24. Josie
josie
. . .
“You did what ?” I said, staring at my sister as she applied the finishing touches to her makeup.
When Lennox had asked if I wanted to go to the Lone Star tonight, I hadn’t thought twice before saying yes. The three of us hadn’t had a girls’ night in so long, and I was still pissed at Ellis for what happened at family dinner last night, so it seemed like the perfect time to go dance away my frustration.
But the backstabbing little shit had failed to mention that she’d invited Lincoln and Bishop until now.
“What?” she said, rubbing her lips together. “Lincoln was with Bishop when I went to the barn. It would’ve been rude to invite one and not the other.”
“Okay… And that matters why?” I asked, folding my arms over my chest.
Lennox shrugged. “Listen, Josie, you can’t avoid him forever.”
“I don’t?—”
Cleo and Lennox spoke at the same time. “You do.”
“Two pots calling the kettle black,” I muttered. “And I didn’t ask either of you to meddle in my love life. Might I remind you that I have a?—”
“An Ellis?” Cleo said, raising her brow as if daring me to deny it. When I didn’t respond, she smiled and said, “I thought so.”
Even before Lincoln had come barging back into the picture, I’d rarely called Ellis my boyfriend. I didn’t know why. We were dating and had been taking all the logical steps you were supposed to take in a relationship—albeit slower than what I was used to—but I was just trying to protect my heart.
Now, I was almost glad I’d never allowed myself to make the stupid designation. The more I thought about last night, the angrier I got. Honestly, he’d been a bit of a dick a couple times, but this was different. Was it just jealousy that had him acting that way?
Or had he actually always been like this? I thought back on our relationship, if you could even call it that. He’d criticized my food choices, called me trashy for liking a mimosa with brunch, implied there was something wrong with my weight… He’d ignored all the things I cared about—he’d given me black coffee for fuck’s sake—and I’d written it all off because why? Because I thought he was a good guy and a safe choice?
“So, if that’s the case, you wouldn’t mind if Lincoln looked elsewhere, right?” Cleo asked, interrupting my thought spiral.
I shifted in my seat. Of course, I minded. And I knew it didn’t make sense and was a double standard, but Lincoln had always felt like mine. He was my treasured memory, firmly locked away as a favored secret. That protection shattered the moment he stepped foot on Black Springs Ranch, forcing me to share something that felt so close to my heart.
“He’s free to look wherever he wants,” I mumbled.
“Look, all I’m saying is that Lincoln is hot,” Lennox said, pulling her t-shirt over her head. She tossed it blindly onto one of the many piles of clothes on her floor. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a clean freak by any means—that was Cleo—but I didn’t know how my younger sister found anything in here.
“And your point is?” I said, falling back onto her bed.
“Her point,” Cleo said, coming over to take a seat next to me, “is that Ashwood is a small town with a limited dating pool, while Lincoln is a hot new fish that everyone will want to mate with.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Lennox called out. “Are you doing the fish talk again?”
Cleo rubbed her temples. “I teach first graders, Len. It’s just instinctual.”
I groaned, waving both of them off. “Okay, I get it.”
The mattress dipped on my other side. “Do you, though?” Lennox’s face appeared above mine. “Because I’m saying that there will be a shit ton of women tonight who will want to take home a cowboy—especially one who looks like Lincoln. And you’ll have to watch that happen and be okay with it because you’re stuck in a miserable relationship because you think it’s what’s right .”
I bolted up, narrowly missing Lennox. “That’s not true.”
My sister took my hands in hers, her face going severe. “Okay, tell me something… Last time you masturbated, was it to the thought of Ellis or Lincoln?”
Shit.
“Oh my god, Len. I don’t know what this has to do with anything,” I huffed, pulling my hand from hers. I thought she’d been about to tell me something serious. “Don’t you think it’s weird that you want to know stuff like that?”
“You didn’t deny it, though,” Lennox sang as Cleo smacked my arm. “Answer the question, Josie. Lincoln or Ellis?”
“I plead the fifth,” I said, pushing to my feet.
“Have you ever slept with Ellis?” Lennox asked. “I mean, have y’all done anything past first base? ”
I closed my eyes, slowly turning around to face her. “There’s been some light petting,” I said, avoiding her gaze.
And by light, I meant he’d grazed my breast during a not-so-heated make out before I’d quickly said goodnight and slipped away.
