27. Sully
Sully
I press down on the top of the pen, and it responds with a satisfying click. Then I do it again. Lo is speaking, but I can’t focus. Even if what she’s saying might be important. Hell, I know it’s important. Lo doesn’t waste our time, and I’m a wanker for wasting hers.
But all I can think about is my wife.
I’m still peeved that her work meeting got in the way of our date.
It’s ironic, yes, considering I was always the one canceling dates for work. I understood before, but the full sensation of the sting Sloane felt so often really hit me with her canceling on me.
I made reservations for dinner at a small French bistro where the menus are printed in French and the servers speak it fluently.
My goal was to show her that I still remember the trip to Paris we always dreamed about.
I paid a ridiculous sum to reserve the entire restaurant for the night.
When she canceled, I wanted to track her down, toss her over my shoulder, and drag her to the slice of heaven I’d curated for us.
I didn’t of course. I reminded myself that her job is important.
Her needs and wants are important. I want her to feel fulfilled.
So I sent Cal and Lo to dinner in our place and spent the evening playing Minecraft with T.J.
and Murphy. I tried to be fun, but mostly, I was disappointed.
The pain only grew when Sloane came home, because although she curled into my chest and burrowed into me like she was trying to escape the outside world, she hardly said a word.
I blamed the silence on exhaustion, since she didn’t get home until almost eleven, but in the two days since, she’s been just as quiet, and my unease has grown.
The wanker that I am, I was certain we’d moved past that. When she opened up to me about her worries regarding the pregnancy, about our future, it seemed as though we were back on track. Yet I suddenly feel as though I’m walking on a tightrope. Like each step I make has the potential for disaster.
“Sully.” Lo smacks a stack of papers against my desk.
“Yes,” I agree automatically as I blink back into the moment. It’s a safe answer, because honestly, Lo is almost always right.
She scowls. “What is going on with you? Cal’s usually the one who gets lost in his own world.”
I shake my head. “Sorry.”
“If you tell me you were thinking about which color slushie you want for lunch, I will lose it.”
“No.” I chuckle. “I’m just worried about Sloane.”
Her eyes soften. “I know her last pregnancy was hard, but she seems to be doing well this time.”
For the past few months, I’ve consciously put concerns about Sloane’s pregnancy out of my mind.
Yes, she suffered from preeclampsia the first time around and ended up on bed rest. Yes, her blood pressure spiked so high it became dangerous to her own health.
But that doesn’t mean it will happen again, and there’s no sense in worrying about the unknown.
The fear that gripped me when there was a chance I could lose my wife, especially after her placenta ruptured and she was rushed in for an emergency C-section, kept me from being eager to have another baby.
However, I could never regret the surprise blessing we’ve been given.
This little peanut is special not only because they’re a physical representation of our love, but because this tiny being has given me hope that our family will be okay. Hope I’d almost given up on.
I nod, not wanting to talk about how terrifying the risks are any more than I want to share my worries about Sloane’s silence. “What were you saying?”
“Will you sign this complaint? That way we can get these two women divorced.” She flings the pages at me.
I frown at the names that come into focus. “Did you find someone for them to sleep with?”
Lo glares daggers at me.
Bloody hell. That was not the right thing to say.
“Of course you didn’t.” I rough a hand down my face. “What am I saying?”
She doesn’t take her green eyes off me until I’m squirming in my chair. Damn, this woman is something. I don’t understand how my brother doesn’t shrink into the floor in front of her when she looks at him like that. And she does. Often. He’s full of utter nonsense.
“ Lola .”
Her eyes soften slightly at the sound of Cal’s voice. Ah, yes. That’s why he’s still alive—she loves him.
“Lo-la,” he chants again, appearing at the door to my office. “You’ll never guess who came for a holiday.”
“Who?” Lo’s red hair falls over her shoulder as she tips her head.
“Mum!” Cal is wearing a smile, but his eyes are screaming help me! Help me! as he drags the tall, thin, dark-haired woman who raised us into view.
I know the feeling. There’s nothing more terrifying than a visit from dear old Mum.
Her blue eyes light up upon seeing me, but before we can greet each other, Lo turns and steps between us.
“Ms. Murphy. What a surprise.” Lo’s tone is formal, like she’s talking to a client and not her boyfriend’s mother.
It makes sense. Lo and our father were close. She was practically a daughter to him, and Mum and Dad’s relationship was bloody awful from about the time Cal was born until the day Dad died.
“My dear.” My mother gives her a tight smile.
My brother’s eyes flash with a foreign kind of anger.
Cal is the definition of happy-go-lucky.
If he’s peeved off, then our mother better be very careful.
He might be the friendliest of blokes most of the time, but if she says one unflattering thing about Lo, I have no doubt she’ll be booted from the office in the blink of an eye.
Mum assesses Lo, her expression pinched. “You look lovely.” Without waiting for a response, she rounds the desk, headed for me.
But I’m frozen in horror. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Nothing annoys Sloane more than my mother’s tendency to show up unannounced.
The surprise aspect of her visits is especially maddening, considering that she lives across the pond. One would think she might drop us a line before she hops an international flight, but they’d be wrong.
Sloane and I have made incredible strides over the last few months, but suddenly, the ground beneath us feels shaky again, and this little surprise might be enough to lead us to an epic disaster.
