CHAPTER NINETEEN JAY
CHAPTER NINETEEN
J AY
I rinse my plate and place it in the dishwasher. It’s a process that’s never made sense to me, but it’s a habit I can’t break. Why have a dishwasher if you’re going to clean the dishes first anyway? I don’t know. But it’s what I do.
Gabrielle’s bra hangs off the back of a kitchen chair in the same spot she tossed it a few nights ago during one of our middle-of-the-night rendezvous. Sometimes we don’t get beyond the sofa. Other times, we wind up in the kitchen, and I make her a snack so she can relax. My favorite nights include her on my lap in the living room or lying with her in my bed, telling stories and sharing mindless details about our day.
She’s become such an effortless part of my routine, such a comfortable and enjoyable addition to my life. Does she feel the same way?
My stomach pulls as I consider the potential complications ahead of us—namely, Gabrielle’s sons.
I can see a future with her. It’s bizarre to consider that I’ve gone from avoiding any relationship with women—specifically women with children—to wanting to be with Gabrielle daily. But the spark connecting my neighbor and me is different from anything I’ve experienced in the past. So far, it’s extraordinary. And I’m tiptoeing around the hope that maybe it could be long term.
Maybe Gabrielle could be the one .
It’s too early to determine that for certain, but it’s also a strong enough potential that I find myself considering how to handle Dylan.
I scrub my hand down my face and exhale.
“How do I start to gain his trust?” I ask the empty kitchen.
It’s such a fine line for all of us. Getting involved in Gabrielle’s boys’ lives triggers a fear inside me. I can’t help thinking of Izzy and how it felt having her ripped from my life. What if that happens again? Just as I’m about to spin out of control, I consider the look in Gabrielle’s eye when she smiles at me, and I know she’d never do something like Melody did.
Gabrielle is not my ex.
“If Melody had been more like Gabrielle, things could’ve worked out differently,” I say, working my head side to side. Tension rides across the back of my neck.
I’ve never quite pinpointed the crux of my issue with Melody. It was always a jumbled mess in my head regarding her. But now that I’ve had time with Gabrielle, it’s clear.
Melody was wholeheartedly devoted to her own happiness.
I watch Gabrielle put everyone’s needs over her own every single day. She’s selfless when it comes to her boys—unconditionally devoted. She talks great about her ex-husband. She was even kind to me when I was a dick to her in the beginning. But that’s who she is and a huge part of my attraction to her.
And that element didn’t exist in my world with Melody. In fact, her lack of concern for anyone else’s happiness is what pushed me away. Now that I think about it, her selfishness also bonded Izzy and me. It was a double-edged sword, making it inconceivable to marry her while simultaneously making it impossible to walk away.
Although I never thought I would think this, I’m so glad she left me. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to know Gabrielle and her family ... even if it is tricky as hell. Because as much as I know Gabrielle is the opposite of Melody, there are still threads of fear I can’t quite shake.
I know I must, though. I want to be open and receptive. Gabrielle, Dylan, and Carter deserve that. I want to be worthy of being a part of their lives and not infect our relationship with the poison that Melody left behind.
At the same time, I don’t want to overstep. I don’t want to involve myself too deeply in their lives—especially until Gabrielle and I decide it’s time to make that move. But it kills me that Dylan is struggling and so full of contempt. I didn’t lose my parents as a child, but I did lose a child. Maybe I can relate to him on that level.
My phone buzzes on the table. I swipe it up, buzzing with anticipation that it’s Gabrielle.
Gabrielle: Hey. What are you doing?
Me: Pondering life’s deepest questions involving dishes. You?
Gabrielle: Wondering why I haven’t seen my sexy neighbor all day.
I grin.
Me: Ask and you shall receive.
Gabrielle: It’s a beautiful night. Want to come over and porch-swing with me?
Me: I’m on my way.
I pour two glasses of tea and head across the lawn.
The moon is muted as it hangs overhead surrounded by a million silver stars. Frogs croak from the creek behind our homes as I take the steps up and onto the back deck.
Gabrielle waits for me, swaying back and forth in the warm night breeze.
“There you are,” she says, smiling from ear to ear.
I press a quick kiss against her lips and take a seat next to her, handing her a glass. “How was your day?”
“You brought me tea?” She faux pouts and it’s adorable. “You’re so damn sweet.”
“Keep your voice down. Damn. You’re going to ruin my reputation.”
She laughs, bumping me with her shoulder. “Thank you.”
“It’s my pleasure. So, your day?”
“It was good. I worked. Had lunch with Della. Went to the grocery store. What about you?”
I slide my arm across the back of the swing and usher her closer to me. “My day was fine. We got a lot of framing done for the new walls on the addition we’re building. Although I had to stay late and talk to the homeowner about a change he wants to make. I need to price all of that out this weekend and get back to him.”
“Need help?”
I grin. “You’re going to help me with an estimate?”
“If you need help, I will.” She blushes. “What? Don’t look at me like that.”
“Like what?”
“Like ...” She shrugs, her cheeks rosy. “I don’t know. Like I’m goofy or something.”
I smile at her. “You are many things, Gabrielle Solomon. But goofy isn’t one of them.”
Her shoulders soften and she leans against me. My heart swells as I kiss the side of her head.
“Are the boys in bed?” I ask.
