Chapter 10
LOGAN
As the blood runs off me, winding and twisting before spiraling into the drain, I feel so naked and exposed. Partly because I’m sure Killian has security cameras in this room and is likely watching me right now. But mostly because of what he saw me do tonight.
Had I been thinking with my rational mind, I might have insisted on bringing Sik Vik back to Hayward. Or that Killian give us privacy. Not that there’s anything I could do to control that bastard.
But angry as I am, I’m also impressed. He’s too smart for me, as indicated by how his taste lingers on my tongue. And though Jaime showed me where the spare toothbrushes and toothpaste are, I don’t bother to immediately wash his taste off because maybe it’s not as bad as I initially thought.
I finish rinsing off, then grab the towel from the hanger just outside the walk-in shower. When I finish drying, I wrap the towel around my waist and head to the sink, fetching the toothbrush and toothpaste. I avoid my reflection for as long as I can, but I finally break.
I see the man I truly am. Have always been. My father’s son. This creature I try to hide from the world, and I’ve done such a good job, but not with Killian. Now he’s seen the truth. If only I could have tempered these wicked impulses for a night.
Yet there’s so much relief in having given in and avenged my brother.
It was more than that, though. It was vengeance against that fateful blood-splattered day at Hayward, and the loss of my parents, and all the days of being forced to live a life I never wanted.
It was the desperate cry of a man in so much agony and despair.
And for that weakness, I hate myself.
*
The following morning, I wake to discover spare clothes on the end of the bed—jeans and a tee.
The clothes I arrived in have been taken, as well as my phone and shoes.
I suspect Killian had an ulterior motive.
I would have grabbed them and snuck out, but he didn’t want me to leave.
Not when he was the one who suggested breakfast. Whether I want to or not, I must face him.
I discover Krychek in the hall—he must’ve replaced Jaime for the morning shift.
I’m still pissed at the guy for pulling a knife on me, and there’s this innate desire to get revenge against him, though I know what I’d do to Killian if he fucked with my staff, so I stifle the impulse.
I can’t risk getting on Killian’s bad side.
Krychek leads me through the intricate halls and stairwells of dark gray walls decorated with eerie, nude Grecian statues, oversize urns, and chandeliers made of horns and antlers.
The mortality-obsessed aesthetic makes me feel like I’m being guided through a layer of hell—I assume that’s as Old Terror intended it.
Very different from the more traditional style of Hayward, which suited my dad—and me—much more.
When we arrive at the kitchen, we discover Killian standing at the range, cooking. He doesn’t look over as Krychek pulls out a chair for me.
“I should go,” I say. “I need to check on my brother.”
“I already checked, and he’s fine.”
“What?”
“You think I don’t have contacts at the Center?”
Fair enough.
“And you should get a good meal in you before heading out,” he adds.
It’s strange that he wanted me to eat with him, and he’s already in the middle of cooking, making me wonder… “Did you know I was awake?”
“Of course. I have cameras set up all over that room.”
I knew it.
“So you watched me shower?”
His gaze locks with mine. “I did.”
I don’t know why, after everything that’s happened, that of all things bothers me, but it does. Still, nothing he saw in the shower could’ve been worse than what he saw when I brutally murdered Sik Vik. He knows what I am. There’s no hiding from him.
So I sit at the kitchen table.
“I’m making omelets. Peppers, onions, spinach, and pepperjack cheese. Anything you’d prefer instead?”
I want to tell him to take his omelet and shove it, but that sounds so good, and I’m fucking starving. “That’ll be fine,” is as much as I give him.
I wait in silence as he plates the omelet with bacon, sausage links, and some sort of roasted root-vegetable mix.
“Coffee?” he asks.
Now this surprises me. Despite what an asshole he’s been since I found out our fathers intended for us to marry, he’s being incredibly attentive to my needs. It reminds me of last night, when he was giving me water and towels to wipe off the sweat and blood. Killian Lorde is a fucking mystery.
“Yes.”
“Cream and sugar?”
“Black.”
He heads to the espresso machine and selects a few settings before it grinds and then dispenses into the mug. He makes another, setting it beside my plate before settling in the seat opposite me. After unfolding his napkin and readying his silverware, he forks a turnip and sticks it into his mouth.
As much as I wish I could resist, it’s impossible when I have this selection before me. I take a few bites and down a swig of coffee, enough that it’ll give me the much-needed energy boost. As my body adjusts to having the sustenance, I say, “Last night was a strange thing.”
His lips twist into a sneaky smirk. “When you tasted my cum?”
Familiar heat rushes to my chest as I think about the way he took advantage of my need to avenge my brother. Even now, I can see how much he loved dominating me, how it pleased him, and how it’s pleasing him even more to mention it in front of one of his cronies.
“I didn’t want to do that.”
“You sure were good at it for someone who wasn’t interested.”
“I was getting it over with.” Surely, he understands why.
“If you insist,” he says, shrugging. “How did it feel to have me in your belly all night?” He looks at me like he’s proud of the sick thing he did to me, and rage pulses through me, reminding me that just as thoughtful as he can seem to be, I know the kind of asshole he really is.
“I love the way I get under your skin,” he observes.
“Do I seem bothered?” I’m desperately trying to disguise it.
“Yes.” The word comes out quiet and cool, assuring me that he does, in fact, know.
“That wasn’t even what I meant, you bastard. I was talking about the other thing that happened.”
“Oh, when you sliced up Sik Rick?”
“Vik,” I correct. He should have at least remembered his name if he was planning to kill him on my behalf.
“Doesn’t matter anymore, does it?”
As he smiles, I ignore his remark since Killian seems to have the power to keep me from making my point, ever.
