Chapter 11
Eleven
L auren hadn’t been joking about having a headache. She put a hand to her temple and tried to think about whether or not there were any pain relievers in her purse.
Finally deciding she might as well look, she almost sighed with relief when she found a bottle of something that would work, shook two into her palm, and grabbed a glass of water to swallow them down with.
It was going to take a few minutes before the pain went away, and so she turned, walked through the back of the building, and went out and sat down on the steps.
A dog that she’d seen earlier, scrappy brown with white paws and a white collar, slunk out through the peach trees as she came out.
She should have come out slower. She’d seen it a couple of times before and knew it hung around. She’d left a couple of scraps out the night before, not that she had a whole lot to eat herself, but they’d been gone in the morning.
Still, she didn’t want to think about the dog right now.
She was just so mad at her husband. How could he be so smart and yet so dumb at the same time?
Acting like he didn’t know why she’d left.
Like he wanted to make things right, but he wanted her to go home and for everything to just stay the same.
He didn’t want to have to actually put any effort into their relationship.
He wanted that to just go smoothly so he could put all of his effort into his stupid business.
And that crock about it being for both of them.
And then he’d given her a guilt trip about how he’d paid for a nurse so she could leave her mom and go see the babies.
She rolled her eyes, which made her head hurt worse, so she leaned back over, putting her hands around her stomach and rocking forward.
He was infuriating. He absolutely refused to see what was right in front of his face and kept asking dumb questions.
Plus, all of a sudden he wanted to talk?
That was suspicious. He hadn’t wanted to talk for the last ten years, just content to have her there, cleaning his house, cooking his meals, occasionally helping him in the business, whatever he needed, she was there.
And yet, he never lifted a finger to do anything for her.
Okay. She was being unfair, and she was ranting. He had done things for her. Just not the things she really needed.
“There you are. The door was locked, and I thought that maybe you’d gone somewhere, but your car’s sitting out front, so I came around back to see if you were here.”
“Sorry, Skyler.” She didn’t explain about her headache or her husband or how infuriated she’d been with him. That was way too long a story. And she’d just met Skyler the day before when Skyler had stopped in and invited her to Bible study.
“Is it okay if I sit down?” She paused. “If you want to be left alone, that’s fine too.”
“No. You can sit down. I’m just so…angry.”
“Oh. You don’t look angry. When I get angry, my face gets all red, and people know that they better steer far clear of me. Of course, it doesn’t happen often, but when it does, unfortunately, it’s quite a spectacle.”
Skyler’s cheerful words made Lauren laugh. “I can just imagine. Actually, I can’t. You’re so cheerful. I would guess you would never get angry.”
“Sometimes my husband is infuriating.”
“Funny you should mention it. That’s what I’m angry about. My husband, who has ignored me for literally a decade, showed up today and wanted to talk. Really? Talk. Now?”
“So I take it that…he followed you here?”
“Yeah. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t unload on you. You don’t need all my garbage.”
“Actually, my life has been pretty smooth sailing lately. If you’d like to give me your garbage, I think I have room for it right now.”
She chuckled a little at the way Skyler said it.
Maybe the fact that Skyler had sat down beside her, and she didn’t have to face her, made it a little easier, but the invitation, and the desire to vent, won over her more reticent nature of not wanting to air all of her dirty laundry.
It was a small town. People were going to know her husband had stopped in, people would probably even know that her husband had caught her laughing with Matteo and had gotten…
jealous? Was that what the word was? She thought more that he was upset because she wasn’t home, and he was inconvenienced having to go find her, but maybe that was wrong.
“Well, it’s kind of a long story,” she finally said, figuring that Skyler might not have stopped in for a long time.
“I’m down for a long story. Although, I kept smelling this really good scent, like fresh-baked bread, while I was working in my garden, so I thought I would take a stroll and see if I could find out who was making it.
Matteo told me that it was coming from you, but…
your door was locked. So, maybe that’s why I ended up coming around.
I’ll do pretty much anything for fresh-baked bread. ”
It was hard to resist Skyler’s cheerful friendliness.
