CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE Emily
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Emily
I speed-walk along the sidewalks, my arms crossed tightly over my chest as if that could somehow hold me together. My eyes are stinging now, and every breath feels like it might shatter me. The tears are building, relentless, pressing against the edges of my control.
I keep my head down, hoping no one will notice me, hoping I can just make it to the treehouse before I break. As I round the corner, focused on my escape, I almost collide with Manang Linda.
“Sorry!” I blurt out, stepping back quickly.
“Emily?” she says, her brow furrowing with concern. “Are you okay?”
“Huh? I’m fine,” I reply too quickly, the words tumbling out in a rush. I’ve mastered the art of pretending to be fine when I’m not—it’s practically a survival skill by now. Except this time, it’s not working. My throat tightens, and I can feel the tears clawing their way to the surface.
“You don’t look fine,” she says gently, her sharp gaze studying my face. “Have you been crying?”
“No, no,” I stammer, shaking my head. “I just… I’m just gonna miss this place, you know? Heading back to New York tomorrow.” The lie rolls off my tongue easily, and it’s not even a complete lie. I will miss this place. But that’s not why my chest feels like it’s caving in right now.
She tilts her head, unconvinced. “Okay…” she says slowly. “But if you ever need to talk, you know where to find me.”
Her words are like a crack in the dam, and before I know it, I’m leaning in, wrapping my arms around her in an impulsive hug.
“Thank you, Manang Linda,” I whisper, my voice shaky.
She pats my back with her familiar warmth, the same comforting touch I’ve known since childhood. “You’re welcome, Emily. Remember, it’s okay not to be fine sometimes. You don’t always have to hold it together.”
Her words linger like an echo as I pull away. I manage a small, trembling smile before brushing past her, desperate to reach the treehouse.
By the time I climb up and close the trapdoor behind me, the tears are already spilling over. They come fast and heavy, each one carrying the weight of everything I’ve been trying to hold back. I collapse onto the worn wooden floor, pulling my knees to my chest as the sobs wrack through me.
The treehouse, once my childhood sanctuary, now feels both too small and exactly what I need. The scent of the old wood fills the air, mingling with the salty tang of my tears. The walls seem to absorb the sounds of my crying, holding them as if to keep them safe.
I think I’ve fallen for the one person I swore I wouldn’t fall for. The one person I couldn’t fall for. This was never supposed to happen. I let my guard down. Me, the one who prides herself on keeping it all together, on being untouchable. But with him, it was different. With Joshua, I didn’t feel the need to be perfect or polished. I showed him parts of me I’ve hidden for so long: my fears, my doubts, the parts I was too ashamed to even acknowledge. And for the first time, I felt cared for.
But care isn’t love.
And I’m not about to want something more than what he’s willing to give.
That’s why we made these rules. Why we agreed to this stupid arrangement in the first place. Because we both knew where it stopped. We knew the boundaries, the limits. And this is it.
But… God, I want him to stay in my life. Selfishly, desperately. I want to hold onto him.
Time blurs. Minutes, maybe hours pass, and the light filtering through the cracks in the walls shifts from golden to the deep amber of late afternoon. My throat feels raw, and my head aches, but the tears have finally slowed, leaving behind an empty heaviness.
It isn’t until I hear a voice from below that I’m pulled back into reality.
“Emily?” Bon’s voice cuts through the stillness, soft but steady.
“Is she there?” Kate echoes.
“EMILY ROSE!” Haley shouts. “Manang Linda told us you’re here, you know. Don’t hide from us.”
I freeze, swiping at my tear-streaked face as if I could erase the evidence of my breakdown. But it’s too late. They know I’m here. And they know I’m not fine.
“Screw it, I’m going up,” Haley says.
I try to wipe my tears in panic, but it’s too late when Haley’s face pops up.
“Girl, are you crying?!” she says.
“Haley, move!” Bon shoves her lightly, scrambling up after her. “Let us through!” Kate follows close behind, her steps slower and more careful.
In seconds, they’re all standing in the treehouse, their faces a mixture of concern and curiosity. It’s Kate who finally breaks the silence. “What happened?” she asks softly, her eyes searching mine.
