Chapter 33
The Universe Sure Does Love to Send Me Signs
Goa, Monday
“Krishna?” Amrit says again, staring at me as if I’ve just been ejected from a swirling portal in front of him. I might as
well have been, because this situation is making me delirious. My head feels all funny.
“Hey, Amrit,” I say, waving awkwardly. Two days ago, I was flirting with him, sending him texts, telling him I liked him.
Three days ago, I was embarking on a fucking road trip to kiss the guy. And now, everything has changed.
I think I’m going to throw up.
“I can’t believe my eyes,” Amrit gushes. “Like, you’re here. You’re actually here!” He’s wearing a sea-green kurta and a matching
pair of mochi shoes, contrasting well with his stark white pajamas. He’s clean shaven, as always, and his wavy hair is pushed
away from his face, making his features stand out. He looks good. He always has, always does.
And yet, I feel nothing for him.
Zero, zilch, nada.
Because the guy I feel everything for is standing right beside me.
Or he was standing right beside me. Because when I turn to look for Rudra, all I see is him walking away from me. And I have no idea
what to make of it.
My words nearly bubble out. Why is he leaving? Why has he been acting so distant all day?
“What are you doing here?” Amrit says, and when I turn to him, gulping heavily, his eyes are practically alight with happiness.
Amrit thinks I’m here for him. I was, but not anymore. And as much as I want to run after Rudra, I know I need to clear things
up with Amrit first.
I can sense a thin layer of his uncertainty floating on top of his skin, like malai on milk, the longer I don’t respond. I
hate to do this to the first boy who ever felt anything at all for me, but I need to curdle the milk.
“I know, it’s kind of wild, honestly,” I say.
“But your flight? You didn’t go back to the US?” All these questions, hope replacing uncertainty bit by bit.
“No, no, I didn’t. There’s—” I say, and laugh suddenly, the perception of everything that’s changed completely in a matter
of days hitting me like a wall of bricks. “There’s so much that’s happened. I don’t even know where to begin.”
He smiles. “Why do I get the feeling it’s a hell of a story?”
“You’re not wrong. Are you okay to talk? Like, right now?” I wave my hand, motioning to the festivities unfolding around us.
“Yeah, of course,” Amrit says. “Do you want to sit?”
“Please.”
Once we’re seated on two of the white chairs at the very back, facing the mandap, I tell him everything.
It doesn’t take too long, because I leave out the unimportant details—about Priti, especially—and, well, it’s a few days’
worth of adventures (although it feels like a lot more). I see a motley of emotions pass across his face.
When I’m finished, I feel like I’ve emerged from a vacuum, because the sounds and sights around me are suddenly thrice as
dazzling. The number of people has also tripled, and the seats around us are starting to fill up.
Amrit leans back, stunned, gazing out at the dark sea. I let him regroup, knowing that’s the least he deserves after everything
I’ve done.
“So . . .” Amrit finally says, turning to me. “You and Rudra, huh?”
I smile mirthlessly. “I don’t think there’s going to be a me and Rudra. He vanished just as you appeared, probably to avoid
me.”
“No, that’s not it. You didn’t see his face.” Amrit breathes heavily out his nose. “I didn’t realize it then, but after everything
you’ve told me, it’s obvious he looked heartbroken.”
“Heartbroken? Why?”
“Because of you, Krishna,” Amrit says. “Because he thought you were going to get together with me.”
My mind takes me back to the moment with Rudra in the room earlier, when he asked me if I wanted to go ahead with my original
plan, and I told him yes, Why wouldn’t I?
Oh fuck.
When Rudra said original plan, he meant my plan to kiss Amrit. The reason why we were on this road trip in the first place. He thought . . . He thinks I still want to kiss Amrit. After everything that happened between us last night.
He still thinks I’m in this for Amrit!
He thinks I’m getting together with Amrit right now.
