Chapter 19
Nineteen
G race and Claire were both waiting for her when she hurried into the grove at the healing garden.
The date that she’d had with her husband had taken longer than she thought it would.
Mostly because they’d lingered over their food, chatting and…
At least for her, she enjoyed his company.
Remembering all the reasons she’d married him to begin with.
He was sweet and funny and attentive. More attentive than he’d been in years.
The problem was, she was worried that this wouldn’t last. Maybe this was just something that her leaving him had triggered in him, and once he had her back, he’d go back to neglecting her.
Part of her said that she didn’t need to worry about that.
Because if he did, obviously he was reasonable.
She could talk to him, he could see that he was doing something wrong, and he would fix it.
The same way she would if he came to her and said that she was doing something that he would prefer she not do.
Except, she was rebelling about the dog.
That was different though. That wasn’t something that was hurting him, that was something that he would prefer she not do, because he was worried about her safety .
Maybe it wasn’t different. She was classifying it in her mind differently, but maybe he didn’t.
Regardless, she hurried to her friends, who both stood up, and they embraced.
“So nice to be able to meet together. I honestly had been dreading a long, lonely summer all by myself. Especially after Grandma died. But I hadn’t expected my kids to come back, Josiah to marry me, and now friends from my past to meet with on a regular basis.”
“We should set a regular meeting time,” Grace said, looking at Claire.
“Yeah.”
“I’d love to do that. I think… I kinda think I might be going to stay.”
“And open the bakery?” Grace asked eagerly.
“I think so.”
“Does that mean that your husband is going back to Cincinnati without you?” Claire asked, and she looked slightly less enthused.
“No. Actually, I think he’s going to sell his business and move here.
” She didn’t want to start a whole bunch of rumors if it turned out to not be true, so she said, “I’d appreciate it if you don’t say anything for now.
I guess we’re still talking about it, but that’s what he was saying today when he and I went out to eat.
That he wanted to be with me. And that for the last ten years, he’d built his business.
Now he wants to sell it and have a little nest egg, I think that’s what he called it, and have me run the bakery. ”
Both of her friends smiled and seemed excited. And then Grace bit her lip.
“But… Would you make enough money to support yourselves?”
“I’m not sure. I mean, Cannon told me today that he had heard around town that someone had bought the inn. Did you guys hear that?”
“I heard a rumor about it,” Claire said. “And I hope it’s true. But I did a little digging, and I couldn’t figure out who it was.”
They were silent for a moment. Yolanda’s mother had always talked about wanting to buy it, but after Yolanda died, her mother moved away. It was like she couldn’t stand the pain.
Which reminded Lauren that maybe this was something she should face too. Because if she had faced her marriage problems, she wouldn’t have ended up leaving her husband and causing him a lot of undue stress and worry.
“Can I… Can I talk to you guys about something?”
“Sure,” they said together.
They took their seats, with Lauren sitting between Grace and Claire, and both of them kind of slightly tilted toward her.
“They need to put benches that face each other, for people who want to sit and talk.”
“I think that they think that most of the people who come here are people who want to sit and think and reflect quietly,” Grace said, but she lifted her shoulder. “I certainly don’t disagree with you. If people are going to meet here, like us, the seating arrangements are not the best.”
“But I love this spot. The shady grove is so beautiful,” Lauren said, looking at the trees that sheltered the walkway, protecting it, giving it such a whimsical, beautiful look.
But she was procrastinating. She wanted to talk to them about Yolanda. And that day.
“Is it going to ruin your day if I bring up Yolanda again?” She paused. She felt like she was ready now. Even though not a whole lot of time had passed, just having things…not settled, but better between her husband and her, made her feel like she had the strength to face this.
“No. Grace and I talked about her a while ago, and it really helped me. I…still have times where I don’t always like to think about going out on the lake, but I’m more at peace with it than I ever have been.”
“Same. It just helped to hear someone else saying that they felt the same things I did.”
“I don’t know that either one of you will feel what I feel, because most of my feeling is guilt.”
“I felt guilt too,” Grace admitted.
“Same,” Claire said.
