Chapter 24
In Olive’s wake, Noah turned to his mom and sister.
“Go,”
they said in unison.
He strode to the door, stopping at a tug on the hem of his shirt.
Joey looked worried. “Does Olive have an owie?”
Noah crouched down. “Yeah, little man, she does.”
“Is it your fault?”
“Yes.”
No, he hadn’t known what his dad had done, but he’d let ego and pride keep him from making contact after she’d left, hell, even after he’d left. He’d just . . . let her go. And now she was out there trying to process everything on her own because he hadn’t made himself emotionally available to her.
“You haz to say you’re sorry,”
Joey said solemnly. “Daddy says you can’t hurt people, especially the ones you love. And you love Auntie Olive, right?”
“I do,”
Noah said softly.
“Then she’ll forgive you,”
Joey said earnestly. “She’s nice like that.”
Noah hugged the kid, who was smarter than he was.
“You need help?”
Joey asked.
“I think this is something I have to do myself, but I appreciate the offer.”
Joey nodded sagely.
Noah ran through the shop. Or tried. He was stopped no fewer than five times. By the time he got to the parking lot, there was no sign of Olive or the Mini. He was already calling her as he got into his truck.
Joey answered. “Hi!”
Shit. Olive hadn’t gotten her phone back from Joey when he’d taken it to play a game. “Hi, bud. Take good care of this phone, all right?”
“I will! Bye!”
Noah didn’t find Olive at Katie’s house. But her mom was standing on Gram’s porch watching him. “Problem?”
she called out.
“Have you seen Olive?”
“No.”
She raised a brow. “You look panicked. Is something wrong?”
Noah was known for having a resting hard face, for being able to hide all emotions and personal feelings. He wasn’t known for looking panicked. He opened his mouth to calmly assure Olive’s mom that everything was fine, so it shocked the hell out of him when instead he said, “I screwed up.”
Violet nodded. “Well, admitting it is half the battle.”
Her smile was wry. “I should know. I’ve done it often enough.”
“Do you have any idea where Olive would’ve gone?”
“No, but what I do know is that you won’t find her, not until she’s good and ready. I’m sorry, I know that’s not much help, but while you’re waiting her out, maybe you should decide if you’re in or out.”
“In or out of what?”
She gave him an eye roll. “Her life. Look, she’s had a lot of people be drive-bys, myself included. If you’re in, be smarter than me and let her know.”
And with that, she turned and walked inside the house.
Noah was still standing there when Katie pulled up with his mom and Joey in tow.
“We shut down for the day,”
his mom said. “I couldn’t concentrate.”
Katie looked at Joey. “Why don’t you go play in the sandbox for a few?”
Joey whooped and ran across the grass to his sandbox.
Noah’s mom turned to Noah. “I should’ve told you everything a long time ago.”
“I wish you had.”
She squeezed his arm. “I know, me too. I was so afraid if you knew, you’d leave Sunrise Cove soon as you could, but that’s no excuse.”
Her face crumpled. “But then you left anyway. And you so rarely came home, I was afraid to chase you away for good. And then when Olive showed up to help Katie and I saw how much she still cares about you . . .”
Her eyes filled. “And how much you still care about her . . . I knew just how bad it would be if it all came out.”
Noah drew a deep breath, not willing to be moved by her tears. “Why did Dad do it?”
She sniffed and blew her nose. “He thought he was protecting you. It was the night of the accident, and he was scared and worried. We all were.”
Noah shook his head. “But he had no right to blame what happened on Olive before he even knew the story.”
“I know,”
she said. “But you have to understand what it was like that night for the people who loved you. Your dad . . . he was so very proud of you, of the scholarship you’d gotten, of your bright future in baseball, and all he could see was how it’d been taken away—”
“No,”
Noah said. “I’m having a hard time believing he was acting in my best interests, especially knowing what I know now.”
“Was he a hard man? Yes. And also not great at talking about his feelings—”
Noah snorted.
“But son . . .”
She moved closer, waiting until he looked at her. “It’s not too late for you.”
“What does that mean?”
“She means you’re shit at talking about your feelings as well,”
Katie said. “And yeah, I know. Pot, kettle. Only I managed to break the emotionally bankrupt mold and not only fall in love, but also admit it out loud.”
She softened her voice. “It’s never too late, Noah.”
Wasn’t it? He’d sent mixed signals to Olive, and that was the result of his own deep-seated and misguided fears. In spite of the confidence and strength he projected to the world, on the inside, he was still that kid who’d pretended to be perfect to keep his family whole. To this day he wasn’t sure he’d ever been loved for who he really was, on the inside—a deeply flawed human being just doing the best he could.
No, that was a lie. Olive loved him. She hadn’t said the words until today, but she’d never needed to. He’d known, he’d always known. It was his very own miracle. And what had he done?
Push it away.
Push her away.
“What can I do?”
his mom asked quietly.
He closed his eyes, reliving the past, and all the things he’d ever said and done to show Olive she could no longer reach his heart because of how she’d left—when leaving hadn’t even been her choice.
Not to mention, he’d left too.
He’d been trained for many years not to overreact, not to judge. Taught to look past what the surface story told him. And yet he’d done the opposite of all that where Olive was concerned. “This isn’t all on you, Mom. I hold plenty of the blame. I’m going to go look for her.”
Which he did. After a few hours, he had to admit that her mom had been right—until she wanted to be found, he’d have to do what he hadn’t done before.
Trust her to come back.
