Chapter Twenty
CHAPTER TWENTY
HUNTER
I could literally kick my own ass for blurting that out in front of her sisters because I feel like they see right through me. Sometimes I don’t think about the repercussions before I speak or how it will make Lennon feel. As the three of them stare at me, I smile because that’s all I can do after putting myself in this situation.
I won’t allow her to go through this without some support, and if she doesn’t want her parents to completely write her off, then what’s the problem with a teeny white lie? For a moment, I try to think about why I said it as the guilt floods through me. I’m doing this for Brandon, right? Well, I am, but also for Lennon. She needs me.
However, lately, the lines have blurred, but regardless, I meant what I offered.
“I-I’m sorry. What did you say?” Lennon asks barely above a whisper, and as I look into her eyes, it feels as if her sisters disappear, and it’s just her and me.
I play it off like it’s no big deal even though it is to me. I’d do anything to keep her safe and happy, even if it means pretending to be her husband, pretending the baby in her belly is mine, and lying to her parents. If it means she’ll be able to get through this pregnancy easier, sign me up for all of it. The only person I’m concerned about is Lennon because she’s already in a vulnerable state.
“I was thinking that if they’ll disown you for this when you’re so happy about it and desperately want them in the baby’s and your life, why not tell another white lie? You’ve been telling them for a year that you live in an apartment alone when you obviously don’t. The part of me who’s selfish for you and the baby thinks lying to protect you would be the best plan. If we went to Vegas and got married, then having a child is the next step in the relationship, right?” I take my focus from her and glance at a smiling Sophie and Maddie, who are nodding in agreement.
“It’s the perfect plan,” Sophie adds. “And we grew up in Utah, Lennon. It’s almost normal for people to get married and pregnant within the same month.”
Lennon opens her mouth, but Sophie continues before she can argue. “Before you try to dismantle this idea the way you always do, we all know our parents are going to be upset that you didn’t get married in the church and eloped instead. But with that being said, they wouldn’t write you off, kick you out, and pretend you never existed. They’d probably be thrilled they’re going to be grandparents too, as long as you’re married.” Sophie turns to face Lennon. “You know what happened to Shelby Greer.”
There’s a long pause, but I’m dying to hear this. “What happened?”
Maddie giggles, and Lennon gives me a pointed look.
“Her parents refused to talk to her. The whispers around our small town essentially broke her to the point that she moved away. The rumors spread like wildfire, and her mother told her story like it was a lesson for everyone,” Lennon explains. “She was a disgrace to her parents and lost everything. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried the same thing will happen to me.”
“What the hell did she do to deserve that?” I scoff, appalled.
“Adultery,” Sophie answers. “Except the guy never told her he was married, but it didn’t matter to them. She’d committed the ultimate sin.”
“And then she ended up pregnant with his baby. It was a double whammy,” Maddie adds.
My eyes widen at the reality of this. My family wasn’t overly religious, but we pretended to be. Or rather, my parents did, and I had to follow along, so I guess in a way I get it. You don’t want to let your family down because they’re all you have. Even with my strained relationship with my father, I’d be devastated to lose my mother or brother.
What happened to forgiveness and understanding? I want to ask her more questions, but with her sisters here, I hold back.
“Well?” I lift a brow.
“Hunter has a good idea,” Sophie concludes.
“I agree,” Maddie says. “Plus, what is it we always say? What they don’t know won’t hurt them?” Maddie arches her brows, the known rebel of the three.
“Am I living in a freaking twilight zone right now?” Lennon’s eyes search my face, and then she turns to her sisters. “We’re talking about a big lie here. I was just with Brandon, and now I’m supposed to be married? You think they’ll even buy it?”
I can see she’s freaking out, overanalyzing it all before we sit and talk through this, and I can’t blame her. This is a crazy idea, but I wouldn’t have suggested it if I wasn’t sure we could pull it off.
“Lennon.” I pull back from the table and go to kneel in front of her. I want her to see how much I care for her and that this would ease some of her worries so she can enjoy the rest of her pregnancy while staying healthy. “Just hear me out, okay? I know this sounds off-the-wall insane, but I want to protect you. I know a little bit about messy families. I don’t want you or the baby to go through any extra stress, and I know it’s taking a toll on you. I know how much it means for you to have their support. You’ve already lost so much, and this is all avoidable,” I tell her softly.
Though I’m trying to act as calm as can be, my heart hammers in my chest.
Lennon looks down at her hands for a second, contemplating my idea. I can almost see and hear the wheels turning in her head. I’m hoping she doesn’t have a meltdown with the way her hormones have been lately. She’s eerily quiet, which starts to concern me, so I keep talking about it as I think of more ideas to make this work.
