Chapter 21
To say the ride back to Sunrise Cove felt awkward was probably the understatement of Noah’s life. Which was why he didn’t do this.
Whatever the hell this even was.
They didn’t speak on the Razor. Completely normal for him.
Not normal for Olive.
He’d been so sure she’d light into him once they were in his truck and could hear each other better, but she didn’t. She sat in the passenger seat the very picture of calm—something she’d clearly learned since they’d been teens, because back then she hadn’t been able to hide a single thing from him.
She was definitely hiding now.
He was inclined to let her, because why hash this out and hurt her more? Except . . . he hated to leave things unresolved between them.
Again.
And now they’d been intimate. He’d known sleeping with her would complicate everything, but what they’d shared last night had been so much more than sex. He could still see her in that yurt, the faint glow from the fire gently lighting the bed where she lay, skin glowing, a soft, sated smile on her face. They’d spent long hours taking each other apart and putting each other back together again.
Although if he were honest, he still didn’t feel back together. Olive had destroyed him, in the very best of ways. It wasn’t often he spent a night in a woman’s bed, and even less often that it’d meant something to him.
But last night . . . He didn’t even have words.
And then this morning, with her hair all Girls Gone Wild, those deep green eyes heavy lidded and sleepy . . . she’d been irresistible. He knew she’d have said she looked a hot mess, but to him she was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. “Are you hungry?”
he asked when they got off the highway in town. “I can stop—”
“No, thank you.”
He nodded. Okay, then, leaving things unresolved between them it was.
“Hello?”
He glanced over, thinking he’d missed something she said, but she was on her phone.
“Yes,”
she said with the first genuine smile he’d seen since they’d slept-not-slept together. “Thank you.”
She disconnected and leaned back, looking relieved. “That was Buddy.”
“The guy you found on your parents’ farm.”
“Yes. He said my mom just called him. They decided the yurt was too remote and difficult to get to in their van, so they went camping instead.”
“What campgrounds?”
Olive snorted. “Oh, they think actual campgrounds are for wusses. They were headed to some open land somewhere, off the grid. They borrowed a phone to call Buddy. Apparently, they lost theirs and didn’t want to spend the money for a new one right now.”
He slid her a look. “And the reason they called him and not their daughter?”
She hesitated, her eyes filling with shadows, and he was struck by an urge to erase them and then track down every single person responsible for putting them there in the first place.
Except, he was one of them. In fact, he was probably at the head of the line.
“The call wasn’t about me,”
she finally said. “They wanted to check and make sure Buddy had been able to get some things harvested before yesterday’s storm hit. He did ask them to call me.”
“So . . . they’re calling you next?”
She looked at her phone. The phone that was most definitely not ringing.
Noah chewed on that for a moment, his chest tight. It’d always been like this for him when it came to her. He wanted to solve all her problems. Which was dumb, because she had a core of inner strength like no one else he knew. She didn’t want him to solve anything for her. No, what she wanted was something he didn’t know how to give.
His love.
But her parents sure as hell should’ve given that to her. He and his parents had most definitely had their issues. His dad had been controlling, wanting him to live the life he himself hadn’t been able to. His mom had been, and still was, nosy and pushy, wanting him to settle down. But even though he couldn’t remember not knowing his role in the family—having to be perfect and having no needs of his own—he’d never doubted they loved him, in their own way.
Olive crossed her arms and looked out her window. “Don’t you dare feel sorry for me. They love me.”
She paused. “In their own way. And anyway, it was never love I lacked. I lacked for . . . stability. Security.”
She said all this to her side window. “Also, they did say they’d catch up with me soon.”
He glanced over at the back of her head and wondered if Buddy had made that last part up, or if Olive had. Or hell, maybe he was just too cynical and it was true. He really hoped it was.
When they pulled into the driveway back at Katie’s, Olive opened the passenger door before Noah had even shut off the engine. He barely managed to grab her hand to stop her from sliding out.
Her face was unreadable as she gave him a brows-up, the “what?” silent.
What could he possibly say to make her look at him like she had when he’d been deep inside her, her pleasure-filled eyes locked on his? He started to open his mouth to say Let’s talk about how to keep this thing going between us . . .
But that was his heart speaking, and he took orders only from his brain, which was currently yelling at him to keep his mouth shut because otherwise he’d be leading her on.