I press my lips together, my breath shaky as I try to pull myself together. But the more I attempt to stop, the harder it gets to hold back, and my resolve crumbles. The tears keep falling, and I finally let them, realizing there’s no way to keep hiding.
“I…” My voice cracks, barely audible. “Promise you won’t hate me,” I whisper, choking on the words. My heart pounds as I glance at Bon, the sting of guilt sharp in my chest. “Especially you,” I add, the words trembling with fear.
Bon’s face softens, confusion clouding her expression. “Why in the world would I hate you, Em?”
Her kindness only makes it harder to speak. My hands tremble as I stare down at them, unable to meet their eyes. “Because… because I’ve been lying to all of you. About everything.”
It falls silent. Bon, Haley, and Kate exchange startled glances, but none of them say a word. I can feel the weight of their attention, the tension thick in the air as I force myself to continue.
First, I tell them about my career. “I don’t work in Wall Street,” I start. “I work three part-time jobs, one of which is a barista at a local cafe.” Their eyes widen, but they don’t speak. I tell them why I quit. I tell them about Ben Davids, and the awful things he did.
“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to worry—or worse, pity me.” My voice wavers, but I keep going, unable to stop now that I’ve started.
Haley’s eyes widen, but she remains silent, processing everything. Kate reaches out and places a hand on my arm, her touch warm and grounding. Bon’s gaze doesn’t waver, her expression unreadable.
“Pity you?” she says. “Emily, how long have you been carrying this weight all by yourself?”
“Until two weeks ago, when I saw Joshua,” I say. And it’s true. Their eyes soften, and they seem to be happy for me. Realizing I might have given the wrong impression, I continue.
“That’s… that’s not even the worst part. The whole thing with Joshua, Bon… it’s all fake.” My voice breaks as I say it, and I look down, barely able to meet her eyes. “We made this agreement to pretend we were dating. It was supposed to make things easier, to look like I had everything under control. But it’s not real. It never was.”
The silence that follows feels like a chasm. Bon stares at me, her mouth slightly open, as if she’s struggling to piece together everything I just told them. Kate looks at me with a mixture of sympathy and hurt, while Haley’s jaw drops, processing the cascade of revelations.
“It’s true that we kissed as strangers. But that’s it. We agreed to put on a show so I could show Rob that I’m fine and so he can keep his mother’s matchmaking at bay.”
They’re still not talking, and I can’t look at them. I’m full of shame, of embarrassment.
“Wow,” Kate says after a few beats. I finally look up, and they’re all still looking at me. We’re seated in a circle on the treehouse floor, and it feels like a weird intervention.
“Em, why didn’t you just tell us?” Kate continues, her voice wavering slightly. “We’re your best friends.”
“I didn’t want you guys to see me like that,” I admit, the shame pressing down on me. “I wanted to be the one who has it all figured out. Who’s doing well. I didn’t want you to think I was a failure.”
Kate pulls me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “You could never be a failure to us,” she murmurs, her voice as gentle as her embrace. “You’re Emily. We love you, no matter what.”
Haley, who’s usually the tough one, clears her throat, her own eyes a little misty. “Emily, you didn’t have to pretend for us. I mean, we’re a mess half the time ourselves. We’d never judge you. You should know that by now.”
“No, I do know that. I just…” I pause. “I don’t know, maybe I didn’t want to accept that that was my reality. And admitting it to you will do that.”
Bon still hasn’t moved, and I turn to her, my stomach in knots. “Bon, I’m so sorry. I know I should have told you, but I was afraid… afraid of losing your trust, afraid you’d think less of me for faking something so important.”
Her voice is soft, but there’s an edge to it when she finally speaks. “Emily, you made me feel so many things these past few weeks. Excited, because I was finally going to see you again. Then confused and sidelined when you told me you were with my brother. And then… happy.” Her voice cracks, and tears shimmer in her eyes. “I was so happy for you. I thought you both finally found someone who deserves you. And now you’re telling me it was all a lie?”
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice barely audible.
She exhales sharply, blinking back her tears. “I want to be mad at you. I really do. But I can’t.”
I blink, confused. “What?”
“For the record, we’re not mad either,” Haley interjects, her tone lighter, breaking the tension just enough for all of us to let out shaky laughs.
