12. Chapter 12
Chapter 12
Noah
I felt like shit.
Stella was under my skin from the moment I met her. My self-loathing intensified after she confided that everyone in her life had shown her she wasn't worth loving, and she took a chance on me, only for me to let her down like everyone else.
"The fact that I chose to forget those life lessons and be with you, is on me."
"No, sweet Stella," I had wanted to say, "It's not your fault. This is entirely on me, however, you're the one suffering the most."
But why would she believe me when I broke her the way I did? Why would anyone? Even I didn't believe myself.
My bad mood only continued when I found out that Royal booked dinner with the Rutledges. Silas wanted to meet, he informed me, and he invited Eden, or rather , she invited herself.
"I think she's hoping to become Mrs. Carter," Royal mentioned as he perused the menu at Vic's On The River.
I'd been to this restaurant several times since I moved my company's headquarters to Savannah from New York eight months ago. It was a lovely establishment, known for its classic Southern charm and expansive views of the Savannah River. Set in an old cotton warehouse on the waterfront, Old Vic's still retained the original brick and beam structure. Large windows framed the river, where the setting sun cast golden reflections on the water, and the hum of boats passing by provided a soothing backdrop.
We were seated by broad windows and had arrived a good fifteen minutes before Eden and Silas so we could catch up, and Royal could prep me as to why we were having this dinner.
Since the mayor's party, I'd been studiously avoiding Eden, who was become more and more persistent. I didn't want to fuck her. Hell, I didn't want to fuck anyone except Stella. And what were the chances of that ever happening? Yeah, hell would freeze over first.
"I don't know why she wants to marry me. I'm no fucking prize." I looked around the restaurant, checking out the other diners, looking for the woman I always seemed to be searching for, no matter where I was. It had been two weeks since my conversation with Stella in her office. Since then, I'd been busy and had not been back to Savannah Lace. In all honesty, I was maybe, for the first time, trying to be less of a jerk. It was obvious seeing me upset her, and I wanted to spare her the trauma.
Royal tapped the white tablecloth, keeping beat with the soft jazz music filtering through the restaurant. "Maybe she doesn't know how much of an asshole you are," Royal joked.
He'd more or less forgiven me for what I'd done to Stella. However, I would never be able to forgive myself. Seeing the woman I had made her into killed something inside me. The vivacious happy woman was replaced by someone defeated and exhausted. Someone who was equal parts angry and sad, depressed, and agitated. The exuberance that was so charming about Stella was gone. The sweetness was now coated with bitterness.
She fell in love with me. I knew that. It had felt so damn good to be loved by her, to be the center of her attention. That part had nothing to do with vengeance. It was just nice to be wanted—but the man she met was not the real me. She would never love the man who had watched her father's face as he saw his daughter have sex with him.
"Maybe I should let Eden know how deep my assholery runs."
Royal gave out a full-throated laugh.
The server arrived, and I smiled at her. She was in a black dress and a white apron with Old Vic's logo on it. Same as the white tablecloths that contrasted sharply with dark wood chairs and floors.
"Darlin', I'll have an Old Fashioned." Royal kept the menu open. "We have two more members of our party joinin'. We'll order food once they're here."
"Of course, sir." She looked expectantly at me.
"I'll have the Ardbeg 10. Neat."
Once the server left, I asked Royal why Silas was so keen to meet with us.
"You know he's gettin' ready to run for state senate, and then congress," Royal explained. "Since you got the Savannah bridge project, I think he wants to make sure you'll support his campaign."
"He wants my money." I watched the burning candle in front of me, thinking of the times Stella had lit a candle at that lovely dining table of hers when she'd cooked for me. The table, which was now mine. I'd bought her house with all its furniture. I had a cleaning crew maintaining it. I had qualified people making sure her garden would remain the way she wanted it.
Fucking hell! I needed to stop thinking about Stella all the time. I had to find a way to get over my guilt. I had to move on. What was done was done. There was absolutely no way to right this wrong, no matter how blue my balls got.
"Let's make nice. Politicians make good bedfellows for people in our line of work." Royal nodded at the server as she placed his drink in front of her. "Speaking of bedfellows, they're here."
I watched Eden saunter into the restaurant, her brother next to her. They were a handsome pair. She wore a black and white dress that was designed to make every man in the room watch her with their tongues hanging out. It was a halter neck bodycon dress that came to mid-calf but had a slit so high that all but showed her panties, if she was wearing any. How fucking scandalous!
Silas was in a tailored suit, as was Royal. I'd changed out of my suit to work out and, after a shower, had thrown on jeans and a linen shirt. Old Vic's would serve me even if I showed up in shorts and a wife beater. With the bridge project, Carter Construction was now on the Savannah society map. People now knew my net worth, knew about the success we had in the East, and how we were establishing our footprint by partnering with an up-and-coming architecture and design company like Savannah Lace.
Eden kissed me on the mouth, which I had not been able to avoid. She smelled like Christian Dior. Her skin was soft and silky. When we'd first started seeing each other in New York where she had an apartment, I'd been attracted to her ambition and her body. But Eden soured as you got to know her better. It had to do with her complete lack of self-awareness and a shallowness that was truly remarkable.