“Mother.” I force myself to my feet and greet her with a kiss on the cheek. “To what do we owe the pleasure?”
She smacks my chest. “Don’t be so stiff, Sully. I came to see my family.”
That’s hard to believe. Though we lived with her in England when we were children, she had very little time for us. Nor did she have much interest unless it was to tell us how awful our father was. She always had time for that.
Her eyes drift over my shoulder. “Plus, I must meet the woman who finally captured my little boy’s heart.”
“I’m thirty-two,” Cal grumbles from the doorway.
Lo giggles. “But only five at heart.”
My brother shakes his head, but his expression lights up.
“We really must go out for tea, Lola.” Mum turns back to me. “Sloane too. She’s so good at making reservations. She can take care of that, right? ”
“No.” The single word is sharp and forceful. For years, I was too busy to deal with my mother’s demands, so I pawned off the tedious parts on Sloane. And yes, the choice to do it was made easier by the dislike I hold for the woman who likes to pretend she raised me.
But those days are over. I kick myself each time I think of the bullshit I piled on Sloane’s plate. Fuck, I was a selfish bugger. “She’s busy now that she’s back at work.”
“What about this weekend? Surely she has some free time.” Lips pursed, Mum crosses her arms over her mint-green sweater.
Yeah, she’s pissed off. But she can bloody well be upset. Better her than my wife.
“We have plans.”
Sloane might not know yet, but her karaoke weekend is approaching.
“Plans, huh?” Lo cocks a brow. The damn woman has been decoding my every statement, trying to suss out the state of my relationship with her best friend. “What kind of plans?”
The kind that are none of your business .
That’s what I want to say. In reality, I need her on board. Cal too. Though I hate to admit it, my brother is the life of every party, and Sloane could use more fun. I want her smiling all night.
“I told Cal.” I look toward my brother, whom I mentioned the plan to, knowing I could count on him to help me make it happen. “Remember? We’re going to karaoke this weekend.”
Cal snorts. “Yeah, I’ve never seen Brian so excited to babysit.”
My poor best friend spent way too much time at that bar with us after Sloane discovered they had twice-a-week karaoke nights.
My mother frowns. “What an awful idea.”
“That’s okay. You don’t have to join us,” I say. Bloody hell, she better not join us. If she did, it’d surely ruin Sloane’s weekend. “We’ll do karaoke without you. If you’d like to spend some time with your grandkids though, I’d be happy to arrange something on Sunday.”
My mother scoffs. Of course she has no interest in seeing the boys. She has no time for anyone who can’t spoil her. Bollocks. Even though I already knew that, somehow it hits me all over again. Just like when I was a boy and she had no time for me.
“Sully, I raised you better than this.”
“That’s just the thing,” I say, finally seeing the truth of it all.
“You didn’t. I get it, Mum. Parenting is hard.
Maybe I didn’t fully understand how hard until I was faced with doing it on my own.
But that’s still no excuse. I never should have expected my wife to do it all.
I refuse to be like you. I refuse to make my kids an afterthought or a chore to attend to.
My wife taught me that. So yes, this weekend, I am taking her to karaoke.
Then I’m going to spend time with my son and my nephew.
If you’d like to spend some time with your grandkids—or you know meet Murphy—you can schedule a time that works for all of us, but Sloane won’t be making the tea times or hotel reservations. ”
My mother’s shocked expression makes it abundantly clear that I’ve not gotten through to her.
Hell, she probably didn’t hear a word after no.
But I’ve spent the majority of my life trying to appease the wrong people: my father, my mother, clients.
I won’t do it anymore. My wife and my children come first.
I’ll be better. For all of them.
“Should I call you a car?” Cal offers.
My chest inflates with pride, because bloody hell, I’m glad he’s got my back.
My mother gapes at him and then huffs. “I instructed my driver to stay. I didn’t believe you were really living here. But I see you’re both just as delusional as your father was. When you wish to apologize to me, you can find me at the Ritz.”
I snort. Fat chance that will be happening.
Lo pulls her lips together to stifle a giggle and averts her gaze as my mother storms out.
We’re all still stunned silent when Brian peers into my office, wide-eyed. “Bloody hell, did that really just happen?”
His teasing makes my body relax completely.
“You’re a real wanker,” I say with a chuckle. Then I turn my attention to Cal. “Thank you for that. ”
My little brother shakes his head. “Without you, I’d have been completely alone growing up. You should know by now that I’ll always have your back.”
Emotion clogs my throat and I avert my gaze.
It’s hard to think about our childhood. It’s hard to picture the little boys we used to be.
Because that’s truly what we were when Mum regularly ignored us.
When she told us time and again that it was our fault that our father cheated.
That motherhood had robbed her of the lifestyle she wanted.
Is that how Sloane felt all these years? It hurts to think I ever treated her the way my father treated my mother.
Regardless, Sloane never failed to show up for our son. Never failed to bring light to his childhood.
“We’re going to make this weekend the best ever,” I tell Lo. “God, I’ve been a bloody wanker to my wife, haven’t I?”
Lo shrugs. “You’re trying now.”
I nod. I am. “She’ll like the karaoke, right?”
“What?”
My eyes snap up to the door. I didn’t hear Sloane come in, and I wanted it to be a surprise. Immediately it occurs to me that she might just have run into my mother, and if she did, I can only imagine how badly it went.
Shit.