Chapter 6 #2
“She didn’t tell me she wanted comforting,” he said, feeling justified but again remembering that he was making an excuse for something that he was supposed to have known.
Sometimes a man just needed to figure some things out about his wife.
And he could, if he put as much effort into his wife as he did into his business.
At least he wasn’t golfing. He could have been putting all of his effort into improving his golf swing or playing racquetball with his buddies at the gym.
Then he felt like she probably would have had a leg to stand on.
But he’d been putting his effort into something good.
Building a business for them so they would have money to do whatever they wanted to.
Hire a nurse for her mother when she wanted to go visit babies, for example.
Monique’s lips pressed together, and he could tell that she wasn’t impressed with his answer, not that he expected her to be. It rang hollow to him too.
“Monique’s right. Sometimes your wife needs you to do things without being asked.
Those emotional things are some of those things.
I’m sure she wouldn’t hesitate to ask you to fix the toilet or take out the trash, but…
Sometimes when she just needs you to hold her, you have to figure that out on your own.
I kinda thought you were a little smarter than that.
” Philip didn’t look like he hated him exactly, but he did look a little disgusted.
He didn’t see any point in arguing, although Philip’s words made him feel extremely defensive.
He wanted to say that this wasn’t his fault.
That his wife should have stuck around. Should have talked to him about it at the very least, but he supposed this was kind of a hard thing to talk about, and he also supposed it was probably obvious.
When someone lost their mother, they wanted comfort.
And they didn’t want to have to ask for it.
“I guess I see what you’re saying.” He put his head down and felt really humble as he asked the next question. “Do you guys have any idea where she might be?”
His words were soft and came out without any confidence behind them at all.
He really didn’t know, other than Raspberry Ridge, and he didn’t want to drive the whole way there just to find out that he was still on a wild goose chase.
He wanted to be with his wife. He wanted to find her, now.
Make sure that she was okay. Fix things between them. It bothered him that they weren’t okay.
“No. She hasn’t called or texted us, and we honestly didn’t know that she had left you.”
To hear someone else say it made it sound really weird and real, and he hated that. He didn’t want it to be real. He wanted to wake up and find out that it was all a dream.
“All right. Any ideas after that?” If there was anywhere he could stop and check along the way, he’d do it. Just so he kept all of the stones turned over. He didn’t want to miss even one.
“I guess a couple of times she talked about going to Yellowstone. She said she’d always wanted to see Old Faithful.
But beyond that, she talked about working at an orphanage in Romania.
Something about holding babies that needed it.
And I had told her that there were jobs in the NICU across America where she could work, holding babies.
That seemed to be something she really wanted. To hold a baby.”
Cannon couldn’t feel worse if someone had kicked him right in the gut.
Of course. She wanted a baby. She had cried almost inconsolably all three times she’d miscarried, and he hadn’t understood.
After all, the baby was in heaven. It was safe.
She’d see it someday. He didn’t understand what the big deal was.
But he should have tried harder to find out what her problem was, why she was so grief-stricken, and done more to help her.
He’d really dropped the ball. In fact, he was feeling more and more like maybe he hadn’t been the exemplary husband that he’d always thought he was.
In fact, maybe he’d been a really rotten husband.
“You know, I think she loves you. In fact, I know she does. Sometimes I can’t figure out why,” Monique said with the honesty of an older sister. “But I think sometimes she just really wished for things you didn’t provide. Like you always provided security. Of course.”
Cannon almost snorted. That was his job. He should have been good at that.
“But empathy and compassion. Kindness, companionship. She spent a lot of time alone. I think that sometimes Lauren was an extrovert, and it was really hard for her to be alone. Even if she was an introvert, she would have needed attention from her husband. Even introverts don’t want their husband to completely ignore them for days on end. ”
He wanted to defend himself again, but he didn’t.
She was right. There were times where he was so focused on bidding on a job or whether or not he had gotten another job and how he was going to do a thorough job on a project that had come in and he was afraid the bid was too low and he’d stressed out, and all those things together had kept his mind busy.
He’d been home, but he hadn’t really been home.
“All right. I suppose you’re right. I… I’ll think about that as I drive to Raspberry Ridge. Do me a favor, and if you think about where else she might be, let me know. I… I love her. I don’t want to live without her.”
It was hard to admit that. Especially when they knew that she had just walked away from him.
Apparently as easily as that. Walking away.
But it was the truth. And it was also maybe a little of what he needed.
Humility. Because he wanted his wife, and whatever he needed to do to get her back, he would do.
There wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for her.