Chapter 27
27
JO
We get ready for bed in the guest bedroom. I flop down on the bed, and relief washes over me. It feels so fucking good to be in a bed after all those days on the road. Jayden follows after Cole and shuts the door with a click. They both look tired, with dark circles under their eyes. They haven’t spoken a word to each other since the shower.
I’m tired, too. Tired and cold with my wet hair. Jayden put me in one of his shirts, and I feel like I’m swimming in it. It smells like him, and secretly, I love it. He also re-dressed my arm.
I haven’t let go of the knife since Cole gave it to me, and Jayden rolls his eyes at me. When neither of the boys are looking, I slide the knife under my pillow.
The boys climb into bed on either side of me. At first, I think they’re going to try something, but Cole just pulls me into him and pretty quickly, their breaths become even. It feels so good to not be wearing the collar. Soon, I also drift off to sleep.
“Here, Mom.” I slide the tray of food onto Mom’s nightstand. Only it’s not a tray. It’s the lid off one of the storage bins I found in the basement because we don’t have a fancy tray.
Mom groans, still half asleep.
I can’t keep the excitement out of my fingers and toes, and I bounce up and down. Tonight is the night! Mom is taking me to a cooking class, and I’ve been excited all week. Normally, I try not to be dramatic about anything, but this week, I’m excited. I’ve been begging for months to go to this class, and now I feel like my chest is floating.
To show my appreciation, I researched how to make the perfect poached egg and made it for mom. I put it over a piece of toast that I browned to perfection. I also carefully sliced an avocado that had just hit the perfect ripeness.
“Mom,” I prompt again when she doesn’t get up.
She groans, blinking her eyes open. “What?”
“I made you breakfast.” I look at the lid again and grin. I even put a few flowers I had found outside in a water glass for her.
“Oh?” Mom sits up. “For me?”
“Yes.” I beam.
Mom throws me a little smile, and I feel I've made her proud for the first time in a long time. It fills my chest with a strange, fluttering feeling.
Mom reaches over and grabs the silverware. I watch anxiously as she dips her fork down into the egg. I know it’s perfect ‘cause I’ve practiced all week, but I won’t know for sure until she pierces the yolk.
When she does, it runs down over her toast in a steaming puddle. Not too runny, not too cooked.
I grin.
Mom takes a bite. “It’s good, honey!”
“Thanks!” I blush. “I put the water on to boil for just under four minutes. When you cook them by themselves, it goes faster.” Excitement fills me. Mom is proud of me. I can’t keep the words in, “Did you know that a lot of real-life chefs can’t properly poach an egg? It’s actually really hard to do. I tried a bunch of different ways—sorry about all the eggs I went through, but…” I trail off when Mom picks up her phone and starts scrolling.
“So…yeah.”
Mom doesn’t notice; she just types on her phone.
Pain races through me. The plate sits there, with one bite taken. I bite my lip.
“What was that, honey?” Mom looks at me briefly, then back at her phone.
“Nothing.” I hold back the bite of tears.
She cares. She cares. She’s just tired.
Mom doesn’t notice me leaving the room. Pain fills my entire chest.
She cares. She loves me. She cares.
I wake up in a cold sweat, gasping. There’s a heavy weight around my waist. I try to get up, but the weight doesn’t budge. The arm drags me back into Cole’s body, and his voice whispers soothingly, “Hey, Jo, hey.”
I suck in deep breaths. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don’t dream frequently, but the dreams about my mom seem to be coming more frequently.
“Bad dream?” Cole whispers, stroking his hand through my hair.
“Yeah,” I swallow.
“What was it about?”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Uh…”
Cole continues to play with my hair, moving his hand up to massage my scalp. He waits for my answer. “Jo?”
“It’s not a big deal.” I try to sit up, but Cole tightens his arm around me, pinning me to his solid chest.
His voice is low and warm, “Tell me. No one gets to make you scared, even in your dreams. So, who do I need to kill?”
I gasp. “You can’t kill my mom.”
Cole stiffens slightly, then relaxes his hold and plays with my hair. He doesn’t push me anymore, just runs his fingers along my hairline, making me shiver. I blink and wish I had my phone. When I have nightmares, I need to fully wake up, or when I go back to sleep, I’ll get dragged back in.
Desperate to take my mind off things, I ask, “What did you do while I was…” I hesitate. Will he be mad at me for mentioning when I was gone?
Cole’s body is big and warm and comforting against mine. “When you were gone?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh, you know. Punched some holes in the walls, threw some things around, and stalked your social media.” Cole laughs, but then his voice softens. “Thought about you every second of every day.”
The room goes silent, and I swallow, conflicted emotions wrestling in my chest. What he’s saying is so fucked up…but it also warms my chest.
“What did you do?” Cole asks, pulling me out of my discomfort.
“What, you didn’t find out?” I snort as if he hasn’t bragged about sticking his nose up in every aspect of my business.
“Well, yeah.” Cole chuckles and gives me a squeeze. “But I want to hear it from you. There’s only so much that stalking will give you.”
That stupid warmth rolls across me again. It’s fucked up that I enjoy it when people care, even if their “caring” is a giant red flag.
I sigh. “I took care of this older lady, a friend of Carissa. I cleaned and cooked for her and did everything she couldn’t do herself.”
“Cooked?” Before I realize what he’s doing, Cole rolls me around to face him, my head resting on one of his arms.
“Shhh,” I hush, hearing Jayden shifting, but I still stifle a giggle.
In the dark, Cole grins at me. “Tell me what you cooked.”
“I don’t know,” I shift. “All kinds of things. Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Jo, I’m so fucking hungry right now; if you don’t tell me every single meal you cooked, I’m going to smack that ass red, then eat you until I’m full.”
