Chapter 9
CHAPTER 9
BECKETT
R ules weren’t made to be broken.
They served a purpose. They provided guidance, structure, even protection. Breaking them was entirely counterproductive.
And yet, for the first time, he was tempted to break one of his own hard and fast rules. Watching Ivy lead Ruby away made his skin itch in ways he hadn’t felt in a very long time. He wanted nothing more than to scoop Ruby up and spend the rest of the night with her cradled on his lap, feeding her bits of chocolate while she recovered from their scene. To be the one to wipe away her tears while she cried in Daddy’s arms and he told her everything was okay.
Because the need was so strong, he deliberately turned away. The crowd that had been watching them was slowly dispersing, either making their way upstairs or wandering the pit, looking for another show to watch.
As the sea of people parted, Beckett’s gaze zeroed in on Ice, leaning against a back wall with his arms crossed and an expectant look on his face as Beckett approached.
“Enjoy the show?” Beckett asked, doing his best to keep his tone light despite the growing heaviness in his gut.
“I did. How are you feeling?”
That was a complicated question, and one Beckett didn’t really feel like digging into on the floor of the pit. “I’m feeling like I’d really love a drink.”
Eyes narrowed, Ice studied him with that unnerving, steady way he had before nodding sharply. “I had Braden save our table. I’ll buy us a round.”
In silence, they made their way up the stairs toward the table they’d snagged earlier in the evening. The location had been a deliberate choice on Ice’s part, as it gave him an unobstructed view of Silver and the other girls, while also giving her enough space to have their girl time without Daddy hovering.
But now it was just Lottie and Frankie at the table, both with uncharacteristically serious expressions on their faces as they spoke in hushed whispers.
Ice detoured slightly to stop by the table, and Lottie sat up straighter, a bright smile spreading across her face. “Gentlemen. Something we can do for you?”
“Where’s Silver?” Ice’s voice was tight with the leading edge of worry. “She’s supposed to be with you or me and she isn’t with me.”
“I’m right here, you big worrywart.” Stepping between Ice and Beckett, Silver titled her face up for a kiss. “I just needed the ladies’ room. We were together the whole time we were in the pit, I promise.”
“We were.” Lottie’s head bobbed up and down enthusiastically. “Never let her out of our sight.”
“Good.” Ice placed a possessive hand on the back of Silver’s neck before leaning down to brush a kiss over her lips. “And I know I’m a worrywart. But we have rules for a reason, babygirl.”
“I know. And even though you are absolutely ridiculous, I’m following the rules anyway. We weren’t even apart for two minutes and our table has a straight line of sight to the bathroom.”
“Good girl.” He rewarded her with another soft kiss. “Beckett and I are going to have a drink, then we’re heading home. For some reason I’m feeling an urge to clamp those pretty nipples of yours before I fuck you senseless.”
A pout formed on Silver’s lips, but excitement glittered in her eyes. “Beckett is a horrible influence on you.”
“Probably. But you love it.”
“Mmm. I do.”
The two shared another kiss that had Beckett’s stomach clenching uncomfortably before Ice released his babygirl and turned to clap a hand on Beckett’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s get you that drink.”
When they were finally settled at the table again with the promised drinks, Ice waved a hand in Beckett’s direction. “So. How are you feeling after finally getting your hands on pretty little Ruby?”
“Fine.” Jerking one shoulder in a shrug, Beckett lifted his drink to his lips. And tried not to think too hard about Ruby, curled up with Ivy instead of him. About how sweet she must look, all wrapped up in a soft blanket, sniffling back tears as she nibbled on her chocolate. “It was a good scene.”
“It was. You handled her well.” A grin spread across Ice’s face. “She wasn’t prepared for you.”
I wasn’t prepared for her, either. “Makes me wonder what kind of Doms she’s been with in the past.”
Both of Ice’s brows raised at that. “You’re wondering about her past, now? She must be more under your skin than I realized.”
“She’s not.”
“Uh-huh. So why do you keep looking over at the stairs like you’re about to make a run for it?”
Jerking his gaze away from where it had drifted, damn him, to the stairs leading down to the pit, Beckett scowled. “Shut up, Ice.”
