Chapter Seventeen #2
“But I can’t,” I admit, defeated. “If I could, I would, but not telling you is the safest option right now.”
“Mmhmm, okay.” She nods, not believing a word, though I can’t blame her after all the shit I’ve put her through. I think her instinct is telling her not to trust me anymore, but I’m determined to change that. “Well, I think you’re just jealous and worried my world no longer revolves around you.”
“Maddie, please,” I scoff. “Like you said earlier, I could’ve had you at any time, so—”
“Exactly!” She throws her clothes on the bed.
“I’m sick and tired of this cat and mouse game.
It’s hilarious that the second another man shows up interested, you say your marriage is a hack and that you’re not jealous, but you’re just protecting me.
Okay, Liam…sure.” Her exaggerated tone makes it obvious she’s not buying any of this, which just frustrates me further.
“I’m being honest, Maddie. My marriage is legal, but there are no real feelings between Victoria and me. And I am fucking jealous.”
“You can’t keep me at arm’s length, then want me all to yourself when it’s convenient for you, Liam. That’s not fair.” Her face softens, and I walk toward her, leaving mere inches between us.
I bring my hand to her face and stroke my thumb over her cheek.
“I’m jealous you dressed up for him and not me.
I’m jealous he took you on a date and I had to sit here, wondering if you were having a good time and if he was treating you right.
I’m jealous I can’t be the one for you, and although you deserve to go out and meet people, I hate it. ”
My heart pounds as my chest tightens. I don’t know how to properly explain why I had to do what I did because it’s so goddamn ridiculous.
Maddie stares up at me. Her breaths are uneven as she soaks up every word I say. I don’t consider myself a vulnerable person, but I’m ready to fall to my knees and beg her to believe me.
She swallows and moves her gaze to my lips before meeting my eyes again.
“Imagine watching the one person you were willing to give everything to flaunt their one-night stands and bang everyone else without care for years—everyone except you. Imagine how that feels and then tell me how you have any right to say you were jealous—as if I’m supposed to feel bad for you. Well, I don’t.”
Every word Maddie says shatters my heart because she’s right. My arm drops, and a frown paints across her lips when I don’t respond.
She looks at me, every bit the temptation, and I wish I could spill my secrets.
For all these years, I’ve held back, drowning myself in meaningless hookups, and denied my attraction.
I’ve wanted Maddie for as long as I can remember but haven’t allowed myself to act on it, other than a few stolen kisses.
It’s been fucking torture. Now my bad habits and past have caught up with me, and it’s confirmation that I’m not the man for her.
But fuck do I want to be.
Leaning in, I cup her face and rest my forehead against hers. I close my eyes and inhale her deliciously sweet smell.
“I imagine it was painful,” I say softly.
“Like a dagger piercing your heart, crippling your ability to breathe. The pain so strong it hinders every thought, but still, you give in to the urge to be around that person. The thought of them encapsulates every free minute of your life, and you can’t stop imagining what they taste like or what they’re doing when you’re apart.
The agony is so unbearable at times that you hate yourself for not being strong enough to walk away. ”
“Liam…” she whispers softly, her fingers wrap around my wrists like a vise-grip, holding me in place.
“I know, Mads,” I say breathily when she doesn’t speak. “I won’t be selfish anymore.”
“Wait,” she blurts when I attempt to drop my arms. “One more time.”
“What?” I ask, leaning back slightly to meet her gaze, trying to understand her words.
“I want you to be selfish one more time…”
My breathing stops as I study her, wondering if she’s messing with me for hurting her so much. “Why?”
She straightens her back and licks her lips. “Because I want to be selfish, too.”
I blink, waiting for her to say she’s kidding, but when she doesn’t, I close the gap and bring our mouths together.
Hot.
Hungry.
Desperate.
I slide my tongue between her soft lips, and when she releases a desperate moan, I bring my hands to her ass and lift her. Maddie wraps her legs around me, and my hard cock presses into her stomach as I carry us to the bed and lay her down in the middle.
