Chapter 18 #2
“I’m back,” she confirmed, smiling, and when Lenore tilted her head, he leaned down and pressed his lips to her cheek.
She batted her lashes at him, her hand remaining on his arm.
Gideon straightened, shoulders tense. Because of her?
Because she’d come back to town after who knew how long?
Or because I was beside him, watching their exchange?
I hated being jealous. Hated it. But Henry had scraped away at my self-esteem so much that all I’d had left to cling to was poisonous jealousy.
He’d paraded women in front of me just like this, and I hadn’t had the strength to leave him.
Pathetic, grasping woman that I was, I endured the humiliation just because I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone.
And now I was doing it again.
Why hadn’t I left the day after the wedding?
I’d let one measly matcha latte change my mind?
What was wrong with me? Why hadn’t I left in the weeks since?
Surely a quaint small town and friendly brothers-in-law weren’t worth this.
Caroline was nice, but I could surely find one other human on this planet to be my friend.
“Lenore, this is Sadie,” Gideon said, finally remembering that I existed. He angled his body to include me in the interaction, and the other woman blinked as if she hadn’t even noticed my presence. He hadn’t said, “this is my wife, Sadie,” I noticed. Just my name.
“Oh,” Lenore said, tittering. “The new wife.” Her smile was perfectly pleasant, but her eyes shot daggers. “How is married life? It’s so nice to meet the woman who replaced me.” She laughed, flicking her hair.
Ah. So I was right. Not only had they slept together in the past, but they’d dated.
My chest was so tight I couldn’t speak, so I just smiled. I was sure I looked like a fool.
Gideon cleared his throat. “Lenore moved away a few years ago,” he said.
“I did,” she agreed. “But it’s so nice to be back in town.” She beamed at him, and Gideon frowned. His gaze had shifted across the room, to where his brother Knox loomed. Knox nodded, and Gideon looked at me. “I’ll be right back.”
“Uh-huh,” I answered, nodding like a brainless bobblehead. I watched him cut across the room, took a deep breath, and turned to see Lenore studying me.
Her smile had disappeared, and her eyes had narrowed. Even like this, she was beautiful. Gideon had downgraded when he married me. And he didn’t even know the worst of it, all the ways I was dysfunctional.
I inhaled sharply and straightened my spine. I would not let those poisonous thoughts take control of me.
“When I heard about Etta’s marriages, I wondered who would be matched with Gid,” Lenore said, tilting her head, the movement birdlike, her eyes beady and flat. “How fascinating.”
“You dated, I gather?”
“We were engaged.” She smiled, and her eyes remained dead and cold. “He broke it off after the fire. He told you about the fire?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“Oh! That’s…interesting. Well, I’m sure he’ll open up to you at some point.
” Condescension dripped from her tone with such thickness that it felt like she physically patted my head.
She went on. “When he was recovering in the hospital, he told me he wouldn’t subject me to marriage to him.
It hadn’t been what I signed up for, he said.
” She sighed, adjusting a strand of hair against her cheek.
“I couldn’t talk him out of it. Couldn’t make him change his mind. ”
He’d loved her so much that he’d let her go. The constriction in my chest worsened.
“I see,” I said, bile rising in my throat. Did he still have feelings for her? Was she who he’d been with on our wedding night? “Excuse me.”
I knew—and she knew—she’d gotten to me, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I pushed through the crowd, stumbled around until I found a bathroom, and locked myself inside.
It only took a second for me to lose the fight with my tears.
I cursed myself for being so weak, but I couldn’t help the tears from falling.
Three weeks, I’d been married to the man, and all he’d done was play hot and cold.
But had there been any hot? Or was he just the wonderful, reliable person that Wendy had described, and I’d misread everything?
Maybe he’d never wanted me. Maybe everything was in my head.
Stop, I told myself. With a few deep breaths, I mastered my roiling thoughts, my fingers gripping the edge of the sink. I trembled as I reached into my clutch for my makeup and did my best to clean up the damage.
Staring at myself in the mirror, I wondered again what the hell I was doing here. Gideon had rejected me over and over again, and I thought he cared about me? I thought this marriage would last?
I was such an idiot.
I knew I wasn’t enough. I’d been taught that lesson over and over again. Henry had been right about me. My mother had been right about me. No one would ever want me for me. Not when my body didn’t work. Not when I was defective and stupid and silly.
It was the reason I couldn’t keep a man. The reason my business failed. The reason I had no friends. I wasn’t good enough for those things.
I shook the sound of my ex-fiancé’s voice from my mind and filled my lungs.
I had to get through this event, and then I could leave.
There was no matcha latte that could keep me here after tonight.
I was wasting my time and breaking my own heart by hoping for the impossible.
I wasn’t going to find a new home or a community or love, of all things.
That just wasn’t how my life was meant to go.
And that was okay.
I sucked in a long breath and let it out slowly as I counted to ten. Then I did it again. And again.
No one else would make me feel whole. I had to do that on my own. Chasing men who didn’t want me had never worked; why did I think a marriage ceremony would change that?
I could leave here, and that didn’t mean I had to go back to my old life in Manhattan. I could start over—on my terms. Somehow. I’d figure it out. I had to. I wouldn’t have Etta’s offer of start-up cash. I wouldn’t have free housing. But I’d have my self-respect. That would have to be enough.
Once I’d mastered my emotions, I straightened my spine and walked out of the bathroom.
My heels clicked on the tile floors and then were muted when I stepped onto a rug.
I re-entered the main party space, scanning the room for Gideon.
His brothers were clumped in a corner, and Etta was still where I’d left her.
More people had arrived, and the noise in the room pressed against me, vibrating into my skull.
I smiled at Betsy and nodded at Lola, who were sitting on a couch, and wove my way through to the solarium.
Mrs. Gretzinger accosted me. “You met Lenore,” she said.
“I did. Excuse me.”
“She was married within three months, you know.”
I paused, shrugging. “Why are you telling me this?”
“I just thought you’d like to know how quickly she moved on,” she said, and there was kindness in her intelligent gaze. “She pretends theirs was a tragic love story, but she moved on quicker than a snap of the fingers.”
But did he?
I held back the question, choosing instead to dip my chin in a nod and excuse myself again. I had to get out of here. Needed some fresh air. I stepped into the solarium—
And stopped short.
Through the open French doors leading to the back garden, silhouetted by the feature lights in the hedges, were Gideon and Lenore.
Her bottom lip was trembling. She said something, and Gideon replied. I couldn’t hear their words. But I saw her fall into his chest, her arms clinging to his suit jacket. His arms circled around her, holding her carefully as she buried her head against his chest.
I took a step backward, and I must have made a noise, because Gideon’s head shot up. His eyes went wide, and he dropped his arms from around Lenore’s body.
I saw nothing more, because I’d already whirled around. I had to get out of this place. Immediately.
GIDEON
The look on Sadie’s face speared me through the heart and ripped the breath from my lungs. She’d looked hurt beyond belief. Betrayed.
I couldn’t make sense of it, couldn’t understand why she cared so much. I just knew I had to fix it.
Panic stabbed its claws into my gut—and then I was running.