The Last Ceremony
Half an hour later, the parson sounded somewhat exhausted as he introduced Mr and Mrs Goulding to the congregation.
Lydia bounced with frustration as the other sisters returned to the group, all giving Mr and Mrs Goulding heartfelt congratulations, while Mr and Mrs Darcy offered something that sounded suspiciously like accommodation at Darcy House for their wedding night, and a fortnight at the seaside for a wedding trip.
“Finally!” she said, and all her sisters regarded her grimly. “My turn!”
Elizabeth glanced at the clock and frowned. “Fitzwilliam, though I loathe the idea of a dispute on our wedding day, I feel honour bound to mention a thought I had. You will not like it!”
“Pray proceed, my love,” he said grimly.
“I know you are a man of honour, and that you love me with all your heart. That is why you so generously offered to redeem this bounder from his debts to save me and my sisters.”
Darcy’s happy mood seemed to evaporate, but he only said, “Go on.”
She took his arm. “You did that so my sisters would all be able to marry without being tainted by Lydia’s scandal. In fact, we all were willing enough to tie our sister, who is selfish and stupid but not evil, to this reprobate for the rest of her miserable life—”
“You take that back!” Lydia screamed, and advanced upon her hated elder sister with fire in her eyes, only to be held back by her groom, who seized her by both arms and drew her forcefully away.
He said through gritted teeth, “This does not seem to be the way to commence a good marriage, Mrs Darcy.”
She scoffed, “As if anyone could have a good marriage with a man like you.”
Darcy said, “Go on, my love,” through his own gritted teeth.
Elizabeth sighed and faced her sister while the others watched with anxiety.
Lydia had tried to ruin their lives, but most thought they had achieved sufficient revenge for one day.
It all ended well enough, and they had not even had to dig one grave, let alone the customary two needed for a good revenge story.
Elizabeth said, “It occurs to me, that if you look around, your generosity is a solution in search of a problem.”
“What!” Lydia and Wickham yelled simultaneously in a perfect exhibition of synchronicity of manner.
Darcy regarded her carefully. “Yes, the marital prospects for your sisters seem to be a solved problem… and yet—”
Lydia yelled, “You lie! You cheat! Just as you did with the living,” and made another attempt to break free of Wickham to exact some sort of revenge.
Elizabeth restrained Darcy from snapping and said far more gently than the outburst deserved, “Lydia, you will hate me for a while, but you will thank me in the end. I have seen Mr Wickham’s signature on the documents by which he signed away all rights to the living because he asked for and received three thousand pounds.
My husband does not lie, and he does not break agreements—ever! His word is his bond.”
Wickham said stridently, “Yes, his word is his bond. We signed an agreement! I would marry Lydia for six thousand pounds.”
Lydia gasped in shock and transferred her ire in his direction momentarily, but for once in her life had nothing to say.
Elizabeth added grimly, “Yes, you did.”
Darcy said, “I cannot go back on my word, Elizabeth. Regardless of what Wickham is or does, I am a gentleman, and my word must be sacrosanct. I will not withdraw.”
She looked to see if he was angry with her, but she only saw regret. “As I said, I have seen Mr Wickham’s signature on several documents, including the agreement sitting in Uncle Gardiner’s folio over there. Shall I show it to you, Lydia?”
Jane, ever the peacemaker, said, “Lizzie, it seems they are going to be married. Is this really the best way to give Lydia some small chance at contentment?”
“Trust me, Jane!” Elizabeth said, and she ceased speaking.
Wickham, seeing that Darcy really did not intend to pay any more than he ever had, but also realising his sense of honour would be his downfall, as always, said, “Well Darcy, what will it be. Will you honour your commitment or not?”
Elizabeth forestalled his answer. “Of course, he will abide his agreement. He shook hands, even though I am certain he had to scrub it for half an hour to remove the stench; but when dealing with a duplicitous snake like you, he also had it signed and witnessed. Shall we view the documents?”
Wickham grinned in triumph. “I know what it says. Let us get on with it.”
Elizabeth said, “You should pay more attention to details, Mr Wickham.”
Darcy said, “The documents are clear enough, Elizabeth,” with a frown.
She gave a wicked smile, turned, leaned back into his chest, and said, “The document says that you will pay the money if he marries Lydia today.”
“I did not wish to chase him around the country for months, with him demanding more and more each time. I keep my word, but Wickham does not.”
Elizabeth smiled wickedly. “Marriage is governed by the Rules of the Church of England, as delineated in the Book of Common Prayer. Except in the case of a special license, marriages are to be held in a church between eight in the morning and noon. It is now quarter after twelve, and the parson has already departed for the day.”
“What!” Wickham and Lydia yelled in unison.
Elizabeth turned to them with a stern expression.
“Mr. Wickham, I propose that if you truly wish to marry my sister, you may do so properly. I am certain my husband will pay your debts to merchants regardless, but I doubt he will wish to discharge debts of honour unless forced. Return on Monday, and we will see you suitably wed.”
“Eeeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhhhh,” issued from Lydia in a high-pitched squeal.
Elizabeth felt very nervous until her husband chuckled in her ear and gave her waist a squeeze, promising more to follow.
Darcy laughed, “Well, I believe my wife has a good suggestion. Come back Monday, Wickham.”
“You cannot suppose I would marry this brat for less than six thousand pounds. I was being generous settling for less than ten!”
Darcy simply said, “I thank you for showing your true colours,” while Lydia collapsed upon the floor in a puddle of screaming tears.
Wickham turned towards the doors, and Darcy casually said, “By the way, Wickham, the O’Malley brothers were rather insistent on payment. They are waiting out front, so I suppose you can tell them you will pay them later on the way by.”
Wickham turned back, his eyes as big as saucers and foam forming on his lips and fled at a dead run for the back of the church. He had just slipped out the back door when the air was rent with an ear-piercing scream.
Darcy looked confused, and said calmly, “Oh bother, did I say front? How clumsy of me. The O’Malley brothers have never stood in front of a church in their lives. I do occasionally confuse front and back.”
Elizabeth laughed gaily, then turned around and gave him a kiss entirely proper for a new bride, though hardly so for their present location. That said, Mrs Fitzwilliam was the only one among them likely to be enough of a stickler to object, but she found herself… otherwise occupied.
Jane whispered to Mr Bingley, and said, “We will take care of Lydia.”
Mrs Gardiner stepped forward, “Not on your wedding day. Leave her to us. We will see to her needs and inform your parents of what has transpired. I will see you all in a week or so.”
None of the newly wedded couples needed a second suggestion, and the church cleared as if it were on fire.
Darcy House was bursting at the seams for the next week with four couples trying their best not to be underfoot to each other—although, to be fair, they spent most of their time in their chambers, so conflicts were practically non-existent.
Georgiana was welcomed back into the fold two days later and found herself thrilled beyond measure to meet four out of five of her new sisters.
As for sisters, Mrs Bingley showed off her innate kindness by barring her husband’s sisters from the house, purely to spare them the wrath of one or the other of her new brothers in law.
Mr and Mrs Gardiner were welcomed with alacrity and plans were made for a house party at Pemberley as soon as it might be arranged.
It was quite some time before Lydia was welcomed back into the fold, but she was eventually returned, much chastened, to society.
The well was thoroughly poisoned in Hertfordshire, and nobody wanted her too close to their new homes, so Mrs Darcy eventually took pity on her and introduced her in Bath, where she found a decent enough husband, and lived a much better life than the one she had initially chosen.
When the inevitable squabbles and vagaries of life intruded, or one of the family members felt slighted enough to seek revenge, they always fell back upon their old motto:
The best revenge is living well!
~~ Finis ~~