8. Chase
8
CHASE
I stood in the kitchen, staring out the window that overlooked the backyard. I was fucking floored that Bee hadn’t run off yet. Yeah, I was hungry, but I wasn’t that hungry. I just wanted to offer her an out in case she wanted to hide in the cottage.
But she was still sitting there, thumbing through the dog-eared pages of the book she had been reading. Luna was curled up at her feet, gnawing away on a chew toy.
I went through the motions of slapping some peanut butter on bread and topping it with banana slices while I watched her. I felt like a fucking creep, but I couldn’t find it in myself to care. It felt like it had been ages since she and I had been this close to each other.
When I saw her lying on the blanket the other night, it put the thought in my head that maybe I could get her to sit outside with me.
It was clear that Bridget didn’t feel comfortable being in close quarters with people, but outside she would have space to breathe .
In all honesty, I thought it would take a couple days before she’d venture out into the yard. When I saw her sitting out there tonight, my heart nearly came out of my throat.
Goddamn, she was beautiful .
Even all bundled up like it wasn’t ninety degrees outside, she was fucking stunning.
I dropped the knife in the sink as Bridget set her book on the little end table. Carefully, she eased out of the loveseat.
Dammit. She was going to go back into the cottage and lock me out.
I should have just sat there with her.
But, to my surprise, Bridget grabbed my vest and sat back down. She held it in her lap, turning it backward and forward as she studied it.
I wrapped the peanut butter and banana sandwich in a paper towel and wandered back outside. “You gonna tac up for a ride-along with me?” I joked as I crossed the grass.
She looked down, fighting a smile. “What can I say—I like cop shows. Bulletproof vests can make anyone look cool.”
I laughed. “Cool until it’s triple digits and you’re soaked in sweat because the bad guy decided to stop for his iced coffee before committing crimes.”
Bridget trapped her lower lip between her teeth, fighting a smile. Her green eyes danced with delight. It was a good look on her. “Can I try it on?”
“You really want to? I, uh, can’t guarantee it smells very good.”
She nodded, so I set my sandwich aside and pulled the vest apart.
“How’s the shoulder?” I asked as I dropped it over her head. The vest nearly swallowed her whole.
“Sore as all get out,” she sighed. “But I can do normal things. I should be able to go back to work in a week or so. ”
I nodded as I adjusted the vest. “Just pull those tabs there to tighten it,” I said, pointing to the Velcro straps that laid against her ribs. I knew she had some broken ribs on both sides and didn’t want to hurt her. Most of all, I didn’t know if I could control myself if my hand was that close to her breasts.
Bridget fiddled with the straps before deciding that it was just the way she liked it. “How do I look?” she asked, holding her arms out so I could assess her readiness. Her head was still tipped down, so I couldn’t see her face. But there was a lightness in her voice that I hadn’t heard in a long time.
She probably looked like a dime in the bulletproof vest, but the only thing I could focus on was my last name plastered across her chest. brANNAN.
It was like I had claimed her. Branded her. Like she was finally mine.
Like things were finally how they were always supposed to be.
“Beautiful as always, darlin’,” I rasped.
She pulled back the straps and tried to lift it over her head but grimaced, letting out the most gut-wrenching groan of pain.
“Hold on,” I said as I sprang forward.
She recoiled immediately like I was about to lay hands on her.
I dropped my voice into the soothing tone I used all too often at work. “Hey, it’s okay. It’s heavy. Might fuck up your shoulder if you try to get it off. Let me help you.”
She sat still as a statue as I lifted it off. The top of the vest snagged her ball cap, knocking it back as I pulled it off.
“Shit. Um—” Bridget held her head low, using her blonde hair as a curtain while I grabbed her ball cap off the grass.
Rather than giving it back, I curled the bill in my fist. “You don’t have to hide from me,” I said gently, hoping to coax her out of her shell a little more. “It’s just me. ”
She stared straight at the ground like she was hoping it would swallow her up whole.
