Chapter 47
CHAPTER 47
CHARLOTTE
“Okay,” I say. “I think we might need to… talk.”
Aiden is lying on the other couch across from me. We’ve been working for the last hour in his giant living room. It’s Tuesday evening, and for the past few days, we’ve been in and out of bed. In and out of his large en suite shower. On and off these large couches.
With a few short breaks for him to take calls from the office, or for me to chat with Vera about the book’s progress. We swam in his pool this morning, where he cornered me in the deep end and then slowly peeled off my bikini top like he was unwrapping a present. Then he’d made me come around his fingers beneath the surface of the water.
It’s been… a very good few days.
At my words, Aiden looks up from his sprawl of papers. His hair is messy, and the scruff on his jaw is thicker now. A dark shadow that more and more resembles the short beard he’d had at Zion National Park all those months ago.
I had told him the other day that I liked him with facial hair.
He hasn’t shaved since.
“Sure,” he says. “Do you have the pitches ready for me?”
“Almost,” I say. The document is open on my computer, the idea I’ve increasingly become enamored with. But showing it to him… I don’t think I could handle it if he didn’t think it was good enough. “But that’s not it.”
He leans forward, elbows resting on his knees. “What do you want to talk about, Charlotte?”
Nerves make it momentarily hard to speak. But I’ve done harder things. This shouldn’t be so complicated. “About what we’ve been doing.”
A slow smile spreads across his face. “I’m happy to talk about that.”
Despite us having done virtually everything, a flush still creeps up my cheeks. We’d put the things in that little goodie bag to good use. He’s so free in bed, comfortable in ways I’ve never experienced before. Like nothing is off the table.
“I just want to touch base about the rules again.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “Right. The rules.”
“Yes, the rules. They’re good for both of us. We only have a few weeks left now until the deadline.”
“I’m aware.”
“Right. Well, I don’t want to stop doing what we’re doing… I just want to doublecheck that you didn’t spend Sunday here instead of at the office because of me. Or that your sister suspects anything after the party. Or that you had a thing tonight that you might… have canceled.”
He nods a little. “Right. Because that would violate rule number two. This —us— might then affect the memoir. Our professional deal.”
“Yes, exactly.” His sister and I had lunch out by the pool yesterday. It was fantastic. I’d gotten so much good material that I had to write all day today just to get the ideas down.
Aiden leans back on his couch and motions for me to join him. “Come here. If you wanna talk about this, do it while sitting with me.”
“I think that’ll make the conversation even harder.” But I’ve already pushed my laptop away. He opens his arms for me, and I sink onto his lap. The pull to touch him, to be near, has strengthened over the last days of intimacy until it feels like a cord. Stretched taut between us.
“No. Touching you makes everything easier.” He settles his hands on my hips and rests his head on the back of the couch. “Now, talk to me.”
“I just did.”
“Tell me what’s really bothering you.”
I wrap my hands around his neck. His skin is warm to the touch. “I’m feeling a bit scared about what we’re doing,” I say. There’s enough truth to my words to make the nerves in my stomach tighten
He just nods once, like that’s to be expected. “Yeah. I get that.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
I breathe out a long-held breath. “Good. And we have the rules.”
“We have the rules,” he agrees. “We’re also both adults. You can tell me what you need, Chaos. Anytime.”
“Even if it’ll make you upset,” I say, smiling a little. “You know what? I really like the car now.”
A smile curves on his lips. “Good. I like you driving it.”
“I really like living here, too. More than I thought I would.”
“There’s more comfort than you’re used to on your trips,” he says. “I just finished listening to the audiobook of your memoir on the Alaskan dog musher. The one who nearly got you killed.”
“A blizzard hit! We had to take shelter.”
“You spent a night in freezing temperatures, huddled under a tarp.” His voice is low. “None of that was safe.”
“Only until the storm passed. It was an adventure.” I lean forward. “It was a fantastic adventure.”
“Mm-hmm. And you like adventures.”
“I do. Why do you insist on listening to all of my books?”
“Why wouldn’t I? I’m doing research.”
I look at him skeptically. “Research on me? I’m here. You can just ask me things.”
“Right. Because you’re always so forthcoming.”
“I promised you I would be. Weeks ago, and you promised me the same thing.”
“Do you feel like I’ve lived up to my side of the bargain?” he asks.
I look at him. This man, who was a mystery to me. Who still is, in so many ways, but one that is slowly unraveling in front of me like a spool of yarn. Inch by inch, and surprise after surprise.
