Chapter 10
10
I scrambled out of bed at four in the morning to find my laptop and put a plan into action. It wasn’t a particularly well thought one, but less than ten hours of sleep over forty-eight hours combined with the very real fear my world was falling apart wasn’t helping matters. All I could do was try.
I set off at the crack of dawn for Union Station. Armed with a cup of coffee and a heavier than normal briefcase, I made my way to the First Class section, determined to be one of the first passengers to board the train.
I shrugged my cashmere coat off and settled into my seat just as the doors opened and a haggard-looking older gentleman dressed in a suit and tie stumbled inside. He gave me a short nod as he made his way to his seat. I wanted to pull out my cell phone, but instead I grabbed the book I’d brought and opened it as though I couldn’t wait to dive into a riveting story of… I flipped to the prologue and read the first couple of lines.
The language was thick and seeped with romantic overtones that made the prose difficult to interpret. I closed it and stared out the window unseeingly.
“Looks like this seat’s free. Mind moving your coat?”
I looked up at the sound of his familiar deep voice. He was dressed like a college kid in casual jeans and a lightweight army-green jacket. His dark hair fell into his eyes, but I could see a spark, a twinkle I knew well, though his expression was guarded. I swallowed hard as I reached for my coat and shoved it aside carelessly. My heart was in my throat. He was here. That was a very good sign. I hoped.
“You came.”
“You called.”
“I didn’t. I sent a ticket.”
“To Baltimore.”
“It was this or the museum.”
“Hmph. I like the museum. I fucking hate Baltimore.”
“Oh. Why are you here, then?”
He turned to face me, his denim-clad knee brushing against my expensive wool blend trousers. His expression was intense and brooding, with a layer of serenity that made me hopeful.
“I figured, what the hell? I’m always up for adventure and a good time. Kicking back on a train, reading a good book like….”
He picked up the book in my lap and grinned, his gorgeous face lit to perfection as he looked at me… really looked at me for the first time. “ The Canterbury Tales . This isn’t anyone’s idea of a good time, Paul.”
I bit my lip and nodded. “I was reading the prologue and?—”
“Good thing I got here when I did or you’d be dead ass asleep in less than five minutes.”
“You came to save me?” I heard a rawness in my tone that made me cringe. I sounded needy. Not confident and definitely not in control.
He cocked his head thoughtfully before leaning across the armrest. He was so close and smelled so good, I wanted to bury my nose in his neck and breathe him in. I held myself together and waited for him to say something… anything.
“Yes, I came to save you.” He brushed his thumb against his nose thoughtfully before speaking.
“From Baltimore?” I joked, fidgeting with the page corners of the book nervously. “I was going to call you, but….”
Seth smiled wanly and looked away. “It’s okay. I needed to think too. I’ve never seen you so….”
“Unhinged?”
He scoffed. “That works. You scared me.”
“I scared myself too. I’m sorry, Seth. I’m an idiot. I fell for the game. I knew what he was doing and I… folded. I never believed he was supporting you or that there was a conspiracy theory.” I gave a half laugh at his comical incredulous expression. “He just… knows how to press my buttons.”
“He’s an ass.”
“I know. I—I’m sorry.”
He sighed and brushed my jaw with the back of his hand. “I understand what it’s like to be afraid, Paul. But I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.”
“This… shouldn’t work. It might not work. We’re too different. We?—”
“I love you.” He gave me a lopsided smile and leaned in to kiss the corner of my mouth.
“You do?”
“I do.” Seth’s eyelashes fluttered against my cheek. I wanted to close my eyes and lose myself in him, but I had to find my balance first. I felt raw but not out of control. Being with him made all the difference. I turned as much as possible in my seat to face him and prayed like hell I’d get this right.
“I love you too. In fact, I’m crazy for you.”
“I know you’re crazy.”
I bit my lip and gulped. “You’re right. I am. We’re much too different and we make no sense. You’re flighty and reckless. You never ask permission. You do as you please and you drive me mad. You’re impetuous and too?—”
“Uh, you aren’t painting a pretty picture here. Is there anything you actually like about me?” His eyes twinkled as though he couldn’t wait to see where I was going with this.
“I love you. All of you. You know me. You know how to make me think, make me laugh, make me feel.” I swallowed hard and continued. “You are utterly unexpected. I love that you can quote Confucius one minute and cackle like an idiot over silly cartoons the next. I love your patience and your wisdom. And I love that even though you know I’m slightly batty, you’re still here. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. It scares me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I hurt you. I?—”
“Shh.” He shook his head and set his finger on my lower lip. “Hey, I’ve been scared too, Paul. I know heartache. I know loneliness. It’s made me cautious in some ways and reckless in others. It isn’t easy to give pieces of yourself when you aren’t sure what you’ll get in return. I didn’t want to belong to anyone because I didn’t want to get tossed aside again like I was insignificant or unworthy. The flesh wounds are nothing compared to what goes on inside. I get it. But I’m ready to take a chance on us. I won’t give up on you. I want to make you coffee in my boxers every morning and put my feet on your lap while you’re reading at the end of the day.” He gave a short self-deprecating chuckle as he traced my jawline tenderly. “I may drive you crazy on occasion, but baby, I promise… you’re safe with me.”
I couldn’t speak. I’d planned to grovel and beg, not to be comforted and reassured. I knew this man could quote literary greats at the drop of a hat, but I hadn’t counted on being swept off my feet. My heart felt suddenly too big in my chest. I was dizzy and a little delirious, but with hope. Not fear.
I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly, loving his soft hum of approval and his solid strength. I captured his head between my hands and sealed my mouth over his, gliding my tongue alongside his in what felt like the first time in forever. I pulled back and rested my forehead against his, breathing his air and reveling in his nearness.
“So Baltimore, eh?”
“Yes.”
His teasing smile was lopsided and perfectly radiant. “Why Baltimore? If you were going to say you’re sorry… why fucking Baltimore? Why not Miami? If I….”
And just like that my world was right again. My smile was so wide it hurt my face. “I suppose we could just go for coffee then come home.”
“Coffee in Baltimore. A redo of our first date, eh?”
“Hopefully better than that,” I snorted.
“Much better.” He tilted my chin and placed a soft kiss on my mouth. He held my stare for a long moment, then kissed my hand in a courtly manner before picking up the book resting on my lap. He flipped to the end and gave me a mischievous smile as he read in a low, sexy tone.
“Next morning, when the day began to spring,
Up rose our host, and acting as our cock?—”
“This is nasty.” He shook his head mournfully in mock concern for my sense of propriety.
“You’re ridiculous. You know full well he wasn’t referring to what your dirty mind is conjuring,” I said primly.
“Never can tell with those dark age types. You know….”
I rolled my eyes, though it was no secret I was enchanted.
I listened with half an ear as Seth chattered on about translating sexual innuendo in ancient text. He didn’t expect me to agree. He didn’t need me to argue. He simply needed me there. I felt exactly the same.
We were an unlikely pair from very different worlds. We’d each battled our own demons and even shared one. We understood life didn’t come with guarantees. It wasn’t always fair or safe, and not everyone could be relied on to do what was right and just. But there was still beauty in the world, and there was goodness.
Perhaps it wasn’t where I expected to find it and this man wasn’t the one I thought I needed, but I was endlessly grateful.
Some risks were better than being safe.