“I just wanted you to know I don’t normally act like that. It was a onetime thing because of what he did.” Of course, as my mind flashes back to other instances when I’ve let this beast out, I know I’m a liar. I’ve always had this darkness within me. And I’ve always hated myself for it.
Killian stares at me, his brow quirked, his lip twisted upward.
I doubt he believes me any more than I believe myself.
His smirk, as if to say he knows me better than he possibly could, makes me want to lunge across the table and show him just how bad I can really be.
But this feels like something lingering from last night, so I do my best to keep the beast in its cage.
Although, I don’t know that I’ll be able to contain myself if he starts calling me out on my shit.
“So you’re saying that’s the first and only time you’ve done something like that?” he presses.
It’d be so easy to lie to him, but what would be the point? He’d know it was just that.
I’m quiet, just pick at my vegetables with my fork, and he snickers, rattling me anew.
“What are you laughing about?”
“I’m just relieved you didn’t try to lie to me again, Logan. I don’t handle lying well.” His expression turns serious so quickly, I don’t doubt there would be consequences, and for a guy who’s already proven he can easily gain the upper hand, it wouldn’t be wise to test him.
“If you don’t want to discuss last night, that’s fair. We can discuss something that’s far more interesting to me.” I already know where it’s going even before he says, “Our arrangement.”
I tighten my grip on my fork, balling my free hand into a fist. “What? Did you want me to pull out my schedule so we can set a date?”
“It’s too soon for that, but I do think last night brought up an important detail we haven’t covered.”
“Which is?”
I’m waiting for him to bring up something about the blowjob or what I did to Sik Vik, but he says, “The tramp you were flirting with.”
He might as well have punched me in the dick because so much has happened since then, it hadn’t even crossed my mind, but judging by the tension in his jaw and the way he’s hunched forward slightly, his shoulders up, I can tell he’s been thinking about it plenty.
“So long as you plan to keep our arrangement, you won’t have any other women, and since you did blow me last night, I should add no men either.”
“I’m straight, thanks.” Although, given the surprising pleasure I felt when I had his cock in my mouth, I can admit that maybe that’s not as sure a thing as I used to believe.
“Of course you are. You just enjoy blowing guys from time to time.”
Heat flares in my chest again. “I did not enjoy that. I did it because—”
“Let’s be clear: you had a choice, and you chose to suck my cock.”
I huff. “You know damn well it wouldn’t have been a choice if it had been your brother and you had to suck my dick to get to the man who did it.”
“Yes, but I wouldn’t have had any issue with sucking your cock, so there’s that.”
“This is all beside the point. Are you really suggesting I never fuck around with anyone other than you?”
“I am. Now that you’re aware of your obligations to me, you are mine, and you will show me respect by not fucking randoms.”
“Well, what am I supposed to do when I need to get one out?”
“I’m right here, aren’t I?”
“You can’t be serious. Look, you said you wanted to consummate it, but you didn’t mention I’d have to give up my sex life to be with you.”
“Who said anything about giving up your sex life? I’m a very sexual creature, Logan.” Again, there’s that predatory look, and the thought is downright terrifying.
“Fuck that,” I snap.
“You still upset about my little game to get you to swallow my load?”
“You think that was a game?”
“It was fun, wasn’t it?”
The burning in my chest sears like fire. “There was nothing fun about it.”
“Was for me.”
“You won’t be able to fool me so easily again…” I trail off.
“Next time?” he finishes.
“What? No. I…”
Fuck, that was what I was about to say, but I didn’t mean it. Having a conversation with Killian is so damn confusing. I shake my head, trying to push all that away and focus on the point at hand. “You don’t get to tell me who I can and can’t fuck.”
“That’s fine. Now you know the consequences for when you do fuck around.”
I think about what he said about Alana, the thought of her body in a bag, sinking to the bottom of the river. At first it’s a lifeless image, but then knowing Killian, it shifts, leaving me wondering if he’d even have killed her first.
“There is a way out.” He pushes to his feet and starts around the table, taking his time, like a man who knows he’s won.
“Just as there was last night. Tell me right now that you want to end this agreement, and you can do what you want, with whoever you want, but so long as you’re under this contract, you’re mine. Understood?”
He stops beside me, and I notice how close I am to his crotch, reminding me of last night, and that this morning is no different.
I have the perverse thought that he’d make up another reason for me to blow him.
This time I’d swallow him just to show how little I really cared about getting him inside me.
What am I even thinking?
I don’t want to blow him, but he still holds all the cards because without his protection, my family’s fucked. But if my family isn’t fucked, then I will be. And it sounds like a lot.
I push to my feet, getting in his face. “You love this. You know I don’t have any options and that this is what I’ll end up having to do. You’re getting off on knowing I’m trapped. You think this is an easy thing to figure out? You think I’m eager to sacrifice my life?”
“We’re the firstborns, Logan. Our lives were never ours to begin with.”
For the first time since we started this, I detect something else in his expression—not the confidence or certainty or even the predation I’ve seen before; something more fragile, and familiar too.
We do share one thing, and that’s our place in families with expectations and needs.
We both stand as the ones designated to keep our families safe.
“I should go,” I say.
“You haven’t finished your breakfast.”
“You’ve ruined my appetite.”
“No, please. You have a lot to consider, and I’ve said what I needed to.” He pulls my phone from his pocket and passes it to me. “Your clothes are at the cleaners. I’ll have them delivered to Hayward this afternoon. When you’re finished eating, Jaime will provide you with your shoes.”
His entire demeanor has shifted—he’s not the brash, offensive man he was all morning. There’s something else there, though I can’t read what it is.
I start to sit back down, but he seizes my arm. “Logan, I do understand…more than you realize.”
It’s all he says before he releases me and starts for the door.
I glance over my shoulder as he rushes past Krychek, leaving me utterly confused.
What in the hell was that about?