Chapter 29
Kenneth Russell celebrated the New Year with his mother, sitting with her and watching television as the world welcomed in the third year of a new decade.
It had been ten years since he graduated from college, and it had taken Justine even longer to finally earn her degree.
She’d just begun her junior year when she got up one morning complaining of chest pains.
At first, she’d attributed it to indigestion, but when he finally was able to convince her to go to the emergency room, she was immediately taken into surgery.
He’d waited for hours, and when he finally met with the surgeon, he was told that his mother’s aorta had ruptured and that she would have to remain in the hospital up to ten days, and it would take another four to six weeks at home for her to fully recover.
She dropped out of college and focused on regaining her health and strength.
Once she was medically cleared, she returned to work on a part-time basis.
However, it had taken her longer to re-enroll for classes.
She’d celebrated her fiftieth birthday in March, and two months later, she proudly walked across the stage to receive her degree.
Justine patted Kenny’s hand. “I’ve decided not to teach.”
Easing back, he stared at her. “You’re kidding me, aren’t you?”
“No, I’m not kidding. At my age, I realize I don’t have the patience to deal with a lot of little kids.
The exception would be my grandchildren, because if they got on my nerves, I could always send them back to their parents.
Earning a college degree was on my wish list, and now that I have it, I can cross it off. ”
Kenny wondered if his mother was still mourning the loss of her friend.
Frank D’Allesandro’s cancer had returned six months ago, and it had been so aggressive that he died three weeks later.
Justine had refused to attend the funeral and the reading of his will, when he bequeathed her enough money for her to live comfortably for the rest of her life.
Within days of receiving the money, she transferred most of it to Kenny’s bank account, because she didn’t want to face the risk of having to move because her assets exceeded the income threshold for living in public housing.
She’d gotten used to the neighborhood within walking distance to the Lincoln Center.
Frank had also left Kenny enough for him to move out of his Greenwich Village studio rental to purchase a two-bedroom co-op in an East Harlem high-rise with views of the East River and bridges spanning the boroughs of New York City.
“What other surprises are you hiding from me?”
“I’m going to quit my job in June.”
“And do what, Mom?”
“Travel.”
“Travel where?”
“I’m going to take an around-the-world cruise. There was a time when Francis asked me what would I do if I had enough money to do whatever I wanted. I told him I wanted to travel and see the world.”
“And he left you a shitload of money to do that.”
“More than I would ever need living here. That’s why I gave you most of it to use when you finally decide to settle down and start a family.”
“I’m not certain when that’s going to happen,” Kenny said.
“I don’t want you to call me a meddling old woman, but aren’t you seeing someone?”
“If I was, then I wouldn’t be spending New Year’s Eve with my mother.”
“I’m not that gullible, Kenneth. I know you’re seeing women, so don’t try to pull the wool over my eyes. And I’m not going to have a meltdown if I bring in the new year alone.”
“Do you realize this is the first year you won’t celebrate it with Uncle Dee since you two got back together?”
Justine wanted to tell her son that she didn’t like talking about her friend, because she truly missed him.
And he’d been a true friend to the end. When she was discharged from the hospital, he’d paid for a nurse to take care of her until she regained most of her strength.
Then, he chartered a yacht to sail down to St. Thomas, where they spent more than a week in the sun before returning to New York.
She didn’t know if her life would’ve been any different if she’d married or lived with Francis.
She did know that he was a faithful and loyal friend to the end.
“Yes.” Even when there were long stretches of time when they didn’t see each other, he would come over and celebrate the new year with her.
“I still think you should’ve married him.”
She gave Kenny a prolonged stare. A couple of years ago, he’d traded his glasses for contact lenses.
Justine liked seeing him with glasses, because they made him appear bookish.
“You’re beginning to sound like a scratched record that got stuck in a groove.
How many times are you going to repeat yourself? ”
“As many times as it takes for you to admit that you should have married him.”
“Francis didn’t want to get married.”
“That’s not what he told me.”
“Now, you’re calling a dead man a liar?”
“No, Mom. He told me he’d changed his mind and was getting ready to propose to you, but he got sick and that he didn’t want to be a burden to you.”
“He wouldn’t have been a burden, Kenny. He got cancer, and I had a heart attack. So, we would’ve been a pair of invalids you would’ve had to ship off a nursing home.”
“That would never happen. There’s no way I’d put my mother in a nursing home, where she would be neglected or abused.”
“What would you do if I got too old to take care of myself?”
“Hire a live-in nurse like Uncle Dee did when you were recovering from your heart attack.”
“Let’s hope I don’t get to that stage,” Justine said.
Francis had admitted ignoring the pains in his back, while she’d ignored the pains in her chest. When Kenny carried her into the ER with pains knifing her chest, she knew then it wasn’t indigestion.
Then when a doctor placed the stereoscope against her chest, within seconds she was strapped onto a gurney with doctors and nurses sprinting toward the operating room.
After surgery, she was in intensive care, where she floated in and out of consciousness for several days.
Once she moved into a room, the first face she saw was Kenny’s.
He’d whispered in her ear that she had scared the shit out of him and never again would he listen to her self-diagnose her pain.
He’d come every night directly from CPS—Child Protective Services—where he’d been promoted as a casework supervisor.
There were visits from some of her coworkers, and when she was finally discharged, Francis was waiting in her apartment with a private-duty nurse.
He admitted he couldn’t come to the hospital because it was a reminder of what he’d experienced as a cancer patient.
Her eyelids fluttered as she blinked back tears.
Her dear, dear friend was gone, and she would never get to see his face, hear his voice, or enjoy his gentle touch.
She hadn’t been able to attend his funeral mass, because she feared experiencing an emotional breakdown; when Kenny had come to her apartment to tell her Francis had passed away, the pain in her chest had returned, and she feared having another heart attack.
