Chapter 23
I wondered if Josh might come to seek me out that day, but he didn’t and I made no attempt to contact him either. Given the nature of our relationship, I felt like I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Just like Penny, I wanted to think the best of Josh – and not only because he was standout summer fling material – but my more than fond feelings for him kept muddying the water as I worked my way through every reason I could think of as to why he’d turned up at Wynbrook now and, on a more personal level, why he hadn’t been upfront with me about who he was from the day we’d met.
I knew the best way to clear the air was to ask him outright, but my pride had taken a battering and I felt I needed to repair my armour a bit before I faced him. In the couple of days that followed his return to the family fold, I knew he’d been a constant presence in the manor because Mum had told me she’d heard him and Algy going over the entire place and that they’d also spent endless hours with their heads together in the conservatory.
Whatever Josh’s reasons for turning up, he certainly seemed to be making the most of catching up on lost time and I couldn’t help wondering if he was being respectful in giving me some time to process it all or if I’d served my purpose now and was surplus to his requirements. Now I had been harvested of all the information he needed, was I just considered collateral damage and casually cast aside?
I knew it was the once bitten, twice shy adage that was making me feel that way and holding me back from calling in on him and Algy, but I’d been bitten twice in pretty quick succession and had no intention of either setting myself up as more of a snack or jumping to unworthy conclusions. Especially now I had so much more to lose – my dream job, my lovely home, ultimately my entire happiness. I hadn’t talked to anyone else about how I felt either, because I had no desire to unwittingly feed into the local rumour mill, which was in full flow.
‘You should know,’ said Algy’s voice behind me as I was tying in some sweet peas and completely lost in my thoughts, ‘that I asked Josh to move into the manor with me before he went back to the village on Monday night.’
I straightened up and somehow stopped myself from saying that was fast work. I wasn’t sure on whose part I would have meant and I didn’t want Algy shutting down when this was the first time we’d spoken since I’d walked out on him and Josh.
‘He’ll get lost in all that space after staying in Sam’s tiny cottage,’ I said instead as I turned around. ‘Which room will he be…’
My words trailed off as I took in the appearance of the transformed man in front of me. Algy’s stick was gone and he was standing much taller. He looked years younger and the twinkle in his eye was back with more spark than I had seen since I’d returned. In the few days since he’d been reacquainted with his grandson, he’d miraculously turned back into the sprightly gent I remembered.
‘No, he won’t get lost,’ Algy said, shaking his head and looking marginally duller again. ‘Because he turned me down.’
‘Oh.’
‘He knows what everyone is saying about him,’ Algy carried on, making me feel uncomfortable. ‘That he’s only come here to try where his father failed. I take it your parents have apprised you of the situation between me and my son, Thomas?’
I nodded and felt my face flush. Even though I hadn’t personally fed into the thread of gossip about Josh, I had, of course, heard it. The general consensus was that he had arrived in Wynbrook to do his dad’s bidding, but I just couldn’t see that myself, even though I felt he had done wrong by me and it would have been less complicated and far easier for me to think the worst of him.
‘Well, not telling everyone who he was from the get-go hasn’t exactly helped quell the inevitable chinwagging, has it?’ I pointed out. ‘And I feel like he used me, Algy,’ I added bitterly, airing my opinion for the first time and to the right person. Better to declare it to Algy than in front of a packed pub. ‘I told him all sorts of things about this place and if he has come here with…’
I had been about to say nefarious intent, but remembering how Josh and I had jokingly used the word, I couldn’t utter it again. I hated that our fun times were all now lost. So much for my reckoning that the most recent couple of weeks had turned what could have been a difficult time in my life into the best summer ever.
‘He’s come,’ Algy evenly said, picking up where I left off, ‘to get to know me and the estate. There are things you don’t know about the situation, Daisy, so please try not to judge him too harshly. I can understand why you feel that he has treated you badly, but I promise he had more reasons than you can possibly imagine for holding back who he was.’
‘And what were those reasons?’
‘Not for me to say, my darling,’ Algy sighed. ‘But what I can tell you is that your parents’ future is safe now, with Josh around. And yours too, if you decide to stay.’
I had known I wanted nothing more than to carry on living at Wynbrook until Josh was unmasked. Now, however, with things between us as they were, I wasn’t so sure.