“Look,”
she said, beating him to the punch. “I’m good with everything that happened on the mountain, okay? I’ve got no regrets. Truly. But I’m not built like you. If we continue”—she bit her lower lip—“well, I’ll get emotionally attached. And we both know that won’t work for you. So I need a little space.”
Tugging her hand free, she grabbed her bags and walked into Katie’s house without looking back.
She was going to get emotionally attached? As in she wasn’t currently emotionally attached? Because he was most definitely there. Hell, he’d always been there. That wasn’t his problem. Nope, that honor went to the fact he’d been doing his damnedest to not get more emotionally attached.
Shaking his head at himself, he remained in the truck and called his boss. He knew from Neil’s earlier call there was going to be a meeting with all the people involved in the case, but he hadn’t been able to get the details. “Sorry,”
he said when Neil picked up. “Got back to you soon as I could.”
“Still stuck with family?”
Noah winced. Olive had been right. It sounded bad, and he was an asshole. Okay, so she hadn’t said that part, but it’d been heavily implied in her tone. “Not at the moment. When’s the meeting?”
“Tomorrow. Zoom in.”
“I’m fine to drive down—”
But he was talking to air. He thunked his head to the steering wheel a few times because he’d gotten into a fight with Olive for absolutely no reason. With a sigh, he got out of the truck, then froze at the sight he’d missed because his head wasn’t in the game.
A dusty, ancient VW bus from a decade long gone sat at the top of the driveway on Olive’s grandma’s side. The back window was almost completely covered in stickers from a myriad of places across the country, so he couldn’t see if anyone was inside, but voices from the side patio drew him in.
Olive clearly hadn’t noticed the van either, since she’d gone straight into Katie’s house. He turned to Gram’s and could hear a few people talking: Olive’s parents, Ace and Violet, and . . . his mom?
He picked up speed and found the group on Gram’s patio. His mom looked absolutely furious, but even more shocking, she had a finger in Violet’s face. “And a good mom doesn’t let her children worry about her—ever!”
“Hey, I am a good mom!”
Violet said, gesturing with a glass of what could’ve been water, but was more likely moonshine, since making it was one of Ace’s talents.
“Yeah?”
Noah’s mom asked. “When, Vi? Name one time!”
Vi’s grip on the glass tightened and Ace smoothly grabbed it from her, probably because he didn’t like to see his efforts go to waste.
Not that Violet seemed to notice. “I gave Olive freedom and the room to make her own mistakes. Unlike you and Chuck, who never gave your poor son a single inch of rope. You’re lucky he turned out so well—unlike you. You were the meanest kid on the planet, and that hasn’t changed, I see.”
Noah looked at his mom, stunned to find tears shimmering in her eyes.
“Okay,”
she said. “Maybe I was a rotten teen, but—”
“Try biggest bully in our school on for size,”
Violet said.
Gram stepped out her back door. “Just got home from the senior center to hear shouting.”
She took in the tense faces, then landed on Violet. “I know your mama raised you better than this.”
“No offense,”
Violet said wearily. “But this is none of your business.”
“It’s her house,” Amy said.
Violet narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth, but Ace lifted his hands in a calming gesture. “Ladies—”
“Zip it, Ace.”
Violet stepped up to Amy so they were nose to nose. “This isn’t your fight.”
Noah’s mom never took her gaze off Violet. “Fine. I was awful, okay? But I was just a kid. Do you know what’s worse than being an awful kid? Being a bad grown-up and an even worse mom. And that’s what you are. A horrible, no good, rotten mom. Do you even know what your girl can do? No, you don’t, because you don’t keep up with her like you should! Olive is amazing, and you’re missing out on her life.”
“You mean because I don’t micromanage her?”
Noah heard fast footsteps coming across the driveway and turned just as Olive appeared, looking stunned. “Mom? Dad?”
“Hey, kid.”
Ace moved to her and slung an arm around her shoulders. “Long time no see.”
Olive hugged him. “I’ve been searching all over for you guys. You’re both all right?”
“Of course,”
he said and gave her a squeeze.
Olive smiled but was clearly distracted by her mom and Noah’s mom still standing nose to nose and glaring at each other. “Mom?”
“Hold on, baby, I’m in the middle of something.”
“See?”
Amy said, tossing up her hands. “Even now, you can’t put her first.”
Katie came up behind Olive, looking horrified. “Mom, you can’t talk to Violet like that. I had to turn on a show for Joey super loud so he wouldn’t hear. What the heck is going on?”
“Honey, I love you, but stay out of my business.”
