Chapter 36
THIRTY-SIX
SHAE
I have zero reason to be as nervous as I am. Storm hasn’t given me a single cause to doubt his ability to parent, or even to parent well . Not that I’m a shining example of perfect child-rearing, seeing as I’ve put work ahead of the twins on more occasions than I’d rather admit.
Still, I’m nervous, and I don’t know what to do with this energy.
“I think I know why you’re hesitant,” Yenn says when I call her first thing in the morning. It’s seven a.m., and a super late start for me, especially considering I need to go into the office for the first time in several weeks.
I fell asleep in Storm’s arms last night and didn’t want to get up for anything in the world. But then I got an alert on the baby monitor that there was movement in the twins’ room, so I jolted out of the room like Sha’Carri Richardson sprinting toward a gold medal.
And then, of course, I couldn’t get to sleep until the sun was already rising because my thoughts—memories and what-ifs—wouldn’t leave me the fuck alone.
“Do tell, oh wise one,” I drawl, looking at her on FaceTime as I wash my face over the sink.
“You won’t have any more excuses,” Yennifer says, her voice softening as she delivers her hypothesis. I keep washing my face into a thick lather just to stall for time, because the statement hits me like a brick to the nose.
Since I don’t respond at all, Yennifer continues.
“This is the last…roadblock, for lack of a better word, to being a complete family unit, living together and all. There won’t be any barrier to you following your heart and being with Storm, and that scares the shit out of you.”
I splash my face, squeezing my eyes shut, and I rinse off the facewash.
“You’re gonna have to open your eyes at some point, Shae,” she says, a tinge of humor present, even though she’s reading the shit out of me. I don’t miss the double meaning in her words, either
Turning the taps off, I towel my face dry and take one final moment to gather myself before giving my best friend attention.
“You’re right,” I reply.
Yennifer is visibly surprised.
“Wow,” she says after a beat. “You’re not gonna even try to argue with me about why I’m wrong? Bihhh, you really do have it bad. Sandoval must be dickin’ you down something fierce .”
“Girl, bye!” I shout, stepping out of the line of sight to gather my new bottle of French moisturizer.
It’s new, because a few days ago, Storm noticed I was running out. He didn’t even mention seeing this, so when I woke up the next morning with a small box on my pillow and a short, handwritten note, I cried like a goddamn baby.
It’s not even just about the moisturizer.
It’s all the little things, like how he refills my water bottle before bed or restarts the extra fan I must have on to sleep, because he knows it’ll turn off in the middle of the night, and I’m grumpy when I’m hot.
It’s the big things like how he’s been true to his word and been patient with me, and how he’s developed a relationship with our children. Even though the one with Tempest is still strained, Raiden hugged me last night and told me Daddy is his best friend.
It’s all of this, and how he sees what I need and want, too.
Storm Sandoval takes care of me—my heart, my body, and my spirit.
Even though I should be doing a million things and I haven’t gone to work in weeks, I don’t feel overwhelmed.
All because Storm’s strength allows me to be soft.
And God, I didn’t know how much I needed to lay it all down until I let him carry some of the weight.
“Yenn?” I murmur, coming back into view and placing the moisturizer on the counter. “I’m….”
“What is it, babes?” she asks, sympathy coating her words.
“I’m going to forgive him,” I blurt out, feeling so much, too much, like I’m flying and dying; like I’m on an ordained path and like I’m searching for light at the bottom of a pit.
“I just don’t want to be made a fool of again,” I add, choking on the words and dropping my head as I rock back and forth with my palms flat on the cool granite.
Breathe.
“Do you think he’d repeat past mistakes? Everything you’ve told me over the past few weeks has been mostly good. Is there something you’re leaving out?” Yenn asks.
I shake my head, still not looking at the phone screen.
“No,” I say, sniffling as tears stream down my face. “I just…what if this is just the honeymoon period? What if he’s really the monster I’ve made him out to be all these years? He blindsided me before. Why would this time be different?”
Yennifer goes quiet for a long moment while I get myself under control. When I do, I look at the screen to see Yenn still there, staring at the camera with a frown.
“Well, babe…you’re right. He could be all those things again. But, as for why this time could be different? It’s because you’re both different people, Shae.”
We’re both different people.