“Yes. Why?”
“I just realized I’ve kissed you twice tonight.”
She nods slowly. “Can we talk about that?”
“Sure.”
I hold my breath as she sits up and slides away from me. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, bringing one knee up and twisting to face me.
Her eyes are wary as she nibbles on her bottom lip. I have no idea what she’s going to say—and it could go either way. And the uncertainty turns my stomach into a knot.
“I’m not trying to put anything on a fast-track,” she says. “So I don’t want you to think I’m trying to put the pedal to the metal, because I’m not.”
“Okay.”
She sighs, tension written across her pretty face. “I know I said I wanted to keep things away from the kids—and I do. I don’t want to start kissing you in front of them or making them feel uncomfortable.”
“Neither do I, Gabrielle.”
“But I ...” Her grin becomes shy. “I’m going to be honest with you. I hope this thing between us doesn’t stop.”
Thank God. I take her hand in mine and squeeze it.
“This is the part where you say you agree,” she says, her voice wobbly.
I laugh.
“Jay.”
I laugh harder.
“Forget it,” she says, trying to take her hand from mine. “I don’t even agree with myself right now.”
“Stop it.”
She huffs with a heavy dose of hesitation in her eyes.
“I didn’t think it needed to be said, but no, I hope this thing between us doesn’t stop either, Gabrielle.”
She grins. “Okay. Good. Then what I was going to say, if you would’ve just cooperated from the beginning, is that if we’re planning on keeping this up, then maybe we start easing the boys into the idea of us. What do you think?”
“I think this is absolutely your call.”
“So you would be okay with it? Because I don’t know what that looks like, and I don’t know how they’ll take it—specifically Dylan. It could get ugly.”
“Yeah, it could. And you have to be ready for that.”
“I am ready for that. I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, and I don’t want to hide it from everyone. I don’t want to go to lunch with you at Betty Lou’s and fear that it’ll get back to the boys. Sneaking into your house in the middle of the night has been fun ...”
We exchange a knowing smile.
“But I want to be able to come over in the evening,” she says. “And I want you to be able to come over without walking on eggshells during daylight hours too. Like a normal couple.”
Gabrielle has no idea what her words mean, and it’s a whole lot more than what meets the eye. She’s offering a reality I never thought was possible. She’s proposing a life I decided long ago wasn’t an option.
She’s suggesting that I’m the man she wants included in her children’s lives. That she believes I’ll care for them as much as I’ll care for her.
What a fucking concept.
“So what do you think?” she asks.
“I want all of that too.”
She starts to speak when the door opens from the house. We both turn our attention to Dylan as he walks onto the deck. He spies the two of us sitting on the swing and scowls.
“Hey, buddy,” Gabrielle says. “I thought you were in bed.”
“I thought you were in bed,” he says.
“Jay brought me a glass of tea.” She smiles in a futile attempt at disarming Dylan. “What’s up?”
He side-eyes me. “I wanted to ask you something, but I can do it later.”
“Are you sure?” she asks. “Because I can go inside and we can talk, if you want.”
“I’d hate to interrupt your date,” he says, his jaw flexing.
This is going nowhere, and it’s getting there fast. In a few seconds, Gabrielle will respond, and then Dylan will fire something back to get under my skin. We’ve done this dance before.
How can I make the boy see we aren’t enemies?
“Have you dated before?” I ask him.
“What’s it matter?”
“Dylan, please don’t be rude,” Gabby says, sighing.
I shrug, my gaze pinned on the boy. “I suppose it doesn’t.”
His brows pull together, clearly pissed. “How did you know?”
“How did I know what?” I ask.
“How did you know that I was going to ask Mom about going on a date with a girl from school?”
Gabrielle’s eyes widen.
“I didn’t,” I say, buying her time to regroup. “How would I have known that?”
“You tell me.”
It’s purely a coincidence, but one that makes all the sense in the world. Dylan doesn’t know what to do, and he’s frustrated about talking to his mother about it. I remember being that age and the awkwardness of conversing with my mother about such things. Having me here doesn’t make it any better.
But it could . . .
“I had no clue,” I say, before taking a drink. “But since you’re new around here and need tips on where to take your girl, let me know.”
He narrows his eyes. “Because you take a lot of women out on dates, huh?”
Gabrielle sighs again.
He’s picking a fight in his teenage way. I just need to unpick it somehow.
“Actually, no,” I say. “I don’t. But I do know where all the restaurants and movie theaters are, and also the hangout spots. So, if you have questions, let me know.”
He holds my gaze as if he’s processing my offer.
I run my hands down my thighs and then get to my feet. “I have to work early in the morning, so I better get going. It was nice talking to you, Gabrielle.”
“Good night, Jay.”
“Good seeing you again, Dylan,” I say.
“Bye.”
I take the steps slowly and then set out across the lawn. Their words are a whisper in the wind as I reach my house. Once I’m inside, I glance through the kitchen window to find they’ve gone inside themselves.
I won’t lie. I wanted more time with Gabrielle, but this is the reality of her life. Her kids come first, and I fucking love that about her.
And Dylan and I might’ve made the slightest bit of headway.
A smile reaches my lips.
Who would’ve thought that I would be happy about making progress with a woman and her children?
Not fucking me.
But here we are.