“How about we go back inside, and I’ll cut you a piece. Then, if you still want to hang around, I’ll feel a little better for dumping on you.”
And maybe, just cutting the bread and chatting with a stranger who was fast becoming a friend would ease her anger and make it so that she was chatting more than venting.
“I am not going to turn down that offer,” she said. “I think Matteo said that it might have been cheese bread, and you know how small towns are. I’ve heard that the cheese bread that comes out of this place is divine.” The way Skyler said “divine” made Lauren laugh again.
“I’m sure it’s not heavenly, exactly. But it is one of the things I do best.” She stood up from the step and held the door for Skyler to step through. “Just go straight.”
“All right. I’ve never been back here.”
“Yeah, there’s a stairway here, and the steps go upstairs to my apartment, which is small.”
She almost said to her mom’s apartment, but while Skyler probably knew her mom, she wasn’t sure, and she didn’t want to get into that right now. That was something else that was still a little raw and hurt.
“I sure hope you’re going to open this. You know how nice it would be to have a bakery in town?”
“It would be nice having a gas station and restaurant too, and maybe we’re getting a hotel, right?” Lauren said, repeating the gossip she’d heard and raising her eyebrows in question.
“Yeah. All of those would be really nice. But the bakery’s a good start,” she said, staying on that side of the counter as Lauren went in and grabbed the bread that she had just wrapped up.
It didn’t take her any time at all to slice a nice thick piece off, and it was still warm enough to melt the butter.
“Thanks. Wow. That smells amazing, and it’s still warm!”
“I think you’ve talked me into another piece,” she said, although… She kind of lost her appetite after dealing with her husband.
“Oh my goodness, it tastes as good as you would think it would,” Skyler said after taking a bite and humming a bit.
It was so nice to watch people enjoy something that she had made. And take such pleasure in it. Whether or not she could run a bakery, she still hadn’t decided, but whether or not she wanted to was less and less of a question. She loved making people happy. Giving them something to smile about.
Even giving them a place to come and talk. To have her neighbors come to her, and exchange some laughter and fun, and become friends. It knitted a community together, and she almost felt like it was a necessity.
“So. You said something about your husband finally wanting to talk. Like, he hasn’t before?”
“All right. But I’m warning you, this could take a while. You might want to sit down on that stool. ”
Skyler settled herself obediently, and Lauren moved the knife in her hand, remembering that she was going to spread butter on a piece for herself.
“My husband’s a good man. He didn’t cheat on me or anything like that. He’s faithful and honest, he’s got character. And honestly, he is…perfect.” She paused. “Almost.”
“I guess no one’s perfect. But almost perfect sounds pretty good to me.”
“Yeah. I guess… I guess it started with this business that he started. At first, I was on board, completely. But starting a business means lots of hours, no one else can do it, and you don’t have the money to pay to hire someone to come in, so you do everything yourself.
And I didn’t mind. I helped him a lot too.
But then, my mom got sick with cancer, and we moved her in with us so I could take care of her.
I…got pregnant but then lost several babies in miscarriages.
And…Cannon just kept working. When my mom had downturns, he just kept working.
When Mom had a good doctor’s appointment, Cannon was working.
When I had another miscarriage, just before my mom died, Cannon was working.
He…didn’t take the time to give me what I needed.
Someone to talk to. Someone to hold me. Someone to share the burden. ”
Skyler nodded sympathetically. But didn’t say anything.
She munched contentedly on her bread, but it was obvious from the way she looked and reacted that she was listening intently.
Lauren told herself that she wanted to be just as good a listener as what Skyler was. She felt seen and heard and valued.
“Anyway. Mom died, and I was rattling around that old apartment by myself. And we have plenty of money, but I have no babies, I have no husband, because he’s working all the time.
And I know. I should be happy that he’s working and not out playing somewhere.
I suppose he could be at the gym for three hours a day, or he could be trying to be a professional cyclist and biking all the time.
