23. Bridget
23
brIDGET
“ M orning, beautiful.” Chase drew me in for a long, slow kiss as the sun crept over the horizon.
I shivered and curled into his arms as a crisp breeze blew in from the ocean. We lay together, skin to skin, hearts beating as one. Chase gazed down on me with kind eyes, brushing my hair away from my face. I stretched, curling my toes and arching my back.
Chase closed his eyes and laid back on the mattress. “How’d you sleep?”
“Good. I might need to get one of those white noise machines for the cottage. The waves put me right to sleep.”
He eyed me warily. “You plan on sleeping in the cottage when we get back home?”
I bit back a smile. “Maybe?”
“Hmm.” He waded through the layers of blankets until his hands found my legs. Slowly, teasingly, Chase slipped his hand between my thighs and slid his fingers across the entrance of my pussy .
My eyes fluttered closed as I sucked in a sharp breath, then exhaled with a satisfied hum.
“I think I can give you a few reasons to sleep in the house instead,” he said as he dipped a finger into my core, curling it up and stroking.
“Oh… oh, yeah?” I whimpered.
“How’s this for one?” he growled, nipping at my earlobe.
“E-effective.”
A sly smile curled at the corner of his mouth as he inserted another finger turning shallow thrusts into deep strokes.
I swallowed as needy pressure built low in my belly. “Is that your second reason?”
“Yeah,” he rasped. “How am I doing?”
“Annoyingly good,” I whispered through shallow pants.
Chase let out a quiet laugh. “You want another reason?”
“Yes.”
He dipped his head below the covers and pulled my nipple between his teeth. I stifled a cry of ecstasy as he pushed the heel of his hand against my clit. “Ride my hand, darlin’. Wrap your leg around me.”
I did as he said, resting the back of my knee around his waist as he squeezed my ass with his other hand. My pussy tightened around his fingers as my orgasm built to a crescendo. He dragged a finger through the wetness coating the apex of my thighs and drew it back between my cheeks. I held my breath as he toyed with the rosette of muscle hidden in the cleft.
“Good?”
I nodded. “So good.”
His finger breached my ring as he curled the two in my pussy and stroked my G-spot. Stars exploded behind my eyelids as I collapsed into him, riding wave after wave of sheer ecstasy .
Chase lavished my breasts with sloppy, open-mouthed kisses. “So beautiful,” he murmured as I floated on clouds of bliss.
My breath came in heavy pants as I tumbled from the high.
“So, we have a deal,” Chase said as he slowly slid his fingers away from my body and gave my clit a playful pinch. “No more cottage?”
“No more cottage,” I agreed as a devilish thought popped into my brain. “I think I’m ready to get an apartment.”
His lazy morning smile turned to a hard frown. “You’re fucking with me.”
“I think it’d be good for me to have my own space for a while,” I teased as I drew abstract shapes across his chest with my finger. “That way, you don’t get tired of me.”
“You’re bullshitting me.”
“Am not.”
Chuckling, Chase rolled and had me on my back with my arms pinned over my head in half a second.
Before I could get the words out, I panicked, turning my head to the side and looking for an escape.
I tried to push back against his grip, but he didn’t budge. “Let go,” I rasped as I tried to find my voice.
Chase didn’t move fast enough.
“Let go!” I shrieked, thrashing as flashes of heat and cold blanketed the back of my neck. “Please!”
“Whoa—” Chase released my hands and scrambled off of me. “I’m sorry, Bee—I… I forgot. I was just messing?—”
I shoved back, cowering in the corner of the truck bed with my knees to my chest as I tried to breathe the way Naomi taught me. Hot flashes of humiliation lit up my body, blending with the anxiety to form a potent cocktail of mistrust and fear.
Chase pulled the blanket over me and shimmied his shorts on. “What can I do? ”
My eyes were closed as I focused on breathing and blocking out the ticker tape of vile lies in my head. Slowly, the voice turned to static, then nothing.
