Chapter 65
CHAPTER 65
CHARLOTTE
My parents and I are playing Uno in the living room. I haven’t done this in years. But it used to be our thing during the summer and winter vacations at my grandparents’ cabin.
The past few days have been…
I don’t even know the right word. I’m drained. I feel it in the air, how weary my parents are, too. We’ve spoken about things all of us would rather have swept under the rug.
I told them about Aiden. About who he is as a person, and what he’s come to mean to me.
And I apologized to them for what happened all those years ago. Again. I haven’t been able to get away from the guilt, picturing Dad’s students laughing behind his back about me, and Mom’s colleagues peppering her with nonstop questions.
I cried. Mom turned into a statue, and Dad wiped his own tears with the back of his hand.
Now we’re here, in a peaceful kind of truce, playing like I’m still fourteen and it’s summer holidays.
“Good one,” Dad says to Mom. His voice is begrudging as he reaches to pick up the cards she’s dealt him. She chuckles a little and puts her cards down. “Does anyone want anything? I’m gonna get more tea.”
“I’ll take another cup,” I say. “Thanks.”
“I’m good,” Dad grumbles.
She walks into the adjoining kitchen and I look through my hand of cards. Everything is so familiar, and yet so different, and it makes me feel heady with nostalgia. I could be twenty-eight or twelve. Eight or nineteen.
“A car is coming,” Mom says. Living in a cul-de-sac, she and Dad have a habit of monitoring every car that comes by.
“Oh?” Dad asks.
It makes me smile. They do this several times a day.
“A huge one. It’s really fancy, too. A Jeep of some kind.” Then I hear her set a cup down. “It’s stopping outside our house.”
My cards fall to the table, the wrong side up. I’m showing everything. “Oh my god.”
“Honey?” Dad asks.
“There’s a man getting out of it,” Mom continues. “I think?—”
I’m already hurrying to the door. “Please stay inside. Okay?” I pull the door open and descend the steps in double time.
Aiden is standing by his massive Jeep, hands hanging loosely at his sides, eyes on mine. He’s in that same leather jacket he wore in Utah. A pair of dark wash jeans, and not a suit in sight.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
His eyes run over me. Like he’s making sure I’m safe and sound. “I had to talk to you,” he says. “I want to talk to you. There are things I didn’t say the last time, things I need you to know.”
I wrap my arms around my chest. “Aiden…”
He takes a step closer. “I know the last two days have been insane, ever since the tabloid published the story. I know that made you want to run. But Charlotte, you don’t need to run from me.”
The evening air is warm. The sun has started to set, but it hasn’t fully dipped below the horizon. It’s casting a soft light on the familiar street where I grew up. Tall trees play hosts to crickets that serenade around us.
There’s no doubt in my mind that my parents are watching from the kitchen window.
“Come on,” I tell him. “I know where we can go.”
He follows me to the small path behind my house, down toward the creek. It’s shaded and has a view of the meadow across the water.
Aiden’s presence is heavy behind me. It’s there in his steps, his barely audible breaths. I sit down on the bench that my father placed here when I was in kindergarten.
“How did you find me?” I ask.
He smiles crookedly. “You’ve told me about this place. Told me about the white house in a cul-de-sac, by a creek. There aren’t too many cul-de-sacs in Elmhurst.”
My mouth goes slack.
“What?” he asks.
“There are at least a dozen, I bet.”
“I tried a few.” He drapes his arm along the back of the bench. “Charlotte… I tried to get a hold of you when the tabloid news broke. I never wanted you to have to handle all of that alone. The calls, the questions.”
I can’t quite meet his eyes. It’s far safer to watch the moving water instead. “You told Star Buzz we weren’t a couple.”
“Yeah, I figured the lie might help the speculations die down. You’ve mentioned being afraid that your family, your friends, your entire world would hate me. That it would make it harder for you.” There’s a note of bitterness in his voice, and he shakes his head, like he can shake off the ugly feelings. “I wanted to protect you. Again.”
My breath whooshes out of me, escapes entirely. “Oh.”
“I never meant it, though. Of course we’re dating.” He lifts his hand as if he wants to touch me, but pulls back only inches from my shoulder. “Fuck, I’m butchering this. Charlotte…” He takes a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that being with me has dragged you into the public eye again. I’m sorry that your family found out that way and not from us—together. That you had to face everyone alone.” He shakes his head again, and his eyes narrow. “More than anything, I’m sorry I contacted Audrey about the article in the first place. I meant what I said. But I realize that I went about it completely the wrong way. It should be your choice entirely. At your pace.”
“Yes,” I say. Because that’s the truth.