Her hands are in my hair as our hips rock together, and I devour her mouth like it’s my last meal on death row. I don’t know if this is our goodbye for real this time, but this kiss will permanently ruin me for any future ones.
As I feather kisses down her jaw, she digs her heels into my ass and scrapes her nails down my arms. “Maddie…stop doing that,” I demand, moving to her neck and sucking hard.
“I don’t want to,” she responds, tilting her head and giving me more access.
Our bodies grind together, and every inch of me burns for her. I want to give in to my apprehension and take her the way she’s always wanted, but it’d only complicate things more.
“We can’t, Mads,” I whisper and pull her earlobe between my teeth. “But don’t think I haven’t fucking thought about it a million times.”
“Why? Because you love her?”
I push back, finding her hurt expression. “I barely even like her.”
She swallows hard, piercing me with her ocean blue eyes. “Okay. I want to trust you, but you have to realize all this happening after my date makes me a little cautious since you’ve been so hot and cold this past year.”
I lean down on one elbow so I don’t crush her and lie next to her.
“I know.” I brush my fingers over her cheek, wanting to give her the whole world for the rest of our lives. Until this mess I’ve made is cleaned up, I’m taking it day by day.
“Did you let him touch you?” I ask.
“Hmm…maybe.” She waggles her brows.
My whole body tenses.
“That’s not even a little bit funny,” I growl, pulling her closer. “I’m gonna kick his ass if he comes to the house again.”
Maddie shoves my chest, but I capture her wrist and wrap her arm around my waist.
“Do you believe me?” I ask softly, needing confirmation.
“That your marriage is a sham?” she questions.
“Yeah.”
“Well, it makes more sense than you actually falling in love.”
“Wow, thanks.”
Maddie shrugs. “Can you tell me why you made this arrangement at least?”
Shaking my head, I frown.
She sucks in her lower lip. “Then maybe it’s best you leave. My mind is kinda spinning right now.”
My throat goes dry, but I understand her hesitation. I’ve given her no reason to trust me, but the fact that she’s not throwing me out is a plus. At least she asked nicely.
“Probably a good idea…” I admit, pushing off the mattress before lowering myself and stealing one final kiss. She doesn’t shove me away, and when her tongue dances with mine, I release a moan.
“You’re not convincing me that you agree,” she says, but I hear the smile in her voice as my lips trail down her throat.
“Fuck, Maddie.” I groan, then stand.
Brushing a hand through my hair, I battle internally with staying and talking this out, but there isn’t anything more to say. I’m asking a lot for her to believe me with what little I did tell her, but that’s all I can offer.
“Sorry for implying you and Officer Idiot fooled around.”
She arches a brow and leans up against her headboard.
“I didn’t deny it,” she replies with a cocky shrug. Maddie enjoys getting under my skin just as much as I’ve loved watching her squirm around me these past few months.
“Well, all that matters is I’m the one who actually messed up your hair and wrinkled your dress…” I wink.
I earn her famous eye roll, which causes me to smirk.
“That’s what I thought.”
“Don’t be so smug, Hulk. He’s not married, and from the boner he was sporting all night, I’d say he’s a good nine inches. Bet he’d be happy to take my V-card.”
My jaw tenses, my teeth grinding hard at the nonchalant way Maddie talks about sex and giving away her virginity.
“Oh yeah? What happened to selling it for a million dollars?” I lean against the doorframe, crossing my arms. She’s testing my control and knows damn well she’s pissing me off.
“Why? You gonna bid on it?”
Bidding is what got me into this fucking mess. But hell if I wouldn’t outbid every motherfucker out there to keep her as mine.
“Go to bed, Maddie.” I open the door. “Think you can keep your virginity for the next eight hours or do I have to plant a chair outside your door to make sure you stay put?”
“Keep it for you or from you?”
I sigh. “Good night, pain in the ass.”
After I shut the door, I lean against the wood until I catch my breath.
I swear she’s trying to kill me along with every ounce of willpower I’ve held on to since I met her.