He ended up at the hospital to see Joe. He found him in PT. He’d been moved to the rehab wing of the hospital, with the plan to come home within a week if all continued to go well. It was stunning how much he improved every day.
Noah had never been so grateful for anything in his entire life.
He kept Joe company through a brutal PT session, working on his own PT for his leg while he did. When he saw Joe faltering through a set of leg presses, he casually said, “Joey could do better.”
Joe gave him the bird, but indeed pushed harder.
Joe’s physical therapist, Kenny, an ex–football pro, laughed. “I should get every patient to bring in their best friend.”
Joe gave Kenny the bird too. Probably because he was too winded to talk. Noah, doing leg presses, could understand. Pain and muscle fatigue had his bad leg shaking like a leaf.
“Push harder,”
his smart-ass BFF said.
Noah returned Joe’s earlier gesture and flipped him off. Joe gave a breathless laugh, and damn, Noah nearly cried like a baby at the sound.
Joe waited until Noah had started another leg exercise before casually saying, “I know we’ve already talked about this, but I’ve got an update. A little birdie told me you and Olive are going to keep doing the deed. Or whatever the kids are calling it these days.”
Noah’s legs slipped right off the machine, which both Joe and Kenny thought was hilarious. “You heard wrong,”
he said grimly.
“So . . . you didn’t come home from the overnight at the yurt glowing like a virgin after his first time?”
Noah was great at lying. It was a skill he’d acquired at work talking to asshole criminals.
We’ll make sure you get bailed out right away if you come quietly.
Yes, I totally believe you’re innocent even though the shit you stole is right there in your truck for all of us to see. Absolutely, I believe it landed there magically.
Only, he’d never developed the ability to lie right to the face of someone he cared about. But evading and misdirecting? Yeah, he had that down. “Amazing what being off work can do for a guy’s complexion.”
“Yeah,”
Joe said dryly. “My three-week stay at the spa has done wonders.”
He looked at Kenny. “This guy had a shot at the second most amazing girl on the planet when we were in high school—I married the first most amazing girl—and he blew it big time.”
Kenny shook his head. “Man, every guy’s stupid in high school. I let The One walk away twice. Took me five years to get my head out of my ass and beg her forgiveness.”
“And did she? Forgive you?”
Joe asked.
Kenny waved his left hand, the one with the wedding band. “Best decision I ever made.”
“Me too,”
Joe said smugly.
They both looked at Noah with pity.
“Hey,”
he said. “I’m glad for you guys, I really am. And I like the idea of the institution of marriage. It’s just never been for me.”
Joe looked at Kenny. “He’s got daddy issues. Thinks he needs freedom from family and ties and roots. Including the woman he loves.”
“But family and ties and roots are the very things that make life worth living,”
Kenny said.
They both nodded self-righteously.
“Look,”
Noah said. “I care for Olive. Deeply.”
So fucking much he ached with it. “But we’re different, okay? We want different things. I’m happy both working and living in the wilderness, and she’s a big-city girl now, by choice. I can’t ask her to give that up.”
“He’s a little bit country, I’m a little rock ’n’ roll,”
Kenny sang, deeply off-key.
Noah rolled his eyes, put on his headphones, and got on the treadmill to run. Okay, so it was more a fast walk since running still hurt like a bitch. But it was a lot easier than figuring out what he wanted to say to Olive. When they’d been fake dating, deep down he’d known there’d been nothing fake about his feelings for her. Even though he hadn’t had the words back then for what he’d felt, he knew it’d been the first time he’d ever loved someone.
Since then, he’d thought he’d been in love several times, but when those relationships had run their course, he knew he’d been mistaken. No one in his life had ever gotten him the way Olive did, which scared the shit out of him.
But maybe on top of that fear sat something else. The knowledge that he wanted to be done turning his back on something that felt so right. Looking up, he realized he’d gone four miles. Kenny was on to his next client. Joe was sitting on a bench watching Noah with a worried look on his face.
“Shit, I’m sorry. Why didn’t you wave or yell at me that you were done?”
“I did both,”
Joe said. “You were somewhere far, far away.”
Noah got off the treadmill and mopped up his face with a towel before sucking down the rest of his water.
“Deep thoughts?”
Joe asked.
Noah shrugged.
“So . . . yes.”
“Fine, yes.”
Noah tossed his towel aside. “And you’re right. I don’t want to lose Olive, even though I know she deserves someone far better than me.”
“What are you talking about? You’re the best man I know.”
“I can’t give her what she needs.”
“And what is it you think she needs that you can’t give?”
Joe asked in a tone that made it clear he thought he was talking to an idiot.
“Oh, I don’t know . . . stability, security, a guy who comes home at a decent hour every night, not to mention one who can open his heart?”
“Has she asked you for any of those things?”
When Noah scowled, Joe shook his head. “You ever think that what she deserves is you, as is?”
He smiled. “That’s good, right? I got it from one of those morning talk shows.”
“Shit. We gotta get you out of this place.”
“That’s all I’m saying.”
Joe’s smile slowly faded. “Look, no one’s saying you have to jump right into marriage or anything. Just take it slow, go at the pace that’s right for you. It’s not like you have to label your relationship right now.”
Joe winced. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said the R-word.”
“I’m not that afraid of the word.”
Joe tried to raise a brow and failed, making Noah find a laugh. He stood up and headed out.
“You going to go see her, right?”
Joe asked his back. “Tell her hi for me! Tell her she’s welcome for all the good advice I gave you!”