“I will.” Grinning, Ice lifted his glass and winked. “As soon as you admit you’ve got it bad for her.”
“I don’t. She’s a brat, and the only reason I’m going to scene with her again is because I promised Holden I would.”
“Liar.”
“Asshole.”
Shrugging, Ice sipped his drink. “Both things can be true, my friend.”
Beckett drained the rest of his whiskey, and tried to ignore the churning in his gut that told him Ice was right.
Ruby
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Curled up under a soft, heavy blanket with her head in Ivy’s lap, Ruby broke off another piece of the chocolate bar that had been waiting for her. “Not really.”
“All right.” Running her fingers through Ruby’s hair, Ivy hummed softly. Ruby didn’t recognize the tune, but it soothed her all the same.
She let her eyes drift closed as Ivy played with her hair the way she’d asked when they’d negotiated this. And tried like hell not to wish too hard that it was Beckett instead.
Little by little, the high of the scene faded, and she let out a sigh as her system settled.
“He’s not what I expected,” she said, surprising herself. It wasn’t like her to want to chat about a scene or a man.
Or was it simply that she’d never had that option for so long that she considered it her normal reaction? Girlfriends had never been a part of the equation when she’d been with her first man to call himself her Dom, and she’d just now started opening herself up to those female friendships again at Dr. Jenn’s urging.
“What do you mean?” Ivy’s question pulled Ruby out of her spiraling thoughts and back to the present.
“Nothing. I don’t know.”
Soft laughter vibrated in Ivy’s stomach as she continued to run her fingers through Ruby’s hair with steady, gentle touches. “Those are different answers, sweetie.”
“I guess.”
Again they drifted into silence, broken only by the songs Ivy would hum as Ruby nibbled at her candy. Until, finally, the urge to say something overwhelmed Ruby’s instinct to keep her feelings to herself. “He’s so… patient. But in a way that like, you know he’s still going to hold you accountable, he’s just waiting for you to submit first. It kinda threw me for a loop.”
“You’re used to being forced to obey?”
A lump lodged in Ruby’s throat, forcing her to swallow hard before she could respond. “Yes. Or simply being ignored when I’m bad.”
The hand running through her hair stilled. “You aren’t bad, Ruby.”
“I know.” Years of therapy had helped her finally accept that the problem hadn’t been with her, but with the man who’d had no damn business being a Dom in the first place. “I know,” she repeated, with more conviction this time. “I should say I’m used to being ignored when I don’t live up to the expectations someone has set for me.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds awful.”
“It was. But anyway, Beckett wasn’t like that at all. He didn’t force me, but he also didn’t ignore me. Or let me ignore him. It was… disconcerting, I guess would be the best word for it.”
“He does have that way about him,” Ivy said with another quiet laugh. “Cordelia loves it when he’s willing to scene with us, especially if I’ve been pushing her buttons.”
Twisting around, Ruby grinned up at her friend. “When I first met you, I never would have pegged you as a brat.”
“I’m not, generally.” A dreamy smile tugged at Ivy’s lips. “Dee brings it out in me. We were friends long before we were together, so I’m comfortable with her in ways I’ve never been comfortable with anyone else. Plus, she enjoys ‘punishing’ me, so it feeds a need in her when I’m a brat.”
“Bratting is part of your service to her.”
“I never really thought of it that way, but yes, I suppose it is.”
Ruby’s gaze landed on the colorful flower pendant Ivy was never without unless she had an actual collar on. Each petal was a different gemstone, and even in the dim lights of the aftercare room, it sparkled. “I’ve never told you, but I really love your necklace.”
Lifting a hand to the flower, Ivy’s dreamy smile widened even further. “Dee gave it to me our first Christmas together, the first time she told me she loved me. Which also happened to be just a few days after she spanked me for the first time.”
“You didn’t play together as friends?”
“No. Looking back, I think we were both so in love with each other we were terrified of what would happen if we crossed that line so we never played, even platonically.”
“I can’t imagine Delia being scared of anything.”
Cordelia, with that hint of danger swimming just beneath her head cheerleader good looks was everything Ruby wanted to be. Well, except for the Domme part. Ruby couldn’t imagine dominating someone else.