Out of the corner, I saw Lennox smile like a damn cat. “So, you haven’t passed first base,” she said, counting off her fingers. “You won’t call him your boyfriend.” Another finger. “You think about Lincoln when you bean it.”
“Oh my god, I never said that! And bean it? Really, Len?”
It was true, but she didn’t need to know that. Lincoln had secured his spot in my mental spank bank over a year ago after the first time we’d had sex. Over the months, as the loneliness grew, so did my thoughts of him.
Since he’d come back… So had those desires.
I mean, how could they not? He was hot—too hot for his own good. What woman in their right mind could walk away from something like that without keeping a memory or two handy?
“What? There’s not a good word for female masturbation, so I made one up.” She shot me a severe look. “Stop deflecting and answer the question. Lincoln or Ellis, Jos.”
That was what neither of my sisters understood. It wasn’t a question; I think my heart would always choose Lincoln. The problem came from knowing he lived over a thousand miles away, and there would be no sustaining a relationship long-term. He had Frank’s bar, and I had this ranch. I wouldn’t give it up, and I knew he wouldn’t ask me to.
Whether it happened now or five years in the future, someone would lose something they cared about. Without wanting to, one of us would resent the other for what we gave up, and then the love that had once felt so sacred and special would turn into something vicious and ugly.
With Ellis… I don’t know. It seemed like low risk, low reward. It wasn’t the most romantic notion, but neither of us would have to give up something integral to who we were to be together.
But right here, I could voice a small truth with the two people I trusted more than anything.
The truth of it was, Ellis and I seemed more like a business arrangement than a relationship. It was, yet again, another man that wanted to align himself with me because of the potential monetary value I could add to his life. For once, I wanted someone to sweep in and love me without strings or stipulations.
Like Lincoln.
My phone rang, just as it had all afternoon. I didn’t even need to check to know Ellis’ name would be flashing on the screen. He’d texted me this morning, apologizing for being a douche, but I was sick of half-assed apologies. Honestly, he should’ve thought about that before he’d opened his mouth.
It seemed like he was apologizing a lot lately. I didn’t like it. There shouldn’t be a reason to apologize every time we had a conversation.
I sucked in a deep breath, holding it for a few seconds before exhaling. “Lincoln. I think it’ll always be Lincoln. It won’t change anything. There’re too many obstacles in the way.”
Where I expected them to hoot and holler, I was met with silence. Cleo looked at me with a sad smile. “Don’t make the same mistake I did, Josie,” she said, taking me by surprise. “Don’t let the person you love slip through your fingers without fighting to keep them.”
I wanted to ask what she meant, but there was a knock on Lennox’s door, and she called out, “Come in!” before I could stop her. It swung open, revealing a very hot cowboy on the other side.
Holy shit.
Lincoln Carter was every cowgirl’s dream in a black felt hat, starched jeans that hugged his thick, muscular thighs, and a dark grey button-down. The top two buttons were undone, showing just a peek of the soft chest hair I used to trace with my fingertips.
I slid my gaze up and down his body, stopping when I was met with that cocky smirk of his. “What’re you girls talking about?” he asked.
My cheeks heated as he stared straight at me. Surely, he hadn’t heard me. The door was closed. Wasn’t it?
Cleo grinned. “We were just talking to Josie about making difficult choices.”
“Is that right?”
“Sure is,” Lennox said, holding up two pairs of boots. “See, I was in town today, and I couldn’t figure out if I should keep the old boots I’ve broken in, but these,” she held up a black leather set with light grey stitching, “are clearly the better choice.”
Lincoln nodded, covering his smile with his hand. “Yeah, I agree. Can’t go wrong with those. They’re damn good looking and dependable.”
“Well, maybe they aren’t,” I mumbled, turning toward my sister. “And you know damn well if you wear those tonight, your feet will be covered in blisters in about two hours.”
She grimaced but slid the new pair on anyway.
“You girls about ready?” Lincoln asked, raising his forearm and letting it rest on the door jamb. He was clearly enjoying the conversation too much. “Bishop’s out in the truck waiting.”
“We’re almost done!” Lennox called out, giving Lincoln her best smile. Little shit only did it to get under my skin and prove a point.
Consider it made.
The thought of Lincoln looking at anyone else like he looked at me had my hackles rising. It was enough for me to make a promise to myself to reevaluate my decisions later. Preferably when the man of my dreams wasn’t staring my way, making my heart do little flips.