Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
ELI
I took a long drink of Coke as I sat in a corner booth at Tidal Hops, hoping the crisp, sweet taste would snap me out of my funk.
No such luck. The flavor sat flat on my tongue, a pale echo of its usual bite.
I’d woken up this morning with Jules in my arms. She’d been warm and soft, her hair a mess as it tickled my nose.
And for a moment, everything felt… perfect.
Until my calm was supplanted by a gut-clenching worry that sent me scrambling from her townhouse in a flurry of excuses about forgetting I had an early BCD repair at the dive shop. Lately, I felt like my only two emotions where she was concerned were bliss and panic.
Harper slid in across the booth from me, curiosity written on her face. This meeting with her and Mom had already been on my calendar, so I asked Harper to come early. I needed a sounding board.
My sister looked me over closely as she wrapped a hand around her full glass. “Okay. Here I am. What’s up?”
I eased out a long sigh. How could I explain the tangle of emotions I couldn’t even sort out myself? My fingers traced condensation trails on the glass, leaving wet tracks like nervous footprints. “Well, for starters… The panic attack I damn near had this morning.”
Harper’s eyebrows flew up. “Laid-back Eli in a state of panic?” Her teasing tone faded as she studied my face, her eyes narrowing with concern. “What happened?”
I hesitated, unsure how the hell to explain it all. Chase knew about Jules and me, but Harper had always had a rare blend of common sense and good advice. And I needed that right now. As an added bonus, she was immune to my bullshit.
“Eli, you can tell me.”
My heart thumped in my chest as I weighed my options. Finally, I let out an uneven breath and looked at her squarely. “It’s Jules. Julianne.”
Her surprise was genuine and immediate. “Julianne? What about her?” She left the question hanging in the air between us.
“Yeah.” Heat flashed across my face as I nodded. “I haven’t called her by her full name for a while now. We’re together.”
“What do you mean by together?”
I shot her a deadpan look. “You know what I mean, Harper. Together as in the biblical sense.”
There was silence for a beat before her gaze sharpened on me. “You and Julianne are seeing each other? Wow, talk about opposites attracting. How long has this been going on?”
With the news out, the tension in my chest eased a little. “Well over a month now. Hell, closer to two. It began with, I don’t know, a truce or something when we started her scuba class. It’s not even… It’s nothing. It happened.”
“Over a month together is more than nothing, big brother. And now you’re spiraling like a champ, huh?”
I shot her a warning look. “Don’t dramatize it. It’s just…” I hesitated, then groaned, defeated. “I’m freaking out, okay? I can’t do this, Harper. I’m not built for it.”
She threw out an arm in a half-shrug. “For what? Relationships? Being human? Eli, you’re so good at being everything else—charming, carefree, the life of the party. But why are you so terrible at being honest about what you actually feel?”
“Because it’s safer that way!” I hissed, then winced. “And this is becoming too real, Harper. Jules isn’t some tourist who’ll be gone in a week. She’s here. Every day. Watching me. And she sees things. Too many things.”
The deep line between her brows grew even deeper. “Like what?”
I glanced around to make sure we weren’t being overheard.
The hum of conversation filled the air, and Braden was too distracted with the afternoon rush to notice us.
“She notices when I’m worried, when I pull back.
Or avoid the subject. And still… she’s there.
Patiently waiting, like she thinks I’ll come around. ”
“And what makes you think you won’t?”
“Because I’m a disaster! Look at our family.
Mom’s stuck in the past, Austin’s got walls bigger than a medieval city, Ben’s so stuck in who he used to be that he can’t become who he wants to be.
Don’t even get me started on Dad. Yet here I am, following right in his footsteps—superficial, incapable of sticking when it truly matters. ”
“Eli, stop.” Her tone was firm but gentle. “You’re not Dad. You’re not even close. You’re so afraid of failing that you’ve convinced yourself you’re not worth the risk. But what if you’re wrong? What if you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to someone? To her?”
The idea hit me like a gut punch, and for a second, I couldn’t breathe. What if she was right? What if Jules was willing to take a chance on me, even with all my broken, terrified parts? I shook off that ridiculous thought. “That’s as unlikely as snow tomorrow.”
Harper leaned forward, her voice lowering. “Eli, I love you, but you’re full of crap. You’ve been having a great time with Julianne. Now that it’s getting more serious, cue the freak-out. Classic Eli avoidance tactic.”
“I’m not avoiding anything,” I protested, my defenses rising. “That’s my whole point, Harper! This is who I am. Mr. Duct Tape and Beer, remember? I don’t do serious.”