Still, she looked good on a man's arm and would make an excellent wife for a Savannah society groom. However, that man was not me. I needed to make that even clearer to her, so she would move on. Before Stella, I would've been happy with a 'friends who fuck' arrangement, but now I just didn't have the energy. It would take some time, I'd concluded, to move past what I'd done, to like myself again.
We made small talk once we were seated. The weather, the social calendar, the mayor, the city politics.
The server came back to take our orders.
Eden ordered a martini while Silas chose a mint julep. He was a pleasant sort of guy. He didn't have a strong spine, but he was affable.
Did Stella like him? I guessed she must have met with him about the museum botanical garden project. I had finagled an invitation to her proposal presentation next Friday. I wanted to see her in work mode. I was looking forward to it, especially since I'd been on a 'don't-see-Stella' diet for a couple of weeks now.
"Darling, Betsy Rhodes is throwing a summer barbecue connected to one of her charities, and I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me." Eden had her hand on mine, her body tilted toward me. Anyone who saw us would assume we were involved, a couple.
It didn't sit well with me, but I also didn't want to create a scene.
"I won't be able to make it," I told her softly and moved to pick up my drink as a way to remove my hand from beneath hers.
Before she could pursue that line of conversation further, the server came back to take our food orders. She recommended the day's special, blackened Georgia shrimp over grits, and I didn't hesitate. Eden and Silas both selected the pecan-crusted flounder, a house favorite, while Royal went for the rack of lamb with rosemary and garlic.
"Silas, I hear you're going to announce your campaign for state senate soon," Royal moved the conversation away from Eden wanting to show me off as a jewel in her crown.
Silas was more than eager to pitch himself. His focus was building infrastructure, and he spoke passionately about his beliefs, albeit rehearsed. This was obviously his stump speech, and he was good at delivering it.
"I was wondering if you'd like to end dinner with a nightcap at my place," Eden whispered.
The husky voice, the boob against my arm, the naked thigh on display—before Stella, I'd have been hard and ready to go. Now, my dick refused to cooperate. There was not even the glimmer of an erection. My cock just lazily hung there, as sad as me, deflated. Fuck blue balls; I was going to need blue pills if I needed to fuck anyone besides Stella.
"I'm afraid not, Eden," I spoke in the same low voice so Royal and Silas, who were engrossed in a conversation about zoning regulations, didn't hear us.
"Why?"
I smiled. "I'm not interested."
She laughed softly. "Not interested in what , Noah?"
"In having sex with you." There, that was direct enough.
Her eyes flashed annoyance, and her gaze moved from me to someone behind me.
I felt her before I saw her.
The air became heavy and thick. My senses were on alert. My cock was already rising, sensing its mate.
Stella was with Luna, Aurora, and Nina's EA, Nova, and a server was bringing them over to a table close to us.
Luna was laughing about something, as was Aurora. Stella looked like she'd been dragged along. Her hair was once again in a messy bun. She had no makeup on. She wore a pair of beige linen Capri pants, and a white camisole blouse. Her shoes were unremarkable, boring, nothing like the woman I'd met who loved her colorful sandals.
There were, once again, dark circles under her eyes. She looked pale next to her well-dressed friends, and yet, she was the most beautiful woman in the restaurant.
My heart galloped.
Eden called out, "Luna, Aurora."
They looked at her, and I saw dismay flash in Stella's face. It was gone in an instant, replaced by what looked like exhaustion, bone-deep and visceral.
I did this to her. I hurt her. I broke her. And all she'd done was love and trust me.
We all got up as the women came to our table, except Stella who murmured something to Luna and took off for what I assumed were the restrooms. I wanted to follow her, desperately, but it was hard to do when we were greeting each other and making stupid fucking small talk.
"Why don't you join us?" Silas offered.
Of course, he would; between Luna's and Aurora's husband's family money—Silas would be set when it came to campaign funds.
"We'd love to." Luna eyed Royal appreciatively.
I had to warn Royal to keep his distance from Luna. I was friends with Dominic Calder, who, like me, had lived in New York for a while when he moved out of Savannah and, like me, was now moving back home.
Dom, Lev, and Luna had grown up together on the Steele estate, and anyone who knew Dom knew that there was only one woman he laid claim to, and that was Luna Steele. Why the hell the two were not together, I didn't know. And didn't care to. I had enough drama of my own, and didn't need to borrow Dom's.
Stella returned and was seated between Silas and me, with Eden leaning over me to talk to Stella.
Eden was no fool. If she hadn't picked up on my interest in Stella, I'd eat my napkin. That was why she was playing up the whole ‘ Noah and I’ nonsense, making sure everyone at the table, especially our new companions, understood that we were together. Except for calling her out on it rudely, I had no choice but to go along with it. It also gave me perverse pleasure to see Stella jealous of Eden. Oh, no one else would notice, but I knew her. I'd spent three months with her—immersed in her. I could see and feel the green-eyed monster, and that made me feel hopeful. If she was jealous, did that mean…?
Calm your tits, Noah. You can never have her back. Ever. After what you did, you're lucky she's not stabbing your dick with her fork.