‘What do you mean about the future being safe now ?’ I frowned as Algy’s words sunk in. ‘Was it not before?’
He moved out of the glare of the sun and I followed him.
‘Well,’ he said heavily, ‘to tell you the truth, no, it wasn’t. This whole selling blooms from Wynbrook idea wasn’t set up with longevity in mind, you know.’
‘It wasn’t?’ I swallowed, looking back at the flower beds.
‘No,’ he confessed, ‘it was just something I had a fancy to try for a season before… before I put the estate up for sale, hopefully with the flower business, and the fruit farm of course, as added extras and profitable going concerns.’
I steadied myself by leaning on the top of a nearby spade.
‘You’re selling the estate!’ I gasped, clutching at the handle.
‘I had been thinking about selling the estate,’ Algy quickly rephrased. ‘And the thought of doing it was killing me. Why do you think I’ve been so glum these last few months?’
I didn’t know about that far back because I hadn’t been either at Wynbrook or in touch often enough, but out of every reason I could have listed to explain Algy’s low mood, planning to part with the estate would never have featured.
‘The last thing I wanted,’ he then further said, ‘was for the place to be sold by my son after my death, to someone who most likely wouldn’t look after it as I would have wanted them to, so selling it while I was still alive would have ensured I could have picked the best buyer.’
If Wynbrook had been bequeathed to his son, then doubtless it would have been handed on to the highest bidder with not a care for the consequences, but that or selling it himself hadn’t been Algy’s only option, had it?
‘But you could have bypassed your son and left it to Josh, couldn’t you?’ I pointed out. ‘You might not have previously had any contact with him, but you knew he was out in the world somewhere and you could have left it to him.’
Algy shook his head.
‘I would never have done that,’ he told me. ‘Because Thomas had convinced me that Josh felt the same way about the place as he did and that he wouldn’t want it either. Thomas told me that my grandson had absolutely no interest in either me or the Wynbrook Estate, and if it was left to him, he would sell up too. And without even coming to view it.’
Thomas sounded like a total toad, and that was putting it mildly.
‘But Josh does want it?’ I asked, feeling a flare of hope.
‘I’m certain that he does.’ Algy nodded, looking happy again. ‘Obviously it’s a lot for him to get his head around, so we’re taking things slowly, but one thing I do know for sure is that Thomas lied to me about how my grandson has always felt about this place. Among other things.’
‘So, what’s next for Josh?’ I asked, wondering what those other things were, but feeling it wasn’t my business to ask. ‘How’s he planning on getting to know the estate he might one day inherit and what running it entails?’
Algy looked at me and smiled.
‘Oh, I know that look,’ I said warily. ‘You want something, Algy, don’t you?’
‘Well,’ he said, ‘the thing is, I’d really like Josh’s introduction to the estate to be the same as mine was when I was a young man. Younger in fact than he is now.’
‘And how were you introduced to it?’ I frowned.
‘My father encouraged me to work every part of it,’ Algy told me, his eyes twinkling at the memory. ‘I started with the housekeeping, then helped in the office, in the garden and out in the fields. I had a go at everyone’s job and in doing so, earned the respect of all of the staff and got to know the place and what it took to run it from every possible angle.’
That sounded like a very sensible approach to me and no doubt accounted for what made Algy such a generous employer. If Josh went through the same apprenticeship, it could make him a competent potential estate owner too. That said, I couldn’t see Mum and Dad welcoming him in to work with them. They were still wary and suspicious about his sudden arrival and the way he’d duped me for so long had done nothing to allay their fears about what he might secretly have up his sleeve for Algy.
‘So, Josh will be doing the laundry for a while, will he?’ I asked.
Algy grimaced.
‘Your mum wasn’t keen, I have to say,’ he said. ‘She said she’s got so much to do and she doesn’t need someone getting under her feet.’
‘And Dad?’
‘I didn’t dare ask him,’ Algy sighed. ‘And I know Nick’s too busy for Josh to start with him because he’ll need supervising and training up. So, I was wondering…’
‘What?’ I frowned.
‘I was wondering if perhaps Josh might be able to start here in the cutting garden with you, Daisy. Just doing some very simple tasks.’
