Chapter Twenty-Seven Part Two
Finally Letting Go of My Past
Ender
Gabe promised he wouldn’t follow me, but of course he did anyway—he wasn’t very inconspicuous with only one car between us on the way here.
Now, he’s walking less than fifty feet behind me, stopping to admire the sky every time I turn to let him know I see him.
He’s so ridiculous, but I love him even more for making sure I’m taken care of so well.
Camp North End is busy tonight, making it hard to check all the groups walking around for her.
I don’t know if she’d still be here, but I had to come find her—for my own peace of mind.
The more I search for her, the less hope I have of finding her.
I can feel Gabe getting closer with every passing minute.
I want to tell him I won’t break down, that I don’t fear I’ve lost my chance to say what I’ve wanted to say for years—but I can’t.
I turn a corner toward the Keswick District and stop in my path when I finally see her across the street.
There’s a warm hand on my lower back—I don’t need to turn around to know who it is.
I’m frozen in place. My feet won’t move, no matter how much I will them to take a step forward.
I’m not sure I’ve even taken a breath since I saw her when Gabe finally speaks.
“You don’t have to do this.” I want to argue with him, but the words won’t come out.
“But I understand if you need to. So, let me go with you, please.” He takes my hand in his and guides me toward my mother.
She’s sitting on the ground, leaning against a wall with a couple of other women—laughing like she doesn’t have a care in the world.
As we approach the group, she notices me and smiles.
She tries to stand up, and I put my palm out toward her.
“You don’t need to stand. This won’t take long.
” She looks at Gabe and then back at me with confusion.
“I only came here to tell you this.” I gather the strength to say the words, my boyfriend’s thumbs caressing my hand in support.
“You were a really good mother.” Her eyes widen, and her lips separate, but I continue before she responds.
“But you stopped being a good mother a very long time ago. You had the choice not to do the things you did—the things he brought into our lives. You had the choice to stop what he did to me. You had the choice to get better if you wanted to.”
My boyfriend’s arm wraps around my waist behind me, as if he knows I may lose the strength to even stand right now, the anxiety of the child within me creeping its way to the surface.
“But you chose him over me. The drugs over me. Yourself over me.” Each word of unfiltered truth gives me more power to keep going.
“So, please know this: don’t look for me.
Don’t try to speak to me or contact me in any way.
I won’t help you get better or give you a place to live.
Ever. That’s the choice I’m making. For me.
I found someone who loves me—more than I ever thought someone could after what you both put me through.
And I won’t risk you ruining that. You’ve done enough damage.
” Without a parting word, I turn with my Blue’s hand in mine and leave behind the woman who gave birth to the boy named Kyle—the broken person I laid to rest so many years ago—and walk away a man worthy of Gabe’s love.