Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
Erin
I lay in his bed, tangled in his arms and sheets. I watch him sleep, mesmerized by the peaceful rise and fall of his breath. I had a plan. I came here with the fob so I could come clean and tell him everything, the whole story, every detail.
Then beg him to help me put an end to this madness.
That’s what I came here to do.
Then he knelt between my legs, and all hope for serious talk faded. I lost myself in our reunion. Then, I fell asleep.
I woke up sometime after two in the morning. I can’t go back to sleep. Now, my plan is a breakfast confession. He likes his coffee fresh and strong, and a hot cup will help the truth go down.
I hope.
I roll over onto my back and stare up at the ceiling, carefully choosing the words I will say. Even this makes me nervous. I’m giving myself a deadline. When he wakes up, that’s it. Skip the coffee. I'll tell him the truth the moment his eyes open.
I turn back to him, pressing my cheek against his shoulder.
In his sleep, he begins to murmur. Names. Whispered dark memories from his past.
And one word that strikes my heart like a dagger.
Betrayed.
The names, he says, are Carlos and Isobel. The pain in his voice breaks my heart.
Gently, I try to wake him, “Lucian?” but he shrugs me off.
As he mumbles, I brush my fingertips over the scars on his chest.
“Carlos. No. Not you. Anyone but you.”
“Isobel, you shouldn’t be here. Why are you here?”
“Betrayed. I’ve been betrayed.”
He’s having nightmares about that day. The day Carlos, his best friend in the world, turned on him, betrayed him, and caused him to endanger his men, killing them.
“Shh, Lucian. It’s okay. Everything is okay.” I run my hand over his hair, his face, his chest until he’s sleeping peacefully again, his breath coming long and even.
I stare at him, broken.
How can I tell him that I was going to do the very same to him?
A confession would cleanse me. But it would hurt him. And he’s already been hurt enough.
He can never know I betrayed him.
I think of Ryan. The way he walked into that preschool without a backward glance. Brave. Steady. Ready.
He didn’t need me to hold his hand the whole way.
And this time, I can’t ask Lucian to hold mine.
I’ve already taken enough from him. I’m not asking for his help.
I have to do this on my own. It’s ridiculous. Illogical. And possibly the stupidest thing I’ll ever do. But I’m going back there, to the place I swore I’d never go.
This time, I end Caleb on my own.
A bit of vengeance outruns the fear, bringing a tight smile to my lips.
I have my own reasons to end Caleb. Personal. A dark secret I’ve never shared with anyone.
I’ve never told anyone.
Not even my sister.
Now, if I succeed on my solo mission, I may never have to.
That dark secret of my deepest shame will die with Caleb.
I crawl out of bed and dress quickly. I sneak out before the sun comes up.
Leaving him with my heart and a soft kiss on his lips.
I sneak past his bodyguard.
As I walk the streets alone, I know I must come up with yet another new plan.
A better one. A stronger one.
The wind hits, and I wrap my arms around myself, trying to remember the last time I felt safe. And the answer is never. Not since Caleb came into our lives.
The closest I ever felt protected was in Lucian’s arms.
What did Lucian ask me to do to earn his?
Nothing.
All I needed to do was be myself, and he wanted to give me the world.
I hear those words he said in his sleep on repeat: Betrayed. I’ve been betrayed.
Heat rises behind my eyes. I blink, but it doesn’t help.
I reach up to wipe away the tear before it can fall, but it beats me to the punch, rolling down my cheek, warm and wet as I flag down a taxi. It’s a shorter ride at this strange time of day. I creep into the apartment.
It’s dark and warm, our cozy home.
I go to Cass’s room. She’s sleeping soundly and Ryan’s in her bed, legs and arms sprawled out like a beautiful starfish. Our quiet early mornings are pure peaceful bliss.
I’m going to miss this.
I close the door and tiptoe to my own room. Leaving Lucian’s without saying goodbye this morning was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
This moment is just as challenging.
I grab a small suitcase and backpack, taking only what I need.
As I close the door on my only family, I pray I’m doing the right thing.