My heart sank. I still hadn’t had any contact with Josh since revelation day, so the thought of working next to him in my favourite place wasn’t one I relished. I had quickly managed to quell my bad memories of the walled garden, grown to love it again and my work in it, and I didn’t want anything to taint that.
Though, if in time Josh did become the owner of the estate, then I supposed I would have to get used to him being around. He would be my boss and my landlord if I carried on living in the summerhouse and running Wynbrook Blooms.
‘You don’t want to work with him either?’ Algy said worriedly, when I didn’t immediately answer.
I loved him for sounding concerned as opposed to cross. He might have recently transformed my life but clearly felt no desire to either pull rank or call in a favour.
‘I know he didn’t tell you what he should—’
‘I’ll work with him, Algy,’ I interrupted. ‘Of course I will. Tell him to be here for eight sharp, tomorrow.’
‘That’s very generous of you,’ he said, smiling. ‘Thank you. Your willingness might bring the others around. And one more thing: please don’t tell anyone what I’ve just shared with you regarding my former thoughts about selling the place, will you? I have no plans to follow it through now and it will only make everyone feel insecure and unsettled and that’s the last thing I want.’
‘But if Josh ultimately decides he doesn’t want to take Wynbrook on—’
Algy put up a hand to stop me.
‘I’ll cross that bridge if I come to it,’ he said firmly, as a couple came into the garden looking to buy some blooms. ‘Now let’s say no more about it – agreed?’
‘I won’t tell anyone,’ I promised. ‘But why did you tell me, Algy?’
‘Because,’ he said, ‘out of everyone here, you have the most cause to feel impacted by Josh’s surprise arrival and subsequent behaviour, and I hoped that by giving you some context, it might make you feel a little better about his… former secrecy. Has it?’
‘I think I probably need to talk to Josh before I can answer that.’ I smiled. ‘But I appreciate that you understand why I have been feeling so upset.’
‘Of course,’ said Algy, patting my hand, which was still holding the spade handle. ‘Talk to him as soon as you can. It’s imperative you clear the air.’
‘I agree,’ I sighed, but I wasn’t looking forward to it.
With Josh due to arrive to help in the walled garden at eight that Wednesday, and the garden opening at ten, I decided to head to the beach in Wynmouth as soon as it was light. Thankfully, the tide was with me, and I strode into the chilly water and swam until my limbs started to ache, my nerves had disappeared and all thoughts of Josh were banished.
Oblivion had been what I had sought and found, but it didn’t last long.
‘Oh!’ I gasped, as I opened the beach hut door and came face to face with the man himself, completely naked. ‘Sorry, I didn’t know you were in here.’
He held his towel in front of him and I realised the moment was an almost identical reenactment of when he’d walked in on me the day we met.
‘I guess this makes us even,’ Josh commented, colouring up. ‘I’ve been for a swim.’
Given how focused I’d been when I was swimming, I hadn’t spotted him. I didn’t say anything or move and he gave me an unfathomable look in return.
‘Hello,’ he then said in a completely different tone. ‘My name is Josh and I’m staying in the area. I’m also the long-lost grandson of Algy Alford, who owns Wynbrook Manor. When I feel brave enough, I’m hoping to introduce myself to him, but in the meantime, if you could keep that information to yourself, I’d really appreciate it.’
I don’t know how he expected me to react to his belatedly more accurate introduction, but I wasn’t about to congratulate him for getting it right second time around.
‘If that was your attempt to turn back time and introduce yourself properly, you failed,’ I told him bluntly and in spite of the fact that I knew we needed to talk. ‘Time hasn’t rewound as far as I can tell.’
‘Actually…’ he said, dropping the towel and reaching for his shorts. I looked away. ‘I don’t want to turn back time because I wouldn’t really want to change a thing. I had my reasons for not telling anyone who I was and I have no regrets about that.’
‘Well, I—’ I started to say, but he cut me off.
‘Other than I wish I hadn’t walked out in front of your car. Or walked in on you getting changed in here. Or walked into the pub when I did and had you bump into me, or—’
‘I get it,’ I said, through gritted teeth. ‘You wish you hadn’t met me.’
I turned around and walked out, letting the door swing shut behind me. I was already marching across the sand, still in my swimming costume and with my towel over my shoulder when he caught up with me.