Violet pointed at Amy. “And you stay out of my business! Olive’s an adult, and she handles her life accordingly. We support her. Well, not support support, because that’s not our job, but she’s free to do whatever she wants.”
“She was a child and you let her move away from you!”
“She was a teenager! Old enough to know she didn’t want to live on the mountain any longer. Living there was my choice, not hers, so of course we let her come here. But if I’d known you were going to insert yourself into her life, I’d have done things very differently.”
“Oh my God,”
Amy said, tossing up her hands. “Your delusions know no boundaries.”
“Look at her.”
Violent gestured to Olive. “She turned out perfect. Well, maybe a little uptight.”
She smiled at her still stunned daughter. “Don’t you worry, baby, I’ve got some gummies that’ll help that. We should give Amy some as well. She’s so uptight, she probably squeaks when she walks.”
“Do you mean weed?”
Amy asked, sounding horrified. “You want to give your daughter drugs?”
“Wow.”
Violet looked at Ace. “Someone’s forgetting how much she used to love her cute little roach clip—”
“Hey, we were in high school! Everyone smokes in high school, you jackass!”
Amy yelled.
“That’s it. Ace, where’s my drink?”
“Right here.”
Amy took it from Ace and tossed it right in Violet’s face.
“Oh my God, Mom!”
Katie rushed to Violet. “Are you all right?”
“Of course, but thank you, honey, for asking.”
Violet licked her lips, then slid a look at Ace. “You’re right, that’s your best batch yet.”
And then she picked up the entire pitcher, still about three-quarters full, and dumped it over Amy’s head.
“Enough.”
Noah waded in and grabbed his mom at the same time that Ace took hold of Violet, both women spitting mad.
“I can take her!”
Violet yelled, trying to air swim to Amy, who was currently fighting Noah to get loose. “Mom, what the actual hell. Stop.”
Amy shoved free of him and yanked down her very wet sweater. “Don’t mind us. That was a very long time coming.”
And then, polite as one can be with hooch dripping off the end of her nose, she nodded to Ace, jabbed a finger at Violet, and strode off across the driveway with her shoes going squish squish squish with every step.
Katie looked at Olive and her whole family. “I’m so sorry.”
“Not your fault,”
Ace said, and led a soggy Violet into Gram’s house.
“What the hell just happened?”
Olive asked, sounding boggled.
Noah shook his head. “I don’t know—”
But before he could finish his sentence, Olive, ignoring him completely, followed after her parents into Gram’s house.
He turned to Katie, but she was gone too. So he crossed the driveway, bypassed the big house, and jogged up the steps to his mom’s place above the garage.
She didn’t answer the door, but he could hear the shower going, so he let himself in and waited. Clearly he was missing a whole big backstory here since he hadn’t even realized his mom and Olive’s had been in school together. He supposed that made sense, given that Gram was Olive’s dad’s mom, not Violet’s mom. Violet hadn’t grown up on this street, and by the time he, Katie, and Olive had become friends, Olive was already estranged from her parents. It hadn’t even occurred to them that their moms knew each other previously.
But his mom should have told them. Or at least told Olive.
His mom appeared a few minutes later in a robe, a towel wrapped around her hair. She went straight to her little galley kitchen, opened her freezer, and took a long pull from the bottle of vodka she had in there.
“Day drinking now?” he asked.
“There’s a first for everything.”
She turned to him. “And don’t start.”
“Oh, I’m going to start. What the hell was that?”
She shrugged.
“Mom.”
“You know what? Fine.”
She jabbed a finger at him. “But you go first. What’s really going on between you and Olive?”
He crossed his arms over his chest.
She matched his stance.
He rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,”
she said. “I knew there had to be a good reason you weren’t trying to date any of the perfectly amazing women I threw at you. Look, work your life away, don’t fall in love or give me grandchildren, whatever. But if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a family-sized bag of cheese puffs calling my name and I like my privacy after I’ve made a complete ass of myself.”
He gaped at her. “No apology for never telling me about your and Violet’s past? And what about Olive? You didn’t think back when she first showed up in Sunrise Cove all those years ago that she might want to know the history between you and her mom before you took her under your wing?”
“I was afraid she wouldn’t let me get close to her if she knew.”
He was boggled. “That was her choice to make, and you took it from her by lying.”
“Omitting,”
she said. “Big difference. And quite frankly, I’m shocked no one ever outed me before this. It might be the only secret Sunrise Cove never let loose of.”
He shook his head. “Olive’s not going to understand. And how could she?”