“Is that a promise?”
Heat flares in Cole’s eyes.
I roll mine and sit up slightly. “Jayden brought snacks in–”
Cole yanks me back down, looking into my eyes. “I’m hungry for your food. I’ve missed it.”
I stare at Cole. “All you’ve tried of mine is some shit I could throw together with Jayden’s shit shopping.”
Cole licks his lips. “Was delicious. I need you to make it again.”
“I can do better.”
Cole groans. “Don’t tease me. As soon as we get settled, and I mean the minute , you’re making me something.”
I roll my eyes but feel a grin creeping at my mouth. “What’s your favorite food?”
Cole grins, “You.”
I smack him lightly. “You know what I mean!”
Cole laughs quietly. “Fine. Other than you…” He rolls his eyes back, then I can practically hear the hunger in his voice. “Stouffer's lasagna.”
I laugh. “No way.”
“Yes way!”
“That’s so basic.”
Cole shrugs. “Okay, Miss Chef . Sorry I didn’t live up to your standards. What were you expecting me to say? Fucking…” he searches for a little.
I can’t help but laugh again. “You don’t know anything fancy, do you?”
Cole flops on his back dramatically. “I grew up on microwaved food and meals out of a can. Sue me.”
My mood sobers instantly. I know his upbringing wasn’t good. It was insensitive of me to joke like that.
“Oh, hey.” Cole glances over at me. “That was a joke. Tell me about your favorite meal.”
I pick at the sheet under us. “I don’t know.”
“C’mon, fucking tell me.” Cole puts one of his hands over mine. It’s silent for a bit until I glance up into his eyes. I see nothing but interest.
“Well…” I bite my lip and think. Which one is my favorite? It’s so hard to pick. I love so many for so many different reasons. But I keep coming back to the simple ones. “Mac ‘n cheese?”
Cole shoves my shoulder in fake outrage. “And you call me basic?”
I snort. “Not the normal kind! But that one is pretty banging, too. I make mine special.”
“Tell me,” Cole says. He looks so enraptured that I laugh softly. “Well, I shred my own cheese and use corkscrew noodles. Easier to get them filled with sauce.”
Cole licks his lips. “Sold. What are corkscrew noodles?”
I laugh. “They’re like the normal ones, but bigger.”
“Is it like the baked kind?”
“Yeah! But it’s not dry.” I feel hunger and nostalgia dance through me just talking about it. “There’s evaporated milk and cream, and I mix my own seasoning. It’s crispy and creamy and stringy. It’s so good.” My mouth waters just thinking about it. Fuck, I want to make that again.
Cole is silent, and I look at him. He’s looking at me, his eyes soft. Then, he says something that makes me freeze. “I see why everyone fell in love with you.”
I blink, my mouth suddenly dry. The silence stretches on. “What?” The word comes out squeaky.
Cole suddenly reaches to my face, and I flinch back.
“Just fixing your hair, lemon drop,” he says softly, brushing my hair aside. “I can see why everyone fell in love with you online. You’re beautiful when you talk about the things that you love.”
I swallow hard. Despite myself, warmth runs through my chest. Discomfort also battles for control. No one has ever implied something like this before, and I don’t know what to do. Mom and Dad always said they loved me, but it never meant anything. My exes always said it so absently.
I swallow again, asking softly, “Why’d you come after me?”
Cole’s throat bobs slowly. “Because I wanted you, Mary Jo Hall. Always have.”
A rush of fear and warmth overcomes me, battling even harder for control. I don’t say anything. I can’t.
A bit of pain graces Cole’s face, and he asks, “Why’d you hide?”
I stare at the dark ceiling, listening to Jayden’s breathing. “Because I was scared.”
“Of what?”
My stomach clenches, and the silence drags on. Then softly, so softly, I whisper, “This.”
Cole is silent. When I finally get the courage to look at him, he’s watching me intently. I see the hurt in his eyes again, and I feel another sharp bite of pain again.
“It’s not you,” I say quickly. “Well, I don’t know. I guess…” I glance down. “I don’t know how to say it.”
“Try,” he whispers.
I pull in a breath. I can’t say it. That I’m afraid this isn’t real. That I’m just a game he’ll get bored of as soon as he wins.
“I’m afraid.” It’s all I can get out.
Cole softly grabs my hand. “I will never hurt you, Jo. Not where it counts.” He reaches out and taps my chest. “Not here.”
I stare at the sheets.
“Look at me,” Cole demands, his tone harsh. I glance up. Cole’s eyes soften. “I promise I’ll never get tired of you. And if I do, you can stab me with that knife under your pillow. I’m not a liar, Jo. You’re the first woman I’ve ever been interested in.”
“Why?” My voice comes out soft.
Cole’s gaze grows distant for a second, then comes back to me. “Because I see you, Jo. When I look into your eyes, I see you. I see a girl with fire and spunk. One who’s had to fight for every scrap of love she’s ever been given. One who’s still funny and sassy despite all that. And when I look at you, I see a little bit of me.” Cole clears his throat.
We fall into silence as I debate what to say next, if anything at all. We’ve gotten too vulnerable way too fast, and it scares me.
Almost as if he can read my mind, Cole squeezes my hand and then lets go. “Hey, enough of the pillow talk. Unless you want to get up and make me that heavenly mac ‘n cheese, let’s get back to sleep, hmmm?” Cole puts his arm around me and draws me in.
I settle into him, stiff at first but relaxing slowly. We both lay there for a while, and I think Cole has gone to sleep. I’m drifting in and out of sleep when I faintly hear, “I’ll chase you to the ends of the earth, Jo. Please stop hiding from me.” Then, even softer, “I need you.”