19. Zane
Zane
Bliss: Are you heading to the sale tomorrow?
Grinning, I lean an elbow on the cattle panel as I text her back.
Zane: I was thinking about it. Need me to take something for you?
I glance at the three dry cows standing in the corral. I’m taking them to the sale tonight because I’m busy all day tomorrow. It’s already turning into a scorcher today, and tomorrow’s supposed to be worse. I should be checking all the waters tomorrow with this first heat wave.
Bliss texts back a picture of a goat standing in the middle of the road.
I give up on texting and call her. “He’s out again?”
“He’s the absolute worst. And he stinks even worse today.” She sounds defeated.
“I could have saved you a lot of grief and told you that goats are menaces.”
“Yes, but I probably wouldn’t have listened to you,” she admits with a laugh. “This is the third time he’s been out today. My fences are good here, so I don’t even know how he’s doing it.”
“They have secret wings.”
Bliss laughs, and it’s enough encouragement that I’m determined to keep saying cheesy things to her anytime I get the chance.
I’ll be ordering a dad joke book as soon as I can…
An hour later, I pull down the driveway that leads to Bliss’s lambing barn when I’m greeted by an unusual sight.
My mother is standing in the driveway next to her side-by-side, talking with Bliss. I back my trailer up to the gate and climb out of my truck. “Mom? What are you doing here?”
She holds out her arm, gesturing for me to give her a hug.
I lean down and kiss her cheek and give her a hug.
“I’m feeling really good today, and I was excited to come visit Bliss at work. I texted her, and she said she was here, so I just decided to bring the side-by-side down.”
Bliss smiles at me. “I warned her that it would probably involve me yelling at some goats.”
I laugh at that. “The billy goat still out?”
“At least this time he went up the hill, rather than toward the county road.”
Mom chimes in, “I offered to drive her in the side-by-side. I haven’t had to chase a rogue animal in quite a while.”
“Dad will be mad.”
Mom waves a hand through the air. “Oh please, just because I’m slower than I used to be, doesn’t mean I can’t still be useful.”
Some days, when her arthritis flares up, my mother is immobile. It’s why my dad worries about her so much when she does have days that she’s feeling good. He would want me to turn down her help…but she’s an adult and gets to make her own decisions.
“Is that okay with you, Bliss?” Mom asks her.
Bliss shrugs. “Sure! The side-by-side sounds great.”
Mom moves with a speed I haven’t seen in a couple of years and jumps into the driver’s seat. “Let’s go catch that goat.”
I glance down at Bliss and say quietly, “You’re going to want to hang on. Mom drives like she’s auditioning for NASCAR.”
Bliss’s eyes go wide, and she follows me to the passenger side. I sit down in the front seat, and Bliss stops abruptly. “I’ll jump in the back.”
There are only two seats on this rig and a small bed in the back. I reach out and grasp her hand. “You sit here. I’ll sit in the back.”
“Good grief, you two,” Mom cuts in. “I’m not going to be offended if she sits on your lap. You’re married, for crying out loud.”
Bliss can’t hide the blush on her face and starts to protest.
“Come here, honey.” I pat my thigh and grin at her.
She narrows her eyes at me, and they seem to threaten all sorts of retribution, but she climbs into the side-by-side and perches awkwardly on my knees.
Mom steps on the gas, and the side-by-side shoots forward.
Bliss slams back against me, her head whacking against my chin.
I’m not sure which one of us is in more pain.
I frantically grab for her to keep her from toppling out of the vehicle while Mom turns the corner at warp speed.
I’ve got one hand clutching her hip, and another arm banded across her chest.
She’s clutching my arm for dear life.
Mom accelerates up the hill, and I pull Bliss further onto my lap. She turns to look up at me, the terror evident in her face. “Is she trying to kill us?” she asks quietly.
Fighting a laugh, I bury my face in her shoulder, but I can’t seem to stop myself. My whole body shakes as I laugh.
Mom finally slows down. “Look! There it is!” She points to the side of the gravel road about fifty yards away. A goat is standing at the brush line, nibbling on some low-hanging branches. Mom jerks the wheel, driving the side-by-side off the road and down the bumpy slope, straight toward the goat.
“Look out!” Bliss yells just before Mom shouts, “Hold on!”
She spins the wheel, turning left sharply.
I’d been so focused on keeping Bliss safe in the vehicle that I forgot to hang on to something. We both go tumbling out, falling to the ground next to the goat.
The ground is unforgiving, but neither of us hit our heads. The goat bleats and turns to run. I reach out a hand and catch a back leg. Bliss has the same idea because she’s stretched out on her stomach, reaching for the other back leg that she latches onto.
She turns to look at me with an incredulous look. “Your mom just flung us onto the ground.”
“I should have given you a little warning. It’s why I didn’t want you to sit in the back.”
Bliss laughs. “A lot of good it did us!”
I glance over my shoulder to see Mom bearing down on top of us, and I shout at her to slow down. Bliss lays her head down on her arm, and I can’t tell if she’s shaking with fear or laughter. The billy goat is bleating loudly, angry that we’re still hanging onto his legs and preventing his escape.
Mom stops the side-by-side just short of running us over. She climbs out slowly, holding onto the hood to steady herself. “Are you two all right? You would think you’d never chased goats before.”
I stare at her, incredulous. “Mom! You could have killed us.”
“I thought you two were adults and that I wouldn’t have to tell you to hang on. Really.” She huffs. “I didn’t know I would have to buckle you in.”
Bliss glances at me with tears in her eyes from laughing so hard.
I climb to my feet slowly, careful to keep a hold on the goat’s leg.
“I’ve got him,” I tell Bliss as I grab one of his horns as well. He gives me a haughty look, like, How dare I interrupt his fun.
Bliss lets go of the leg and stands up. She looks at me, barely suppressing her laughter. “I bet you didn’t think this would be part of being married to me.”
I raise my eyebrows. “I bet you didn’t know your mother-in-law was going to turn out to be a race car driver…”
She throws back her head and laughs, and she’s absolutely no help at all when I lift the goat into the back of the side-by-side.
She’s still laughing as I make her drive the rig back to the barn. “No offense, Mom,” I tell her as she sits in the passenger seat. “But I don’t want to get thrown out of the back of this thing.”
Mom looks back at me, where I sit in the bed, hanging onto a stinky billy goat. “You know, son, if you hadn’t married Bliss, I would be worried that you’d lost all sense of adventure. It’s a good thing you have her. She’ll keep you fun.”
She reaches a hand toward Bliss, and they fist-bump. Heaven help me, because I think my wife and mother have formed an alliance against me.