Chapter Fourteen
Maria
“Okay, I thought about it, and I need those shoes,” Bianca said, closing the cover of the magazine and leaving it in her lap. “Do you think I have time before my appointment to go get them?”
Leave it to Bianca to come to the nail salon, and while we were waiting for our turn, her mind went back to a pair of shoes she’d seen in the store window next door. Oh, yeah, remember when she’d said she hated her nail color and wanted to get them redone when we were back home? Granted, she’d been drunk, but even sober she decided she wanted to redo her nails, so here we were at the salon on our first day back from the Hamptons.
Bianca turned to Isabella in the seat between us and fixed the light wisps of hair falling out of her braid. “What do you say, Isabella? Want to come with me?” Bianca asked.
“Okay!” Isabella squealed. “Can I get something, too?”
Bianca gasped. “Hello, of course you can. What’s the point of going into a store if you’re not going to get anything?”
I shook my head, chuckling. “Isabella is beginning to acquire your affinity for shoes.” I peered over at Isabella flipping through the magazine she’d picked up from the table while we were waiting, wanting to be just like her aunt. “You love your shoes, don’t you, sweetheart?”
Isabella smiled from ear to ear, her rosy cheeks on full display. “One day I want a whole shoe closet.”
“A whole shoe closet?” I echoed, gasping and then giggling.
Perla walked up to us and stood, a hand on her hip. “Why are we talking about a shoe closet? Are you getting one, Maria?”
“No, but Isabella wants one,” I answered.
Perla winked. “I want one, too, Peanut.” Then she plucked my magazine from my lap and studied the page I was on. “Why are you staring at the table of contents?”
I rolled my eyes and snagged it back from her. “Now that we’re back from the Hamptons, I need to buckle down and focus on work again.”
Perla threw her head back and sighed. “Best long weekend ever!”
Rolling my eyes, I looked back at the magazine in my lap. “Yeah, well, I’m just trying to see what other publications are doing. I think some of our layouts need a refresh.”
“Like the table of contents page?” Bianca asked, snickering. “What is the matter with you, Maria? Leave it to you to work when we’re having girls’ time.”
I gave her a pointed look. “Leave it to you to squeeze in shopping before your nail appointment.” Two can play at that game.
“Whatever,” she replied. “Mine and Isabella’s appointments are after yours and Perla’s anyway, so I don’t see the big deal. In fact”—she checked her phone—“we can make it back here in time if we leave now.” She stood up and held her hand out. “Come on, Peanut. Let’s give my credit card a workout.”
“Bye, Mommy,” she called over her shoulder, and I returned it before she was out of sight.
Perla gushed. “She is so precious.”
I nodded and went back to perusing the magazine as she took a seat beside me on the sofa. “What do you think about putting the header in the bottom right-hand side of the page? We need a bold, innovative layout idea. Something that says we’re evolving and for the better.”
She swayed her head back and forth. “It’s not bad.”
When silence fell upon us again, Perla sighed, turning toward me completely and setting her hands in her lap. “Okay, I tried to ignore it, but I have to ask. Why isn’t Jade here?” Because she wasn’t. Was that a good enough answer? “I know Allie couldn’t make it, but you didn’t even invite Jade.”
I shrugged. “I invited her to Isabella’s dance recital.”
“And that was great, but come on, we basically forced your hand. Shouldn’t she be invited to the little things we do, too? Like getting our nails done? She is our sister, half or otherwise.”
Where was the nail tech when I needed her? “I had breakfast with her recently, so can we just drop this?” No one understood my position thus far, so it seemed unlikely Perla was going to understand me now.
“Usually I would say yes, but something’s got to give. Bianca and I eventually came around to accepting her. We all know Allie did. So why can’t you?”
Dropping the magazine I was holding on the table with a thud, I exhaled deeply and tossed my hands in the air, coming to stand as I blurted out, “Because every time I look at her I see Mom, okay?” Then I looked around and tried to rein it in since we were in a public setting. Yet another reason why I didn’t want to push this.
Perla shook her head, rolling her lips. “That’s the same with us, though. We all have a piece of her.”
“It’s not the same.” Ugh, I wanted to pull my hair out. “With Jade, it’s different.” I turned to face any direction but Perla.
“Why?”
