Chapter 24 #2
It takes me a minute to cool off, so I grab my trunks out of my room and jump into the pool.
I lose track of time, swimming back and forth until the stars fully fade and the sun crests the horizon.
Finishing what could easily be my three-hundredth lap, I flip over onto my back and let myself float. With my ears below the water line and the rhythmic sloshing of water from my strokes silenced, all I can hear are the thoughts in my head.
I’ve been such a fool.
Lakeland. Isla Cara. Fuck, even this shit with Riale.
Something needs to go right, and soon.
I can’t breathe with this constant tension and fear that the worst will come to the people I love.
Maybe if I weren’t in this house, feet away from the spot where my parents died, I might be able to be more pragmatic.
But as it is? I’m a fucking ball of terror and regret, and I don’t have the tools to deal with that.
At all.
I twist back onto my stomach and slice through the water toward the end of the pool. Getting into a rhythmic trance, I almost reach the tiled wall when something explodes next to my head.
“Excuse me, mister!” I stand in a flash, wiping the water from my eyes and opening them to Tempest’s annoyed expression. “We wanna go swimming, and you’re in the way.”
I clutch my chest to keep my heart from bounding out of my ribcage.
My mouth drops open as I search for how to respond to that. A sharp pssst! shoots across the space, and I face the edge of the sliding doors leading into the house. Raiden stands there, watchful and half-hidden in the shadows.
He looks scared, maybe of me, so I try to appear as friendly as possible.
“Good morning, Raiden,” I say, raising my voice and waving. “And good morning to you, Tempest.”
I smile. Tempest still doesn’t.
“Where’s your mom?” I ask Tempest, and she scowls at me hard before marching away. Instead of heading inside the house, she grabs Raiden’s hand and drags him back to her vacated spot.
“Mommy is sleeping, and we’re bored. We saw your pool and we wanna swim. We’re great swimmers,” Tempest says, speaking for herself and her brother.
“Tempest, you know Mommy doesn’t let us swim alone,” Raiden says, wrenching his hand from his sister’s. Tempest smacks her lips.
“Ugh, you’re no fun,” she says, rolling her eyes in a move that’s entirely too adult.
Raiden looks unsure—his arms cross tightly over his chest, and he glances at me, then back at the sliding door.
Goddamn it, what the hell do I do?
“We could just put our feet in,” I offer gently, patting the tiled lip of the pool near their feet. “Just until your mom wakes up?”
Raiden shakes his head and takes a step back.
“I’m telling Mommy.”
He turns and bolts into the house, feet slapping on the patio as he disappears inside.
I glance back at Tempest, expecting her to follow him, but she doesn’t. Instead, she sits down at the pool’s edge and dips her toes in the water with a sigh.
“He tells on me for everything,” she mutters. “Even when I’m trying to make things more fun.”
I swim a little closer but keep my distance, careful not to intrude.
“Fun is important,” I say. “But safety’s important, too. Your brother’s not wrong.”
She glances at me sideways, her jaw still set like she’s mad at the whole world.
“He’s a baby,” she says with disdain. “And you’re a stranger.”
Ow. How can a seven-year-old pack such a punch with her words?
“You’re right,” I say, voice low. “I am a stranger. I’m hoping that doesn’t stay true forever.”
She gives me a long, squinty look.
“Are you really my daddy?” she asks matter-of-factly. There’s no awe or hesitation in her tone, and she faces me head-on when she asks.
I smile slowly and vault myself out of the pool to sit next to her with my feet in the water.
“Yes,” I say simply. “I’m your dad, and I’m so da— um, I’m so happy about that fact. I can’t wait to get to know you and Raiden.”
She looks at me hard for a second before looking down at the water. Her jaw moves as she clenches her teeth, and I realize…that’s something I do.
“How do you feel about things?” I ask, realizing I haven’t looked into how the twins are taking the information.
Well, if that doesn’t show how shit of a father I am.
The kids just had their world turned on its side, and I’m sitting here arguing with Axel and Riale and swimming laps like everything is fine.
My chest starts to burn, and I grip the pool’s edge to hide my shaking hands.
Tempest doesn’t answer; she just keeps staring at the water and kicking her tiny feet in a slow, alternating pattern.
I suck in a deep breath.
“I know this is different and hard, but?—”
“Tempest Amaya Rivers! What in the world are you doing?” Shae’s sharp reproach echoes over the water, and Tempest and I look at her in unison. Shae storms down the side of the pool toward us, and I spot Raiden hovering near the exit.
I let the fact that she calls them “Rivers” rather than what they are, “Sandoval,” slide.
“Mommy, I just wanted to swim! Miss Peppers says I’m an excellent swimmer,” she emphasizes.
“You are seven years old, and no matter how good a swimmer you are, you know you are not allowed to swim in a pool unattended. That’s so dangerous! What if you fell and hit your head? You could drown, Tempest, and then what would I do?”
By the time Shae finishes her speech, she stands over the two of us, the rising sun behind her. She’s in a short, black, silky robe and is barefoot.
With her hair half falling out of her bonnet, I want to pull her into my arms and hold her.
Just hold her.
Why did things have to get so fucked up?
Oh. Because of me.