I’m so shocked that I let out a choked laugh. I want to go after Rudra and tell him that Amrit has literally been the last
thing on my mind since the night of the trek. I want to ask Rudra how he could even think that after I had my first kiss with
him.
“Fuck me,” I say, incredulous. “I’m such an idiot.”
To think, this whole time, I let that boy believe I was . . .
“I don’t think you realize it, but you’re pretty easy to fall for,” Amrit says, laughing. “Take it from me.”
I shake my head. “Why are you being so sweet to me? I haven’t treated you right.”
“Look.” Amrit leans toward me. I expect my pulse to flutter, or my heart to race, or that adorable smile of his to make my
stomach do cartwheels, but all I feel is warmth. Genuine warmth. “I know we’ve been kind of into each other since you arrived,
and that we texted, but I knew that this, us, was only for the summer. And I don’t think I’m wrong to assume you thought the same?”
“No, you’re right,” I admit. “But after we kept texting, I was worried I led you on.”
“Hey, you can’t blame me for wanting to keep up with some casual texts with a girl I like. But you’re going to be in the US,
and I have no idea how things are going to pan out for me over the course of the next year. Sometimes people are in your life
forever and sometimes just for a moment. And I enjoyed our moment. Can’t say it wasn’t fun.”
I stare at him in disbelief and amazement. “You’re really setting a new standard for summer crushes everywhere, Amrit.”
How did I find not one but two emotionally mature eighteen-year-old boys in a row? If anything, it seems I have impeccable
taste.
“Well, I will gladly take that compliment. Feel free to spread it around,” Amrit says cheekily. “Now, after being surrounded by aunties the past few days, I can’t be held accountable for the meddling I’m about to commit. But Rudra Desai’s going to Juilliard, you said?”
I bite my lip. “Yeah, he is.”
“Good.” Amrit nudges me teasingly. “See? It works. You’re going to be hours from each other. And, Krishna, if I’m being honest,
it looks like Rudra might be a lot more into you than you think. I don’t think this is new for him.”
My heart stutters. “What do you mean?”
“I think he’s been into you for a while. I’ve caught him looking at you over the summer. You didn’t notice. But I did. I just
never pointed it out.”
His words make me heady with déjà vu because that’s the same thing Rudra told me about Amrit in the bookstore. I’ve seen the way he looks at you.
Then I’m reminded of what Priti has been telling me this whole while.
Rudra is not that kind of guy.
He’s not the sort of person to hook up or mess around.
More memories trickle in, things Rudra said that I didn’t fully register because I was so caught up in the moment.
Krishna, you don’t know how long—
I do want to. I’ve wanted to for so long.
I can’t breathe.
Have I—have I been utterly blind to Rudra’s emotions all this while? How long has he had feelings for me?
“Are you okay?” Amrit asks, and his voice drags me out of my thoughts. “You look dazed.”
“I need to find Rudra,” I say, suddenly getting to my feet. My mind is running a mile a minute, but before I can get up, I glimpse Priti, walking next to a very pretty girl in a pink lehenga.
They’re smiling and holding hands. To anyone else, it might seem like they’re best friends, but I know better. It makes me
feel so giddy and special to know the truth.
But then Priti spies Amrit and me and her smile instantly tenses. She whispers to the girl, who heads off in the direction
of the bride, while Priti weaves through the crowd toward me.
“Was Priti with Nikita?” Amrit says, frowning. “She’s the bride’s sister.”
“Yeah,” I say, smiling. Even though I’m terrified of what Priti thinks is happening between Amrit and me, my heart feels so
full after seeing them like that. “They’re friends,” I say, because I can’t out Priti to him. “Priti did an internship in
Powai last year.”
Amrit’s furrow clears. “Oh. I didn’t know that.”
“You should probably save yourself,” I say, rolling my shoulders back. “I’m pretty sure Priti is coming to murder me because
she thinks I’ve betrayed Rudra with you.”