He nods, and his face is lined with tension. “I’ve called Audrey and asked her to put the article on pause.”
That makes my breath catch. “You have?”
“Yes.” His jaw clenches, and then he blows out a breath. “She wasn’t happy about it, but she’ll?—”
“No. Don’t,” I tell him.
The words surprise us both.
“Charlotte?”
“Maybe… I don’t know, yet. If I can talk to her. But I don’t want her silenced. She seemed…” I shrug. “I don’t know. Genuine? And she’s not just reporting on my story. I’ve thought about it, and that’s a good thing. Objectively. You were right about that.”
His eyes are serious. “I still should have asked you beforehand.”
“Yes. You should’ve,” I agree. “Even though I get why you did what you did. But I don’t want to be produced, Aiden. If I do this, either with Audrey or with someone else, eventually, I want it to be on my terms.”
“I understand that now.” He sighs. “Fuck, Charlotte… All I saw was how much it was hurting you, and I wanted to make it right. I’ve seen, week after week, how much what happened continues to affect you.”
“Aiden.” I shake my head. “You didn’t do any of it.”
“Maybe not personally, but I still feel responsible.”
“You don’t make show-level decisions.”
He runs his hand through his hair. “Seeing how it’s been eating at you… made me feel two inches tall, Chaos. All I’ve ever wanted, from the moment I first met you, is to give you everything. And here I am, starting at minus.
“I’ve spoken to my chief officer in charge of production. We’ll make sure therapists are on set at each of our reality shows.”
I shift on the bench. “You are? Really?”
“Yes. You’ve taught me a lot.” His hand rubs a circle on my shoulder, and something shifts in his eyes. “I read the memoir.”
“I added everything to the draft,” I say quickly. “I understand if you want to cut out some things.”
“Charlotte…” He shakes his head. “If you want, we can cancel the memoir entirely.”
I pull back. “What?”
“If being associated with me hurts you, if it hurts your family, if you truly want the spotlight gone…” He swallows hard. “I can make the phone call. I’ll make sure your editor at Polar knows it’s my fault. Just another egomaniacal CEO with whims, you know. You’ll get out scot-free.”
My breathing feels shallow. “But you’ll lose your deal with the Board. You won’t get approval for buying the streaming service.”
He lifts a shoulder in a shrug. “Yeah. Not a big deal.”
He’s been working toward this for months. Years. The way he’s described it, he believes it’s the key to ensuring Titan Media stays relevant and competitive in the coming decades.
The cost is astronomical.
“You can’t do that,” I tell him. “That means too much to you.”
His lips curve. “I found something that means far more.”
“Oh.”
“Anything you need from me is yours. Just say the words. If you want us to live in anonymity and obscurity, that’s what we’ll do. I can buy and kill news stories. I’ll apologize to your parents. I’ll do everything I can to convince them that you’ll never suffer again because of me or Titan Media.” His hand slides down my arm and finds my fingers. His entwine with mine. “Chaos, even if all you want is a ‘no strings’ kind of relationship that allows you the freedom to keep traveling and writing, moving from place to place, I’ll be right there alongside you every step of the way.”
“Your life is in Los Angeles,” I whisper.
“Only because Titan’s headquarters are there. There’s no other draw for me, and I can work remotely.” His voice turns fierce. “You’re what matters. Ever since I walked into that hotel room, you’ve set my entire world ablaze. I’ve seen your bravery and your heart, and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. I want…” He shakes his head a little. “Fuck, I want everything where you’re concerned. But I’ll take whatever you’re willing to give me.”
“What do you want?” I tighten my grip on his hand. “Tell me.”
“This is about you,” he says.
I shake my head. “It’s not. It’s about us. And I want to hear what you want.”
“I want you living with me,” he says. “I want your laughs, your smiles. Your late nights and your early mornings. I want you by my side at events, and I want to get to know your world. I want you to show me around this town and meet your parents, and I want to kill anyone who’s said a single bad thing about you throughout the years.” His eyes burn, and I’m swallowed whole by his expression. “I want you to tell your story. I want everyone to know the truth about what happened on the reality show, even if it’s my company that’ll look bad. I want years with you. To walk beside you on whatever path your pen takes you. I want us to surf together, hike together. Hold you in my arms on the couch while you fall asleep to a movie. I want everyone to know you’re mine, and I’m yours. I want to hold you at night, and I want your last name to change just one more time.
