Chapter 18
Once I had caught my breath long enough to accept Algy’s generous offer, he then suggested he should come back to the cottage to talk to Mum and Dad with me, but I declined his kind suggestion and opted to tell them alone what he had just miraculously done for me.
I had no clue how the situation was going to be received, but as I returned the tools I had used to the potting shed, leaving them exactly as I had found them, I reminded myself that I wasn’t a teenager anymore and that I no longer had to blindly follow Dad’s plan for me, and again abandon the dream I was finally backtracking to embrace.
Because this time I was actually going to embrace it, wasn’t I? The forcefully determined answer that filled every atom of my body and mind when I asked myself this question was a resounding, yes!
‘Oh, Daisy!’ Mum laughed, when I happily skipped into the kitchen. ‘You made me jump. What on earth have you been up to? You look like you’ve carried half the garden in with you…’ Her words trailed off as she realised that I must have taken her earlier half-spoken idea to heart. ‘You’re all aglow. What have you been up to?’ she asked, slightly nervously.
‘Aglow,’ I laughed. ‘Do you have to talk like you’ve just walked off the set of Poldark , Mum?’
She had been obsessed with the new version of the show when it was first shown on television, but had always favoured dutiful Dwight Enys over unpredictable Ross Poldark.
‘Well,’ she smiled, ‘you are glowing.’
‘Sunburn, mostly likely,’ I said, as I picked sticky cleavers off my shorts and pulled off my hat. ‘I didn’t expect to be out for so long.’
I was still so hot, my hair was practically plastered to my head. I knew I must have looked scruffy and soil-encrusted, but I didn’t care. It was an aesthetic I had always loved when I was growing up and now I had finally found my way back to wearing it.
‘And what have you been out doing?’ Mum asked, even though, given the state of me, it must have been obvious.
‘Making up for lost time.’ I grinned and she smiled back. ‘How did Algy get on at the hospital?’ I then asked her, having just realised that I had been so entranced by my time in the garden and his subsequent offer that I had completely forgotten he had been for his check-up. ‘I saw him earlier, but we fell to talking about other things…’
‘He was given a clean bill of health,’ Mum said happily. ‘Now,’ she added, ‘get yourself tidied up and you can tell me exactly what making up for lost time entailed and what these other things are that you and Algy talked about.’
‘All right,’ I said, as I reached for the nail brush, ‘but I’ll make some sandwiches first if that’s all right? I completely missed lunch.’
Mum made me up a plate while I washed my hands and then tied back my hair. I glanced at the clock as I joined her at the table. With the afternoon practically gone, I was certain Dad wouldn’t be too much longer, so if I wanted to sound her out ahead of talking to him, I needed to hurry up.
‘And you enjoyed that, I take it?’ she ventured, once I had explained, between mouthfuls, how I had transformed the cut-flower patch in the time she and Algy had been off-site at the hospital and then visiting Holt.
‘I loved it, Mum,’ I told her, my eyes shining. ‘I haven’t worked at a single thing since I left home that has given me the same level of pleasure or satisfaction. I know now that I should have put my foot down when Dad talked me out of pursuing my horticultural career. I shouldn’t have let him bully me into changing my mind.’
‘Oh, Daisy,’ said Mum, sounding distressed. ‘That’s a very harsh word, my love. I don’t think he bullied you, did he?’
‘Coerced then,’ I amended, knowing that was an accurate but no less severe description for what he had done. ‘Press-ganged.’
Mum looked even more upset.
‘He only had your best interests at heart, you know,’ she said croakily. ‘Or what he considered to be your best interests,’ she then surprised me by insightfully adding. ‘He just didn’t want you to get stuck and not see anything of the world. He didn’t want you to have the same narrow world view as he used to think his father had inflicted on him. And you know, I only went along with what he wanted for you because your exam results suggested you really were capable of achieving so much more.’