An image of Beckett, stark naked with his head and arms locked in the stocks while she circled him, dressed head to toe in black leather popped into Ruby’s head, startling a laugh out of her that had Ivy staring down at her as though she’d lost her mind.
“Sorry, sorry,” Ruby managed through giggles. “I was just thinking how I wanna be Cordelia when I grow up but without the whole ‘dominating other people’ thing and now I can’t stop picturing Beckett in the stocks, yelling at me to stop messing around while I smack his ass with a crop.”
Ivy’s laughter was long and loud this time. “Oh my god. Beckett would never . And if you even tried, he’d have you over his knee so fast it would make your head spin.”
“Might be worth it though. I imagine it would be fun to get him riled up.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever really seen Beckett riled, now that you mention it. Like you said, he’s patient. Almost calculated. I’d pay good money to see someone really get under his skin.”
Interesting. Now that she knew her usual bratting tactics wouldn’t get to him, she’d have to try something else next time.
Because Beckett had made it very clear he wanted a next time. “He asked me not to get myself off tonight.”
“Oh?” There was a wealth of meaning in that one single syllable. “Are you going to listen?”
“I don’t know. He told me it would please him. No threats. No ultimatums. Just ‘It would please me’.”
“Do you want to please him?”
“Yes. And I don’t know how to feel about that.”
“What do you mean?”
“It’s just been a really long time since anyone made me want to…” She trailed off, unsure of exactly how to put what she was feeling into words.
“Surrender?” Ivy suggested softly.
“That’s a good word for it. The last time I surrendered the way Beckett makes me want to, it didn’t exactly go well for me.”
“I’m sorry.” And unlike some, who mistook pity for empathy, Ivy genuinely seemed to mean it.
“It’s okay. It was a long time ago. But it’s taken me a lot of time and a lot of therapy to even be willing to submit to someone during a scene.”
“And you’re worried because Beckett makes you want to submit the way you did before.”
“Yes.” And because Beckett reminded her, in so many ways, of him . Rich as sin and just as gorgeous, with that something about him that practically demanded her obedience.
Everything Ruby knew to avoid. And yet, here she was again, ready to drop to her knees for a man bound to break her heart.
She really was the worst kind of fool.
“You know that doesn’t mean being a doormat, right?” Ivy said, her tone still soft and gentle though now it held a note of conviction it hadn’t before. “You can submit yourself wholly to another person and still be strong. Still stand up for yourself. That’s something I had to learn for myself along the way. Something I’m still learning, even with Dee. There are times I think it would be easier to simply give in to her even if it’s something important to me, and I have to remind myself that’s not what either of us wants.”
“Maybe.” She knew all of that. Had worked through those exact issues with her therapist over the past few years. But it still worried her, this need she had to give herself over the way a man like Beckett Stone would want her to.
“You should talk to Silver sometime.”
For a moment, Ruby could only stare up at Ivy. “I’m sorry. It almost sounded like you said I should talk to Silver .”
“Because I did. She knows a bit about abusive Doms. I think you two could be good for each other.”
“Ivy. My dear friend. You must have had too much to drink tonight because there is no way I can simply sit down and have a conversation with Amanda ‘Silver’ Sterling, the greatest drummer of our generation.”
“Oh, please.” Ivy rolled her eyes. “She’s just a person. A person you’ve seen naked on more than one occasion, I might add.”
That was true. Still, watching a scene from the sidelines was different from sitting down and having a deep, heart-to-heart conversation with her personal hero. “I’ll think about it.”
“Mmhmm.”
“I will.” For probably about five seconds, but she’d think about it.
Closing her eyes again, she snuggled into Ivy’s softness. “Ivy?”
“Yes?”
“Do you know any Taylor Swift?”
“Of course I know Taylor Swift,” Ivy said with a giggle. “You want me to sing for you a bit?”
“Please?”
She’d mostly asked just to get away from the topic of Beckett. But as she lay there, snuggled in her blanket, listening to Ivy singing about strong women who loved and fought with everything they had, she couldn’t help but think about the one man who made her want to risk that kind of heartbreak again.