19. Ellie
19
ELLIE
I could sense Wade was being vigilant as we walked back into the apartment. His hand was holding mine, and he kept me close. I didn’t mind.
Tonight was an enigma for me. Wade’s random text earlier today telling me we were going out to dinner and to dress nice threw me off. First , as a woman, the term “nice” did not tell you much. Did that mean jeans and a cute top with heels? A dress with glam hair and makeup and lots of jewelry? I tried to prod the name of the restaurant out of him so I could look into what kind of place we were going to, but all I got in response was, “ It’s a surprise…be ready at 5:30.” Men . Why did men never understand the importance of a heads-up and details? Women needed to know where we were going, mostly so we knew what to wear, and we needed advance notice of this so we had enough time to get ready.
I had spent most of the day cleaning up Jack’s apartment, getting stuff ready for when he came home tomorrow. Also , getting caught up on laundry and school stuff, so when his text came through, my mind started freaking out with what to wear and why Wade wanted to go out to someplace “nice” in the first place.
Dinner was great though. He’d looked so good when he showed up to pick me up in his dark jeans and a navy dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up to just below his elbows.
I was glad at that moment I’d picked this dress. It was a cornflower blue color, sleeveless, and went down to about two inches above my knees. It was relatively plain, but it had a V -neck, and it dipped low enough to show off a hint of cleavage, which he clearly noticed when he picked me up.
I had my hair in loose waves, which I’d noticed he liked because he often ran his hands through them while we watched a movie. I’d also worn sandals with a small heel. I didn’t usually wear heels because I was already tall, but Wade was several inches taller than me and I felt sexy wearing them, so I’d put them on. He clearly liked them too, because when we got back into his apartment, I set my purse on the table and then walked over to the edge of the couch to take the shoes off, when he came up in front of me and told me to keep them on.
“Is this where you try to seduce me into having your way with me on a first date?” I teased him, putting my palms on his chest and smiling up at him.
“Woman, do not tempt me right now,” he said, looking serious, but his eyes were definitely full of lust. “ Those sexy-as-hell shoes you have on right now are working my control, and I’d like to talk with you first.”
I didn’t know why I decided to play with fire when it came to him, but he looked so lost right now, I wanted to guide him back to the fun-loving Wade from earlier.
“What would you like to talk about?” I asked as I moved one palm down the front of his shirt to latch on to his belt buckle, the other hand to the bulge in his pants.
He moved quickly and grabbed hold of my wrists and kept them in place.
“I’m not going to pretend last night wasn’t amazing, and that I wouldn’t love a repeat right now,” Wade said with a small smile. “ But I’m also not going to pretend I don’t want you around for other reasons too. I care about you Ellie and not just because you’re Jack’s sister.”
What did he just say?
“Commitment scares me—not because I don’t want to be with someone, but because I’m afraid of what being with someone, especially while sleeping, would do. But now I’ve realized that I’m more scared of losing something important. And I don’t want to lose you.”
“What are you saying?” I asked, looking him in the eyes, and I saw the hope in his.
“I’m saying I want to try this with you, to give us a chance,” Wade said in return. “ I want to see where it goes.”
“Are you sure you’re not just saying this because the sex is good?” I smirked, hoping he couldn’t see through my nervous attempt at teasing him.
“I didn’t think I was a good-enough man capable of a relationship, but you make me want to be that man, Ellie ,” Wade said, his voice strong, but I could feel the nervous energy coming off him. “ I’m not saying I won’t screw up, but I promise I will never hurt you on purpose.”
“Wade, you are absolutely a good man. Why would you ever doubt that?” I told him, cupping his face so he understood that I never thought he was anything but a good man.
“Ellie,” he said, and I knew he was thinking about his night terrors and the possibility of hurting me, even if it was accidental.
I’d spent enough time second-guessing this thing building between us. But why? Was it Randall ? Because that wasn’t fair to Wade since they were nothing alike and he had proven time and time again that they weren’t even a remotely close comparison. He might think he wasn’t ready for a relationship, yet he was the one willing to take the risk, even though he doubted himself. I could take that risk with him and be the one to show him—show him that a relationship doesn’t need to be perfect, that he didn’t need to be perfect, for there to be something between us.
“I know I don’t deserve you, but I’m a selfish bastard, and I don’t want to let you go,” he said, shaking me out of my private thoughts. “ I know this might seem like a big shift, but I’ve thought about it a lot, and I know what I want.”
I smiled at him and took a deep breath.
“I’m in,” I told him, my smile now bigger as I leaned in and gave him a small kiss.
He moved his hands to my wrists, effectively keeping them in place on the sides of his face as he continued to kiss me.
Things got heated, but not in the fast-paced way I was used to. His kiss was more like he was cherishing the moment and wanting it to last. He tilted my head and deepened the kiss, and I felt the world spin around me. We were standing side by side next to the couch, and then he grabbed behind my thighs and lifted my legs to wrap around his hips. He turned and started walking us back to the bedroom, all while still kissing me senseless.
He lowered my legs to the ground next to the edge of the bed. He moved his hands to my back and slowly unzipped my dress, as he stared deep into my eyes. There were so many emotions swirling in his eyes right now, from lust to happiness to surprise.
His hands moved to my shoulders and slid the dress off my arms until it fell to the ground. I heard a small growl as he saw the pale blue and black lace bra and matching panties I was wearing.