“That’s selfish, all of that. But you asked me, so there it is, Charlotte. I am a selfish man. I’ve been given a lot in life, and here I am, asking for more. Asking for you. Because god help me, I’d give up everything else if it means you’ll be mine.” He brushes the back of his hand along my cheek. Finds a tendril of my hair and twists it gently around his finger. “You’ve been so unexpected from the start, Chaos. Turned me inside out at every turn until I couldn’t think about anything but you. So here I am, so in love with you that it hurts. And while I know and hate the fact that I’ve caused you pain, I’m asking if you’ll have me in return.”
The moment feels like it lasts forever.
So much in love with you that it hurts.
I look at him and the strong planes of his face. He’s always been handsome. Right now, he’s so beautiful it breaks my heart. Cracks it wide open and his words pour in. They fill me up with warmth.
A tear runs down my cheek. Aiden’s green eyes widen, and his hand slides down to cup my face. “Charlotte,” he murmurs.
“You’re in love with me?” I whisper.
He dips his head in a single nod. “You’ve ruined me entirely, Chaos. There’s no one else for me.”
I throw myself at him.
It surprises us both, I think. He catches me with a low grunt. His arms wrap around my waist, and he kisses me back. He tastes like mint.
His lips feel like coming home.
I lift my head, now halfway in his lap. “I love you, too.”
Aiden goes very still. Every part of him, except for his hands on my waist. They tighten their grip.
“You do?”
“Yes. I’ve liked you since I first met you. Even when you were annoying, when you drove me mad, when you frustrated me… I always liked you. Somewhere over the weeks, it grew stronger than that. It felt like I was drowning and floating at the same time.”
“I know what you mean.”
“I tried to fight it for a long time. But it wasn’t… it wasn’t because of the show. It was because I was scared of getting hurt, I think.” My forehead comes to rest against his, both of us breathing hard. “And I was scared of being found out. Of making a dumb mistake.”
He strokes up my back in slow, reassuring sweeps. “You were hurt. And you were healing.”
“I thought I was over it,” I whisper. “But I didn’t realize I’d just closed myself off entirely to the possibility of… this. It’s scary.”
Aiden chuckles a little. “It’s fucking terrifying, Chaos. You could ruin me with a single sentence.”
We breathe in silence for a few moments. Happiness is a slow syrup through my veins, heady and thick, until his words settle trigger a niggling thought in the back of my mind.
“Aiden,” I blurt. “The thing I said, when we argued earlier in the week? About how you shouldn’t believe your own… God, I can’t even repeat it.”
“My own puff piece?” His voice is easy, and his hands never stop stroking up my back.
I close my eyes in shame. “Yes. I’m so sorry, I was hurt, and I didn’t mean it.”
“I read the book,” he says gently. “I know you didn’t mean it.”
I lean forward again, our foreheads touching. “What did you think about it?”
He smiles. I can almost feel the movement, we’re so close. “I think,” he says, “that you’re the most talented writer I know. You made me sound infinitely better than I truly am. You also made observations that… I’m going to have to think about some more.” He strokes his thumb along my cheek. “No one has ever known me quite like you, Chaos.”
“I feel the same way,” I whisper. “You figured me out so fast.”
“I’d say that you read me like a book, if that wasn’t terribly cheesy,” he says. “And wrong. Because you’ve written the book.”
“Mmm. I just had to learn to read between the lines.”
He kisses my temple again, and I close my eyes, feeling his steady heartbeat against mine.
“Aiden,” I say.
“Mmmhm?”
“I want to try living in Los Angeles for a bit.”
He’s quiet for a long beat. “Really?”
“Yeah. If that’s okay.”
“ Okay? It’s fucking perfect.” His hands come to cup the sides of my face. “But are you sure? You’re not going to give up anything because of me. I want to give you things. Not take things away.”
That makes me laugh. “Aiden, in what world would me living with you be taking things away? I want to try staying in one city for a bit. I want to write my new book. And maybe… I want to try being a girlfriend.”
A slow, wide smile spreads across his face. “My girlfriend.”
“Yes. Your girlfriend.”
He kisses me again, and then pulls me tight against him. I feel his heart beating. “I am very happy right now,” he says.
I close my eyes against the welling of sudden tears. “So am I.”
We sit like that for a long few minutes. There’s only the sound of the creek behind us and birds in the distance, settling down for the night. Somewhere, a car engine starts.
“Do your parents like wine?” Aiden asks.
I laugh. “What?”
He leans back to meet my gaze. “I’ve brought a case of Langley wine for them. I know I’ll have to fight an uphill battle to try to win them over.”
I laugh again. It slips out of me, warming the little glade. He looks at me with a widening smile. “Wrong choice?”
“Wrong choice,” I say and lock my hands behind my neck. “But I love you for trying. And so will they, once they get to know the real you. No wine, no fancy cars. Just you.”