Chapter 33 The Epiphany
The Epiphany
After the tea was consumed, punctuated with nothing but the light-hearted and meaningless banter that generally accompanied it, they returned to the matter at hand.
Bennet said, “I believe we had reached the second epiphany?”
“Yes,” Darcy said, but then seemed to consider his words very carefully.
Elizabeth suspected it might be difficult since he had passed the night devising as many four-syllable words as might be required.
He finally said, “The second point was somewhat difficult, but it involves your assertion that I was greedy.”
“I did not say that!” she stated emphatically.
Much to both antagonists’ surprise, Mr Bennet intervened.
“Perhaps not that word, Lizzy, but if Mr Darcy has reported the conversation accurately, while you did not use the specific word greedy or any of its common synonyms, you did offer a phrase that a lexicologist would be happy to include in the dictionary as one of the definitions.”
Startled by the rather verbose and confusing interruption of her angry retort and transferring half of her annoyance from Mr Darcy to her equally worthy father, she started to reply in kind.
Mr Darcy intervened. “Peace, Miss Elizabeth. Pray, before we debate the merits of the assertion, may I say that I agree with you wholeheartedly, though belatedly!”
She looked from one man to the other, one grave and the other smirking. “Well… I suppose that takes the wind out of my sails.”
“Perhaps, but before we dwell all day on vocabulary, might I just say that assertion led to my second great epiphany of the night.”
She laughed a bit. “You seem to have been busy. I spent the night sleeping.”
“You were not distressed by the discussion?” he asked in apparent curiosity.
“I worried for Jane for a time but then resolved that if Mr Bingley could let someone like you or his pernicious sisters dissuade him from his attraction, it would merely prove him unworthy of my sister.”
Bennet chuckled. “Do not say that where your mother can hear.”
“I do have some sense of self-preservation,” she said smugly, then turned again to Darcy.
“I suppose you intend to tell me of this second epiphany, so you can proceed to your ambitions. I imagine the pleasures of the capital, or your estate, or your family are summoning you.”
He studied her closely but would not take the bait.
“As I said, I was slightly startled by your assertion that I was greedy, and then disconcerted by your very clever chastisement over my manners, but it did not take long to realise two things.”
“Which are?”
He raised one finger for counting, as if to emphasise his point, or possibly because he had trouble counting to two.
“First, when you said I was greedy, you were correct! In fact, I have been a selfish being all my life, in practise, though not in principle. As a child I was taught what was right—or at least, right in the way centuries of my ancestors viewed the world. There was never any concept of enough. In some cases, it has served us well, and in others, less so.”
“Well …” Elizabeth said but then faltered because she really had nothing to add. She looked from one man to the other, and finally merely nodded in recognition, if not necessarily acknowledgement.
Bennet said, “Before you say anything, Lizzy, I suggest you consider that you are the beneficiary of centuries of greed, as you phrased it. Only an accident of birth keeps you from being an urchin or a princess.”
She frowned but could not really dispute the point, as she would be loath to marry a shopkeeper or farmer. She had to ruefully admit that being hypocritical was not a particularly endearing trait.
Darcy said, “That notwithstanding, that was not the epiphany, since it did not really change my views.”
“What did?” she asked, genuinely curious.
He leaned forward in his chair. “Correctly identifying the rather ridiculous requirements for a wife I was taught as greed led me to the logical next step. I was not actually too greedy. I am not greedy enough!”
She shook her head in confusion and bit her cheek.
“So, your intention is to adopt a list of requirements that you have failed to satisfy in a decade and add more?” she asked, with a tone of unbridled scepticism.
“No, that would be foolish. I finally, after at least a decade in society, recognised the absolute absurdity of the list. It is much like Miss Bingley’s list of accomplishments. Do you remember that?”
Confused by the abrupt change, she replied woodenly, “Yes, I found it ridiculous: a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing, and the modern languages, to deserve the word; and besides all this, she must possess a certain something in her air and manner of walking, the tone of her voice, her address and expressions.”
“Exactly! Those are husband-hunting skills. Music is the only one of the slightest use to a wife, and it entirely omits all the things the mistress of an estate must know after marriage. Where is caring for sick children or advising tenants in that list? While I would like to believe I am not quite as ridiculous as Miss Bingley, I suffered from the same problem. I was searching for things I already have in excess, while ignoring things I lack.”
“Such as,” she asked, becoming more and more confused.
“Respect… admiration,” he said, then cast her the most peculiar look; “Love.”
“You desire all the things you mentioned and love too?” she squeaked.
He rather indecorously slid his chair a foot closer. “Not in addition to—instead of.”