“Bullshit. You’re panicking because you’re scared. I see right through that act of yours.”
I bristled, my hand tightening around the glass. “It’s not an act. Shit, now we’re going around in circles.”
She gave me a faint smile. “Dad leaving… it messed us all up. But at some point, it has to stop being an excuse.”
I laughed, a hollow sound that was anything but funny. “An excuse? Harper, our father walked out on us over a decade ago, and we’re still picking up the pieces. All of us in one way or another. Tell me how that’s not a valid reason to be cautious.”
Harper tilted her head and stared straight at me. “I’m not saying it isn’t valid. And you deserve to be happy. But I also need to point out that you could be playing with dynamite here. And it might blow up in your face.”
Sudden heat rose in my cheeks. “Dynamite? What the hell does that mean?”
“Well, for starters, if you’re only telling me now, I’m thinking not too many people know about this torrid affair.”
“You’re right. And that’s how we want it, okay?”
“Because you don’t want Mom to know about it. Secrets have a way of coming out, Eli, but that’s not what I meant by dynamite.”
“Go on,” I prodded, though I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear it.
“I mean you’re falling for her,” Harper said simply.
The accusation landed like a punch. I stared into my soda, watching the bubbles rise and dissipate. “I am not.”
Harper’s laugh was sharp. “Right. Because running is so much easier than actually feeling something.”
I wanted to argue. To deflect. To crack a joke about how she sounded like a bad therapy podcast. Instead, I just sat there. Silent. Knowing she was right.
“Hey. Look at me.”
I lifted my gaze, meeting her warm brown eyes. The same eyes our mom had. The same eyes that always seemed to see straight through my carefully constructed defenses.
Her lips lifted in an encouraging smile. “You two make a lot of sense in a weird way. You could stand to take things more seriously, and Julianne could stand to lighten up a little. You balance each other.”
I couldn’t help smiling as my eyes grew unfocused. Because it was Jules’s smile I saw. “Yeah, I’ve noticed that too.”
“Eli.”
I met her serious gaze.
“I’ll say it again. You’re. Not. Dad. Maybe it’s time to step out from his shadow.”
I swallowed hard as something threatened to crack open inside my chest. I nodded, then dropped my gaze to the table again. “Thanks, but I still feel like I have no idea how to handle any of this.”
My head snapped up in surprise as Harper’s laugh sounded. “You think any of us know what we’re doing? You think I do?”
I scoffed. “You’ve got your shit together more than anyone I know. Look at Finn.”
Her smile fell as she stared back at me. “Yeah, look at him. You think I don’t worry every single night about whether I’m doing right by him? Whether he needs a dad in his life and not just uncles? Eli, I’m making it up as I go. Just like you.”
I reached across and gave her hand a squeeze. “Well, stop worrying. He’s a great kid and you’re a great mom.” I let go and pointed at her. “And Finn’s uncles are better than any dad could ever be. He’s a lucky kid to have us.”
Finally, the tension broke as we both laughed and took a drink of our Cokes. I felt better having confessed to Harper, but she still hadn’t convinced me anything serious could work out between Jules and me. Maybe my sister thought I could change my ways and get serious, but I knew better.
The door opening signaled Mom’s arrival, and I straightened. Harper shot me a look that said our conversation wasn’t over, but I pointedly ignored it.
“There are my two troublemakers,” Mom said, sliding into the booth next to Harper. Her silver-streaked hair was pulled back in a barrette, and her eyes crinkled with warmth.
“Hey, Mom,” I drawled, relaxing again as I leaned back. “Troublemakers? Us? I’m wounded.”
Mom rolled her eyes, but there was fondness in her smile. “So what’s this meeting about? Or do I even need to ask? I’m sure this is about the renovations.”
I glanced at Harper, letting her take the lead. She cleared her throat, all business now. “You’re right. We had our preliminary meeting with Chase, and Eli and I want to discuss his renovation proposals for the resort with you.”
As Harper launched into the details, my mind drifted once again to the conversation Harper and I had just had. To how happy I was when I was with Jules. How I wanted to please her, in bed and out. I felt a pang of… something. Longing? Fear? Both?
“…which means we’d need to secure external financing,” Harper was saying.
Mom’s intake of breath brought me fully back to the present. “External financing? That’s what I was afraid of.”
“It’s a significant investment,” Harper continued, her tone careful. “But the potential return—”
“How much are we talking about?” Mom interrupted.
Harper hesitated, then said, “Potentially… millions.”