Her mouth tightened. “I’m not going to apologize to you for the hard mom choices I’ve had to make. In fact, the only person I owe an apology to is Olive.”
“You’re right,”
he said, and left, needing to get eyes on Olive and make sure she was all right.
When he crossed the driveway again, he found Gram alone, sitting outside sipping hot tea. She smiled sweetly at him. “Sorry, hon, but if you’re here for Olive, she went out for a bit.”
Sounded about right. “Do you know where I can find her?”
“I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be found.”
That tracked.
She eyed him with sympathy. “You look tired.”
“Story of my life lately.”
She nodded. “It’s been a rough go. It must feel like a lot.”
She smiled warmly. “I guess it’s a good thing that you need rain along with sunshine to grow.”
She got up. “Oh, and one more thing. You were always my favorite choice for a boyfriend for Olive, pretend or not.”
And with that, she went inside her house.
“Did everyone know?”
he asked no one. Shaking his head, he unloaded the Razor, and then took off in his truck. Twenty minutes later, he was sitting next to Joe’s hospital bed, each of them eating a Jell-O. His red, Joe’s green. Proving his motor skills were coming back, Joe flicked Jell-O at Noah and got him right in the face, so all things considered, it was looking pretty good for the guy recovering from a TBI.
“What’s going on with you?”
Joe asked. “What don’t I know?”
Noah concentrated on scraping out the last of his Jell-O. “You don’t speak for two weeks and suddenly you’re all curious about my life?”
Joe made a weird face and Noah realized he was trying to give an eye roll. “Don’t hurt yourself.”
“Dammit,”
Joe muttered. “They still won’t roll. Come on, out with it. Talk to me. Why are you moping?”
“And now you want to talk about my feelings? You better check and make sure you still have your man card.”
Joe pointed at him. “Toxic masculinity alert.”
“Okay, that’s it.”
Noah swiped the stack of women’s magazines on Joe’s side table into the trash.
“Hey, the nurse brought me those, and I wasn’t finished reading about being seen.”
Joe pointed his spoon at Noah. “The moping. Explain.”
“I never mope.”
“B.S. You mope like a girl.”
“I mope like a girl?”
Noah asked with disbelief. “Now who’s exhibiting their toxic masculinity?”
“You’re right. I’ll restate. You mope like a toddler. A boy toddler.”
Noah rolled his eyes. “I’m trying to remember why I sat by your bed while you were taking a two-week nap, wishing you’d wake up and talk to me.”
“Aw.”
Joe grinned. “You missed me.”
“I did, but hell if I can remember why.”
“Stop stalling.”
Joe gave him a get-on-with-it roll of his hand.
“Shit. Fine.”
Noah scrubbed a hand down his face. “I hate what happened to you.”
And just like that, his throat got tight. “I’m so sorry. I know those are just words, but—”
“Wait.”
Joe looked confused. “What the hell are you sorry for?”
“The accident. The whole you-almost-dying thing. What do you mean what am I sorry for?”
Joe blinked. “You realize it’s called an accident because it’s just that, an accident. No one ever sets out to purposely crash.”
“I was driving. I’m responsible.”
“Look,”
Joe said. “We both know how much you like to take the blame for everything. I don’t know if it’s because you always had to do that growing up, or—”
“That has nothing to do with—”
“Keep interrupting the recovering coma patient,”
Joe warned, “and I’ll be happy to show you just how strong and recovered I am by kicking your ass.”
Noah snorted.
“You know I can.”
“I know no such thing,”
Noah said. “Especially if you’re referring to our last time in the gym—”
“Where I knocked you on your ass.”
“Only because you told me our boss had just walked into the gym, and when I turned to look, you sucker punched me. Now can we get back to discussing my feelings on your current situation?”
“You mean you want to whine some more about how bad you feel?”
Joe shook his head. “Bite me.”
Noah closed his eyes and shook his head. “Can we get serious?”
“Do we have to?”
“You didn’t deserve this, Joe. No one deserves what happened to you—”
“Noah, from the bottom of my heart, I need you to do one thing for me.”
“Anything.”
“Good answer,”
Joe said. “What I need is for you to shut the fuck up. Because shit happens, all right? Shit happens all the damn time. You know this better than anyone. Let it go, man. Let it go before it eats you alive.”
Noah swiped a hand down his face. “I’m trying.”
“Try harder,”
Joe suggested.
“Oh, you’re right. Up until now I’ve only been trying medium hard.”
