Chapter Longbourn Again
Longbourn Again
I admit that the ride back home was somewhat disconcerting.
A horse seemed as good a place to kiss as the cold hard road on the way to St Albans, so I barely managed to guide my beau to the appropriate turnings.
I was yet struck mute by the suddenness of my feelings, and my lack of consternation at my complete transformation from a stubborn, pragmatic, avenging angel to a swooning, gushing damsel in distress.
Nevertheless, I could not find it in my heart to repine my situation and doubted I ever would.
My experience with Collins and Wickham had taught me the supreme benefit of making significant decisions and executing them with alacrity.
I had no cause to regret those actions and did not think I would ever regret falling in love either. Perhaps that is merely my nature.
As we arrived at the front door, my mother emerged in all her screeching glory, but I wondered what all the fuss was about.
She had given me megrims most of my life, but for someone with normal hearing, she was only slightly nonsensical.
Of course, at the time, I had forgotten I was half-deaf instead of normal, so I was understating the case, but nothing was going to diminish my happiness.
A leopard does not change its spots, so as she was preparing for a proper fit that I had no interest in hearing (even at half volume), I knew precisely how to silence her, at least temporarily.
I just gave my beau a substantial kiss when he handed me down, which left her swooning (and mercifully silent).
Taking advantage of the temporary reprieve, I dragged him directly to my father’s library. If you do not know I am a believer in striking while the iron is hot yet, I shall… well, you understand my meaning, so I shall not belabour the point.
I burst in and spoke without preamble as emphatically as a prophet.
“Papa, difficult though it may be to believe, I am both in love and compromised. The good colonel has proposed, I have accepted, and I will have your consent and blessing—NOW! I shall have it without teasing. I am no Lizzy to be trifled with. Am I rightly understood?”
Papa looked poleaxed, mostly because he had just received about a quarter of all the words I had spoken directly to him in the past year, all in one breath.
He gradually addressed my beau, and asked confusedly (the man is often confused), “How much of that is true, sir?”
“Farfetched as it may seem, it is all true. Love at first sight! I assume you are sceptical, as I would be if my daughter attempted the same mischief, but I will humbly beg you to do as she asks. You have my word that our feelings were instantaneous and mutual, and my pledge that we shall take care of each other through all the challenges life may present. I have been in more battles than I can count, and I am accustomed to making decisions and acting quickly. I am perfectly sanguine regarding this one.”
He regarded me sternly, as if contemplating performing his parental duty for once, and made a half-hearted effort:
“What are you doing? Are you out of your senses, to be accepting this man? You have never had a single good thing to say about redcoats in your life… quite the opposite, in fact… no offence, sir.”
“I take no offence,” my love said with a chuckle, which indicated he was likely to accord better with my father than I did.
Of course, that seems true of all his sons-in-law, who seem perfectly willing to esteem the man who raised the woman they loved.
I never understood that until that moment, which was odd, since I had previously thought my hearing had taught me all there ever was to know about men.
I thought I might have to revise the theory.
Perhaps I knew all there was to know about bad men but had much to learn about good ones.
Fortunately, I was convinced I had captured one of the latter, so I had all the time in the world to learn.
My father chuckled, then laughed outright. “You have surprised me, my girl. More than any of your sisters, I believe I vastly underestimated you.”
“You have no idea!” I replied with just a hint of the steely look that had been Collins’ and Wickham’s last sights in this mortal coil.
He gulped but then smiled more broadly than even Jane can manage, and I knew that I had triumphed without his defeat. All would be well.
He sprang up like a man who had just shed a decade, opened his best smuggled brandy (which I obviously recognised), poured three glasses, and distributed them.
I did not question how he knew I could take all the brandy he could pour, but simply took the glass, and accepted his toast. He did raise an eyebrow when I drank the snifter down firmly in one gulp with nary a pause or cough.
“You have my permission and blessing, as well as my hearty best wishes for a long life of health and prosperity.”
We raised our glasses, then commenced the business of marriage settlements, including the all-important date (soon).
Papa regarded me with his trademark smirk, and I wondered if my prohibition against teasing might have to be reinforced. “Well, even if out of sequence, we should probably observe the proprieties.”
I was confused, mainly because I had not had a single thought about propriety since I encountered those blue eyes.
Papa prodded, “Well my dear, might you introduce your young man?”
My mind went blank, not because I was afraid to say his name, but because I did not know!
He came to my rescue. “Colonel Fitzwilliam, at your service, sir. For what it may be worth, I am the second son of the Earl of Matlock.”
He punctuated it with a chaste kiss to my knuckles which was sweet, endearing, and entirely inadequate.
“Interesting,” Papa said. “Any relation to Fitzwilliam Darcy?”