“That would be my cue to go, then.” He laughs, a little tight around the edges before softening once more. “And don’t apologize
again. Seriously, I’m not heartbroken. In fact, I see some bridesmaids there in need of drinks.”
“Can we stay friends?” I ask him hesitantly.
“We are friends, Krishna.”
That’s when I do it. Priti be damned.
I lean over and kiss him on the cheek.
When I pull back, Amrit’s red as a tomato and there’s a goofy look on his face.
“I did set out on the road trip to kiss you,” I say, grinning. A week ago, I would’ve probably combusted at the thought of kissing
Amrit on his cheek. But now, it feels like the most natural thing ever.
Maybe this is what our connection always meant. Maybe this is what we were always meant to be. Friends. For once, the word doesn’t bother me.
I truly have changed.
Amrit chuckles, stepping away from me. “See you soon, Krishna.”
I don’t say It’s a date back to him, the way I did when he left for Goa. Instead, I just raise my hand and wave.
And when he’s gone, I whisper, “See you soon, Amrit.”
Thankfully, Amrit has made his escape by the time Priti reaches me. As she draws closer, I ask, “So you two made up?” in a
bid to distract her.
It’s a testament to how blissfully happy Priti is that it kind of works, because she doesn’t roll her eyes or brush off what
I’m asking. In fact, she doesn’t seem to want to bite my head off at all.
“Yes, we did,” Priti says, smiling briefly before her face changes once more. “You’re with Amrit.” I can tell she’s trying
to swallow her disappointment.
If anything, I think Priti is . . . concerned? Not just for Rudra, but for me. Wow, she really is a different person when
she’s in love. Or perhaps this is the real her and I finally get to see it, see her.
“No,” I say, shaking my head. “I just spoke to Amrit and cleared things up with him. There was no chance of anything happening
between us in the first place. The kiss would’ve been a one-off thing, but—”
Priti’s face clears. “Rudra happened.”
I nod. “Rudra happened.” I finally ask what’s been gnawing at me ever since Amrit pointed it out. “Priti, Rudra has feelings
for me, doesn’t he? And he’s—he’s had these feelings for a while, hasn’t he?”
“Do you have feelings for him?” Priti hasn’t answered either of my questions. I don’t blame her. She won’t tell me about her best friend’s feelings unless she’s assured I’m not going to break his heart.
“I do,” I say, and saying it makes me feel so at peace, like I’ve finally admitted to myself what I’ve been avoiding. “I do
have feelings for Rudra.”
Priti scans my face for a few seconds. She sees the honesty in my eyes; I know she sees it. But I also know I can offer her
a lot more.
“I know that the reason you got pissed with me is because you didn’t want me to break his heart. I don’t know how I didn’t
see it before, but I do now. All the hints you’ve been dropping are finally falling into place in my head. And that’s why
I’m not angry anymore about the things you said to me yesterday. You didn’t mean them. You just wanted to put me off because
you thought I hadn’t made up my mind about him. But I have, Priti. I really, really like Rudra. I want more with him. I want
to be with him. And there’s a possibility. You know there is.”
Priti sighs. My heart sinks with disappointment. The ideal situation would’ve been to have Priti say it’s okay for me to be
with Rudra, because I want her to be okay with it. I don’t want anything to come in the way of what we’ve struggled so much to build. And I don’t want
to start anything with Rudra if I don’t fully have Priti’s support. Because no matter what, I’m the third person here. I can’t
be the wedge between them.
Priti pushes her hair behind her ear. “So you’re asking me for my blessing? Is that what this is?”
“You make it sound so dramatic.”
“If my blessing is what you want, Krish, you have it.”
I can’t believe my ears. “Wait, what?”
“I’m not saying it again,” Priti says, but she’s smiling.
My world is tipping. “Does that mean he—does that mean he’s—”
“I think it’ll be better if you hear it from him,” Priti says, cutting me off. She takes both my hands, and her eyes are twinkling. “Go. Be with him.”
I spin on my heel, grab my skirts, and run.