“College Storm and Shae made decisions that the mature, adult versions would never. Storm did what he did, as fucked up as it is, from the right place, babe. He let you go so you could live, really live, free from the danger surrounding him. He didn’t want to let you go, but that was the best solution younger Storm could come up with. ”
“It was a fucked move. Devastating, actually.”
Yenn nods. “I agree. And you’ve thrived despite the heartbreak. Haven’t you?”
My bank account would say yes, but where it really matters?
“Listen,” Yenn says, shifting to sit up straight. “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This is not that.”
She leans closer.
“You’re not expecting the same relationship you had. That version of you as a couple no longer exists. However, you both have chosen to create something new. Something deeper. And if it doesn’t work out? Well, history has taught you that you can and will survive.”
I did survive. It hurt. It hurt like hell, but I pulled myself out of the emotional wreckage and built a new version of myself.
“All we have is the present, and right now, you’re happy. So be happy.”
“You don’t think I’m being dumb?” I ask.
Yennifer screws up her face.
“Who the fuck cares what I think! What does your heart tell you?”
My heart? My heart tells me that every cell in my body loves Storm Sandoval, and I’m willing to jump off the emotional cliff to be with him.
“That’s always been the problem, Shae. You care way too much about what other people think. It’s time to start living for Shae.”
She’s right again. Once I had the babies, my drive centered around taking care of them, not failing as I suddenly became a single parent, and just doing better than Storm.
My life was fueled by revenge and spite.
Now, maybe it is time to start living for me.
I pick up the moisturizer and uncap it, adding four dots to my face to rub in before my skin dries.
“When did you become so wise?” I ask. “Also, when did you become Team Storm? If I recall correctly, weren’t you vowing to dismember him if he came within cutting range?”
Yenn laughs.
“I’ve been watching a shit-ton of Dr. John Delony clips lately, and as for being Team Storm…
” She lifts an eyebrow. “I’m definitely not his cheerleader, however, anyone who puts that big of a smile on your face must have some value.
Seeing as he’s my godchildren’s pappy, I’ll allow him to exist peacefully. ”
It takes me a second, but when I process her statement, I burst out laughing.
“Girl, if you start quoting Life , I swear to God!” I bark a laugh.
Yennifer and I chat while I finish getting dressed for the day, and before long, I find myself walking into the foyer where Raiden and Storm look at Storm’s phone with matching looks of serious contemplation.
I take in the sight for a moment—the way they both tilt their head at a right angle, the matching crease between their eyebrows. Raiden really is a little Storm, even if he’s got a completely different temperament.
“This is super cool. Is this the design you want?” Storm says, flicking his gaze in my direction for a split second before going back to his iPhone.
Raiden hums.
“I’ve always wanted a tree house, but we never had any trees of our own in our building, and Gigi said no to building one in her backyard.” Raiden twists his lips for a second before pointing to the phone again, completely ignoring me.
Storm nods.
“I suppose that’s fair,” Storm says. He gives Raiden his full attention, lowering the phone. “What do you think of you and me building it together?”
Raiden’s eyes widen.
“You’re not just gonna have the man build it?” he asks.
“Rai,” Storm says with a laugh, “I am the man.”
Raiden giggles then says, “Bruh,” because that’s his go-to interjection, learned from YouTube.
“Seriously, though. What do you say? You game? We can do this in a weekend, I bet. Just you and me,” Storm says, still looking into Raiden’s eyes.
Raiden bites his lip and says, “Okay.” Then, with a big breath, he adds, “Dad.”
The smile spreads across Storm’s face like the sun coming from behind the clouds. Then, without asking, as if it were the most natural thing in the world, Storm opens his arms and Raiden steps into them, squeezing his father tight.
God, I wish I had a camera.
Why are you denying this?
“All right, youngblood! Time for me to teach you how to whup some Zombie butt.” Axel’s joyous shout echoes across the space, pinging off the tiles and making Raiden jump away from Storm. When he realizes it’s just Axel, he smiles brightly.
“Uncle Axel, I already know how to whup Zombie butt!” Raiden rushes toward Axel.
“Yeah, yeah, sure you do. But you don’t know all things, youngin’. It’s time for your lessons to begin with the master.”
Axel dramatically puts his fist into his opposite palm, bending at the waist as if to bow to Raiden. Our son laughs again.
