CHAPTER THIRTY-THREEMary Jo
Mary Jo
I’m not sure what’s going on. Pain like I’ve never felt before rips through my stomach. There are voices around me. They sound familiar, but I’m not sure why.
The fog clears for a second. I’m in a car, lying on my side. My head is on someone’s legs.
“Hurry.” The voice is familiar. Cole?
The motion of the car makes me sick. I dry heave onto the floor. I close my eyes again as another wave of pain rips into me. I let the fog take over again.
***
When I open my eyes again, I don’t recognize where I am. There’s a white wall with some kind of diagram on it. There’s a curtain hanging from the ceiling. I look around. Jayden is slumped over in a chair. I have an I.V. in my hand. My heart races, and I start to gasp for breath.
Jayden starts awake. He immediately stands and grabs my hand. “Kitten. How are you?”
My voice is hoarse. “Where am I?”
“Hospital.” He brushes some hair off my forehead. His eyes are...pained.
I remember the agonizing pain. I still feel it, but it’s muted. “What happened?”
He winces just the slightest bit.
“Jayden?” I feel my stomach with my hands. “What happened?”
He looks down at my hand. He traces little circles on my skin. “The doctor will come in and tell you.”
“No.” I grip his hand, making him look at me. Fear is pounding in my blood. “What. Happened?”
“You had a miscarriage.”
The world slows to a stop. Sounds mute, and everything except him fades. Finally, I get a word out. “What?”
He just keeps tracing circles on my hand. I blink. A miscarriage? You have to be pregnant to have those. I wasn’t…
Jayden presses into my side. He moves my hand over his waistband. “I’m sorry, kitten.” There’s raw agony in his voice. “I’m really sorry. But I won’t lose you.”
“What?” His tone scares me. I try to pull my hand away. He presses it into something hard and metal under his shirt. Does he have a gun?
There’s a knock at the door.
“If you try to pass a message on, I’ll kill them. Don’t talk to any of the nurses. Don’t talk to any of the staff.”
I look up at him in disbelief. He won’t meet my gaze.
The door opens, and someone bustles past the curtain. It’s a nurse. She smiles when she sees me up. “Mary, you’re awake.” She has brown hair and hearing aids, but she looks to be in her thirties. She goes to the computer and badges in. “You must have questions.”
I blink. She talks to me about miscarriage and something about my cervix and abnormalities. It goes by in a blur. All I feel is Jayden by my side and a sense of spiraling. At some point, she leaves. Jayden grabs my hand and just holds it.
I don’t look at him.
“Jo,” he says.
“Where’s Cole?”
“They won’t let him in unless he’s family.”
I turn to look at him finally. His scruff is deeply shadowed, and there are dark circles under his eyes. His gaze looks more shuttered than normal.
“How are you here then?”
“I’m your husband.”
Feeling breaks through the cloud I’m in. I snatch my hand back. “No, you’re not.”
There is no expression on his face, no spark behind his eyes.
Anger and disbelief build. I can’t even process the…miscarriage. If that’s even what happened. I don’t even want to think about it. I always knew I wanted a kid, but it was always so far in the future.
I swallow. I feel like I’m in a dream. I want to go back to what I know. My first thought is the cabin and the big bed and strong, warm bodies. Fuck. How could I think that? I want my bed. My bed. At home. Kyle.
Jayden is watching me. I drop my head in my hands. “Can I have a minute?”
He hesitates.
My voice comes out in a whisper, “Please.”
He gets up. “I’ll be right outside.” He kisses the top of my head. His gun presses into my side, and he leaves.
***
A few hours later, they say something about infection and blood loss.
I don’t pay attention. Jayden leaves every two hours on the hour and is gone for about fifteen minutes.
Sometimes he comes back with food. He tells me Cole is outside waiting.
I don’t eat anything. I’m not hungry. I barely speak to the hospital staff.
Jayden jumps up to help me anytime I say anything.
Finally, around dinner time and close to his two-hour break, I stretch. Jayden’s gaze darts up. “I’m hungry,” I say.
He gets up. “I’ll get you something.”
“I want McDonald’s. Ten-piece chicken nuggets with a Sprite.”
He starts texting on his phone. “I’ll get Cole to get some.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
He pauses and seems uncomfortable. I watch him. He fidgets and asks, “How are you?”
I shake my head. “I just want to get out of here. When can I go?”
“Hopefully tonight.”
I let my head fall back on the pillow. “You stink. You need a shower.”
A ghost of a smile traces his lips, followed by a look of pure pain. As soon as he notices me watching him, he masks all expressions.
