Chapter 29
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Erin
His mouth crashes down again, and then there’s nothing but the twist of heat and need.
Inside, I’m already unraveling.
He pulls away, staring down at me with urgency. “Say it again.”
“I already have.”
“Say it anyway.”
“I love you, Lucian.” His hands are warm, and they brand me wherever they touch—my hips, the bare curve of my ass, carefully avoiding anywhere near my bandage.
My side is sore, but he’s the only thing I feel.
The man I swore I’d never fall for.
The man who is too good for me.
But loves me anyway.
He breathes against my mouth. “I can’t lose you. Not again.”
He’s made vows to the Bachmans, ones he will never break. And I would never ask him to. And those vows only include protecting people who have the last name Bachman.
My voice cracks. “I can’t leave them. I have to stay with Cass and Ryan. They need me.”
“I hated what you said in your note,” he says.
With him on me, making me feel alive, I can barely remember writing it. “Which part?”
“The part where you say you’ve given me nothing,” he growls, lips grazing my throat. “You’ve given me my life back.”
I let out a shuddering breath. “How?”
He breaks our heat to hold my face, staring into my eyes. “I never thought I could love again. I felt that part of me died. I thought I would always be alone.”
I can feel the hard line of him, thick and straining behind his zipper.
He’s barely holding it together.
I feel it in every word, every ragged breath.
“I love you, Erin. And I need you. Like air.”
“I need you too. So badly.”
His teeth scrape the edge of my neck. “Say it again.”
“I need you.”
His fingers dig into my hips. “Louder.”
“I need you, Lucian. I’ve always needed you.”
“I want to be inside you so bad, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Since when has pain during sex ever been an issue for you?” I lock eyes with him in a challenge.
And before I know it, all of our clothes from the waist down have been stripped off by him. And my bare legs are around his naked waist.
The next moment is savage.
He thrusts inside me in one powerful motion, stretching me wide, forcing a cry from my throat that I try to silence. I clutch his shoulders, nails digging in. The sting, the pressure, the sudden fullness—everything collides into a wave of helpless pleasure.
“You have to make a choice,” he grits out.
I’ve made my choice. I can’t live without him.
But how does my family fit in?
Moving Ryan a second time, when he’s so in love with his school? Having Cass get used to a new place when she’s still making new friends and finally feels safe?
And the new, burning worry that’s been planted like a seed, burrowing deep inside me. One I’m too embarrassed to share with him.
I know I have to marry him to become a Bachman, to live with him and have a future. He may accept me, but will they?
Instead, I say, “It’s not that simple.”
“When has anything been simple between us?” He moans low and drives into me harder.
Tears burn the corners of my eyes. “Lucian…”
“You’re mine, Erin.”
My head falls back. My side burns and aches, but it’s nothing like the one between my thighs. The sound of our bodies, slick and frantic, is drowned beneath the wind battering the windows.
But we don’t stop.
Can’t.
Our bodies are at war with one another.
“Harder,” I beg.
He gives it to me.
Each stroke makes me cry out. His grip bruises my hips. My legs start to tremble, but he holds me up, relentless, rutting into me like he’s trying to erase the fear, the guilt, the ghosts.
I lose track of time.
I lose track of me.
Because all I know is him.
Lucian.
His hands. His voice. His body inside mine, claiming, commanding, grounding me in this moment like nothing else can.
I never want to let him go.
And then—
A sound outside the bathroom window. Close to where we stand.
Lucian goes still.
My body clenches instinctively, painfully close to the edge.
He doesn’t let go of me. Doesn’t lower me. Just turns toward the door like a predator, cock still buried inside me, heart thudding against my chest.
“Don’t move,” he says darkly.
“What is it?”
He shakes his head.
I watch his face.
The shift from lover to killer is chilling.
And I’ve never felt safer.
I tighten my arms around his neck, and he holds me tight, still inside me as he stalks to the window, throws it open—and it’s nothing.
“Just a fox darting through the hedges.” He exhales sharply and shuts the window, locking it, muttering something about, “Only in England.”
Then turns back to me.
My thoughts float with my body as he takes me to another world. Despite my hang-ups about what he belongs to. Maybe a mafia is just a group. And people are people. And you have to choose the ones you belong with.
Belong to.
And he’s kissing me. Softly this time. Desperate. Needy.
And when he lifts me again, it’s gentle, it’s lovemaking, it’s worship.
He carries me to the bed and enters me slowly this time. Deep. Intentional. He kisses away the tears, the fear, the guilt. He’s careful with me. His voice murmurs words about how strong I am, how brave, how beautiful.
I want the white picket fence.
And a vow that binds us for life.
I want my happily ever after.
And I’ve known since I met him, I want it with him.
And I’m terrified that would mean leaving Ryan and Cass behind.
When I come this time, it’s like breaking apart and being rebuilt all at once.
And when he follows—growling my name into the curve of my neck—it feels like there’s hope we might figure out a way to be together after all—
Forever.
But hope can be as fleeting as sunlight over the moor.