“All right,” I say, finally speaking up and stepping into the conversation. I get nearer to Storm, feeling his body heat. God, I have to physically restrain myself from reaching over the five inches separating our bodies and holding his hand.
Just simply holding his hand.
But still, I resist….
…even though I know I can let it go at this point.
Fear dances around my brain, locking arms with painful memories.
“Raiden, Mommy is going to work, and I’ll be back in a few hours while you play video games with Uncle Axel. Your dad and Tems will hang out for a little bit. You okay with the plan?”
I don’t know why I ask, because Raiden’s already running toward the hall leading to the game room.
“Yeah! Bye, Mom! Bye, Dad! Love you!” Raiden’s voice fades as he heads down the hall.
I turn to Axel, and his eyes ping-pong between me and Storm.
After putting on a grin, Axel says, “Well…I’d better get back there before he wrecks my score or something.”
Storm laughs. “You made the game. Don’t you know how to win it at any level?”
Axel puts his hands up, taking a step backward.
“You think I’d cheat at my own product? Madness!” Then, with those parting words, he spins on his heel and leaves the foyer.
Finally, Storm and I are alone again.
I feel awkward and raw.
“Hey,” Storm says, taking only one step closer to me. I breathe him in, and his scent makes me dizzy, just like it always does.
“Hey,” I offer back, not even pretending to be unaffected.
Focus. I just need to focus, and Storm needs to get past this outing with Tempest.
“So, you’re gonna go get her from her room,” I state, knowing full well that this is the plan and that yes, it’s okay for Storm to handle this day with Tempest from start to finish by himself.
“Yes, Sweetness,” he says, just a hint of amusement in his voice. When I examine his face, however, it’s easy to spot the nerves.
“Hey,” I say, unable to stop myself from moving even closer to him and putting my hand on his cheek. “It’s gonna be great. We’re all moving forward, right? We have to start somewhere.”
Storm searches my face before pressing the side of his face into my hand.
“You have no idea how much I crave your touch, Shae.”
He delivers the words with his eyes closed, a peaceful look on his face. My heart stumbles at the sentence.
“I’m not just talking about sex, either. Just something as simple as us holding hands, or this—” He cradles my fingers, keeping them pressed to his cheek. “It grounds me, and after not having you next to me for so long, I find myself needing that tether to you.”
His eyes finally open, and when they do, there’s so much damn emotion in his gaze, my eyes well up, and I find it hard to breathe through the knot in my throat.
“I get it,” I say, because…I do. I crave him just as much. Maybe it’s because I’m so used to denying myself what I want that I’m able to carry it more quietly, but…maybe that’s the whole damn point.
Maybe I’m not supposed to suppress my needs but shout them instead.
With a breath, Storm takes a step back, releasing his hold finger by finger until only our pinkies connect for a suspended second…and then the touch is gone.
“So,” he clears his throat. “Work awaits.”
I flex my shoulders, trying to release the sudden tension there.
“Yes. I need to meet with Melissa and Zane first thing,” I reply, looking at my watch to check the time. When I return my attention to Storm, my eyebrows go up when his slam down.
“What?”
Storm glowers at me for a hard moment, and I try to spin through the reasons why my words might upset him.
“Are you worried about the vote? If so, don’t stress, because I’m not,” I say.
He rubs the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable.
“What is it?” I press, and he blows out a breath.
“Zane Gibson. He knows that…situation between the two of you is dead, right?”
I gape at him, catching up to the left turn in the conversation. He’s worried about Zane?
“Yes,” I reply. “I made that very clear the last time I saw him.”
He chews on his lip, a rare expression of discomfort.
“What’s going on, Storm?”
He takes a breath, then says, “I believe you and I trust you. I just know if I were in his shoes, I wouldn’t go down without a fight.”
I lift an eyebrow.
“Are you expecting to lose to him?”
It’s a wild question, and he seems to chew on the thought for a second before releasing a breath and smiling.
“Like I said, I trust you,” he replies, placing a kiss on my forehead. “It’s all good. Just stay safe, okay?”
I resist the urge to lean into him.
“Everything’s gonna be fine. For both of us.”
Storm stares at me for a long moment before dropping another quick kiss on my forehead and walking off in the direction of Tempest’s room.