‘Well,’ I said, knowing there was nothing to be gained from quizzing Mum over what she had once thought so much more entailed or indeed raking over any of that stony old ground again. It was time I planted a fresh new crop and harvested the rewards. ‘Never mind my ancient exam results,’ I said. ‘The important thing is, I’ve finally worked my way back to what it is I really love and this time, nothing or no one is going to put me off pursuing it.’
Mum looked delighted about that and I felt almost giddy as a result of her reaction. Everything was suddenly falling fantastically into place; all the years of trying to squeeze myself into a different mould had come to an end and I knew, without any doubt, where I belonged in the world and what the part that I had to play in it was.
‘I’m delighted to hear it,’ Mum said sincerely, giving my hand a squeeze. ‘Because you do look happy.’
I felt it too, even though I still had to face Dad.
‘I feel happy, Mum,’ I told her, with a smile so wide I could feel it stretching as far as my ears.
‘So, what will you do now?’ she asked. ‘Ask Algy if you can volunteer here for the summer? What did he make of what you’ve achieved today? I’m guessing it was in the garden that you saw him.’
‘It was.’ I was then even more excited to tell her the whole story. ‘He came into the walled garden while I was still working in it.’ I wondered then if he had been looking for little Luna. She seemed to have gone to ground since her fleeting appearance on the cat-cam. ‘And he was over the moon with what I’d done. Had he not turned up when he did,’ I laughed, ‘I’d probably still be there now because I was so engrossed!’
‘So, what exactly did he say?’ Mum asked.
She had obviously guessed I had more to share.
‘He said,’ I announced, drawing in the biggest breath, ‘that he’d like to offer me the job of running the cut-flower business. Actually, properly managing it.’
I loved that he had enough faith in me to allow me to take over something which clearly, for some reason, meant so much to him. It was a huge boost to my confidence.
‘He never did!’ Mum exclaimed, suddenly looking all aglow herself.
Her tone was full of surprise rather than shock and I was grateful for that. Shock might have implied that she didn’t think I was up to it, but thankfully there was no hint of that.
‘He did,’ I beamed. ‘And, he’s offered me the summerhouse to move into, so I can get out from under your feet here. And Dad’s, of course.’
‘Well, I never!’ Mum gasped. ‘And what on earth did you say to all of that?’
‘I said yes, of course,’ I almost shouted. ‘To both offers!’
‘Oh, how wonderful!’ Mum clapped. ‘So, you’re finally going to be working in the garden properly! The very thing you always loved and you’re going to be practically living in the garden as well. Not that you’ve really been under our feet because you’ve hardly been here since you met…’ She didn’t pursue that train of thought. ‘But I know things here have felt… strained,’ she continued. ‘You’ll enjoy having your own space.’
‘I certainly will,’ I agreed.
I also hoped I would be able to entice Josh to visit the estate now I had my own private place on it and I couldn’t deny I was looking forward to sleeping in a double bed on home turf again, too.
‘But is the summerhouse even habitable?’ Mum asked. ‘It’s been closed up for such a long time.’
‘It does need a bit of a sort out,’ I acknowledged. ‘But nothing I can’t manage.’
‘I can wash the curtains in the big machine at the manor,’ Mum said pensively as her thoughts instinctively turned to the domestic practicalities. ‘We’ll never get them in our machine here.’
She sounded keen to help so I had every intention of letting her as I felt certain that if we worked together, Dad would feel less inclined to object to Algy’s idea. At least, I hoped he would.
‘Would it be all right if I carried on doing the rest of my laundry here?’ I asked, my attention also turning to the domestic arrangements. ‘There’s no machine in the summerhouse.’
‘Of course, you can,’ Mum said. ‘And you can keep your car here too.’
‘I thought I might move that up to the manor,’ I told her. ‘That will be closer for me than here.’
And also my comings and goings wouldn’t be so easily noticed.
‘Yes,’ Mum said, biting her lip as she mentally paced the route out, ‘you’re right, that will be closer. That would make more sense then. So, when’s all this happening?’
‘When’s all what happening?’