Kenny called her cardiologist, who suggested she come to his office for a battery of tests, all of which, thankfully, came back negative.
He told her she probably had a panic attack and should avoid upsetting situations.
“Do you still meet your friends for breakfast every first Saturday of the month?” Justine asked Kenny, deftly changing the topic.
“No. The last time I saw Ray was when he assisted Father Morelli, who is the D’Allesandro’s family priest, at Uncle Dee’s funeral mass.”
“Does he like being a priest?”
“Ray says instead of healing bodies, he’s now healing souls. He’s currently assigned to a parish in the Bronx as an assistant pastor.”
“What about Frankie? You haven’t mentioned him in a while.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve gotten together. The last time we spoke, he said he was up to his eyeballs taking care of his family’s finances. And …”
“And what, Kenny?” Justine asked when he didn’t finish his sentence.
“He’s been running around with this girl who is messing with his head. I told him to stop seeing her, but he claims he can’t.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know, Mom. Maybe he doesn’t want to stop seeing her.”
Justine angled her head. “I hope you’re not having a similar problem with the woman you’re seeing.”
“Nope, because I’m not seeing anyone at the present time.
” Kenny paused. “I’ve decided to take a break from dating and especially from getting into a relationship.
I like not having to share the apartment with another person.
I go to bed when I want, get up when I want, and I don’t have to answer to anyone as to where I’ve been. ”
“That sounds a little selfish, son.”
“It’s your fault that I was an only child, and I’ve never had to share what belongs to me with anyone.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Kenny. There was a time when you, Ramon, and Frankie shared everything. Y’all changed after Ramon was assaulted.”
“I think that was the point when we grew up, Mom. We were in our early twenties, believing we were invincible. That there wasn’t nothing we couldn’t do or accomplish.
Seeing Ray in that hospital bed covered in bandages and hooked up to machines that were keeping him alive was the scariest thing I’d ever experienced in my life.
That if they’d disconnected his ventilator, he would’ve stopped breathing.
It was a wake-up call that life is as fragile as a single sheet of tissue paper.
Everything Ray had worked for up to that point was futile, because with the loss of sight in one eye, a fractured ankle, collapsed lung, ruptured spleen, and crushed skull, his injuries were so severe that everyone knew he would never make it through medical school. ”
“And because life is fragile and time fleeting, don’t you think it’s time for you to reunite with your friends? Invite them over to your place for a weekend get-together. I’m certain they would appreciate you cooking for them.”
Kenny’s smile was dazzling. “I kinda like your suggestion, Mom.”
“Don’t kinda like it, Kenny. Just do it. It’s probably what you need to get you out of your funk.”
“I didn’t realize I was in a funk.”
“Well, you are,” Justine countered. “Every time you come to see me, you bring a bad vibe with you.”
“Maybe it has to do with my work. You can’t imagine what some parents do to their kids before we’re forced to remove them from their homes.”
“That’s why you need a distraction in your personal life. Reconnect with your friends and find a woman who makes you laugh. One whom you’d want to spend more than a few hours with. And it wouldn’t hurt if y’all were friends for a while before you decide on something more serious.”
“Define serious, Mom.”
“Sleeping together.”
“What about living together?”
“Even though I’m not that old, I am old school about shacking up. What’s the expression? Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
“A lot of women who claim to be liberated say they don’t want to be married because they want the freedom to control their own destinies.”
“Women say a lot of things, Kenny, because it sounds good. There are very few women out there who prefer to live their lives as single women.”
“Are you talking about lesbian women?”
“There’s no doubt that even lesbians want life partners. But that isn’t possible, because same-sex marriage is illegal in this country.”
“Do you believe in same-sex marriage?”
“I believe people should be able to marry who they love.”
Kenny wagged a finger. “You’re not answering my question.”
Justine successfully concealed her annoyance with a saccharine smile. “I thought I did, so let’s drop the subject.”
She knew for certain she would’ve married Francis if he had been Black.
However, with the state of race relations in America, their union would’ve been fraught with derision and ridicule.
Black folk would call her a sellout for marrying out of her race, while White women in particular would probably insult her to her face for taking what they’d deemed belonged to them.
“Do you want me to sleep over so we can go out for breakfast in the morning?” Kenny asked.
Justine shook her head. “No, sweetie. Go home and get some sleep. I’ll be all right here.”
“Are you sure, Mama?”
She angled her head, smiling. “Of course, I’m sure. Be careful driving because you know folks use any holiday to act a fool. And don’t forget to ring my phone twice, then hang up so that I know you got home safe.”
Leaning over, Kenny kissed her cheek. “Love you.”
“Love you more.” She was still sitting in the spot when the door closed behind Kenny.
Then she heard him lock it. Even after he’d moved out, he held on to the key to the apartment.
And respecting her privacy, he’d never come over unannounced.
The exception was after she was discharged from the hospital following her heart attack.
It was the first day of a new year, and for the first time in her life, Justine Russell decided to make a New Year’s resolution.
She was going to put down in words how she’d become a pawn for two selfish women and how it had altered her life.
She’d kept the secrets and had lied so often that they were beginning to keep her from a restful night’s sleep.
Kenny had a right to know where he’d come from in order to know where he had to go, and who his mother actually was.
Before she embarked on an around-the-world cruise, Justine decided she would chronicle her life, beginning with what she could recall growing up with her mother, aunts, and uncle in a cramped apartment in a less-than-desirable Bronx neighborhood.
Rather than talk to a priest or a therapist, she would tell her story on the pages of a journal for her son to read when she felt it was the right time.
She knew it had to be soon, because she needed to unburden herself and break the chains of deceit that had controlled, and continued to control, her life.