It was gone.
I opened my eyes and found him kneeling beside me. The sun was hanging low over the ocean as it rose. Dawn arrived in colorful pinks and yellows.
“Darlin’, I’m so sorry. I know apologies don’t mean shit, but I… I am. I’m sorry.”
It took me a moment to find the words. To make sense of it all.
Sure, I’d had a panic attack, but I managed it. Breathed through it. Focused on myself instead of the wicked voice in my head.
I reached out and slid my hand into his. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not,” he choked. “You told me you didn’t want me to touch?—”
“I want you to be able to treat me like your girlfriend,” I said, interrupting him. “I don’t want you to treat me like I’m made of glass.”
“But you?—”
“Yeah. I told you I didn’t want you to touch my wrists that night. But it’s not going to be like this forever. Someday I’m going to want you to cuff me and tie me down and kiss my neck and do all the things that I can’t handle today.”
Chase looked gutted. His brows were drawn in, forming a deep groove over his nose.
“I know I freaked out, but you know what felt good?”
He looked up at me.
“You treating me like you used to. Being playful with me. I want that. Just maybe when I’m not all achy from being fucked on an air mattress.”
Chase cracked a smile. “I’m sorry, darlin’. I wasn’t thinking. ”
I held my hands out, turning my wrists up. “Now you get to kiss it and make it better.”
His sad smile turned to a grin. “Now that, I’ll happily do.”
The first touch of his mouth on the inside of my wrists stung. The contact forced a playback of being violated and caged to scroll through my mind.
But with each soft kiss, the gut-wrenching memories were replaced by him. By love.
We dressed, folded the bedding, and packed up the truck for the ride back to the ferry terminal.
Yesterday on the trip to Ocracoke, I had still been processing everything Naomi, and I talked about during my first appointment. It had been a lot, but it wasn’t what I expected.
Chase had been thoughtful enough to not ask, but I knew he was curious.
The boat ride back to Cedar Island was just as peaceful as the first time. Chase and I sat on the deck, dodging the sprays of ocean water as we ate greasy breakfast takeout plates from a diner he spotted on the drive back to the ferry terminal.
He had slipped into the indoor seating area of the ferry to scrounge up something to wash it all down.
“Coffee?”
I was leaning against the metal railing that wrapped around the deck of the vehicle ferry, enjoying the sea spray as we dipped into the waves. Chase sidled up to me, offering a sip from the paper cup he procured inside the ferry’s vending area.
I shook my head. “I’m good. Thanks, though.”
“What’s that?” he mumbled as he turned, facing me and leaning his back against the railing. Chase tipped his chin to my clenched fist.
I didn’t open my hand. Didn’t say anything. I looked out at the white caps below. “A decision. ”
He hummed something unintelligible, but withheld further comment.
Something had happened to Chase when I was in the hospital, and I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.
The guy I knew before that night —my best friend—never had a problem saying what was on his mind. He didn’t tiptoe around me or treat me with kid gloves. Chase would shit-talk me just as much as I would him. We didn’t have boundaries when it came to telling it like it was.
It made me think of the time he stormed into Jokers and told me that I was a dumbass and making a fool out of myself for dating Kyle.
The irony was that things weren’t even that bad back then.
He wasn’t wrong, but I still chewed him out for it, trying to salvage my pride.
Ever since I came home from the hospital—well, to the cottage—he had been soft spoken. Like he was waiting for me to come to him.
I didn’t blame him. He had been chasing me for a lifetime. It wasn’t fair to him, but I got off on it a little bit. I liked being pursued. What girl didn’t?
But Kyle had pursued me, too.
I’d come to realize that they pursued me in opposite ways. Kyle was a predator. A hunter. He saw me as a trophy. Something to capture. Chase was like a horse whisperer. Relentless. Passionate. Gentle. Patient. He didn’t want to command me; he wanted to walk beside me.
Now, I needed Chase’s patience as much as I needed his love.
