Chapter 18 #2
He didn’t have a burner phone like I did, so we had no way to message him. I chewed on my lip, thinking. This wasn’t good. “Is he okay? Why the fuck would he ditch us like this?”
Jewel made a small hm noise.
I rounded on him. “Well?”
Jewel shifted on his feet, wrinkling his nose in that infuriatingly cute way. “It’s possible he was feeling a bit…freaked out.”
“Oh really?” I asked. “Why is that?”
A smile twitched on his guilty-as-fuck face. “Okay, it’s really not a big deal. But this morning, I went over to his room and we fucked. A little bit.” He looked so proud of himself.
“You fucked a little bit?!” I threw my hands up in the air. “What does that even mean, Jewel?”
“Oh, you want specifics?”
I opened my mouth to say no, but he continued on, anyway.
“Well, he held me down and growled at me to beg him for his dick before he—”
“JEWEL!” I shouted, cutting him off.
Oh fuck.
What I would give to see Hugo put Jewel’s bratty ass in place. I scrubbed my hands over my face. Casey caught my eye, face bright red.
“How about we skip ahead to the part when he freaked out?” I told Jewel.
“Are you sure?” I glared at him, and he scowled. “Ugh, fine. So, anyway, he freaked out when he bit me. Apparently, he thought he was dreaming and didn’t actually want to bond me.”
“Hold up. You asked him to bond you? Like, dark bond you?”
“Oh my god, Jade, make up your mind! Do you want details or not? Yes, I asked him to bond me. He was really into it, started choking me and making all sorts of filthy promises.”
“Need-to-know!” I said loudly. “Tell me if I need to know. Otherwise, zip it.”
Jewel muttered something under his breath, which I had the grace to let slide.
I scrubbed my face again, trying to push away the part of me that felt hurt. Hugo was supposed to be reliable, and now he’d abandoned us?
“Ugh, shit. We don’t have time for this. Everybody, get packed up. If he’s not back by the time we’re ready, we’re leaving without him.”
Jewel’s eyes narrowed. “No, we’re not.”
I marched up to him and stood on my tiptoes. “Yes, we fucking are. We’ve already stayed far too long here. The Institute could be knocking on that door any minute.”
Jewel sat down on a chair and folded his arms. “I’m not going anywhere until he gets back.”
“Oh, my fucking god—”
Casey’s hand came down on my shoulder, and he leaned over. “Look, I don’t think we’re gonna get him to go. He’s still not stable, and if he, um, had sex with Hugo, then Hugo rejected him…”
“What if he’s not coming back?” I hissed.
“He is,” Jewel said sharply. “He promised.”
I wanted to scream. Instead, I took a deep breath. “Casey. Come help me pack. Then we’re taking turns keeping watch on the front door.”
Two hours. I’d give that idiot two hours to come back before I was dragging Jewel out of here—kicking and screaming if I had to.
Every minute that passed with Hugo still gone made me more and more anxious. I’d packed all our stuff, and was now sitting by the window, watching the street below. We needed Hugo. Not just for his alpha hormones, but for him. I didn’t want to have to be the responsible one here.
Plus, I needed to know he hadn’t abandoned me. Us. I wanted to believe he wouldn’t do that.
“He’ll be back soon,” Casey said, giving me a smile. I sure hoped so.
We didn’t have much time.
?
HUGO
I needed to clear my head before I did something I’d regret.
That meant escaping the scents that were threatening to drive me insane.
I closed the door quietly behind me and pulled my hair back into a loose bun. It was a misty morning, and the moist air sank beneath my sweater, chilling me, but I wasn’t going back for another layer.
I needed to figure out what the fuck was going on right now.
Offer me a bond, alpha?
That had been real. Jewel had really appeared in my room, half-naked, begging me to fuck him and bond him in that pouty, sexy voice.
Wanting me to dark bond him.
My hands were balled into fists in my pockets. I walked at a brisk pace, letting my legs burn with the exertion as I pushed myself forward. The temporary bond Jewel had initiated tugged at my mind, tempting me to let down my walls.
It was beautiful agony.
For the first time since I’d taken a cleaving iron to my skin, I hadn’t felt alone. Jewel was bright and vivid, and his connection had soothed the scarred fragments of my soul. My ancient wounds, never fully healed, now stretched desperately toward his light.
I could be whole again.
With Jewel.
But at the risk of destroying the others.