Bon looks at me, her expression softening. “I’m not mad, Em. I’m just… sad. Sad that you felt like you couldn’t be honest with me, with us.”
And that, somehow, feels worse than anger.
“I didn’t mean to shut you out,” I say, my voice trembling. “I just… I didn’t know how to admit that I was struggling. Because, honestly, New York is kicking my ass. It’s like everything’s spiraling out of control, and I’m just barely holding on. And somehow, being away from all of you made me feel like I had to power through. Like I couldn’t let any of you see how much I was falling apart. Especially when you all were so proud of me.”
For a moment, they don’t respond. Then, with a sigh, Bon leans forward and wraps her arms around me. Her hug is warm, firm, and filled with the kind of forgiveness I don’t feel like I deserve. “I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but… you’re an idiot,” she mutters against my shoulder, her voice trembling. “We’re always proud of you.”
Kate and Haley join us in a group hug, their arms wrapping around me in a cocoon of love and acceptance. The weight on my chest doesn’t disappear entirely, but it feels lighter, more bearable with them by my side.
As we pull apart, Haley smirks, brushing a tear off her cheek with her thumb. “Alright, now that we’ve had our emotional treehouse intervention, can we talk about this fake relationship of yours? Nobody’s that good an actor.”
My chest tightens, and the tears I thought were under control resurface. “That’s the thing,” I manage to say, my voice trembling. I feel a knot form in my throat as I try to explain. “Because I think I’ve gone and done the exact thing I was supposed to avoid.” I take a shaky breath. “I think I’m actually in love with him. He’s been the kindest, most supportive person to me, and after everything… I don’t think I can ever go back to being strangers.”
“Then what’s the problem?” Bon pipes up, always blunt. “From where I’m sitting, he obviously feels the same way.”
I let out a short, almost humorless laugh. “You don’t know that. And besides, that’s not part of our plan. We agreed—this was supposed to be temporary, just to get us both through this wedding. To keep up appearances and avoid awkward questions.” I glance away, ashamed at how messy it’s all become. “By the way,” I say, “I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t tell anyone else.”
“Can I tell Ryan?” Bon asks. “I promise he won’t tell anyone else. He doesn’t really gossip. Boring old man, my husband.” I chuckle and nod.
“So… you’re in love with someone who’s a hundred percent in love with you too,” Kate says. “That doesn’t sound like a crisis, Emily.”
I shake my head vehemently, the words tumbling out in a rush. “You guys don’t get it,” I say, voice shaky. “Josh is a casual dating, no-commitment kind of guy. He’s not looking for something serious. And I—” I pause, glancing at each of their faces. “I don’t feel like I could be in a relationship again, not after everything. It’s gonna get messy, we’re gonna hurt each other, and it will end with us not even being friends anymore.” The thought of it, the inevitable heartbreak, churns in my stomach. The fear of losing him, even if this whole thing started out fake, is far greater than I expected.
“Your mind really baffles me,” Haley says. “You are so far down the road, you don’t even think about the now . You say it’s gonna be messy. It’s gonna hurt both of you. You always imagine the worst possible scenario, but… what about the best? What if it’s gonna be good?”
“And if it won’t?” I counter.
“Then it won’t.” Haley shrugs. “But you’re never gonna know if you won’t try it, will you?”
“Last year,” Bon starts, “You told me not to overthink things before they happen.”
“I’ve never been the one to take my advice,” I say.
“Like Kuya,” she replies.
“By the way, Bon, could you maybe not tell him about this whole thing going on with me?” I plead.
“Of course. I only meddle when I’m asked to,” she says.
We all stand up, stretching our legs. Thankfully, they don’t pressure me to figure it out. They’re just… there. Like they always were. At the same time, Manang Linda’s words from earlier echo in my mind. You don’t always have to hold it together .
But the truth is, I don’t know how to not be fine out in the open. For so long, I’ve been the one who holds everything together, the one who brushes things off and powers through. Letting myself break feels terrifying, like if I start, I might never stop.
And yet here I am, breaking. For the guy who may or may not see me the way I want him to. For the goodbye I know is coming. For the ache of wanting something I don’t think I’m brave enough to reach for.