“Darlin’—”
“I know,” she whispered through quiet tears. “I know. You love me. I’ve always known, Chase. But I don’t want you to look at me right now because every time you do, I see the pain that I feel reflected in your eyes. I know you love me, but you will never look at me the way you used to.”
“Bee, I?—”
As if to stick it to me, she turned her face and looked me dead in the eye. I tried to steel my expression, but she caught me off guard. The various shades of black and blue around her cheeks, eyes, and temples made me flinch.
“See?” She shook her head and looked down. “I’ll never be who I used to be to you, and that’s what hurts the most.”
I wanted to hold her. To touch her hand. Something—some kind of physical connection. But I didn’t want to hurt her. I couldn’t bring myself to actually touch her.
She picked at the Velcro on the brace that splinted her fractured wrist. “For so long, I became numb to the pain and couldn’t remember what feeling good felt like.” She sniffed back a tear. Somehow, a smile broke through her sadness. “But then I would get these little moments with you. Moments when you helped me remember what good felt like. It was the way you’d look at me or smile at me. Or the way you’d say my name or call me darlin’ . That night you hugged me on the beach outside Maddie and Luca’s house when you told me that you would be good to me. You made me keep seeking a way out of the darkness I was in. You didn’t know it, but you made sure I didn’t forget what real love feels like. You were my lighthouse, keeping me from losing myself in the darkness. ”
I reached for her, but she hunched back, pulling her hands to her chest.
“You’re right,” I said. “I won’t ever look at you like I used to.” Slowly, I draped my arm across the back of the loveseat, happy when that motion didn’t send her running for the cottage. I trailed my fingertips along the back of her good shoulder. “But that’s because I looked at you like the girl I wanted but couldn’t have.”
She dabbed at a stray tear that was running down her cheek.
“Did you know that you’re the reason I became a cop?” I asked.
Bridget sniffed back a tear. “You told me you wanted to be a cop when we were in high school. You couldn’t have possibly known this would happen to me.”
I continued tracing gentle shapes on her shoulder. “You remember when your house got robbed?”
“How could I forget?” she whispered. “God—that was terrifying.”
“I was over at Mel’s house working on some stupid science project when Jase started beating on the door. Mr.Jacobsen opened it, and I saw you standing there looking more scared than I’d ever seen. I knew right then and there that I never wanted you to feel like that ever again. That I’d do anything to protect you.”
Gently, I ran my fingers through the back of her hair. She let out a hum of satisfaction and allowed her eyes to close. It was a small act of trust on her part, but it was everything to me.
“You hugged me for the longest time that night,” she said after a long stretch of silence. “And then Mel’s dad made us all go upstairs, and you sat with me and kept my mind off things.”
“That was the night I knew. I wanted to be a cop.” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, revealing more of her battered cheek. “I wanted to be your guardian angel. I never wanted you to feel afraid again. ”
“You’re still my best friend,” she admitted. “I know I’ve been a moody bitch… I’ve just?—”
“Don’t apologize,” I said. “Whatever way you need to work through the shit you’ve gone through, you do it. You’ve always been tough, Bee. You don’t let people see you cry. You hold in everything. Hell, you were a fuckin’ saint to your dad when he was dying, and God knows he didn’t deserve it.”
She let out a blustering breath. “It’s not a surprise I let Kyle get away with his bullshit for so long. I let my dad get away with it.”
“ Your dad hit you ?” I snapped through gritted teeth. I knew the man was a hateful bastard, but Jason would have stepped in. “And Jase never?—”
“He didn’t hit me,” she said. “And before you argue with me, I’m not lying and protecting him. He’s dead.”
Sensing Bridget’s distress, Luna crawled out from under the bench and plopped her head into Bee’s lap.
She gave Luna a scratch behind her ears and kissed the top of her snout.
“He never had to hit me,” she said quietly. “His words did the trick. You know that old saying about sticks and stones? It’s bullshit. Sometimes words hurt more than hands.”
