will not exact retribution, nor will I ever breathe a word to a living soul—but I must know for my own sanity.”
Elizabeth felt rather like she had spent the last few weeks as a mouse hunting a cat. Her desire to know if Jane’s retribution worked had placed her in an uncomfortable position—one where her honour would not allow her to lie, even if she could escape detection, which she doubted.
“I can safely say I had nothing to do with it, though I learned of the rumours the day before I came to Kent,” she said, looking carefully to gauge his reaction.
He nodded and smiled slightly.
“I cannot convict Jane of involvement,” she said and stared at him hard, and finally finished, “but neither can I absolve her.”
“I knew it!” he shouted, then jumped from his chair to raise a fist in triumph like a gambler who had just won twenty to one at Ascot.
He sat back down with a huge smile on his face, which frankly startled Elizabeth.
He was certainly acting peculiar, and she wondered if his look was that of the judge who had just received condemning testimony.
She hoped not, because at that moment he looked handsomer than ever, and she thought it might mortify her should he prove to be another Mr Bingley.
His face became concerned, and he quickly added, “I hope you do not think I am celebrating having caught the culprit.”
“I have no idea what you are celebrating.”
“I am celebrating appreciation of a well-deserved and well-executed scheme of revenge. I admire your sister far more than I ever did in Hertfordshire. I may even offer to help her find a suitor, which will give me the greatest pleasure. It was astonishing… stupendous… amazing. I would have wagered a month’s income she did not possess the capacity for it. ”
Elizabeth stared at him in abject confusion, wondering if she would ever understand men.
“You do not mind that she ensnared you in her scheme?”
“Of course not! Miss Bennet is clever enough to know she would no more than inconvenience me, and to be honest, I did not exactly leave her—or anybody else in Meryton—any reason to esteem me.”
“No, you did not!” she snapped before she could check herself.
She immediately felt regret for no good reason. “You improve with better acquaintance,” she added somewhat shyly.
“I am glad to hear it,” he said with a deep and most appealing voice.
Elizabeth sighed. “Well, all’s well that ends well, I suppose.
I do hope you absolve Jane of any maliciousness.
This is the first time in her life she has done anything the least bit mean-spirited, but I do not think you can imagine what it is like to be trapped pining away in hopeless love for four months with no relief in sight. ”
“That leads naturally into my part of the bargain… my repayment for your trust… my deepest secret.”
She had entirely forgotten the bargain but was fascinated. “Pray proceed, sir. I am dying to know.”
He shifted in his chair nervously a few times, stared down, and finally looked directly into her eyes.
“I know exactly what it is like to pine away for a seemingly hopeless love for four months. In a supreme bit of irony, the cause of my distress is exactly the same as your sister’s.”
“I do not understand.”
“The cause of both my misery and Miss Bennet's is the same: myself!”
She looked startled but had no idea how to answer, so merely nodded for him to continue.
“I misjudged Miss Bennet, so I misadvised my friend. Now in this case, he was not really deserving of her anyway, but still, as you say, it was not my place. Your sister’s revenge was well earned and better aimed than she imagined.
She probably took me as a target of opportunity, but she had good reasons to avenge herself on me, even if she did not know them all. ”
Elizabeth was more confused than ever. “I understand how you were responsible for Jane’s suffering, but you have yet to explain how you are responsible for your own.”
“Because I fell in love about the same time your sister did, but I allowed my stubborn pride, the expectations of my family that were impressed upon me with vigour since birth, and the expectations of a society I mostly despise; to cause me to abandon my love without a fight and try to convince myself I was wrong for all these months.”
Elizabeth was fascinated beyond measure. “Based on the timing, it must be someone in Meryton. I probably know her. It is likely not too late, and I will certainly be able to help you escape your self-imposed exile. Your case may not be hopeless.”
She leaned forward excitedly. “Who is she?”
“You, of course,” he said, as if he were explaining the most basic fact to Mr Collins or Lady Catherine.
“Me!” she gasped, then sat in stunned silence for a full minute, unable to utter a sound while he looked on with the same half-smile he used to wear when he stared at her in Meryton.
She finally sighed. “You should probably explain yourself.”
“It will be my pleasure. Who did I most egregiously insult the first night of our acquaintance because her beauty tongue-tied me so badly that I did not recognise the feeling any better than a green boy? Who kept my attention so raptly that I could not help staring to the point you probably hated me, or thought I was mad? Who was so tongue-tied I could never speak to you properly unless we were debating? Who was too cowardly to apologise for that first slight, as would any gentleman? Who asked you to dance thrice, only to get one dance? Who was so frightened of his own feelings that he ran back to town like a craven idiot rather than face them like a man?”
She stared at him in shock for quite some time, and finally squeaked, “I dearly hope this is not some elaborate revenge.”
He chuckled, leaned forward, and boldly laid his hands open on the table, waiting patiently while looking her in the face.
After some time, she nervously put her hands into his and allowed him to grasp them.
He smiled and it melted her heart, though she was still exceedingly nervous.
She remembered her thoughts of a few moments earlier, and her regret that he might soon leave her sphere.
She certainly felt something more for the man than she had in Hertfordshire—not more per se, but a similar intensity of opposite feelings.
“My revenge will be sweet indeed,” said he with a smile, “and I plan to exact it over fifty years at least.”
She stared for some time, and finally squeezed his hands, though she was still incapable of speech.
He continued with a soft, wry, smile.
"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you."
She was far less startled than she would have been had he said it without warning, which in her addled mind seemed as if it might have been possible absent Jane’s prank.
Still incapable of speech (or coherent thought) she squeezed again.
This he considered sufficient encouragement; and the avowal of all that he felt, and had long felt for her, immediately followed.
He spoke well about how much he admired her, had admired her since he really took notice of her at Lucas Lodge, and admired her dedication to her sister and her ability to withstand the slings and arrows of the superior sisters; but was prevented first by his own reticence from making a better impression, then by his own stupidity in abandoning her without a word.
He concluded with representing to her the strength of that attachment which, in spite of all his endeavours, he had found impossible to conquer; and with expressing his hope that it would now be rewarded by her acceptance of his hand, little though he deserved it.
He spoke of apprehension and anxiety, and his countenance showed he was experiencing it at a level that was likely to kill him.