Noah shook his head, disgusted with the both of them. “Listen, you have no idea what it was like. Katie was . . .”
He shook his head. “Devastated. Beyond devastated. She managed to find a way to blame herself as well. Said you two had been in a big fight the night before and she couldn’t handle knowing that you might not understand how much she loves you and needs you in her life.”
Joe looked startled. “I know how much she loves me. How can she doubt it?”
Noah shrugged. “I’ve got no idea how the female brain works because I haven’t been reading Cosmo.”
“No shit you don’t know how the female brain works.”
“Hey.”
“Tell me I’m wrong, I dare you,”
Joe said. “I mean, I get you not wanting to be tied down, but everyone deserves love and affection. Even your stubborn ass.”
Katie and Joey appeared in the doorway. Katie eyed their faces curiously, clearly sensing something was off. “Bad timing?”
she asked.
“Bad timing is your specialty,”
Noah muttered.
His sister put one hand over Joey’s eyes and used her other to flip him off. “And your specialty is being clueless about women,” she said.
“Is this about Olive?”
“Well, give the man an A. Maybe not all hope is lost for you after all.”
She turned to her husband and smiled sweetly. “Brought you lunch. Just don’t tell your nurses because it’s a burger and fries. And don’t you dare share with this moron.”
“I love you to the moon and back,”
Joe said fervently. “But . . . would you mind giving me and Noah thirty more seconds?”
“Of course, especially if you’re going to give him shit.”
“That’s a bad word,”
Joey said.
“You’re right, baby. I’m sorry. Let’s go raid the vending machine.”
“Yes!”
Joey yelled.
When they were gone, Joe looked at Noah, his smile fading. “I’ve got one more thing to say to you, and I want you to turn on your ears this time, man. It’s going to piss you off, which should help with that guilt problem you’re having, but it’s no less true for it.”
Noah slid him a wary glance. “What?”
“Do you remember when you and Olive got in that ATV accident and the shit hit the fan in every single corner of your life?”
“Gee, not ringing a bell at all,”
Noah said dryly.
“Ha-ha. So you remember, then, that Olive was driving. Did you ever blame her for what happened?”
He’d walked right into that trap, hadn’t he. “No.”
True story. He’d never blamed Olive for that night. He’d blamed himself, for all of it, for not making sure she had a better handle on the ATV, especially in that crazy storm, and for letting the incident blow up his entire life.
Joe lifted his hands in the universal sign for a touchdown.
Noah shook his head. “But—”
Joe pointed at him. “No. No buts. I have spoken. This is the way. I rest my case.”
His smile faded at the look on Noah’s face. “What? What did I just say?”
He blinked. “The Olive thing?”
Noah opened his mouth and then shut it.
“It is! It’s about Olive.”
Joe gave him the gimme hands. “Tell me. No, wait, let me guess. You slept with her.”
Noah dropped his head back against the chair and stared up at the ceiling.
“Holy shit, I was just kidding.”
Joe smiled. “I thought she’d rip your throat out if you even looked at her crooked. You slept with her? Are you two together now?”
Noah pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “Yes. No.”
“Because . . . you’re an idiot?”
Noah dropped his hands and stared at him. “Because I can’t give her what she deserves.”
“Right, Mr. Island of One.”
“She’s my sister’s best friend,”
Noah said in his defense.
“And I, your best friend, wanted your sister. You didn’t mind.”
“Because you waited a few years to make your move. You waited until Katie was ready for the likes of you.”
“You never gave Olive that chance.”
Noah shook his head. “It’s not about that. We grew up, we changed. Our lives are too different. There’s nothing between her and me, and there won’t ever be.”
With that, even knowing he was being a complete dick, Noah turned to the door to go and . . . froze.
Because there in the doorway stood Katie, Joey, and . . . Olive. Well, more accurately, Olive’s back as she made tracks.
And this time he deserved it.
“Well,”
Joe said quietly into the silence. “You were clearly looking for a way to make her mad enough to walk away from you and you found it. Admit it, loving her is scarier to you than being first through the door, unarmed and without a vest, at a crack den.”
“He won’t admit a damn thing,”
Katie said. “Refer to my earlier comment about him being stupid and clueless.”
Ignoring them both, Noah dropped his head for being cruel enough to hurt the best woman he’d ever known. He deserved what he’d get out of life—nothing. He cut his eyes to Joe, who actually managed to roll his eyes this time.
Right. No mercy for a fool.