In about ten minutes, Jayden leaves the room.
It’s what I was waiting for. Now is my chance. I stare wearily at the wall. Run, run, run; it feels like all I do is run.
I swing both feet over the edge of the bed and start to pad to the door. I’m attached to an IV pole. I consider, then pull the IV out of my hand.
Jayden isn’t outside. I move down the hall and find the nurses’ station. I tell them my room and ask for my nurse. I should be anxious, but I don’t feel anything. She shows up, looking me over. “You can’t take out your I.V.”
I motion her farther away from the nurse’s station. She starts to try to herd me back to my room. For a moment, I consider letting her. I’m tired. So tired.
I plant my feet. “That is not my husband.”
She turns back around. “What do you mean?”
I look around. “That man with me. He’s not my husband.” She looks back towards the room.
“I don’t have a car or money, but I need to get away.”
“You can’t leave; you need more fluids and meds. You were in critical condition a few hours ago.”
I can’t get myself to care.
“Is he abusive?”
I hesitate. Not really. But also, yes. But I need her to believe that so I can get away.
“Yes.” My stomach sours, knowing that’s what Sage said about him when she met me.
Thinking about Sage makes me want to throw up.
Is that going to happen to me once he figures out I’ve tried to run?
The thought is almost enough to send me back to my room like nothing happened.
“Did he have anything to do with your miscarriage?”
“What? No.” Well, yes. He got me pregnant in the first place. Or did Cole? I scrunch my eyes closed.
“Okay. We’ll try to help you, honey. He won’t be allowed back in the room.”
“No.” I bark, then run a hand through my hair. “Please, he’ll hurt you if he knows I said anything. Don’t call the cops. He’s a cop, and they’ll know where I am. Please, I just need to get out of here and get a ride.”
She looks at me like she’s trying to decide if I’m telling the truth or not. Finally, she pats my arm. “My last husband was a piece of shit also. Stay here.” She goes across to the nurse’s station.
I wrap my arms around myself. I’m in one of their gowns with grippy socks. I wait and wait. It has to have been at least five minutes. I don’t have much time.
For the first time, I feel a hint of fear. They don’t have much time. I don’t care what he’ll do to me anymore. But I don’t want anything to happen to them.
The nurse comes back in and hands me a clipboard. “I need you to sign this AMA paperwork. I’m going to get you an Uber. Where do you want to go?”
I tell her my address. She types it in and looks at me. “That’s two hours away.”
I blink. Two hours away? Where am I?
“It’s fine. I’ll see if they’ll do it. Walk with me.”
She takes me through the hospital. I keep looking over my shoulder, expecting him to be there.
But he doesn’t show up, not on the walk and not while we wait for the Uber. While we wait, I ask to borrow her phone, and I call Kyle. He doesn’t pick up, probably because of the strange number. I leave him a message.
My Uber driver looks annoyed. I open the door and then turn back to the nurse. I wonder if I should give her a hug. Should say something eloquent. But then I just turn and get into the car.
And then I leave.
We drive away from the hospital. He doesn’t tell me to buckle up. We go through the town, passing a McDonald’s and Walmart. We get to the open road and keep going.
I look over my shoulder, but no truck follows us.
It doesn’t make me feel any different. This is a sick game. It was too easy. They’re going to get me, and when they do, they’ll make me pay worse than they ever have.
We drive and drive. There are some sighs from the driver, but I stay silent. He drives fast like he can’t wait to drop me off. After an hour, I start to recognize the scenery. Things get more and more familiar until we get to my old neighborhood.
I swallow.
We pull up to my house. It’s dark. My car is still parked in the driveway. Kyle’s is there, too, as well as a beat-up silver Honda I don’t recognize.
I don’t want to leave the car. As soon as I do, they’ll pop out from the shadows, fling me over their shoulders, and do depraved things to me. The first real feeling hits me, and it’s arousal.
That makes me snap up, and I get out. The driver doesn’t let me say anything and speeds off. I stand there, looking after him.
Finally, when his lights are gone, I look at the house. My house. The lights are on.
It’s surreal to be back here. Everything looks and feels the same. It’s like I went on vacation, and now I’m back. Familiarity makes me smile slightly.
I walk toward the door and my hospital gown brushes against my legs. Suddenly I realize that things here might be the same, but I’m not.
I take a deep breath and try the door handle. It’s locked. I pause before knocking. What would happen when I saw Kyle? Would I start crying? Would I beg for his forgiveness? Would he ever forgive me? The least he deserves, though, is to know I’m alive after all this time.