Or… I don’t know. Just anything that men do that takes them away from their wives.
At least he’s making money with his obsession. ”
“Good point. He could be doing something that cost money. And ignoring you at the same time. That would be even worse.”
“Yeah. You’re right. So, what I mean is I wasn’t mad at him exactly, I just…didn’t feel married. I didn’t have a partner. I didn’t have someone who wanted to be with me. If he had a choice, he’d choose work over me every time.”
“A woman wants to feel special. She wants to feel like she’s the most important thing after God.”
“Yeah. I guess if he were a preacher… Although, I suppose preachers could probably get obsessed by work and put their family in second place. It’s not something that preachers would be immune to, I suppose.”
“I think you’re right. Preachers can be just as human as anyone else.
And it’s hard for a preacher to put his family first, because he has a whole congregation of people who are expecting him to drop everything when they need him, who have hired him to be there when they need him. His wife doesn’t pay him.”
“That’s a good point.” Lauren had never really thought about it that way.
“Oh yeah, it could be worse.”
“I know. He could be out playing, or spending money, or addicted to porn, I guess, rather than working hard. Still, you’re right.
I didn’t feel special. I didn’t feel important.
I felt like everything and everyone was more important than me, and it would take an act of God to get him away from work and to want to spend time with me.
” She lifted a hand and laughed without humor.
“It actually did. I had to leave him before he actually took time off work to spend time with me. That’s pathetic. ”
Skyler nodded as she listened. “That’s hard. Why couldn’t he have given you his time before? If he was going to take off work, why couldn’t he have done it just to keep your marriage healthy? Why did he have to wait until it was on life support before he came, and… Was he apologetic?”
“He claims he has no idea what the problem is. He wanted me to talk to him. To tell him what was wrong. I mean, how could he not know?” She shook her head. “He just acted so dumb. And he is a smart man. I mean, he’s really smart. And yet, he just doesn’t know anything important.”
“Anything about relationships. Maybe that’s why God matched men up with women. Because men have no clue about relationships, and they have a tendency to be smart about things that women, in general, aren’t as good at.”
“Yeah. He came in and criticized the fact that I didn’t have a security system on my store. Like I have money for that.” She rolled her eyes. “He knows how much they cost. He sells them and installs them for a living.”
“No wonder he was worried about you. But…that says he cares, doesn’t it?”
“I guess it does. I suppose. But he didn’t take time for me. That says more than anything that he doesn’t care.”
“Sounds to me like your love language is quality time.”
“I remember reading that book, but I don’t remember what my language was, or his either, for that matter.”
“I guess it doesn’t really matter, except…sometimes when our love language is one thing, we miss someone talking to us in another language.”
“What do you mean? They’re all English.”
“Or whatever language you’re using. It’s not a matter of a cultural language, it’s… Someone who has a love language of quality time might not see the acts of service that her partner is doing for her because that’s not her love language.”
Lauren was quiet for a moment. That made complete and total sense and was almost like a part of the picture had come into sharp focus all of a sudden.
Cannon maybe didn’t spend time with her, not because he didn’t love her, but because that didn’t say “I love you” to him.
To him, acts of service said “I love you,” so he worked hard on his business to provide for her and made sure that their apartment was fixed up, and the oil changed in her car, and that type of thing.
She supposed if she thought about it, she could think of a hundred little things that he had done that, while she had appreciated them, she hadn’t really thought they said “I love you.”
“I think I see what you’re saying,” she said, though she really didn’t want to. She wanted everything to be his fault. If she were being honest, she wanted him to be the bad guy. Maybe her opinion was biased and she needed someone who could see areas where she could do better .
She took a breath. She didn’t really want to see where she could do better. She wanted her husband to change, not her. After all, he was the one who had neglected her and hadn’t given her the support and care that she needed.
But he was here, in Raspberry Ridge, taking off work and apparently coming back tomorrow to talk to her, since she wouldn’t do it today. She honestly thought if she’d refused to talk, he’d get in his truck and drive back to Cincinnati. After all, how was his business surviving without him?