“I don’t have all of this figured out, but when they’d ask us questions about the relationship, all we have to say is we became friends through Brandon, but I always had unrequited feelings for you. We started leaning on each other and grieved him together, which made us grow even closer and eventually my feelings were reciprocated. His death put into perspective that life’s too short not to be together, and once we set aside the guilt, we ultimately didn’t want to be apart.” I have to pause because there’s too much truth in my words for me to continue. Brandon comes to mind and all the conversations we had about Lennon and how much he loved her and was planning to ask her to marry him. Now here I am on my knees, begging her to fake a marriage with me.
I think about how Brandon wanted to meet her parents this summer and propose on their trip. A trip he never got to take. The thought of it all nearly chokes me, and I feel like I need to gasp for air as the guilt consumes me.
He should be going with her, not me. His timing would’ve been almost perfect with the pregnancy. I think about the ring he bought her and how I can never tell her about it—that secret will have to die with me. If she ever found out the real reason for this trip, it could potentially destroy her and the trust she had in me. All I want to do is keep her happy after all the tragedy she’s endured. That’s all Brandon would want me to do too.
I suck in a ragged breath. When she meets my eyes, waiting for me to continue, her gaze pierces straight through me.
“I—” Lennon starts, then stops. She’s conflicted, which I’m not at all surprised by. I’m offering a lot here.
Instead of waiting for her, I continue to sell her my idea. “So we say we drove to Vegas and got hitched. I know it sounds crazy, but people do it all the time since there’s no waiting period. We’ll say you got pregnant right after the wedding before we even told anyone we eloped. They don’t know how far along you are and won’t know the difference if you move it back a few weeks. You can hide your belly, and when the baby arrives, we’ll say he or she came early. I’m sure it’s nothing new for due dates to be off,” I tell her confidently while trying to keep my voice even and calm.
“Aww.” Maddie interrupts our moment, looking back and forth between us as if I confessed my undying love to Lennon, and considering my words, I somewhat have. I want Lennon to say something, but she doesn’t. Meanwhile, Sophie grins wide, eating up every word.
“This could work,” Sophie confirms with a nod, looking at Lennon and me. “It’s smart and nearly foolproof. If you told me this, I’d believe it one hundred percent. Plus, you’re not showing, at least nothing you couldn’t hide with some leggings and a baggy T-shirt, so you could play it off like you’re still in your first trimester instead of entering your second.”
As I look at Lennon, I know she’s in her head, and I want to talk her off the ledge and tell her I’m here, that I’ve always been here and always will be, but she knows. I can’t allow her to go through this by herself, she’s already lost so much. Losing her parents would nearly kill her, and I know it’s not healthy for the baby for her to be this stressed out. Though she talks about how strict they were, she loves them with everything she is, that much is certain.
“Lennon,” I plead, barely above a whisper. “Talk to me, please .”
By the way she’s looking at me, I wish I hadn’t said anything with Sophie and Maddie around, but it was a random thought that popped into my head, one that will solve all her problems. Her sisters would’ve found out eventually if this plan goes through because they’ll have to be in on it too. As I beg with my eyes for her to speak, Lennon’s demeanor changes, and she shakes her head.
“Hunter, have you seriously lost your mind?” She rests her hand over her belly as if she needs to protect the baby, which is exactly what I’m trying to do.
That was not the response I was expecting.
Maddie’s mouth falls open in shock.
“Have you all lost your minds?” Lennon fires back at us. “I’ll have to pretend to be married until the end of time. They don’t allow divorce either, so then what? Anytime I have to go for a visit or they come here, we’re gonna continue pretending? What if I meet someone who actually wants to marry me? Or what if you meet someone?” Her eyes flash to mine. “Think she’ll let me borrow you for the weekend when it’s time to visit my parents?” She raises her brows in a mocking question.
The thought of her ever being with someone else rips a dagger through me. I don’t want to find anyone—that’s the problem. I’m not sure when either of us will be ready for that.
“I do understand, Lennon,” I say, treading carefully. “When that happens”—the word when is a knife to my heart—“we’ll cross that bridge then. If you need a divorce or a way out, you can blame it all on me, say I was unfaithful and walked out or something.” The words taste like poison as they leave my mouth. I know this is all fake and the worst-case scenario, but I hate thinking of there being a time when Lennon isn’t in my life. “All I’m suggesting is an option that’ll make you stress-free and keep your parents happy,” I simply say.
“You make it sound so easy.” She sounds defeated. “Lying to my parents to cover up another lie. It’s not gonna be as easy as you think.”
I nod, understanding her concerns. I know it won’t be, considering my true feelings for her, but I know she needs an out, and I’m offering her an option.
“Just think about it. We still have time. I’ll do whatever you need or want, Lennon. You know that, but you’ll need to decide soon so we can prepare and get our stories straight.” I stand, knowing she probably needs some space. “Either way, I’m going with you to Utah because you’re not going by yourself,” I tell her matter-of-factly.
