Chapter 21
Chapter twenty-one
Madeleine
God, I don’t think I’ve ever been this exhausted in my life.
Every second in England, after spending time with Eli’s family, we would sneak off to spend together wrapped around one another, fucking until the sun shone bright, or at least as brightly as it could behind the dreary clouds.
We took advantage of the time we had alone together. No prying brothers. No asshole fiancé.
And it was perfect.
But, in a way, it was also torture.
Because these past few days have shown me what I can never truly have.
And now, it’s time to face reality.
Reluctantly taking the last step up the stairs, I position my palm against the scanner, waiting for the front door to open.
All I want to do is soak in the tub with a glass of wine and not get out until every inch of my body is pruned.
Eli stands behind me, his presence a constant comfort. Just his scent—cedar with a hint of spice—instantly calms my anxieties, which seem to be mounting exponentially high, especially with the wedding just days away.
The thought of that makes me immediately nauseous.
“Are you okay?” Eli asks, his voice laced with concern.
No.
“Yes.”
“You don’t seem okay.”
I impatiently slap my hand against the scanner again, wanting this conversation to be over. Why the fuck won’t this open? “I’m fine,” I groan, frustrated. “What is wrong with this stupid thing?” My hand smacks it a few more times.
“Let me help.” Eli steps behind me, his chest pressing against my back.
My breath catches as his arm reaches around me, his hand covering my own on the scanner.
He pushes lightly, his fingers meshing with mine.
I swallow, glancing up at him over my shoulder just as a chime alerts me to the door unlocking itself.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“You know,” he starts. “We don’t have to pretend that—
“We do,” I cut him off, my gaze shifting away.
“England was amazing. One of the best memories I’ll ever have.
But I’m home now. And I’m getting married in…
just a few days.” It’s a struggle to get the last part out, the reality of the situation hitting me harder than it should.
I mean, I’ve had a year to prepare for this day, but now that it’s almost here, I feel like I’m counting down the hours until my funeral instead of what is supposed to be the happiest day of my life.
However, as I look back up, my eyes meeting Eli’s, I know I have to do this. I don’t have a choice.
He nods. “Well, why don’t we at least order some takeout and find a movie to watch?” I start to shake my head, opening my mouth to protest, knowing I have too much to get done, but he presses a finger to my lips. “I think you could use a night off. You barely got any sleep on the flight home.”
I let out a heavy breath, my shoulders falling just a fraction.
“You’re right. I guess I could use a night to get over the jet lag.
” I turn away from him and step into my house, the foyer engulfed in darkness.
My heels clack on the floor as I walk across the marble.
I pause to kick them off before reaching for the light switch. “I could go for some—”
“Surprise!”
Boom! Boom! Boom!
One moment, I’m standing barefoot in my entryway, and the next, I’m slammed against the wall with Eli’s body protectively in front of me and…confetti falling all around us.
“What the fuck?” My chest pants as Eli takes a step away, allowing me to see what’s behind him.
Scarlett and Alina stand before me with nervous smiles as Cressida stands between them, a massive grin across her face.
“Jesus.” I place my palm against my chest and laugh. “What the hell are you doing here?” I look back at my door. “And how did you get in here without my security system notifying me?”
“We’re stealing you for your bachelorette party!” Cressida exclaims, tossing more confetti in the air.
A bachelorette party… Fuck my life.
Scarlett steps forward, wrapping her arms around me. “Please don’t be mad. I know you didn’t want to do this,” she quickly whispers. “This was all Cressida. We couldn’t stop her.”
Ahh. I feign a smile as I drop my arms, looking between them. “What a surprise?”
“Well, you wouldn’t pick a date, so we picked one for you,” Cressida remarks.
“Alex helped us with sneaking in.” Alina steps forward, placing a white sash over my head and letting it rest against my shoulder as it crosses over my torso. I look down to see the word bride and cringe internally. Sorry, she mouths as she steps back.
For as far as the eye can see, there are hundreds, if not thousands, of balloons, streamers, and bachelorette party signs.
Bach that ass up
Same wiener forever
Big bach energy
Miss to Mrs.
Lead fills my stomach, weighing down every part of me.
“We might have gone a little overboard.” Scarlett surveys the space, crinkling her nose.
“No.” I shake my head. “No, it’s perfect. A nice, quiet girls’ night in is exactly what I need.”
