32. Chapter 31
Chapter 31
AJ
I f Blake hadn’t given in and turned away when she did, I might have lost what little control I had and swallowed up the distance between us so I could taste her lower lip.
She looked so damn sexy working that plump red lip between her teeth, that I had to beat back imagines of carrying her curvy body to the bedroom.
Can’t think like that . Focus.
Thank God she hadn’t looked down because there was nothing I could do to hide the evidence of how turned on I was without drawing attention to it.
Splashing cold water on my face before washing the dishes didn’t help, so I thought about my parents. Not only was the thought a mood-killer, but it reminded me of all the reasons I couldn’t kiss Blake.
What if I couldn’t control my temper? I knew from experience bruises weren’t the only wounds caused from getting hit. In fact, he was so good at keeping up the appearance of being a loving father to the outside world that I didn't have any physical scars.
My father started hitting me when I was a defenseless kid. Initially, my mom tried to stop him, but gave up after taking one too many beatings of her own. He was the reason I worked so hard to bulk up and train in Brazilian Ju Jitsu after he left us high and dry when I was a teenager. He was the reason I’d sworn off love.
What if I’m just like him?
My back pocket vibrated, pulling me out of my unpleasant stroll down memory lane.
“Janerek.”
“How are things going?” Jack asked.
“Quiet.” He didn’t need to know what was going on in my head.
“Good to hear. How’s Aurora holding up?”
“Struggling, but she’s stronger than she realizes, so I think she’ll be okay.”
“Anything I should relay to her father?”
“Tell him he’s an asshole for forcing her into a mold instead of letting her blossom into the woman she wants to be,” I said before I could censor myself.
“I think I’ll leave that out when I talk to him, but I’m glad she’s opening up to you.” I could hear the amusement in Jack’s voice.
I thought about making a joke, but figured it’d only fuel the fire. “Thanks.”
“I’ll be outside, ETA fifteen, if you need me.”
“Copy that.” I disconnected the call.
I left the clean dishes in the strainer to air dry, figuring I could put them away later. It’ll give me something to do when I can’t sleep .
Blake was still scrolling when I walked into the living room.
“Can’t decide?”
“I decided, but I’m waiting for you to start.” Her small smile reached her eyes, lighting up her face.
I pretended my heart didn’t skip a beat as I walked to the reclining chair closest to Blake. Sitting next to her on the couch would have been a thousand times better, but I wouldn’t do it without an invitation.
“Ready?” she asked.
“Ready.”
Blake only lasted about thirty minutes before falling asleep. I blamed the movie for making me think her soft snores were cute. Rom-coms weren’t my jam, so I spent more time watching her sleep than I did watching the movie. She looks so peaceful.
And beautiful.
A soft smile played on her slightly parted lips, giving her an angelic appearance. Gone was the fear of being threatened. Gone was the stress of trying to please everyone. Gone was the anger at having her world turned upside down.
Because I was staring, I saw when her lips turned down and her hand twitched. The soft, angelic features twisted into fear. She started whimpering before I had time to take the two steps needed to reach the couch and sit down beside her.
Should I wake her?
Her head rolled back and forth as more whimpers escaped her lips.
I couldn’t let her suffer. Not wanting to freak her out, I gently shook her shoulders. “Blake, wake up. It’s only a dream.”
She screamed as she jerked awake; her eyes the size of saucers.
My heart shredded as I watched her head whip from side to side, fear radiating off her as she tried to get her bearings with unfocused eyes.
When I find the guy responsible for this, I’ll tear his fucking head off his fucking body with my bare fucking hands.
As I unclenched my back teeth, I lifted her chin until she looked at me. “Blake, sweetheart, it’s okay. You’re okay. It was just a dream.” I did a remarkable impression of sounding like someone who didn’t want to commit murder.
Her desperation-filled eyes locked on mine, her chest wasn’t moving.
Shit .
“Blake, sweetheart, I need you to breathe,” I begged as I held her shoulders, offering what little comfort I could.
Her eyes found mine. “AJ?” her hopeful voice squeaked as she sucked in air.
Thank God. “It’s me, I’m here.
“Where am I?” Her eyes swept the lackluster room before staring blankly at the rom-com still playing on the TV.
“You’re in the safe house.”
Her body shook with her deep inhale. She turned her head slowly and looked at me before exhaling with a sob.
“It’s okay.” I took her hand and gently tugged her towards me, wrapping the other arm around her shoulders as I pulled her into my chest.
She didn’t hesitate to curl into me.
I can’t risk loving her, but I can comfort her .
Holding her tight against my chest, I let her cry.
And protect her .
Her tears soaked through my thin t-shirt, warming my skin while chilling my soul. I held her tighter, supporting her the only way I knew how.
“I’m right here, Sweetheart, and I swear to you, I won’t let anyone hurt you.” I made a vow I knew I shouldn’t. Nothing was guaranteed in our line of work.
“It’s okay, let it all out,” I whispered into her hair before kissing the top of her head.
Sweetheart?
Kissing her .
I was truly, completely, one-hundred percent, absolutely fucked.