31. Caden #2
Kilwins ice-cream shop has a line out the door, but we get in it anyway. I left my jacket in the car, and roll up my sleeves as we settle in line. Fia watches me closely as I do, the heat from the day still lingering around us.
She is loud and giggly, and changes her mind ten times before she finally decides on strawberry ice cream in a waffle cone, but eventually we get our enormous cones and walk towards the river together. She flits around like a fairy, light and happy, and all I know is I'm drawn to her like a magnet.
A musician plays the saxophone on the street corner across from us, and Fia stops, resting her back against the railing at the river’s edge. The moon and stars shine bright above us as couples leave nearby restaurants and families with teenagers stroll along the river.
Downtown Wilmington is alive, a vibrant summer night, but Fia is by far the brightest thing out here.
She’s talking, a long string of words moving through her red lips. There’s a drop of strawberry ice cream along her lower lip. I know how it would taste if I ran my tongue along it.
Suddenly, those lips go still.
I wasn’t listening to the actual words, and I blink at her sudden silence.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks, balking at me. “Oh shoot, do I have something on my face?”
I nod.
Then—before I can stop myself—I reach for her, brushing a smear of strawberry from her bottom lip with my thumb.
I don’t pull away.
My hand stays against her jaw.
The breeze blows a wavy lock of blond hair into my eyes, but our gazes hold.
“Thank you,” Fia replies breathlessly, breaking me of my spell, and I pull my hand away. She dips her head, taking one last bite of her cone.
“Didn’t want you to get it on your dress,” I reply low, leaning my back against the metal bar, so we are facing each other. Her, looking over the dark water. Me, facing the lights and people and music playing through open restaurant windows.
“Do you like my dress?” she asks, swaying her hips side to side, the green material billowing around her.
“Yeah,” I reply, my voice husky. “You are beautiful.”
Fia stops swaying, swirls of deep emerald staring up at me.
“It’s getting late. We should get you home,” I say, ruining the moment.
Fia looks away quickly, and her arms retreat to her sides.
I stifle a sigh as we walk in silence back to the parked car.
And we remain in a tense silence for the fifteen-minute drive home.
As I pull onto my quiet, dark street, the tall pines cast shadows from the full moon, swallowing me whole, and I still find no words to say to her.
It’s like vines have wrapped themselves around my heart, my lungs, restricting me from doing anything, anything at all.
We step out of the car and into the humid night in sync. Fia shuts her door softly.
“Thank you for being my guest tonight,” I say. My words are rigid.
They aren’t enough.
Fia bobs her head in response, half her body in shadow. She clutches her small purse but remains standing firmly where she is.
Finally she lifts her head, glancing up at me with those doe eyes that bring me to my knees.
“So, what now?” Fia chokes out.
The lights in the pool cast glimmering sparkles across her face as she waits for me to answer.
I shove my hands in my pockets, everything in me screaming.
“What do you mean?” I ask with a half smile, knowing damn well what she means.
Fia tilts her head, directing a long gaze at me with eyes that grow glossy. “You’re just what—going to go into your house and finish the night alone? And I’m supposed to go into the guesthouse, fifty feet from you, and pretend that . . .”
“Fia—” I warn. I shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t feel every muscle in my body clenching tighter—but I take a step closer to her. Mere inches remain between us.
“Caden, why do you keep helping me?” she whispers, chin tilting up to look me fully in the eyes. “And don’t say it’s because I’m the best employee ever, or whatever, because I’m not buying it anymore. I’m not naive.” Her voice cracks and I rub the back of my neck.
“Whatever you’re thinking, Fia, we can’t do it,” I growl, but I’m not so sure I even believe the words as they slip past my lips.
“Can’t do what exactly?” Fia crosses her arms over her chest, brows pinched together. “You’ve invited me to live here, you have become a part of me and my daughter’s life. If you didn’t want to cross a line with me, I’m afraid that ship has sailed,” she replies, hurt lacing every word.
I shift my weight back, putting distance between us.
“You don’t understand, I can’t risk—”
“Risk what? Risk the business? I’m not going to quit,” Fia snaps, but then her face softens. “If it’s not clear enough, I need this job. Are you afraid of what other people will think, or am I not good enough for you?”
“No, Fia.” I clench my fist, my throat tight. “I don’t want to risk messing everything up. We work well together. Professionally.”
The more I talk the more I hate myself. It’s the truth, but fuck, it’s not the whole truth.
“So that’s it, that’s all I am to you?” She snorts, taking a hard step away from me. “I’ve let you into the messiest parts of my life, and you just keep putting up this wall.”
Tears well in her eyes, and my heart cracks right in my chest.
“It’s complicated,” I respond, like a complete coward.
But is it?
Is it complicated, or is she right—am I afraid of what everyone will think?
It doesn’t matter because Fia stares up at the starry sky, blinking away the tears. “Got it. Thanks for the night,” she adds dryly.
She turns and begins down the stone path towards the guesthouse. Each click of her heel growing further away.
Pressure builds in my chest until I can’t breathe, a crushing weight on me . . . Seeing her walk away from me is like seeing everything I care about slipping from my fingers.
Fuck the rules.
I need her.
In a blur, my feet race across the driveway and stone, straight towards Fia.
She spins around as I crash into her, gripping her waist, holding her to me.
Pink lips part and her eyes search my face, but I can’t think, I can’t breathe, not until I know.
So with hands splayed against the width of her back, I tilt her back, off balance.
Fia rests all her weight into my arms—trusting me.
My breath hitches in my throat as we lock eyes, time stretching thin between us.
Fia waits for me to make the next move, to seal our fate.
“Caden—” she says, but I cut her off.
“You are worth every risk,” I say slowly, cupping her jaw.
Then I press my lips into hers.
Her body stills for a moment before her hands find the back of my neck and she melts in my grip, running her fingers up through my hair, sucking my lip between her own.
Fia pulls back, brows narrowed. “Are you sure about this?”
I stare at her, pausing to settle into the reality of this moment.
“I’ve wanted to kiss you for far longer than I care to admit,” I reply, still catching my breath.
Fia smiles at me, and our lips brush teasingly against each other.
“Then don’t stop now,” she whispers.