2. Chapter Two
One week passes without any Ruby matchmaking, but I stay on alert. I love my bed so much. Constant vigilance!
When a second week is nearly gone without her dangling any dudes my way, I wonder if I should be offended. Am I that hard to match? When Ruby went to work on Sami, she literally picked our neighbor Josh for her on the first day of their bet, and Sami is a third-generation “men are nothing but trouble” female. She and Josh were still loved up within three months.
Ava had been trickier because Ruby knew her brother had no clue that the girl they’d grown up next to was his perfect woman. But it hadn’t even taken Ruby the whole summer to help him see it.
It’s true I can’t even commit to a succulent, but it’s not because I’m picky. I’m the opposite: there are far too many good-looking succulents in Austin to choose only one. But most of the succulents—I mean, guys—end up giving me the ick, anyway. A couple of times, I’ve made it all the way to a fourth date. But then . . . ick. Hot until he talks in a baby voice and thinks he’s cute. Attractive until he shows up for a date wearing a T-shirt saying “Eat less.” Into him until he doesn’t tip the waiter.
If they don’t give me the ick, that’s almost worse. There’s no reason I don’t like them. It’s just not there for me. As soon as I sense it, I’m out. Nicely out, but out. I tried a couple times in college to give those situations time to grow into something, and it was awful. It didn’t work either time, and I ended up hurting those guys by letting them believe there was a chance. It didn’t matter that I’d hoped there would be; I still hurt them, and after watching my roommates deal with heartbreak, I vowed not to be the heartbreaker again. Not if I could see it coming.
The delay has to be because Ruby is trying to find my “prince.”
It’s such a dumb holdover from childhood, and I wish I’d never told the girls about it, but I hadn’t really had a choice. My sister had made it a big deal in front of them once, and they’d been so entertained that they’ve run with it ever since. I lean into it because I’m a good sport.
I look down at the salad I’m eating at the kitchen table and consider the implications of Ruby trying to find my “prince.” Then I think about napping in my bed on a mattress that must be stuffed with unicorn hair and supported by the unfailing service of tiny fairies who live inside and want only to make sure I’m perfectly cushioned every time I sleep.
I need that nap today and every day more than I need a guy. I’m sure this will always be true.
Oh well. If that means I’ll go on flirting with cute men until I can get my trust fund and embark on world domination, I’ll make the sacrifice. There are worse ways to wait out the next four years than working at a fun job, sleeping on a magical cloud bed, hanging out with my roommates, and living near a farmer’s market with the perfect cherry tomatoes in season right now.
I’m biting into one when Ruby walks in. “Charlie has a friend who needs a quiet place to work during the day. Could he work at Gatsby’s?”
I pause with a forkful of salad halfway to my mouth and stare at Ruby. She leans against the counter.
“Work at Gatsby’s doing what?”
She shrugs. “Software. That’s all I know. Programming, maybe.”
I put my fork down. “I thought you’d be slicker than this, although I will say this is coming later than I expected.”
Ruby’s forehead wrinkles. “You think I’m asking if Oliver can work in the club when it’s closed during the day because I want to set you up with him?”
“Your innocent act fools no one.”
“This isn’t about the bet, Madi. I’m connecting him to you because of your access to a quiet, empty building with Wi-Fi, not your romantic availability.”
“Are we talking about the same Oliver you tried to set up with Ava?”
“Yes, but that was about her romantic availability, not her Wi-Fi access.”
I don’t believe her for a second. “Explain this to me again.”
“Oliver lives across the hall from Charlie.” Charlie, her library coworker and boy BFF. “I set up Oliver and Ava because Oliver is cool, and I knew it would get my brother’s attention. But I also knew if I was wrong that Ava had a chance of clicking with Oliver, so it was a win-win.”
“A win-win except for poor Oliver, your game piece. Are you trying to shove me at him as a consolation prize?”
Ruby rolls her eyes. “He knew what I was doing with Ava the whole time. He’s crazy busy with his work right now, and he only agreed to help me out with Ava because he knew he didn’t have a real shot at falling for her. Not with everything he has going on. So why would I shove a guy like that at you? I can’t win with Oliver. You’re not even his type.”
I shoot straight up in my chair. “Excuse me? I’m everyone’s type. I’m hot, I’m funny, and I make my own money.”
“Agreed, and Ava should cross-stitch that for you,” she says. “But Oliver is into nerds and world-saving types.”
“Tell me again how he didn’t fall madly in love with Ava?” She is both those things plus beautiful.
“Time,” Ruby says. “That’s always his issue. And that’s why I’m asking if he can come work at Gatsby’s during the day. He needs a quiet space with Wi-Fi access to do his software thing.”
Software thing. It’s like every element of Austin society has an unspoken agreement that if a job has anything to do with computers, the person just says they’re in tech or software so we can all move on.
I still sense a trap. “What’s the problem with his office? Or his house?”
Ruby shakes her head. “Don’t know. This is coming from Charlie. He asked if I knew of any places Oliver could work, and I thought about Gatsby’s. If I didn’t know Oliver pretty well, I wouldn’t bring it up. But I do, and if this helps him out, great. It costs me nothing to ask you. Oh, wait, except for an interrogation. Probably wouldn’t have asked if I’d seen that coming.”
I pick up my salad fork. “I’m seventy percent less suspicious now.”
“He said he’s happy to pay a couple hundred a month to cover any utilities he uses or whatever because it’s still cheaper than renting a separate office space.”
“Sold.” I may loathe almost everything about my upbringing, but the ability to monetize nearly anything and see exactly how to use the profit has its perks. That extra cash from the tech nerd will go straight to my pocket because the Gatsby’s owners like to keep me happy, and I know exactly what to do with the money: my besties don’t know it yet, but they’re about to start wearing luxury caftans from my second job.
“Tell him to meet me there Wednesday morning.” I give her a time and make a mental note. Tech Nerd is now a Wednesday problem, but this is Monday, and Mondays are for Netflix binges.
The new season of Engaged and Enraged won’t watch itself. Those manipulative producers are counting on me, and I won’t let them down.