Before it gets awkward and more tense, I excuse myself and go to my room, leaving the ball in her court. This is ultimately her decision, one that she’s going to have to make on her own. I sit on the edge of the bed and scrub my hands over my face, blowing out deep breaths. I feel as if I’ve betrayed my best friend for even suggesting this. Though my intentions are pure, my feelings aren’t. It’ll be torture for me to experience a glimpse of something I can’t have and will never have—Lennon as my wife.
Brandon would want me to take care of her, protect her from harm, and that’s what I’m trying to do, regardless of how it’ll affect me personally. Luckily, her parents are miles away, so keeping up the facade will be easy. At least then she won’t have to lie about not living with someone anymore.
I can still hear them chatting but can’t make out what they’re saying, and a part of me doesn’t want to know anyway. I lie back on the bed and stare at the ceiling until my vision blurs. Everything I said in there was the truth, even if the feelings I’ve felt for her all this time are one-sided. I won’t have to do much pretending, so it’d be easy for me to play the fake husband, though showing affection might be awkward at first since I’ve coached myself to keep my distance for so long.
Releasing a deep, conflicted breath, I try to push it all away. Maybe it was a stupid idea after all.
I close my eyes, exhausted from my day at work, and fall asleep with the light on. I’m dreaming about nothing when I think I hear Lennon calling my name. My eyes flutter open, and I’m surprised she’s standing in my room, watching me sleep.
“Hey,” I say, clearing my throat and sitting up on the edge of the bed.
She walks toward me and sits next to me as she bows her head and slumps her shoulders. “My sisters left.”
I study her, trying to gauge her next words.
“I’m sorry for the way I acted,” she starts.
Before she can continue, I stop her. “Don’t be.”
“I was just shocked.” She nods as if she’s confirming it to herself, then shifts her body slightly so we’re face-to-face. “But the more I talked it over with them, the more I realized how right you were. It’s a brilliant idea, considering how I’m limited on options, and I’m kinda upset with myself that I didn’t think of it first,” she says with a laugh and shoots me a playful grin. “Seriously, though, I think it’ll work.”
“Ahh, it feels good to be right,” I tease, needing to relieve some of the tension in the air.
Lennon giggles, then smacks my arm.
“I know I talked about a fake divorce and all that, but honestly, I think I might be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t see myself ever moving on.”
When I shift my body, our faces are close enough for me to feel her warm breath on my cheek. But I need some distance because the way she’s looking at me makes me want to kiss all her worries away. It’s almost as if she wants me to, but I resituate myself, finding the space I desperately need before I cross a line I know I shouldn’t. I know I’m reading into her body language and expressions way more than I should, but at times, it’s hard to remind myself of that when her expression is filled with so much sadness and longing.
“You’ll move on when you’re ready, but I promise, you won’t be alone forever. You’re a beautiful woman, Lennon. I’ve always thought that. You’re caring, thoughtful, and compassionate. I know one day you’re going to find someone who’ll love you and your baby. It might not be soon, or even five years from now, but eventually. That I know for certain.” I swallow hard, meaning every word, but also realizing how much they hurt me to say.
Her eyes meet mine, and for a second, I’m lost in them, lost in the sound of her ragged breaths as her lips slightly part. So much emotion and electricity streams between us that I force myself to look away to break the silent conversation we were having.
“You’ll find someone too, Hunter,” she assures, and I’m not sure why there’s a tinge of sadness in her voice when she says that. I want to tell her that I’ve never wanted anyone else other than her—explain that she’s always been the one for me, the woman I think about when I close my eyes—but confessing my truths will only make things tense between us, so I keep it to myself just as I have for the past two years.
“Thank you,” I tell her without saying what I want to say.
“Well,” she says, her tone changing. “I guess it’s settled then. We’ll have to come up with a plan, transfer the plane ticket to your name, then start learning all the nitty-gritty about each other, so our fake relationship is believable at least, because, trust me, with my family, you’ll get the interrogation of your life.” She stands, seeming happy that we have a plan.
“Yep, I guess so. Now you’ll have to tell me all your secrets,” I quip, but as I glance in the top drawer where the engagement ring Brandon bought her is tucked away, I know that not everything can be discussed. Some things have to stay buried deep inside.
“I’m an open book, but tomorrow, it all starts. You might not want to be my friend after you learn some things about me,” she teases.
I chuckle, shaking my head. “Impossible.”
“When I was a kid, I loved to eat sugar and butter sandwiches.”
“Okay that’s a deal breaker,” I tease.
She doesn’t respond, only smiles as she walks out the door, and then she’s gone for the night.
The word friend lingers around my head and brings me back to reality. I have to remind myself that we’re just friends, regardless of how close we’ve grown. If it’s the only way we can ever be, then I will selfishly take it, even if it shatters me in the end.