I backed away from the railing and unfurled my hand. The engagement ring Kyle had forced onto my finger lay in my palm. He never even proposed. Just told me how it was going to be and what was expected of me .
“I’ve been holding on to it,” I began, staring down at the gaudy thing. “I was going to pawn it and use the money and start over, but…” My voice trailed off.
Miraculously, Chase didn’t yell at me for still having it. “But?”
I shrugged and shoved it back in my pocket. “I hear his voice in my head, saying all these vile things. I need the money, but it… It feels dirty. Like he’d still have a hold on me if I pawn it. It’s a constant reminder that I saw forever in his lies.”
Chase drained the rest of the coffee and tossed the paper cup in a trashcan. He turned me to face the ocean and stood behind me, bracing his hands against the railing.
I was caged, but I didn’t feel my fight-or-flight response kick into high gear. I felt safe.
“The easy route rarely provides long-term peace.” He dropped a kiss onto my head. “Your life… Your heart… Your peace—it’s worth more than a bank balance.”
I crossed my arms over my stomach. “That’s easy to say when it’s not your bank balance.”
“Darlin’, I know it’s a touchy subject, but I’ve got you. Whatever you need.” He wrapped his arms around mine. “He doesn’t deserve any more of you. Never deserved anything to begin with.”
“I know you’re not like him,” I admitted through the crash of waves against the side of the ferry. “I know you wouldn’t use my dependence as leverage, but I can’t ask those things of you. I can’t ask you to provide for me when I have literally nothing to offer you.”
Chase chuckled. “It’s like you don’t even know me.” He reached around and tugged the elastic rubber band out of the bottom of my braid, then stepped back.
“What are you—” I turned around, stumbling backward against the railing in utter confusion .
Chase was down on one knee, with my hair elastic pinched between his fingers.
“You’re—”
“Goddamn right I am,” he smirked. “Let’s consider this ‘take one.’ That way, you can take your time and get used to the idea that someday, I’m gonna ask you this same question again. Hell, I might just ask you every day.”
“Chase—”
He was out of his ever-loving mind. Was he seriously about to propose to me with a hair tie?
“Darlin’,” he began as he took my hand in his. “Nothing about my love for you is conditional. It will always be something I freely give to you. I will love you if we’re richer than Will and Isaac put together, and I will love you even if we don’t have two pennies between us. I have loved you for as long as I can remember, and I will keep loving you in my heart long after my memory fails. I will fight for you. I will protect you. I will cherish you.” He stretched his arm out, offering the little rubber band back to me. “I’m not saying it’ll be easy, but it will be possible. That’s what happens when two people love each other. They do the impossible. Love changes the course of history.”
Concrete that shrouded my heart exploded into sand. The scars that wrapped around it began to heal a little more.
“I love you,” I whispered over the crash of the waves. “Don’t ever doubt it.”
“Not for a damn minute,” he said as he rose to his feet. Chase took my hand and rolled the black rubber band onto my left ring finger. “I’d propose to you with a gumball machine ring. I’d propose to you with a bread tie. I’d propose to you with a piece of string. It’s not about a ring. Not about making a show of it. It’s not about the money. Never will be. It’s about you and me. The way we were always supposed to be. ”
“I do.”
I smiled as he cupped my cheeks and kissed me, deep and messy. His lips latched onto mine with an intensity that was barely restrained.
Chase broke away, taking a deep breath. “I think you’re supposed to say yes . Saying I do is skipping a few steps.” He rubbed his thumb over the hair elastic on my finger. “I’m not messing with you, Bee. I’d marry you right now, just like this. No pretense. No conditions. And I’ll ask you every damn day if I need to.”
The corner of my mouth twitched in a smile. “I’ll keep saying yes. I don’t need anything but you. No rings. No white dresses. No cake. No crowd.”
He tilted his head, slanting his mouth to mine. “No ring?”
I brushed my lips against his. “I’ve had enough of being a show pony for one lifetime.”