I knock.
It takes a bit, and I get strangely nervous on my own doorstep. But finally, it opens, and there he is behind the storm door, in his old white T-shirt and boxers.
I give an awkward wave.
He blinks. “Oh my god.” He stares and stares and doesn’t open the door.
“Uhhh, can I come in?” I try to joke as I reach for the door.
He steps back as I step in. The familiar scent of my home hits me, and out of nowhere, I tear up. I didn’t realize I missed this smell so much.
“Jo! I—are you okay?”
My heart clenches. No, I’m not okay. Not at all okay. I look at Kyle and want to just fall into his arms and cry. I start to do that and catch movement behind him. I pause.
“Kyle?” The voice is feminine.
I freeze. Behind Kyle, a woman about our age wraps her sweater around her. She grimaces when she sees me. “Hey, Jo.” She looks slightly familiar.
I take a step back. Kyle winces and rubs the back of his neck.
I look between the two of them. Finally, I ask, “What is she doing here?”
She tilts her nose up. “I’m his girlfriend, Jen.”
The world crashes to a halt, and I focus on her face. Girlfriend? I try to swallow, but my mouth is too dry. Girlfriend? He was cheating on me. Anger flows through my system like a flame along dry wood.
Kyle clears his throat. “I thought…after your letter…that you were never coming back.” He continues rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t get rid of any of your stuff, you know, in case you still wanted it.”
I look between the two of them. All I can do is clench my fists.
“Hey, are you okay?” Kyle motions at my gown.
I snort. The woman—Jen—glares at me. She’s really pretty. Prettier than me. Suddenly, all my emotions leave again. It’s like a wave of numbness sweeps everything back into the ocean.
“Can I get you—”
“No.” I hold up a hand, trying to figure out what I’m going to do.
Kyle has a girlfriend. In my home. I can’t stay here.
Jayden and Cole are coming for me. I know it. The longer I’ve been away, the more I’ve realized this isn’t a game. I might actually be able to get away this time.
I look at Jen. “How much gas is in your car?”
“What?”
“How much gas? I’ll trade your car for mine. Mine’s fully paid off and newer.”
Her mouth drops open. “You...want to take my car?”
“Please.” I hate that Jayden and Cole have reduced me to pleading. But I want a car that they won’t recognize. That the cops won’t link to me. I look over my shoulder and out the storm door. I don’t see any headlights approaching. Yet.
“What’s going on, Jo?” Kyle asks.
I grit my teeth. What can I say to get them to work with me?
“I’m in trouble. Can I get some of my things? Please, let me borrow the car. You guys can have the house, too. I don’t care.”
They look at each other.
I growl. “I’m getting my stuff.” I march past them and toward my room.
“Hey—I put your stuff in the pink room,” Kyle says.
I stop, then slowly turn. The goddamn pink room. I go, and there are trash bags full of things. I rip them open, looking for clothes. When I find a pair of sweatpants and a shirt, I throw them on, then grab a trash bag and go to the front door.
“These your keys?” I take an unfamiliar pair off the wire boob hanger.
The woman doesn’t say anything, so I look back at her.
She looks at Kyle. “She can’t have my car.”
“I don’t care.” I whirl on her. “I’m in trouble. Dangerous men are after me to try and take me again. Kidnap me again. You took my boyfriend and my life; the least you can do is allow me my freedom.”
She sucks in a breath.
“What are you talking about, Jo? Are you okay? Why don’t you take my car?” Kyle asks again. He looks at me like I’m crazy.
“I’m fine,” I snap. “I need a car they don’t recognize.”
“I think you need help.” Kyle pulls a phone out of his pocket.
“No!” I take a deep breath. “Fine. I’ll take mine. Just don’t call anyone. Please help me carry my things out. I’m in a hurry.”
He still looks at me like I’m insane. I don’t wait. I grab my keys and lug the bag out to my car. I realize I still don’t have shoes on. Then I go in and grab the other two. I don’t know or care what’s inside. My pulse is pounding for me to hurry.
“Where’s my wallet and my phone?” I ask Kyle.
He motions to the pink room. “I thought you had your phone with you.” I snatch up my wallet from a dresser.
“Where are you going?”
“Better that you don’t know.” I stomp outside and let the door slam. I don’t turn to take any last looks at the house. Clearly, this shit is over for me. Decided by the goddamned universe of shit herself.
I stalk to my car and slam the door. This is the life I thought about while at the cabin. Cried about. The life I fought so hard to get back to.
And now it seems so empty. I jam my keys in and let suburbia swallow me whole.