Neither of us had heard Dad arrive home and I felt my face flush when I looked up and saw him standing in the doorway. He already looked harassed and I hoped my news would be a soothing salve as opposed to an irritating inconvenience.
‘Oh, Robin,’ said Mum, as she stood up. ‘Daisy has the most wonderful news. You’re going to be so pleased when you hear what it is.’
He looked suspicious rather than inclined to be happy.
‘Oh?’ he said, coming in properly.
‘Go on,’ said Mum, as she looked encouragingly at me. ‘Tell him.’
Her enthusiasm for my new venture seemed to have convinced her that Dad was going to be keen too.
‘Well,’ I began and then the words got stuck. ‘I’m moving into the summerhouse,’ I finally blurted out. ‘Algy has said I can stay there, which will stop us getting under each other’s feet here.’
‘Oh, right,’ said Dad, his brow etched with an even deeper frown. ‘It’s been shut up for a while. I think it’ll take a bit of bringing around.’
‘I’ve already been inside,’ I told him. ‘And it’s not that bad. Nothing I can’t manage.’
‘Fair enough,’ he said with a nod.
‘And?’ Mum urged. ‘Tell him the rest, Daisy. Tell your dad what else Algy has said.’
Dad looked enquiringly at me.
‘He’s also offered me a job,’ I told him apprehensively. ‘He’s asked me to take over the cut-flower garden. Maintaining it and managing the sale of the flowers…’
‘And all as a result of the work she’s done there today,’ Mum carried on as my words petered out again. ‘Think of the time that’s going to save you, Robin. And think how thrilled Algy will be to get something out of it before the season ends.’
Dad looked at me. The frown had gone, but his expression was perplexingly unreadable.
‘You’ve been working in the walled garden,’ he said quietly, his tone incredulous.
‘And I’ve had a wonderful time in there, Dad,’ I started to meaningfully but shakily say, but then I felt a surge of bravery and my words came out stronger. ‘The best day I’ve had in a very long time, in fact. And with the cut-flower project as my new work venture, I feel like I’ve finally found my—’
‘Excuse me,’ Dad cut in, as he turned back to the door. ‘I just need to—’
And with that, he walked out.
‘I’ll go after him,’ said Mum in a panic, as her happy bubble suddenly burst. ‘I’ll talk some sense into him. Or Algy will.’
‘No,’ I said loudly. ‘No, Mum – no one’s going after him. He’s not a child that needs placating or consoling. Just leave him.’
‘But he needs to understand—’
‘I agree,’ I cut in. ‘He does, because I’m not going to change my mind about taking the job on and Dad will just have to get on with getting his head around it by himself. Chasing after him and trying to force the issue won’t help. I daresay he’s thinking about all the times he’s been let down already this year, isn’t he? And reckoning I’ll do the same…’
‘What do you mean?’ Mum frowned.
‘Think of all the people who have been employed to help him in the garden, then either haven’t turned up at all or started, then changed their minds and left,’ I reminded her. ‘He’s doubtless thinking of my work track record and that I’ll be another name to add to the list in a fortnight’s time. Only it will be worse this time because I’m family.’
Mum looked aghast and I was pretty upset myself, but it turned out that wasn’t what Dad was thinking and just a few minutes later we were privy to his true feelings.
‘Daisy!’ he called up the stairs. ‘Can you come back down, please?’
I braced myself for the fallout. I found Mum at the table with tears in her eyes and when I saw what it was that she was looking at, I felt myself well up too.
‘I thought you might like to use this,’ Dad said, his voice catching. ‘It was in the potting shed.’ He cleared his throat. ‘Your secateurs had been on the bench in there too, but they’re not now, so I don’t know where they are.’
I realised I still had them, so unclipped them from my shorts and set them on the table next to the worn, wooden trug he had given me when I was little and which was still filled with rosettes from the years we had entered the Wynbrook fruit and veg in local shows. A ball of string, small trowel and an onion hoe were also nestled there.
‘I used the secateurs in the walled garden today,’ I whispered in explanation, my words also catching.
Dad didn’t say anything.
