Chapter Six
When Clarice made the spur-of-the-moment decision to leave her friends out on the veranda and follow Samuel, she hadn’t really thought things through, except to get their awkward first meeting together in seven years over with.
She hadn’t thought about how tough and emotional the conversation between them might be.
So far, they had exchanged nothing important, but it was about to change.
“I would hate me if I were you.” She held her breath as she waited for him to speak.
“Nothing that happened between us was your fault.” His voice sounded emotionless.
“At least from my recollection, it wasn’t, and I have a great memory.
The day you rode off with your parents, never to be seen by me again until tonight, is etched in my mind.
” He winced when he finished. Perhaps he regretted admitting such to her.
“I’ve never forgotten that day either, or what we shared. Standing with you now makes it feel like yesterday, not seven years ago.” She sighed. “What have you been doing for the past seven years?”
He laughed and waved one arm around. “Oh. This and that. Mostly, I spent time with my thoroughbreds. I have two on the racing circuit this year, which takes up most of my life. Not that I’m complaining. I love it. It keeps me busy.”
“You always loved your horses and talked about owning thoroughbreds someday. I’m so happy that you have realized your dream.” Perhaps her dream would someday come true. Her dream of marrying and having children.
He laughed again. “Yes, well, it’s always good when one of your dreams comes true.”
Before she could stop herself, she whispered sadly, “I wouldn’t know.”
She witnessed his body tense right before her eyes. “Enough about me,” he said. “What have you been doing to occupy your time?”
Now it was her body’s time to stiffen. There were so many things she wanted to share with Samuel, but tonight wasn’t the right time.
They needed to get reacquainted first. “I took up watercolors. Chesterfield hired a tutor for me. It helped with the loneliness and isolation during my marriage.” Since his death, though, she hadn’t picked up a brush.
It had been her refuge when he was alive, but painting now only brought back memories she wanted to forget.
“You never had any children?”
Her heart stopped, then ricocheted around inside her chest. Tears threatened to make an appearance. She breathed through the pain of her loss and cleared her throat. “No.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you. Considering Chesterfield only married me to produce an heir, it made him furious. I’m still waiting for his great-nephew to claim the title. Until then, I’m living at Chesterfield Manor. There’s nothing I can do until he arrives from America. He’s due sometime this month.”
“It must be difficult waiting for the day he arrives.” Samuel looked thoughtful. Maybe he was thinking about inheriting his father’s title and lands. Something he’d never expected.
“Forgive me,” Clarice said. “I never expressed my condolences for the loss of your family. It was five years ago, wasn’t it?”
He turned to look at her, his gray eyes filled with sorrow. “Thank you, and yes, five years ago this coming June.”
“You must have been devastated. I remember your parents so very well. They were always kind to me, and I loved them. I remember your brother and how he always said we were annoying, but he never meant it. He always had a smile for me and a hard candy treat in his pocket. Is that why you’ve changed? ”
“It took me a long time to come to terms with what happened. I should have been in my chambers and died with them, but I couldn’t sleep, so I went to the stables to spend time with the horses.
” He paused. “The fire spread fast, and by the time I realized what was happening, the flames had taken over and burned too hot. I couldn’t get inside to save anyone.
Thank God, most of the local servants had the night off and had gone home to their families.
” His eyes briefly closed, and when they opened again, she saw the pain in his dark-gray eyes.
“It was a somber time for the people of Hampshire. What do you mean, I’ve changed? ”
“You appear serious, subdued, and standoffish. The young, carefree gentleman is gone.”
He ran his hand through his hair. Something she noticed he did quite often and probably didn’t even realize he was doing it. “Well, things happened, and I guess those things changed me.”
She decided to let it go. It was clear that he was bothered by the fact that he had changed.
“How are you handling being the duke?” Oh dear, the moment the words escaped, she realized it was another sensitive topic.
He chuckled. “According to Greyson and Hunter, I’m not. I’m spending too much time, money, and energy on my racehorses.”
Her eyes widened when she realized he was serious. “Oh. Can’t you do both?”