The cold air of the morning and the fire of exertion burning through my brain were an attempt to help me think. I needed to try to make a rational assessment of the situation, even though I wasn’t sure it was possible. I owed Jewel that, at least.
I knew I desperately wanted to bond him.
I wanted him to be mine, permanently and completely.
I wanted to protect him from everything, including himself.
I wanted everyone who met him know he was mine and envy me.
And fuck, it had felt so good to have him submit to me, and for him to offer me that power, freely… ?
But to make the decision based on my own desires would be wrong. I was desperate, pathetic, and lonely.
He didn’t know about the risks involved.
Having me might mean letting go of Jade and Casey. If I bonded him, it was possible my alpha asynchronism would have me register them as threats, just like with my old pack.
I couldn’t do that, not to them and not to myself.
He’d been so sure I could include Jade and Casey, too, to make us a pack. There hadn’t been any hesitation in his request.
My breathing was coming in pants as I jogged aimlessly through the streets of the Gritch southside. The few other people I saw gave me a wide berth.
I was coming to a conclusion that I didn’t like, one that I had kind of known from the start but was struggling to accept.
I was absolutely sure I should not bond Jewel.
My head was pounding, and my mouth was dry. I wasn’t using my aura to run, and my muscles were screaming with protest, but I needed this. I needed to get to the point where I could return to my place and not immediately dark bond Jewel.
Because if I returned right now, I wouldn’t hesitate.
I’d pin him against the wall and breathe in his addictive scent.
I could imagine it swirling with a mix of fear and desire as I pressed my teeth against his neck.
He’d be pinned against me, and with my aura, he wouldn’t be able to escape.
I’d get to feel his pulse rabbiting in his neck, get to hear his whimper as I brushed my teeth against his skin.
At that point, it would be too late.
Nothing would be able to stop me from claiming him.
I pushed myself harder, trying to dispel the image of it. It was so clear in my brain; I could still taste the coppery tang of his blood when I’d broken skin just hours ago.
Think of Jade, I reminded myself. I couldn’t let her down. I was supposed to be there for them, all of them. I needed to pull myself together.
They were all counting on me to protect them. Even now, being away from them was making my skin crawl. I was wasting valuable time struggling with the most basic of moral dilemmas instead of being at their side.
Or I could remove myself from this situation.
I’d helped Jewel out. I’d gotten him safe and now I could go.
I was a ticking time bomb with my rut issues.
How could I ever forgive myself if I hurt any of them?
I looked up sharply as a GPRE van drove by, heading in the direction I was coming from.
Shit.
I turned around, catching a glimpse of it as it turned around a corner.
Was it going to my apartment?
What were the chances?
Not good enough, I decided.
I needed to get my shit together and get back to the others—preferably before that van made it there.
My aura split the air as I started really running.
I was pushing my body to its absolute limits. My aura pulsed around me, letting me run faster than humanly possible. Being on foot meant that if I took the right path, I’d be able to beat the van back to my place—if that’s where it was even going.
My eyes were stinging in the wind, and everything whipped by in almost a blur at this speed. Once or twice, I heard my footfalls crack the concrete below me, but I didn’t slow down.
My aura felt tight, stretched thin as I kept it out, but it would hold for now.
It had to.
I rounded another corner. My apartment was just two blocks away, and the shortest path was through a construction site.
I cleared the fence with a burst of power, skidding into a dirt pile on the other side. I stumbled, wasting precious seconds to regain my balance before I got up to speed again.
This will all be fine, I told myself as I wound through piles of rebar and sandbags. I’d get back and find that the GPRE van heading this way was just a coincidence. I’d usher them out of the house and laugh at myself for being so paranoid.
I managed another leap over the fence on this side, but as I landed, my aura flickered. I hit the pavement hard, gritting my teeth as I skidded and tore up my right arm and shoulder.
A passerby screamed and stumbled back as I rose, blood welling from the road rash on my arm. I snarled and started running, forcing my aura out again. After a painful few seconds, it came back to me, and the pain in my side faded to a dull ache.
Good—I could see my apartment now, could see the metal door on the side of the building.
I skidded to a stop and yanked it open. The handle crumpled in my hand with a crack.
Oops.
I vaulted up the stairs two at a time, then stopped in front of my apartment door.
My aura slipped away, and I stood there, trying to catch my breath. I didn’t want to scare them.
I raised my hand, but before I could knock, the door was being yanked open. Jewel, Jade, and Casey were staring at me from inside.
As I looked at them, everything urgent fell away.