‘What I wish,’ he said, lightly catching my hand which I quickly tugged free, ‘is that I hadn’t met you before I introduced myself to Algy. Then, when I’d had the chance to figure a few things out, I could have been honest with you about my identity from the start.’
‘But then who would have supplied you with all the estate goss and childhood memories of the place before you turned up?’ I said meanly, my tone letting him know how deeply I had felt his deception and how much I resented him for letting me rattle on while he absorbed everything I had shared without knowing who was really on the receiving end of it. ‘Who would have let you know that Algy was at a low ebb…’
My words trailed off as a hard lump made its presence felt deep in my throat. I forcefully swallowed it down. I didn’t mind showing Josh that I was angry, but I was not going to let him see that I was upset.
‘I think it would be best if you didn’t work with me today,’ I said hoarsely and turned away.
‘Do you know why I listened so keenly to you talking about growing up on the estate?’ he called to my retreating back.
I kept walking.
‘Because I was trying to imagine myself in your shoes,’ he carried on loudly. ‘I wanted to picture myself doing all of the things you got to do. I wanted to replace the visual I had of you as a child growing up at Wynbrook, with one of me. I wanted to see myself on the receiving end of the childhood I should have had, instead of the one that saw me dragged from boarding school and then around the US with no one place to call home and no continuity in either my education or my friendships…’
His words petered out and I stopped walking.
‘I didn’t plan for the summer to turn out this way,’ he said more quietly. ‘I didn’t know how I was going to feel about you, Daisy.’
I turned back to face him, my traitorous heart beating wildly in my chest.
‘I wasn’t ready to turn up on the estate when I did either, but I got so scared when you said something was wrong with Algy that I knew I had to go because if something happened to him before I met him, then I never would have been able to live with the regret.’
‘But why didn’t you just tell me the truth?’ I demanded, as I walked back towards him and tried to focus on the picture that was bigger than the feelings for me that he’d just alluded to. ‘You could have trusted me.’
‘Because to begin with, I barely knew you.’ He shrugged. ‘And by the time I felt like I did, I didn’t know how to broach it. It felt like it was too late to come clean and I still had so much to work out.’
His words weren’t the easiest to hear, but I knew there was truth in them.
‘I’ve discovered recently that there’s practically no one in my life who I can have faith in,’ he continued, sounding bitter, ‘so how could I immediately spill my best-kept secret to a woman I’d just met on a beach and embarked on a summer romance with?’
I preferred his definition of our relationship to Nick’s – a romance sounded far lovelier than a fling – or I would have preferred it, if it was not now over. Because, given the complicated circumstances, and in spite of the fact that Josh had just said he had feelings for me, it had to be over, didn’t it?
‘But surely you can see how your behaviour has made everyone question their trust in you?’ I said, firing a question back at him. ‘Everyone around here really likes you, Josh, but we all love Algy and will do anything to protect him.’
Josh nodded.
‘I know that,’ he said, running a hand through his damp hair, ‘but he doesn’t need protecting, not from me, and I promise I had my reasons for not revealing my identity the second I showed up.’
‘Will you tell me what those reasons are?’ I asked him.
‘I do want to, but I’m still untangling some of them and I’d rather not discuss any of it until I’ve got it all straight in my head. I started this summer with a bowl of very twisted spaghetti, but I’m slowly pulling it all out, strand by strand.’
I looked at him and sighed. That wasn’t the answer I had been hoping for and the look on his face suggested he knew it.
‘You do know that given my reason for coming back to Wynbrook, I’m not great with finding faith in people at the moment, don’t you?’ I reminded him. ‘You’re not the only one around here with trust issues.’
‘I do know that,’ he said, nodding. ‘Your ex was an idiot to treat you the way he did. But I can promise you, Daisy, with my hand on my heart,’ he pressed his open hand to his bare tanned chest, ‘that there is absolutely nothing nefarious about my showing up here.’
I had no desire to smile and when I looked at Josh’s face, I could see he wasn’t trying to be funny or lighten the moment to get himself off the hook. He was in earnest and most likely hadn’t even realised the significance of the word he’d used to express his sincerity.
‘You promise?’ I whispered.
‘Cross my heart,’ he vowed, looking deep into my eyes.
Hearing his heartfelt oath and thinking of what Algy had said, I allowed my own heart to open again, just the tiniest bit, and I promised myself I would do my best to believe him.