Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter
thirty-six
“IS THIS STILL ON?” CAME a voice through the speakers.
I was sitting in seventh period, ready to be done with today. I felt like I had been in school for weeks, but not because anything major happened. After talking to Coach that morning and then Nolen, the day had actually been really slow. I found myself searching the halls as I walked, in classes I found myself unable to concentrate, and at lunch Deja had said, “Why don’t you just text him? Find out where he is? Go talk to him?”
The he she was referring to was Theo, of course. I hadn’t seen him all day. Not even a glimpse of him. Had he stayed home? After telling him I didn’t want to talk to him on Saturday, he had, in fact, stopped talking to me. I should’ve been happy he was respecting my boundaries, but maybe I had wanted him to try just one more time. Wanted him to talk me into forgiving him. Not give up like I had told him to. But maybe he was trying to grow too. Accept what was in front of him. Maybe he had assessed our relationship and found that it was based on anger and revenge and decided that wasn’t a great way to start anything. Maybe it wasn’t.
To Deja at lunch, I had said, “You don’t even like him. Why would you want me to text him?”
“Will you kill me if I say that I think I actually do like him. That he owned up to his mistakes, that he’s just an occasional punk, and that you two were good together?”
“Yes, I will kill you,” I’d said.
“Yeah, probably a good choice,” she’d said.
But now, in seventh period, sitting next to me, she whipped her head around when she heard the voice being broadcast into the room through the speakers.
“Yes, it’s on,” Nolen said. “Theo has one more announcement to make for the day.”
“Yes,” Theo said. “I would like to invite anyone who can to come to the football field after school.”
“As in right now?” Nolen asked.
“Yes, right now. Especially if you have been listening to or host a podcast called It’s About Us. ”
“What is he doing?” Deja asked next to me.
I wasn’t sure, but maybe it was what my grandma had referred to as a grand gesture.
IT WAS HARD TO SEE much of anything as I walked through the open gates of the football stadium because I was surrounded by people. Apparently, the whole school decided to come see what Theo was up to. Max held one of my hands and Deja the other as we walked. Lee was on Max’s other side.
“What are we hoping for?” Max asked. “So I know how to react.”
“Seriously,” Deja said. “You’ve been so quiet since his announcement. What do you want to happen now?”
“I don’t know,” I said, because I didn’t. I was just holding on to the hope that whatever this was, it would make me feel better.
“I don’t think all these people have listened to your podcast,” Max said. “I think they’re liars.”
“He didn’t say it was a requirement,” Lee said.
My feet hit the rubber of the track that surrounded the field, when I started hearing people say, “What is that? Why is it here?”
I tried to stand on my tiptoes, but my view was still obstructed.
Deja started to drag us through and around people. We followed along like train cars to her engine.
“Hello, everyone,” Theo’s voice said into a microphone. There was feedback after his words, and everyone groaned. “Sorry, sorry. Is this better? Hello. I’m not really good on a mic. It’s not my thing.”
This time there was no earsplitting whine. He was right; his thing was hiding in earbuds and not talking, watching school relays he was supposed to participate in from the sidelines, maintaining his privacy.
“I didn’t think this many people would come. Is Finley here? Has anyone seen Finley?” he asked.
A low mumbling of voices sounded, as if everyone started looking for me at once.
“She’s here!” Deja said, throwing up her hand.
And then I was surrounded even more, pressed in the middle of a group ushering me toward what I could only assume was the middle of the football field. Was he going to tell everyone I could kick? Make me kick in front of the whole school? Did he not understand how I felt about that? Just as the thought went through my mind, I caught a glimpse of bright blue through the bodies surrounding me.
“Is that…?” And then I was in front of it—the lifeguard tower that I had only seen through binoculars and an iron gate at Andrew Lancaster’s old house. It took my breath away. It was just like my grandma had described. A series of ocean scenes. And I knew if I walked around the back there would be a silhouette of her and Andrew. I thought he had painted over all this fifty years ago. But then at the right corner of the face of the tower, next to the door, I saw his signature and the year 2015 followed by the words in memory of first love. I was so preoccupied with the structure in front of me that it took my brain a minute to wonder how it got here.
As if Theo could read my mind, he was speaking into the mic again. I looked around and found him on the far side of the tower, a microphone in hand, staring at me with soft eyes. “For those of you who haven’t listened to Finley’s podcast, you might want to so you can understand what this is. It is a piece of her grandma’s history. And I hope it can become a piece of hers too, because right now it serves as the symbol to an apology I owe her.