I look down at the French tips on Shae’s toes. Riale’s right. There’s no one I can blame but myself and my immature plans when it comes to Shae. Now, I’m sitting here next to my daughter, who seems to hate me, with the reality of a murderous family member gunning for me and my family.
You’ve been given a gift, son.
I shiver, looking up at the sky as the clouds roll past the rising sun. It’s not often that my mother’s voice comes to me, but when it does, it’s always for the important moments.
I return my gaze to Shae.
And just like that, something inside me loosens. The anger I’ve been dragging like armor falls away—pointless now. All I feel is the wreckage I helped create…and the woman still standing in it.
What the hell am I doing carrying so much animosity toward her? Sure, she didn’t have to erase me from our children’s lives the way she did, but can I really blame her?
What could I expect with how thoroughly I broke her heart?
She fidgets the longer I stare at her, bringing her attention back to Tempest.
I don’t look away.
If she never forgives me, it’ll be a just punishment.
“Your mother is right, Tempest,” I say softly, trying to play good cop. That was obviously the wrong decision.
Tempest’s face screws up, and she screeches, “I hate you!” Leaping to her feet, she sprints inside and out of sight before Shae or I can say anything.
Pain, sharp, pressing pain, stabs me right in the heart at her words.
Raiden follows after his sister, leaving me alone with the mother of my children.
I take my time standing and facing Shae, and she seems rooted to the spot, chewing her bottom lip as she stares after our daughter.
“Don’t take her words to heart,” Shae says, still not looking at me. “She doesn’t know you enough to actually hate you.”
Ouch.
I open my mouth to say something, anything, but she talks over me.
“We need to talk about boundaries. I thought it went without saying that you’re not to be alone with the kids. At least, not right now.”
My eyebrows come together.
“Run that past me again,” I bite out, and Shae tsks and turns to face me more. Her robe falls off one shoulder.
Don’t get distracted, Sandoval.
“Listen, they don’t know you. They’ve spent all of ten minutes in your presence. You think just because you share DNA that you should be around them unmonitored?”
I hate what she’s suggesting, but then, I almost laugh, because all I’ve done is demand things since coming back into her life.
I stand up straighter but keep my expression open.
“What are your concerns?” I ask, and I can tell the question surprises her, and her shoulders drop. She’s prepped for a fight; she’s ready for me to be the bastard I’ve been over the last few days we’ve been reunited.
“I-I don’t want them to get confused,” she says, finally.
“What would they get confused about?” I shoot back, and Shae bites her lip and looks down at the pool as if the water holds the answers.
“This is new to you. I know you’re in a honeymoon phase right now with everything, but being a parent is hard.
Especially to those two. They’re twins, but they couldn’t be more different humans.
They both have specific needs that are a lot to meet, so if you find in a few weeks or months that it’s too much?—”
“Stop.” I infuse as much energy into my tone as I can without coming off as hostile. “There’s not a scenario in which I’ll walk away from them.”
She looks at me, probably feeling the conviction in my words. I take another step closer and damn near shiver when my hand lands on her jaw, tilting her head up.
Looking into her face, I get lost.
Even for all the anger and righteous indignation I felt in Versailles…right now, I can’t feel anything but guilt, regret…and hope.
Although we’re islands apart right now, there might be a universe in which we could come back to each other.
We could be a family.
God, I want to kiss her. I want to draw her into me, meld our souls together until I can’t tell where I end and she begins.
I want her full heart again.
Looking into her bottomless dark eyes, I realize that while I never stopped loving her with my entire soul, she’s made it her mission to cauterize the wound I left behind and erase any meaning I had in her life.
But the longer I stare into her gaze, the more convinced I become there’s still a sliver of something there for me, so I hold onto it tight.
I hold on to the danger of possibility.
Caressing her jawline with my thumb, I slide a palm to the back of her neck, sucking in a deep breath to catch her scent.
“You’re right. We need to talk about things, so…dinner tonight? Just the two of us.”
At the question, I feel nervous in a way I haven’t in a very, very long time.
“Dinner?” she asks a little breathlessly with a confused look. “You want…to eat together?”
Oh, I definitely want to eat, Sweetness.
I rein in the sudden bolt of lust shooting to my groin and nod, keeping my hand on the back of her neck. Something very close to anticipation crops up when her eyes slide closed in a long blink.
“Yes, Shae. Think of it as a date,” I say, and her eyes pop open, become shuttered.
“Or don’t,” I add. “Either way, we should talk about everything without the children or other listening ears around, right?”
Please say yes, Shae. Please.
“I…” Her lips part, staying open as the thoughts almost visibly run through her mind. I hold my breath.
Waiting.
Always waiting for Shae…and never minding.
“I can’t, Storm,” she whispers, taking a step back, crossing her arms so tightly it’s like she’s trying to hold herself together.
I understand the feeling.
Still, I smile.
“It’s all right, Sweetness,” I say, drawing on the well of patience only reserved for Shae Olivya Rivers. “Some other time.”
She stares for a moment longer, her lips pressing together, before she nods and sprints back into the house.
And when she’s finally back in the house, leaving me alone with my thoughts, I keep circling back to one refrain: I let her go once. I won’t be that stupid again.