“You seek a love match?”
“Yes.”
She stared at him for quite some time, having been entirely convinced he was unfamiliar with the concept.
She tried to speak several times, and finally just said, “I hope I helped you. I do believe if you can accomplish that, you will be happier. Having more money to stuff into your coffin seems like it would be cold comfort after a life of loneliness. I wish you success.”
She looked from one man to the other, feeling she had acted quite generously enough to impress even Jane.
Her father was watching the discussion intently, with his fingers steepled in front of his face and his habitual smirk absent.
She wondered if he had fully engaged his intellect for the first time in years, or if he was simply saving his rhetorical fire for later.
She belatedly realised they had left the bounds of propriety long ago but thought she may as well finish.
“Have you any idea where you will look for this match, or how to proceed? You must admit that your manners will need a bit of polish.”
She winced at the last part, but he just laughed heartily. She thought herself quite rude, while both men found her hilarious, so she despaired of trying to understand them.
Darcy at length ceased laughing and looked at her quite seriously. “Ahh…. I see it is time to proceed to ambitions.”
Elizabeth had forgotten all about his third item, so she just shrugged inelegantly, and nodded for him to get on with it.
“Now that I have discarded my mutton-headed ideas, and replaced them with much better goals, my ambition is to satisfy my new requirements sooner, rather than later. I am well aware I must improve my manners, as well as smacking a bit of new thinking into my thick head, but those seem surmountable problems. Today’s discussion constitutes my first fledgling steps. ”
“As confusing as this discussion has been, I will say that your improvement is… noted,” she said with slight confusion. Beyond that, she started to think she might actually befriend the man. He was certainly amusing when he put his back into it.
He continued. “As to your other, more strategic questions, I actually know exactly where to look for love, and I would hope that I can contrive to please a woman worthy of being pleased.”
She startled a bit but then considered that it was not all that surprising. With a decade in society, he probably had half a dozen women he had rejected because of his pig-headed stubbornness. It seemed reasonable that a new outlook would allow him to choose one of them, or at least reconsider.
“I congratulate you on your newfound intelligence,” she said graciously. “I presume your new victim is someone you know?”
“She is, though I clearly do not know her well enough, and she does not know me well at all.”
“That should be a remediable problem if you can speak as you have this past hour. Are you willing to satisfy a bit more of my curiosity?”
“Of course,” he said genially. “I owe you a great deal and will answer any question you might ever have.”
She laughed, thinking his newfound gallantry might be excessive, as there was no point in becoming another Mr Bingley.
“I will not ask for names, but just to satisfy my incessant curiosity, where are you intending to search for the lady who may hold your heart.”
He leaned even further forward in his seat and spoke earnestly. “Longbourn… or more specifically, your father’s library. If you wish to add when to your query, I will say, about an hour ago.”
For the first time in a very long while, Elizabeth was stunned into incomprehension. She stared at the man, who was giving her a look that was not disapproving, and it finally struck her. It had never been disapproving!
She looked from the most important man in her life to the one who apparently wanted to displace him, and finally asked, “Was that… ah… what it sounded like?”
“It is. I realise it is a bit of a shock for you, and you need not give me any definitive answer now, but I would like to know if I have a hope.”
“A hope for what?”
“Respect… affection… marriage… love…”
She found it all too much to comprehend, so she looked again to her father.
He chuckled. “I think your young man would appreciate a nod of your head, or even a verbal ‘yes’, or even a ‘maybe’, but I suspect anything short of fleeing the room screaming will suffice for now.”
Still not comprehending the sudden change, she looked again at him.
He said gently, “While this may seem a rather sudden reversal on my part, I can assure you that it is not the work of a day. The feelings have been growing since Lucas Lodge at the least. I simply had to overcome my own stupidity.”
“How? When?” she said, still confused, but at least recovering the ability to string together monosyllables.
“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
The enormity of what he was asking finally became clear, and she asked, “Are you certain of what you are about? You saw my family last night. Unless Papa feels a sudden burst of parental ambition, or you bludgeon him into hiring a governess, they are unlikely to improve.”
“I am certain. May I call on you?”
Hugely relieved he was not asking for an engagement, and curious about this newfound Mr Darcy, she finally replied, “You may.”
She found herself somewhat shocked at how well the expression of heartfelt delight, diffused over his face, became him, and for the first time in her life, she began to believe that perhaps…
just perhaps… Jane’s and her shared ambitions to only marry for the deepest love might be fulfilled.
She looked to her new suitor and realised something.
Finally, at long last, he could honestly say that his pride was under good regulation.
~~ Finis ~~