“Darlin’, I need you to know that, had I known what you were dealing with, I would’ve been there for you,” I said. “I will always be here for you.”
“I know,” she sniffed.
“Bridge—whatever you need. I will move heaven and earth for you.”
She reached over and squeezed my hand. “I know.” Her touch had heat flooding through my body. I tamped down the urge to haul her onto my lap and kiss the hell out of her.
“Anything you need,” I rasped, brushing my thumb across the back of her hand .
“I think I need time alone,” she said.
Anything but that .
“Darlin’—”
“I lost myself once,” she said. “I can’t hear my own thoughts. I can’t trust them when I do hear them. I’m scared of my own shadow. Thinking about going back to work where he might be able to find me is paralyzing. I need to be selfish right now.” Bridget grabbed her book and balled up the blanket to head back to the cottage. “I’m sorry.”
“How is she?” Maddie asked, looking out the kitchen window to the cottage. She had brought takeout from the restaurant to give to Bridget, but Bee hadn’t opened the door.
“Your guess is as good as mine,” I muttered as I yanked open the fridge and grabbed a beer. “She hasn’t come out in four days.”
Not since the night we sat outside under the pergola. No calls. No text. No interludes under cover of darkness. She hadn’t even let Luna in.
I grabbed a second beer and offered it to Maddie. “Want one?”
She let a coy smile slip and rested her hand over her stomach. “Can’t.”
“Right. Sorry.” I nodded, feeling like a jackass for not remembering she was pregnant. Then again, she didn’t really look pregnant. She had on those shredded denim shorts and a white tank top that read Hotter Than a Hoochie Coochie.
Hopefully, that kid would inherit Luca’s sense of style.
She shrugged. “No biggie. Sometimes I make Luca pour a glass of wine just so I can smell it. Speaking of alcohol, has she decided when she’s going back to work?”
“Next week,” I muttered, taking a swig from my beer. “I told her she needed to take more time off, but she said she wants things to get back to normal.”
“Has Jase or Mel tried to talk her out of it?”
The only people Bridget had let inside were Jason and Melissa. I tried not to take it personally, chalking it up to Jase being her brother and Melissa having seen her all banged up before now.
I had tried to get them to spill how she was really doing, but Bee had probably asked them to stay tight-lipped.
“Yeah, Jase said he asked her to take at least another week off, but she was adamant that she wanted to go back.”
Maddie looked at me curiously as she shoved Revanche bags in my fridge. “And you don’t like that?”
“She’s fuckin’ terrified to leave the cottage, Mad,” I snapped, throwing the bottle cap across the room. “She doesn’t want to go back to the bar. She’s just too stubborn to take any more help.”
“Is she scared that Kyle is going to show up?” Maddie asked.
I shrugged. “If I were her, I would be.”
I didn’t like it, but it was the truth. Abusers like that didn’t give up. They didn’t let what they viewed as their property get away with escaping. If we didn’t get to Kingsley first, sooner than later, he’d show his hand.
Maddie sighed as we looked at the cottage. Bee had the shades drawn, but we could see her moving around in there.
So close, yet so far away.
“I hate that she went through that,” she said. “And I hate that she feels like she has to hide from us .”
“I offered to drive her to the bar and pick her up, so she didn’t have to leave alone late at night,” I said between sips. “But she’s been icing me out. Didn’t even respond.”
“I think it’s going to take an act of God before she feels safe again. I just wish she knew how much we all love her.” She let out a quiet laugh. “Hell—not just us. It’s the whole damn town. Everyone’ s been asking about her. Hannah Jane and I had to talk down Ethel from the diner. She was dead set on organizing a meal train. If going back to work is what’s scaring her, we could drum up a personal escort for her without even lifting a finger. Fill the bar with big, scary guys so Kingsley wouldn’t dare come near it.”
Maddie rambled on. I had zoned out somewhere around the idea of filling the bar with big, scary guys. Sometimes Mad was one French fry short of a Happy Meal. And other times, she was a goddamn genius.