47. Eden
EDEN
Itry to ignore my anxiety while Connor runs around having these conversations. I’ve got no choice—because on my agenda this morning is one of my last classes of the term, an interview with Soccer News that Grace arranged, and a trillion emails.
Unfortunately, today’s Advanced Sociology class is particularly dull. I mainline iced coffee to keep my mind engaged for most of the ninety minutes.
Not gonna lie, I multitask during the parts of the lecture I already understand. I manage to clear out several emails, and even write Aiden to set a meeting up for later this week.
The professor’s dismissal at the end of class is music to my ears. It’s now noon, and Soccer News is calling me at twelve thirty. If nothing else, I need to reload on coffee.
I rush back to my room, double-checking—no new messages from Connor. Or Dad for that matter. Ugh, I hope it goes okay when they meet.
After getting through more emails and chugging a bottle of water, the call from the e-zine comes through.
“Hi Eden, is this still a good time to talk?” The interviewer, Charles Zie, is a well-known soccer journalist and has interviewed me twice before.
“Absolutely, I’m ready.” Distracted, but ready.
“Well, first, congrats on your NCAA title yesterday. How does it feel to come out on top?”
Softball question, easy answer. “I’m so grateful we were able to pull it off! Especially in my last year. We had a long road here, but the reward’s worth it.”
“Speaking of the long road, you’re a rare breed these days. One of the only top women’s players who stayed in college all four years. Now that you’re saying goodbye to the college game, what does it feel like?”
Shoot, I hadn’t even had time to process that after the match. A smile forms on my face. I’ve pushed through so many difficult challenges, and no one can ever take it away from me. No one can ever take away the NCAA title either.
“It’s so freeing. I have no regrets about finishing school. But I’m very ready for the next chapter, and to take advantage of every opportunity to play.”
I can now think ahead, clear-headed. After graduation in May, the obstacles of being unable to compete in the pros like my peers, and the tension of being pulled in two opposite directions, will be completely gone.
He marches through the rest of his questions, all straightforward. There’s a couple about the actual game, one about my dad’s history with soccer, and then finally: “So what’s next?”
“We find out which team I play for next year! We’ll start those conversations soon.”
It’s going to be an epic new era, I hope.
He lets me go after that, thanking me for the interview.
Phew, one more thing done. Grace’s taking care to protect my time during finals, too—so my media duties will dwindle after today.
The front door swings open, and Bree walks in. “Hi, hi, hi, how is it going?”
“Can I not answer that question right now?”
She observes me for a beat before answering. “Course.”
I go back to scrolling my emails and see Aiden has replied with a time for our call. “This is good though. I’ve almost officially signed with an agent.”
“Who? Dad is getting me connected with this guy named Aiden.”
“Wait, really?” I guess it makes sense that Nick would be plugged in with top agents. “That’s who I’m meeting with.”
“Oh sweet—”
My phone buzzes again. But this time I pay attention, because it’s Connor.
“Hi, how did—”
“Can I come inside?”
Huh, he’s here? “Sure.”
This time I don’t wait for Becky, our pseudo-doorman. I walk down to the first floor and open the door as he climbs the stairs of our building.
“Hey, you drove all this way?”
His face gives nothing away as he walks into the hall. “I needed time to think.”
Okay. Anxiety immediately rears up again. “So it didn’t go great?”
His face twists into a pained expression, his hand running through his blond hair. “Can we…is it okay to talk in your room?”
I don’t want to have a serious conversation in the hallway either. “Yeah, let’s go.”
Once we’re in my suite, he strides right to my bedroom. Bree isn’t around, presumably in her own room.
Connor beats me into my space, but I follow right behind him.
“Can you sit down, Eden?”
I immediately do as he asks. “You’re kind of scaring me. Did something else happen when you talked to Dad? Or Grace?”
He doesn’t respond immediately. Instead, he stares at the floor, looking like he’s doing a calculus problem in his head.
“I don’t want to do this.”
“What?”
“I—you shouldn’t have to…” He cuts off his sentence. What has him struggling so much? It can’t be good.
“Was Dad okay? Your position at the Waves still safe?”
He breathes in and out, and finally makes eye contact again. “Yes, it’s fine.”
“Things with Grace, was that hard? Or did she listen?”
“She understood. She…we’re alright.”