“Well,” he said, drawing me in for a deep, slow kiss. When he had sufficiently paralyzed all of my faculties, he continued. “You’ll just have to deal with the fact that I got you a ring a long time ago.”
I gasped. “What?”
Chase slid his hand into the pocket of my shorts and pulled out Kyle’s ring. “What do you think you wanna do with this one?”
The ring Kyle had bought was roughly the price of a car—something I desperately needed. Even getting less than it was worth would make my bank account very happy.
But I wanted peace more than I wanted money. I would never sleep soundly knowing where the money came from.
I took the ring from Chase and held it between my fingers. For the longest time, it had felt like a shackle. Heavy. Punishing. Damning.
But now it felt cheap. Worthless. Weightless.
I stood at the front of the ferry and gazed at the expanse of blue. It stretched as far as the eye could see. I drew my arm back and pitched the ring into the ocean. The mix of silver and diamonds glinted in the sunlight before disappearing into the waves.
Poseidon could have it.
We got in the truck and waited to disembark the ferry. He navigated down the ramp and into the parking lot of the Cedar Island terminal.
Yesterday when Chase suggested we go for a drive, I had no idea he had all this planned. But now, I wasn’t ready to go back to the real world.
We cruised down the open road with the windows down. I leaned on the passenger side door with my hand out the window, fingers surfing the air as it blew past. My legs were draped across the center console. Chase had pulled my feet into his lap, keeping a gentle hold on my ankle as he drove.
“Any headaches today?” he asked as he glanced over at me.
“Strawberry Wine” was playing on the radio, the sky was a crisp Carolina blue, and I was feeling better than I had in a long, long time.
“Nope,” I said as I smiled at him.
Chase grinned and gave my ankle a squeeze. “Good.”
“I think talking to Naomi helped…”
His eyebrows raised. “Oh yeah?”
“I have another appointment next week.”
“Need a ride?”
“Nah,” I said. “If I don’t have to work, I’ll probably walk. Might bring Luna with me.”
He chuckled. “Was our dog a hot topic of conversation yesterday?”
I chewed on my lip and looked out the window as my hair whipped around my face. I wasn’t sure if he realized it, but he had just called Luna ours.
I loved it.
“She was. Naomi was asking what my current living situation was like.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I watched him fight a smile. Chase stroked the side of his square jaw, scratching at his two-day scruff. “Did, uh… Did y’all talk about anything else?”
I smiled into the sunshine as he crested a bridge and admired the sparkling water below. “If you’re trying to figure out if we talked about you, the answer is yes.”
“Reaaally,” he drew out.
“I love you, and you’re important to me. Of course we talked about you.” I closed my eyes and enjoyed the breeze. The truck ate up a few more miles of road before I spoke again. “We mostly talked about my dad.”
“Oh?”
I nodded. “About how I always felt the need to fix people even when I should have made them be responsible for themselves. And now that I’m the one who needs fixing, I don’t know how to reckon with that.”
“What’s that have to do with your dad?”
I closed my eyes again. “I think I picked up on the need to love people into being better early on. When I was a kid, I thought that if I tiptoed around the house and didn’t make much noise, he wouldn’t get drunk and yell at Jase and me. Eventually, I thought that maybe if I was the one behind the bar, he wouldn’t get wasted and belligerent. When he was on his deathbed after drowning his liver in alcohol, I thought that if I cared for him enough, maybe he would love me. I tolerated heaps of maltreatment just for a few scraps of affection. Jase had the right idea when he left and joined the Navy. He got his ability to go cold-turkey with people from our mom.”
“Have you talked to your mom lately?”
“It’s been a few years. Long before I got together with Kyle.” I looked down and picked at my nail beds. “According to Naomi, I was ‘conditioned to care about those who don’t deserve it.’ I think I’m just stubborn.”
Chase reached across the console and took my hand, twining our fingers together. “I’m proud of you.” He drew my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. “And I love you. Don’t ever doubt it.”