He’s so much more than I thought he was. So much more than the story I expected to tell. I just had to learn how to read between the lines.
“Yes. I’m getting to know you more and more.”
“I’ll take you to where I grew up. The family house,” he says. “We can go later in the week.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
I stroke my thumb along his jaw. “Thank you. And... me? Do you feel like I’ve kept my part of the deal?”
His mouth widens into a wry smile. “Mostly, sweetheart. But there are still plenty of questions left. Things about your past I don’t know.”
“You know most of it. You’re reading every single one of the assignments I’ve done over the past few years.”
“Those are professional dealings. They don’t tell me what you felt. What your hopes and dreams have been.” He lifts both of his eyebrows. “You won’t tell me why you won’t let me go down on you.”
I roll my eyes. “That’s what you’re stuck on?”
“I feel like there’s something I’m missing there.”
“You’re such a man.”
His hands tighten on my waist. “Yes. Maybe. But tell me, and then you can ask me a sexual question. About anything, and I’ll answer.”
“Anything at all?”
“Yes.”
I consider that for a moment. It’s a very good offer. “Okay. But I’m warning you, it’s such a stupid story.”
“I doubt that, Chaos.”
It’s not very flattering, either. But Aiden’s done nothing to make me believe he may feel the same way Blake did. “Remember what I told you about my ex?”
“I do.”
“Well, he was the first guy to ever… you know.”
“Go down on you,” Aiden fills in.
That’s another of his traits. He’s so comfortable talking about this, speaking things out loud that I rarely have. I’ve had my fair share of casual sexual relationships, but part of that kind of intimacy is rarely talking openly about what we’re doing.
This is different.
“Yeah. Exactly. And later, I heard him talking to some people about it. He said that…” I shrug. Like this is nothing to me. “He said that it was part of the job, but not something he enjoyed. Just a way to butter me up for sex. And that next time, he’d make sure I showered right before.”
Aiden’s face goes blank, and then he closes his eyes. The hands at my sides tighten into fists. “What?”
“He was young and dumb. I know he’s likely not representative of all men, but it’s just gotten into my head, you know? And now I can’t get it out.”
“Makes perfect sense,” he grinds out the words.
“You okay?”
“Yeah. Just angry.”
“Oh,” I say. “At him, I hope.”
“Of course it’s at him.” He releases a long breath, like he’s forcing his limbs to relax. The fingers on my hips spread wide, warming my skin through the tank top. “Did you believe him?”
“Believe him? I mean, it was very clear he was telling the truth.”
“His truth,” Aiden says. “Not the truth. Because trust me, Charlotte, there’s nothing wrong with you. Going down on you would not be part of the job. It would be a fucking privilege. Has anyone but him done it?”
I hesitate only a moment before shaking my head. “No. I never let anyone else after that. It was easier just… to avoid that bit of sex.”
“He was the problem, Chaos. Not you.”
“You can’t know that for sure,” I say. It’s such a vulnerable thing to admit. It makes me feel like running. Opening up like this to Aiden.
But it also feels scary-good. And it’s been a long time since I’ve done things that feel scary-good.
His eyes are warm on mine. “Do you trust me?”
It takes me a moment to answer. “Yes. More than I should.”
“Then trust me when I say he was an asshole. There’s nothing wrong with you… and I can’t wait to prove you wrong.”
I play with the collar of his shirt. “My question to you, then.”
“Ah, yes. Hit me with it.”
“What’s the best sex of your life?”
His eyebrows lift, and a slow smile spreads across his face. “Really? That’s your question?”
“Yes. Don’t insult the question.”
He chuckles. “I won’t. All right, Chaos, if you’re sure you want to hear about it…”
Suddenly I’m not so sure. I didn’t think this through. But this is emotionless. I should be able to hear him talk about a woman from his past.
And besides, I’m here with him now, aren’t I?
That should be the only thing that matters.
“It was pretty unexpected,” he says and uses his thumbs to stroke circles over my hips, down to my lower stomach. “She was funny and direct. Beautiful, of course, but more than that. Intriguing.”
My stomach is tight. But I just nod. “Oh.”
“It was at a hotel, and we went back to her room.”
“Right.”
He leans forward, and his smile widens. “We played poker, and it turned into strip poker. She had a vibrator, and I got to use it between her legs while watching her in the mirror, and feeling her come around my fingers.”
My mouth falls open.
Aiden laughs and pulls me even closer. “You really thought I was talking about someone else? Never, Chaos. You’re the best sex of my life. Every fucking time.”