Could he be more vague? “Then what’s—”
He stands straight. “I don’t want to break up.” His voice is more confident than since he arrived.
I’m so confused. “Okay, I don’t want that either.”
He shuts his eyes. “Let me start at the beginning. I—your dad said some tough things to me. About how our relationship affected you.”
“Like what? I mean, obviously the secret keeping wasn’t great, but you’re the one who’s had to deal with the consequences.”
He makes a fist by his side, then releases it. “Like, putting you in a position to lie to your parents. Distracting you from everything you need to do. I…”
“You didn’t do any of those things alone. I chose to be in this relationship. I agreed to the secrecy.”
“I know.”
Not to mention it diminishes all the best parts of us. “You’ve given me so much, Connor. I feel more…myself than ever before. I—with us together, it’s like...I’m becoming the person I’m meant to be.”
He blinks before responding. “I…that’s amazing to hear you say. I feel the same.”
I try to calm down, softening my voice. “Good.”
“I just…your dad had me seeing things from a different perspective on the way here. Made certain points that I hadn’t considered until now.”
“Alright?” I connect the role Dad played today better, this second time Connor mentions the impact of his words. Now I’m upset that Dad interfered after our conversation, but I park that issue while I focus on Connor.
“I convinced myself we should end things so that you’re not weighed down by us. By me.”
My heart lurches. “But you changed your mind?”
He studies my face. “Yeah. I—it’s not the right thing either.”
Thank God. “It isn’t. For either of us.”
He sits next to me on the bed. “In the past, all the conflict, the mess…I absolutely would have probably kept trying to lie my way out of it.” He takes a deep breath. “I don’t want to be that person. Not with you.”
He inches his hand over, linking our pinkies. Like at the museum, only with so much more significance.
“You’re so important to me, Eden, and I never want to be someone who holds you back. But I can’t…imagine giving up what we have. I can be myself with you in a way I never thought possible, and it sounds like the reverse is true? It feels like…we make each other better.”
“We do. Happier. Freer,” I add.
“Yes.”
Pinkies still linked, affection streaming from his eyes, he leans down to kiss my forehead.
“So, instead, I do think we should take a pause.”
Panic shoots up my chest. “A pause?”
“Like you did with your medical school apps.”
Huh? “That pause could be years. What do you mean?”
He shakes his head vigorously. “Not years. I mean until you get back from California. After Christmas.”
I’m still confused. “What do you mean by a pause?”
“You have all your exams next week, and a couple of final papers due? Plus Aiden’s going to begin negotiating with teams, so you may have requests from them? Then you leave for California for ten days?”
I nod. Okay, yeah, it’s going to be a busy three weeks.
“I mean letting you focus on all of that. Still talk, still boyfriend and girlfriend, but…I’ll stay away.”
I don’t respond, only because I’m still digesting the idea.
“It’ll give time for everyone to cool down, too,” he adds. Everyone, like my dad. “It’s just…a bad time for a lot of heightened emotions. For you to have to deal with, I mean.”
His points are logical. A “pause” seems unorthodox, but well, when have Connor and I done the straightforward thing?
With everything on my plate, what he’s describing would have its benefits.
I doubt I could schedule much quality time with him during finals week, and my California flight is five hours after my last test.
Plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder?
“It’d be like a replay of your time in LA,” I observe.
“Except now, we’ll still be together in every way but one.” Physically.
I hum in agreement, and he plants a kiss on me so intensely in return, I fall backward on the bed.
I shuffle again through the reasoning behind his suggestion.
If our secret hadn’t become an explosive issue, I probably would have dismissed it.
But with the demands of the upcoming weeks, and the drama circulating the relationship?
It might be good to narrow my focus, for this short period of time.
“I guess we can do a pause. I want to talk every day, though.”
“Of course.” His tone leaves no doubt.
“Then we go back to normal, once I’m back from California?”
“Our new normal—which means no more hiding.”
Something to look forward to. Something I’m so excited about.
The hopeful expression on his face tells me he’s feeling the same way.
“Okay.”
“Don’t worry, Rosy, we’ll talk so much you won’t even notice.”
“I’ll notice something missing.”
He grunts, a hint of amusement.
“Before we press pause, though…” Reaching for the top button on his jeans, I peer up at him.
“One more time before you go? And make it count for the next three weeks?”
His broad smile gives me my answer.