“I’m not sure I understand why you guys would, because I’m the one who encouraged her to go.
She was going to stay with me. After she found out that I wasn’t going to go.
I…just didn’t feel like it. It wasn’t that I had some kind of strange premonition or anything.
I just…can’t explain it. Normally I was all in for a day on the lake.
But I wanted to stay home and just read a book.
Maybe—I don’t really remember, but maybe the book I was reading was pretty good.
Maybe that was it. And also, we had a cat that had just had kittens.
I wanted to stay home and keep an eye on them too. ”
“I think I remember about the kittens.” Claire furrowed her brows together. “I kind of forgot about that until you brought it up.”
“Yeah. I don’t even remember what happened to the kittens.
The days afterward were so chaotic, and I felt guilty, because Yolanda came over, and she wanted to sit and play with the kittens.
But they were newborns. You couldn’t play with them.
You could only sit and watch them. And I didn’t want her handling them too much. ”
Lauren bit her lip.
“I guess I was being selfish too. They were new, and I wanted to have them to myself for a bit. Anyway, I wanted to read my book too. So I basically talked her into going. Because she didn’t even bring her beach clothes to my house. She had to go back home and change, in order to meet you guys.”
“Wow. I don’t think I knew that.”
“No. Mom was down in the bakery, and it was a slow day. So she didn’t need my help. And Yolanda came in through the back. I’m not sure Mom even saw her come or go.”
“That explains it. You are the only one who knew.”
“I know. And I feel so guilty. I could have just let her stay. I could have put my book aside, shared my kittens, and Yolanda would still be with us.”
“Do you think so?” Claire asked, her head tilted.
“Yeah. I’m sure of it,” Lauren said, seeing the doubt on her face. “You’re not?”
“I guess I just feel like if it’s God’s will, it will happen. But if it’s not God’s time, then it’s not going to happen. So, if He was ready for Yolanda to go home, it didn’t matter what you said or did, she was going home when He wanted her to.”
Lauren had never thought about it that way before. Maybe that was part of the reason why she had decided that she needed to talk to her friends.
“It’s interesting. I’m not changing the subject.
But I had my mind set on what was going on in my marriage.
My husband was the bad guy entirely. And yet, when I came here, and talked to you guys, and talked to Skyler, I realized that my view was not the only view.
I think that’s part of the reason I decided that I wanted to talk to you guys about that day.
I thought that maybe you’d have another view.
” She looked at Claire. “I like that idea. I’ll have to think about it to see whether or not I really truly believe it, but I know that God is in control of everything.
He makes the sun to shine on the just and the unjust, and the rain to fall on the same.
If He can control the sun and the rain, He can control the affairs of man.
And I suppose that while He does move for the prayers of man, and He changes things according to how we pray, even sometimes when we pray, God just says no. ”
“He’s told me no more often than I wish, but sometimes when I look back, I think, man, I was dumb for wanting that. The older I get, the more I have a tendency to pray, ‘God, You do what You know is best, and help me to handle it.’” Grace laughed, and the other two joined in.
“That’s probably a really good prayer. Because…my way just leads to messes, like me leaving my husband.”
“God might have allowed that. After all, your husband is out here, and now he might be selling his business and you might be opening your mom’s bakery, and none of that would have happened if you hadn’t left.
I’m not saying God wanted you to, but I’m saying that God works everything out for our good and His glory, even our stupidity and dumb mistakes. ”
“Thanks. I actually feel better about that now.” And she realized, she also felt better about Yolanda. Claire and Grace were probably both right. That if it had been God’s will for Yolanda to live, she wouldn’t have died that day. No matter what Lauren had done.
“I know you feel selfish because you wanted the kittens to yourself, and you wanted to be able to read your book and all of that.” Claire put her hand on Lauren’s arm.
“I feel guilty because I didn’t insist that we wear life vests.
None of us were wearing them. But I wasn’t a better swimmer than Yolanda was.
So why did she drown and I didn’t? Why did I bob up with a life vest right beside me?
And the boat on the other side. I got the life vest on, grabbed hold of the boat, and everything was just fine. I don’t know why.”