“Most of you saw the video of me being a jerk. Of me acting like Finley was a thing to be had or owned or stolen. She’s not. She has been hurt in very public ways over the last several weeks, and I felt like she needed to be apologized to in a very public way as well. Finley, there is no excuse for how I behaved, and I am sorry. But now I would like to talk to her in private, so excuse me while I find out if she’s still speaking to me.”
He handed the mic to Deja. When had she left my side? Then he was walking my way. Nerves and butterflies battled it out in my stomach.
When he reached me, he looked at the ground and then at me again. “I’m…I…You don’t have to talk to me, but there’s…something more…up in…Will you…? I don’t know why I can’t speak.”
I’d never seen him this nervous before. “I have that effect on people,” I said, quoting his line from weeks ago.
He gave me a slow smile, probably unsure if we were allowed to joke with each other anymore. I wasn’t sure either. He pointed to the tower.
Behind him, Deja had started a song on her phone, and she held the mic up to it. I knew that was her way of giving us privacy, but suddenly it was very loud. Theo’s lips were moving, but I couldn’t hear what he was saying.
“It’s really cool!” I yelled, nodding to the paintings.
He shook his head. I’d obviously gotten whatever he’d intended to say wrong. He held out his hand. I stared at it for several long beats. Someone bumped into me, pushing me closer to Theo. I placed my hand in his. He led me to the tower steps and then up them. He opened the door and guided me inside. The door shut and did a surprisingly good job of muffling the noise outside. I could still see all the movement and bodies out the tinted windows, but it felt like we were in our own world.
There wasn’t a surfboard inside like I was expecting. But painted on the wall was a life-sized version of the board I’d seen in the pictures. It was better preserved than the paintings outside, more vibrant and beautiful. It made my eyes prick with tears.
“How did you…?” I had so many questions I didn’t even know where to start. “You got Nolen to let you make an announcement today? You talked to the rock-throwing man?”
He nodded. “Nolen was easy. The rock-throwing man—Cliff is his name—took some work.”
“And how did you get this here? Mrs.Carpenter let you put a lifeguard tower on the football field?” Mrs.Carpenter was the principal.
He cringed. “I didn’t exactly ask for permission. My cousin owns some heavy lifting equipment. I might be suspended now. But totally worth it.”
I widened my eyes. “Theo. You didn’t have to be so dramatic about it. You could’ve put it in the parking lot or on the beach or something.”
“This felt more right. This, the football field, is what brought us together. And besides, if I’m not willing to take a risk, I don’t deserve a reward.”
“What kind of reward are you looking for?”
“Forgiveness. I’m so sorry for what I said and how I acted in that video. And I’m sorry for not telling you about my injury and the revenge I personally wanted against Jensen. You were right. What we did wasn’t good, and it was for all the wrong reasons. And I wasn’t trying to lie to you, but I can see how I did.”
“You told me from the beginning you hated him and that you wanted to get back at him. It shouldn’t have surprised me that youhad a really good reason of your own. Like I did,” I said.
“But the other part…,” he said. And I knew what other part he meant, the stealing-me part.
“I know,” I said.
“That wasn’t about him. I started liking you when you argued with me about the correct order of pool lights in my backyard over a year ago.”
“I don’t know that I was arguing, ” I said.
“Whatever it was, you were adorable.”
“I am adorable,” I said.
He smiled. “You are.”
“Forgiveness,” I repeated. “That’s all you want?”
“It’s not about what I want. This is for you. What do you want?”
“You.”
As soon as the word exited my mouth, he pulled me against him. Our lips found each other, smashing together in a not-so-gentle kiss that sent waves of pleasure through my body.
My arms wrapped tightly around his neck, and his were holding me firm around my middle, my toes barely brushing the floor. It felt like I was where I was meant to be.
I smiled against his mouth as something occurred to me.
“What?” he said with a smile of his own.
“I haven’t posted my latest episode.”
“Yeah…,” he said, not following. He released his grip on me, and my feet found the ground again. We stayed close, my hands on his chest, his at my waist.
“So you have no idea that Andrew used this for his grand gesture too.”
“What do you mean? This wasn’t painted until 2015,” he said, referencing the date on the outside.
“It was repainted in 2015.”
“Really?” he asked.
“You are amazing.”
He pressed his lips to mine.