Alina and Scarlett avoid making eye contact with me.
“What?” I ask, unease building inside me.
“We’re going out!” Cressida struts over to me in her short, sparkly gold dress.
But right before she reaches me, she turns toward Eli and places a hand on his shoulder.
The sight of her touching him makes me see red.
“You have confetti on you,” she says with a smile as she pulls a piece from his shirt, letting her hand trail down his bicep.
He wipes a hand across his other shoulder as he takes a not-so-subtle step back.
“Well…” Cressida notices his movement and frowns before quickly masking her expression. Her pearly whites shine as she announces, “We’re going to Red Eleven, and then you three will spend the night at your family’s home in the Hamptons while I have a suite waiting for me at the Reform Club.”
I don’t even question why she wouldn’t just stay at my family’s house; honestly, I’d prefer that she doesn’t.
I turn toward Scarlett. “Leo’s okay with you going to a club?”
“Not exactly.” She twirls a strand of hair around her finger, staring off to the side. “Which is why they’re all coming with us.”
“What?” I rub my ear. “I don’t think I heard you correctly because, to me, it sounded like you said my brothers are coming to my bachelorette party?”
Alina pulls a piece of confetti off her glasses, letting it slip between her fingers to the floor.
“Please don’t be mad. It was the only way they would let us do this for you.
” She wraps her arms around me and whispers, “We figured if we were forced to do this, at least we could get a night of fun out of it.”
I feel the beginnings of a headache forming behind my eyes.
“Oh, please say you’ll come.” Cressida frowns. “I feel like we haven’t had a chance to spend a lot of time together before the wedding, so I thought we could make up for that tonight.”
Her eyes begin to glisten, and any chance I had at saying no to this whole thing instantly vanishes.
I smile. “All right. Yeah, sure. This will be great.”
Who knows? Maybe tonight will actually be fun.
Doubtful, but here’s hoping.
They cheer in unison; only Cressida’s is of pure excitement while Alina and Scarlett feign their enthusiasm.
“I’ll umm…” Eli clears his throat and hooks a thumb over his shoulder before strolling toward the stairs.
“I’ll be right back.” I watch as Eli ascends the stairs, running a hand through his hair. “Let me just change real quick.”
Cressida’s eyes trail after Eli, lost in a trance, but I don’t have time to decipher that look as I quickly chase after him. Before he enters his room, I place my hand on his bicep, wrapping my fingers around it to stop him.
“Hey.” I step in front of him, his muscles tense beneath my touch as he closes his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” He drags a shaking hand down his face and takes a deep breath. His eyes open, but they look lost and vacant, the rich brown hues of his irises appearing dull and muted.
“Talk to me.” I try to piece together everything that just happened, wondering what triggered this…
The booms from the confetti cannons.
“It was the confetti,” I say softly.
He gazes up at the ceiling. “Yeah. Stupid, I know.”
“That’s not stupid at all.”
“For a few seconds, I wasn’t here, but…”
“Overseas,” I finish for him.
His eyes meet mine. “Sometimes I hear a loud noise, and I’m fine. Other times, I’m not. It’s like it triggers a flashback that I have no control over. I can’t make it stop.”
I nod, taking a step closer. “I can’t even imagine how tough that is on you.”
“I’m fine,” he replies quickly. Too quickly.
And my heart hurts for him. For all of the invisible pain he never allows anyone to see.
“Eli.” I place my hand on his chest, looking up at him. “You’re strong, and you’re brave. Having PTSD doesn’t change that one bit. It doesn’t change the way I look at you. And it’s okay to not always be okay.”
He sighs. “I know. Or at least I’m trying to. But it’s taking longer than I thought to feel any semblance of normalcy.”
As if it were the most natural thing in the world for me to do, I wrap my arms around his waist, resting my head against his chest. “Why don’t you stay home tonight? One of us should get some of that rest we were talking about earlier.”
He slides two fingers under my chin, lifting my face until our eyes connect. “If you think you’re going into the city without me, you clearly don’t know me at all.” He runs his hand over my hair, twirling the ends. “Where you go, I go, Princess. Don’t ever forget that.”
“My feet are killing me,” Alina complains as she limps beside me, her poor feet suffering in her high heels after nearly two hours on the dance floor.