‘You kept this,’ I said softly, touching the trug handle. ‘Why?’
It took a moment for him to answer.
‘I didn’t understand why I hung onto it for a long time,’ he sniffed, as a tear rolled down his ruddy cheek. I had never seen my dad cry before. ‘But I eventually came to realise that I knew, deep down, that one day you’d come back for it.’
My gaze shifted from the trug back to his face.
‘And I also realised, just now when you told me that you were taking the cutting garden on,’ he continued, ‘that the reason why you’ve never been able to settle at anything was because I misguidedly took away from you the thing you were meant for. I denied you your destiny because it had been a calling that had never shouted out to me.’
‘Oh, Robin,’ Mum sobbed, properly crying now.
‘I never felt the desire to be a gardener,’ Dad carried on. ‘Not when practically everyone I’d grown up with was leaving here and moving on. The thought of taking on the job my dad did, and his father before him, was anathema to me. I felt so stuck.’
‘But you did it,’ I softly said.
‘I wouldn’t have dared do any different,’ he said, reaching for my hand. ‘And I came to accept it eventually but as a result, I felt the need to push you away from here so you could achieve something more. I forced my former desire to leave onto you in the hope that you wouldn’t feel duty-bound to stay, irrespective of the fact that was what you actually wanted to do and that, for you, the garden was, more.’
‘Oh, Dad.’
‘And it wasn’t until you came back this summer and were so adamant that Laurence was no longer the man for you, that I started to question other things and delve deeper into what I’d done. It was then that I began to realise how deeply those choices I’d thrust onto you had impacted your life. And not in a good way. I’m truly sorry it’s taken me so long to grasp what I’ve done, Daisy. Can you forgive me?’
‘But if you felt that way, why didn’t you invite me to work in the garden with you the moment you realised?’ I asked. ‘Why didn’t you suggest I help you, when you’ve been struggling with no staff?’
‘Because he wanted you to come back to it for yourself, didn’t you, Robin?’ said Mum, catching on to what had been in Dad’s mind before I did. ‘You were scared to push her again, even if you were more certain that this time it would be in the right direction.’
‘That’s it.’ Dad nodded. ‘That’s exactly it. I didn’t want to influence you again, Daisy.’
‘I see,’ I sighed.
I was astonished. What an unexpected turn of events this was. There I’d been, thinking that I was going to have to talk and talk to try to make Dad understand, when in fact, he’d already worked it out for himself and was just waiting for me to catch up.
‘So, do you?’ he asked me again. ‘Do you forgive me?’
I thought back over the decade I’d wasted, flitting from one disastrous job to another as well as the time I’d spent with dupli- citous Laurence and would never get back. It wasn’t all bad though. That time and those experiences had confirmed beyond all doubt what it was that I didn’t want and now I could wholeheartedly and unreservedly embrace what I did .
Of course, there was a part of me that wished I could have reached this point sooner, but that wasn’t how life worked, was it? Things happened precisely when they were ordained to, which meant that I had returned to Wynbrook exactly when I had been meant to and I was now taking up Algy’s offer when it had been destined to be made.
‘Yes, Dad,’ I said, and he pulled me in for an unusual but hugely appreciated hug. ‘I forgive you.’
I could hear Mum shedding yet more tears, but I knew they were still happy ones.
‘Thank you, Daisy,’ Dad said with feeling, when he finally let me go. ‘Thank you, so much.’
‘Don’t thank me yet,’ I laughed. ‘You haven’t seen the quality of the work I’ve put in today, have you?’
‘I have no doubt it will be exemplary.’ He smiled, looking much more like the dad I remembered from my early childhood. ‘It’s in your blood, after all, and your natural talent always shone through.’
‘That’s true,’ I agreed, feeling confident enough to acknowledge that I had very green fingers, ‘but straight after supper, let’s go and look at what I’ve done anyway, shall we?’
Dad was keen to go along with that and I picked up and placed my secateurs in the trug, feeling that one of my biggest ever life decisions had finally, and most importantly, been happily made.