Spinning back on my heel, it was becoming increasingly obvious this wasn’t going to end. “Because Mom shouldn’t have hidden her from us.” I collapsed again, sitting next to her, my face falling in my hands. “It would’ve been easier if we at least knew about her. Or she was in our life in some capacity.”
Perla peeled my hands from my face and looked at me closely. “Maria, see it from Mom’s perspective.”
Shaking my head, I looked away. “I’ve tried, and I just don’t understand how she could have done it. She’s our mom. I trusted her. In a way, she broke that trust.”
“She’s gone. You have to let this go.” Perla tried to take my hands in hers, but I didn’t let her. “Some things will always be unanswered.”
“Don’t you think I get that? But I can’t help how I feel. Frankly, Jade is lovely. We really made progress when we met for breakfast, and I don’t hate her, but it doesn’t change the way I feel. Sure, I could forget about it for a few minutes while we talk, joke, and laugh, but then it comes crashing back down on me, and I’m mad. Not just mad. I’m pissed because every time I think about Jade or see her, I feel mad at Mom, which I hate, so then I get angry at myself. It’s a vicious cycle, and I can’t stand it. So sometimes—most times—it’s easier for me to pretend Jade doesn’t exist. I can get along with her if I have to, isn’t that enough?”
“Sure, but honestly, Maria, you’re being a little much.” After pouring my heart out to my sister I never expected her to say that to me, and it stung like the world’s worst bitch slap.
“You’re judging me for the way I feel?” I stood again, suddenly feeling very confined in the salon.
“Come on. You have to see it, too.”
I needed to get out of here. I looked at my watch and realized our tech was seriously (almost unforgivably) late for our appointments. “Honestly, Perla, I love you, and I wanted to hang out, but I’d rather be anywhere else at this moment.” I picked up my purse and retrieved my phone.
“Maria.”
“Please tell my nail tech, if she ever comes out to get me, I got sick and had to leave. It’s certainly true.”
“What about Isabella? She wants to get her nails done. Bibi or I can drop her off when we’re done.”
“She’s having dinner with Dad tonight. He asked to take her out.”
“I’ll bring her there then.”
“Great.” I turned to leave, my hand just a fraction from the door so I could push it open and get the hell out of here.
Before I could, though, Perla said, “I love you, Maria.”
I couldn’t turn back around, my hands practically shaking with how upset and thrown off I was. I mean, she pushed me. I only shared my feelings and for her to make it out like I was being ridiculous was just unfair. Sorry, but you couldn’t judge someone and their feelings like that—I was entitled to the way I felt. I didn’t want to turn back around, so I merely responded, “I love you, too, Perla. I just need some time to myself.”
The reality was I did love her. I loved my entire family. But sometimes they annoyed me. Especially my sisters. It was rare, but it happened. It was life. And, at the end of the day, it would all blow over. It always had.
* * *
Where was my best friend when I needed him? I needed the distraction he gave me. Not the sex but him. So, sitting in my car, I pulled my phone out and texted him.
Maria: I’m mad at Perla.
Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait two seconds before he responded.
Dominic: Why?
Maria: I’m mad at Mom.
Dominic: That’s quite the list. Is there anyone else you’re mad at?
He’d understand, I knew he would, so I didn’t hold back.
Maria: I’m serious. I’m mad at Perla because we had it out because I’m mad at Mom.
Maria: Oh my goodness, I’m a horrible person. I’m mad at a dead woman.
Dominic: I’ve never heard you say that before. And it doesn’t make you horrible.
That was because I’d never said it before. Didn’t anyone understand the appeal to keeping things in? It avoided things like this. Regardless, I was going to say it all now. I was a can of worms, and you couldn’t put the lid back on me.
Maria: She kept Jade from us. Not that I care about not knowing Jade until recently. That’s whatever. It’s the secret, the lies that really bother me.
Dominic: I see.
Maria: That’s it?
He couldn’t give me anything else to work with?
Dominic: You’re entitled to your feelings.
Thank you.
Maria: Tell that to Perla.
Dominic: I’m out with my brothers right now, but when I’m done here, I’m coming to pick you up at your house, and we’re going somewhere.
Maria: I’m really not in the mood, Dom.
Dominic: Maria, you’re coming with me, so be ready. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.