“I’m trying. I might have to give up horseracing next year and my dream of owning a stud farm and focus on the dukedom.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Many would give their right hand to be the Duke of Stanton.”
Uncomfortable silence fell between them, pulsating around like a tangible presence.
When she couldn’t take it anymore, she said, “I should find the Marchioness of Rutherford; she’s probably looking for me.
” She stepped forward, closing the distance between them, stood on her tiptoes, and kissed his cheek.
“You have no idea how glad I am to see you.”
His mouth twitched into a grin. “As glad as I am to see you.” He extended his arm. “Come, I’ll escort you to your friend.”
Clarice placed her hand on his forearm. “Thank you.” They walked silently out of the room, down the hall, and into the noisy ballroom filled with orchestra music and pulsating voices. “I see her just up ahead.”
“You have made some fine friends. I’m not acquainted with the Marchioness of Rutherford, but I know the Duchess of Blackstone and the Countess of Langford quite well, along with their husbands.”
“I’m fortunate to be able to call them my friends.”
He stopped just short of the ladies and lowered his voice. “Can I be honest with you?”
“Yes.”
“When you first arrived at the library, I didn’t want to speak to you, but now I’m glad we had the chance to talk.” He bowed over her hand. “Until next time.”
Clarice stood there, watching his back retreat out of the ballroom, taking some of the vibrancy from the room with him. Was he leaving for good? She had a nagging feeling he was.
“Clarice.”
A tight knot formed in her stomach at hearing her name.
Samuel mentioned he was here, but Clarice had hoped he was mistaken.
Which was silly, because Samuel would never be mistaken about something so momentous.
She straightened her spine and tamped down all the emotions suddenly flooding her.
She would not give him the satisfaction of thinking he meant anything to her or that she was bothered by seeing him again after so many years apart, years she’d spent hating him.
She turned and faced the man who’d sired her but no longer deserved the title of father, even if she referred to him as such. “Father.”
His brown eyes assessed her, making it hard to stand still when all she really wanted to do was run outside on the veranda and scream. Or hit him on the side of his head with her reticle. Where did that violent urge come from?
“You look well, daughter.”
“Thank you. I am well,” she said casually.
“I trust your marriage to Chesterfield didn’t damage you in any way so that you can marry again and provide your husband with an heir. Something you never did for Chesterfield. Not that I’m surprised. The man was ancient.”
Nothing like getting straight to the point and invading the privacy of her marriage. “If you believed he would harm me in any way, why did you marry me to him?” she asked with her most gruff, demanding voice.
“You know why. But seriously,” he reached for her arm, but she stepped out of his reach, “did he hurt you?”
Instead of screaming, she now wanted to laugh and laugh and laugh until her stomach hurt. “I hate to disappoint you, Father, but he never laid a hand on me. So no physical damage whatsoever.” Emotional damage was another matter entirely.
“Glad to hear it. Maybe I can help you find your next husband, and you can help me select a new bride. There are so many young ladies to choose from, and it’s been decades since I was single, evaluating the young debutantes. I’m out of practice.”
He couldn’t be serious. “I will find my own husband, on my own time and terms, thank you very much.” Her father would never have any control over her again.
“If that’s what you wish. However, I hope you will help me. In my advanced years, I seek a wife who can manage my household, bear male heirs, and fulfill my needs. I’m not looking for a companion or friendship. Just a wife who does what’s asked of her. Who, in your opinion, fits that description?”
“Really, Father.” Trying not to laugh, she glanced around the room, observing all the young ladies. “I’m familiar with three ladies here tonight. Two are married, and one is widowed.”
He huffed. “That won’t do. I suppose I’ll have to ask several young ladies to dance, and if they pass my test, I’ll pay morning calls on them tomorrow. I suppose I’ll have to send flowers and sit through endless cups of tea in my quest to find a bride. No thanks to you, my daughter.”
“I wish you luck, Father,” she said in a strained voice.
It felt wrong and disrespectful to her mother’s memory to be discussing her replacement.
“If you’ll excuse me, I have someone I must speak to.
” She curtsied out of habit and hurried away as quickly as she could, giving her father no chance to say anything else.
She needed to find Letitia and persuade her to leave.