“He is my cousin, and in fact is nearby. I encountered your daughter’s mishap as I journeyed to join him for some important family business. When we conclude, might you direct me to Longbourn?”
Papa laughed until tears came to his eyes and he was obliged to pour three more brandies to recover. I may well have looked slightly embarrassed, but it did not last long.
At long last, Papa ceased laughing, although it took three or four attempts, and I must sheepishly admit I had joined him, while my lover looked bemused.
“You will find your cousin in the parlour with his wife, my second daughter, at your leisure, although with the continuous caterwauling of the last few minutes, I expect them at that door at any moment. From that, I suppose you can surmise you have indeed found Longbourn. Thomas Bennet, at your service.”
My intended joined our laughter. “May I speculate that my bride is Miss Mary?” he asked with a rather naughty grin, then laughed aloud until I slapped him lightly (though admittedly, not much of a slap compared to my usual, since he would likely escape mostly unscathed).
He finally stopped laughing and kissed my hand again, which was not a very terrible substitute for my lips.
“I suppose I owe you an explanation. Our match makes perhaps the dozenth unprecedented occurrence for the day. In fact, it shows something so unusual as to make falling in love at first sight seem commonplace.”
“What is this wondrously rare occurrence?” I asked breathlessly. “Are we in the realm of being struck by lightning?”
“Struck twice in succession, my love.”
“Pray enlighten me about this wondrous and rare event.”
“Darcy was right, about a woman, for perhaps the first time in his life. He told me I would admire you!”
“Mr Darcy said that?” I squeaked, wondering if the Derbyshire gentleman knew more than he revealed. I certainly hoped not.
“That was half of today’s mission. He summoned me a fortnight ago expressly to meet you and told me plainly I would probably admire you.
I still have to dispatch my second errand, but it can wait a day.
Just to be certain, you are aware I am a second son.
Will you be comfortable living on a reduced income? ”
“I should hardly notice and seeing more of the world than this dreary little town has much to recommend it,” I said, realising one of the benefits of being half-deaf.
I could enter the wider world without the overwhelming exhaustion of having to listen to every word or thought within twenty yards.
I was pleased I was not entirely deaf, but half-deaf had much to recommend it (so long as nobody else in my family required rescuing).
“That, my love, I can guarantee.”
“Will we follow the drum?”
“If you had your heart fixed upon that, you are to be disappointed. I will be selling my commission to become a mere gentleman, but I shall have the means to travel as much as we please.”
I laughed a bit. “I never gave a single thought to the notion I might marry a redcoat before today, and I certainly feel no need to experience the dubious pleasure of open warfare,” I stated emphatically, omitting the fact that I had considerable experience with such on a small scale.
I knew I would have to consider whether I would inform my husband about my past or not, but since I would not demand he tell me about his, it seemed fair enough if I kept my own counsel.
We heard some sounds emanating from the direction of the parlour, so Papa said, “It seems your sisters have revived your mother. I suggest we proceed to make the announcement if you’ve no objections.”
“I am excited by the prospect. Darcy and I can congratulate ourselves on our mutual successes, though I warn you, given how badly he mismanaged his courtship, I will demand the lion’s share of credit. It may devolve into abject silliness.”
“You have earned them, son, and earned them well,” Papa said.
“Mr Darcy is familiar enough with Papa’s whiskey supply, if you become desperate,” I added, then noticed Papa looked somewhat curiously at me, probably wondering how I knew which drink my brother preferred when he had never seen me speak two words to him.
I thought I might have to watch my father, who may know more than he ought.
I idly wondered if I might become the heiress to Longbourn. Lizzy, Jane, and Kitty were obviously well-situated, and only Lydia would remain. The idea had something to recommend it… so long as I did not have to reside there while my parents were alive, of course.
With that, we all rose to ascertain what the rest of the family might think of the developments.
As you probably know by now, I did not especially care, but I thought it would be instructive to see how well I could endure my mother with half of a normal person’s hearing.
I knew full well I would still have to bludgeon her into submission regarding the wedding date, and with my newfound policy of avoiding violence, I was uncertain how to proceed.
Perhaps Lizzy could help. It was about time she repaid me for all I did on her behalf, even if half of it was counterproductive, and the other half she did not know about.
With quite an uncharacteristic laugh (of which the day had quite a surfeit already), I took my intended’s arm to do what I hoped would be my last battle with my family.
Of course, Lydia was essentially hopeless, and I was nearly certain I would have to slap some sense into her sooner or later, but for the moment, after all I had done for this family, I just wanted to enjoy my triumph—my intended, my wedding, my husband, my escape from this madhouse.
With many loving feelings I fell easily into the easy pace of the self-satisfied with one overriding feeling:
? Lizzy is just going to die!