Chapter 18
CHASE
Sam: he stayed over with a friend at a hotel and wants to meet with both of us for lunch
I stare at the text while my third cup of coffee this morning pours into my mug from the Keurig.
I couldn’t sleep at all last night. Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see was Izzy’s face morphing from bliss to shame to terror.
I’m no longer disgusted at my attraction to him, but my reaction to his vulnerability in that moment.
I skirted away from the truth of what I know when Sam was talking about Isaiah’s quirks last night.
Back when he first came to the team, his billet mom expressed her frustration with him early on.
After a few drinks one night after a game, she confided in me that his mother is in total denial that her son has issues, but his father finally filled her in.
Two adults in his life broke his confidence and shared about his struggles with dyslexia, dyscalculia, and obsessive compulsive disorder like it was a topic to discuss over Sunday brunch.
Honestly, if it wasn’t for the fact that goalies are traditionally weird to begin with, I think he might have gotten help for it long before they became the obstacles they grew into.
After getting back to my condo last night, I called up Mom in Phoenix for advice.
“I fucked up, Mama.”
A soft giggle comes over the line before she clears her throat.
“And just what man have you missed your chance with this time for the sake of that asshole? Is he the type to give second chances?”
I smile despite the rock in my stomach and tell her all about Sam and how he makes me feel like there’s actually a future for me that could include more than merely existing.
“But then there’s Izzy, and I can’t undo the change in how I see him now. I can’t imagine a future without him in it either, Mama.”
The silence on the other end of the line has my nerves ratcheting up to eleven, but I know Mom is just thinking before speaking. Her advice is never what you want to hear, but it’s almost always what you need to hear.
“And who says you only get one or the other, Chase? It sounds like you want both of these men in your life. And honestly, after that asshole, it makes sense that the universe sends you double to make up for that shit stain.”
Remembering my mother’s words brings a smile to my face. She’s always been in my corner, fighting for my right to love. Her only rule has always been that she won’t have a criminal for a son, so whatever I do has to be legal and consensual.
I think that’s what bothered her the most about what Tim did.
It wasn’t the fact that he cheated on me that makes her hate him with the passionate flames of a thousand suns – direct quote from her when the divorce papers were filed.
It’s the fact that it’s still unknown how much of his relationships with the guys that I found out about happened before they were eighteen.
By the time I discovered what he was doing, they were all legally adults, but it doesn’t erase the fact that we knew most of these boys since they were as young as fifteen-years-old.
And again, my thoughts spiral back to Isaiah and what the fuck makes my feelings towards him any different.
“When he was still a child, you viewed him only as a child. It’s been years and he’s lived in the world outside of the protection of guardians for long enough to know who he is and how he wants his world to work.
Seeing a young man as attractive is natural.
But it’s up to you to decide if you see him as the man he’s grown into or as the child you supported years ago in another life. ”
Another text comes through on my phone and I take the time to glance at it.
Sam: Regency Hotel @ 11
Sam: please come
Sam: I can’t lose anyone else this year
Closing out the text app on my phone, I realize the time is already closing in on ten in the morning.
If I’m going to this lunch, I need to get my ass into the shower and dress appropriately.
While I’m not going into the office until after the holiday, I still can’t break the habit of wearing at least business casual during the days of the work week.
After six in the evening and on weekends, I can relax my style, but I’m a creature of habits formed over the last fifteen years of corporate life.
The drive to the hotel is absolute hell.
Between the last minute holiday shoppers and the people rushing to the airport or bus station to leave town for Christmas, I want to strangle someone by the time the valet at the hotel exchanges my keys for a claim ticket.
My mood is made even worse by almost colliding with Triton Jeffries in the middle of the lobby.
“Watch where you’re going, Grandpa,” he sneers at me before heading to the concierge desk.
Great. Out of all of the hotels in the city of Harrisburg, we are meeting at the one that apparently was booked for the players from the Tallahassee Tridents. Then again, they should all be getting on a flight or a bus by now, so I wonder why the fuck Jeffries is still in my city.
Huh… my city. This is the first time I’ve thought of anywhere other than Ohio as home since the split with Tim.
Thinking about Jake and his family and my friends at work and the other season ticket holders in our section, I realize I have been making Harrisburg my new home for a while now.
It just took a pushy pair of kids to trick me into it.
I wave off the hostess when I spot Sam inside the hotel restaurant and join him at the table. He looks like he got about as much sleep as I did last night judging by the dark circles under his eyes.
“You look like how I feel,” he remarks before taking my hand under the table.
The server takes my drink order for an iced tea and I feel Sam’s leg shaking under our hands. Glancing at his profile, I can tell he is just as nervous as I am to find out what Isaiah wants to share with us.
“I’m scared, Chase. I can’t lose anyone else this year. After Pops…”
I bring his hand up to my lips to press a quick kiss to it to calm his fears. At least I won’t be going anywhere. I can’t speak for our boy, though.