“God, Ellie , you make it really hard to take this slow,” he said, his voice straining like he was about to snap.
“I didn’t ask you to take it slow,” I whispered to him.
“Ellie, back in there,” he used his thumb to point back toward the living room. “ You agreed to try this with me. Take the chance on us. What you didn’t realize was that makes you mine. Mine to protect, mine to take care of. Mine ,” he said as he stroked his hands down the front of my body.
I felt chills all through my body at the adoration in his voice.
“I’m also not good with words to explain to you how I feel, but I can show you,” he said, breathing heavily. “ So , I want to do this right and take it slow so I can show you how much you mean to me, but I need to hold back to do that.”
“I don’t want you to hold back, Wade ,” I told him as I moved to start to unbutton his dress shirt, realizing he was struggling with the war in his mind. “ Give me you. The real you. All of you .”
He moaned but didn’t move as I continued to undress him. We were both standing there in just our underwear, staring at each other.
He was looking at me reverently, as though I was the best thing he had ever seen and he couldn’t get enough of it. I had never felt more vulnerable but also treasured in my life.
Clearly, he’d had enough looking and needed more touching, because the next thing I knew, he lifted me and dropped me on the bed on my back, and then he was on top of me.
His kisses were hard and urgent, but his hands were moving so slowly over my body, as though they were worshipping it. He reached around my back and unclasped my bra. Then he took his mouth off mine momentarily to lean back and remove the lace and drop it to the floor beside the bed.
He began gently stroking all over my chest before stopping right over my heart. I was sure he could feel the thumping beat underneath his hand, as my heart was beating rapidly as my chest rose and fell with my heavy breaths.
“You are so incredibly beautiful, Ellie ,” he said to me quietly as he looked all over my body, admiring it.
“Show me,” I said quietly.
His mouth was on me a moment later, and my body was spinning again. Not because he was moving me, but because his kiss was making me dizzy. He slid my underwear off, and his hand was right back there delicately rubbing between my thighs, building a burn that I knew would be intense. He slid his hand over my mound and pushed gently down on my clit with his thumb, and my mind went blank. I moaned loudly, and he pulled away from my mouth. I could feel his breath on me, but his eyes were on mine. His hand was still moving, and I felt his fingers enter me as his thumb still worked the bundle of nerves near the entrance. My back arched involuntarily, and my head rolled back as a sound I had never made before left me. It was a cross between a moan and a whimper.
He took advantage of my chest being in his face and latched on to my nipple with his mouth, drawing hard. I felt that twinge from my head to my toes, and it felt amazing. The pressure built between my legs, and I knew my orgasm was about to burst. I wanted him to be inside me when it happened, but I also couldn’t speak. I could barely move.
His fingers curled inside me and his thumb pressed harder on the nub and swirled. My orgasm crashed over me, and I saw stars. The pleasure in my voice was mixed with my moans. I felt him moving around, but I couldn’t open my eyes yet. I couldn’t move anything. My limbs had stopped working.
“Ellie, look at me,” I heard Wade say, but I couldn’t focus right now. “ Ellie , sweetheart, look at me.”
I slowly opened my eyes and looked into his. He lifted my body and scooted me back further onto the bed. His body was now hovering over me, and he was looking at me with lust and pure bliss on his face, mixed with a little smirk.
I mustered a small smile in return.
His right hand cupped my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. He used his left arm to support his body on the mattress. Then he removed his right hand from my face and used it to slide his cock to my entrance. He swirled it around my now very wet entrance, and I let out a small moan again and closed my eyes.
“Eyes open, Ellie ,” he said, commanding me.
It was a struggle, but I got them open just in time for him to slide into me, and it felt incredible. I’d never had a guy inside me bare, so I didn’t know if it normally felt this good, but this was miles above anything I’d ever experienced.
“Ellie, you feel so good,” he groaned. “ Never felt this good. Ever .”
“Don’t hold back, Wade ,” I told him softly. “ Make love to me.”
His mouth was on mine again, and he was kissing me with everything he had. I struggled to breathe as he moved in and out of me slowly but firmly. I’d just orgasmed, but I could feel another one building inside me. It felt different though.
“God, Ellie ,” he said as he tore his mouth off mine but kept his lips only a breath away from mine, and I knew he felt it too.
“Come, baby. Give it to me,” he said. “ I’m not going to make it much longer.”
He reached down and rubbed my hyper-sensitive clit, and that did it. One caress, and I was floating. I felt like my body was lifted into the air, and then I felt nothing but pure bliss. I cried out and heard him groan deeply as he slammed into me, gripping my hip with his hand. Feeling his release inside me while I was still coming down from my orgasm was such a weird feeling, but I loved it.
He collapsed on top of me, and while it made it hard to breathe, I loved feeling his weight there. He was peppering my face and neck with small, light kisses.
“I’m so lucky to have you,” Wade said quietly, and my heart swelled.
I really wanted to respond back that I loved him, but I knew it was too soon. It took everything from him to ask me to take the next step. I didn’t want to spook him by sharing with him that I loved him. Not yet.
Several minutes later, he got up and walked to the bathroom, coming back with a warm washcloth. He leaned down to kiss me as he cleaned me up. When he once again left the bed, I still couldn’t feel my legs, so I stayed there, unmoving.
He came back moments later with some water and settled beside me. I fell asleep moments later, wrapped in his arms, and realized I had never felt more content in my life.