Chapter 81
Chapter Eighty-One
It’s been five days since the attack.
Five days since I killed my father.
Five days since I wielded blood.
The Volcans and the rebels from the other camps arrived the morning after, though we had regained control by then. Still, the extra hands were immediately put to use, helping clear rubble and dig out survivors.
And help bury the dead.
A handful of buildings remained standing, and the earthwielders also erected additional makeshift structures.
Sura was unharmed. She’d planned to spend the night in the childcare tent.
When the attack happened, she and the other caregiver shepherded the children into a hollowed-out safe room beneath the thick rug—thoughtfully carved out by an earthwielder early on.
Tairna dispatched missives to both Tundrayn and Arbinj, announcing the deaths of Tormik and Varad and Faramir—declaring me queen of both kingdoms.
We’ve yet to receive a response.
We suffered so many casualties. Even now, I don’t know how many lie dead beneath the fractured buildings. I spent the first two days in the makeshift infirmary, healing the endless line of rebels and sleeping on the floor—there were no empty cots.
And Zev … I only convinced him to remain in the infirmary for an hour, making sure he was completely healed from the ice spear that carved a gaping hole in his chest.
But once he saw the long line of injured people, he wouldn’t stay. I haven’t seen him since—Sura and Tumaas tell me he’s been helping dig through rubble.
So many people have been displaced, that many sleep in large, communal tents, or share rooms in the remaining buildings.
Somehow, I was assigned my own room—with Zev, of course—in a nearby building.
I suspect Tairna had something to do with that, though I’ve only gone there a handful of times to shower before returning to the infirmary.
With a sigh, I glance around the crowded space where cots are wedged so close together that there’s hardly space to walk between them. It’s late, and the patients are either sleeping or trying to sleep.
Soft footsteps announce a presence outside the door. It creaks open, and Tairna peers through. She manages a warm smile, but it can’t mask the tension etched on her face.
I meet her outside, softly shutting the infirmary door behind me.
“How are you doing, Mayah?” she asks. Her eyes are red, like she’s been crying. “Are you certain you don’t want me to find a heartwielder? If you’re struggling with what happened to Tormik…”
What happened was that I murdered him.
I swallow hard. It’s a strange sense of grief, a feeling of loss for something I never truly had. Not really.
“I’m all right.” My smile is tight. Practiced.
She smiles back, but her eyes tell me she doesn’t believe me. “Have you decided if you prefer to travel to Arbinj first or Tundrayn? We must move quickly to cement your rule.”
I hadn’t thought about it. With the endless line of patients, there hasn’t been any time. And it’s not only my decision.
“Let me talk to Zev first, see what he thinks.”
Tairna opens her mouth, then snaps it shut.
“What?” I ask, bristling.
“Have you spoken to Vayru at all recently?” she asks slowly.
I shake my head.
“He’s leaving,” she tells me quietly. “For Volca.”
She may as well have slapped me.
“When?” I breathe.
“Tomorrow morning. He must be…”
I don’t hear the rest.
My feet slap against the ground as I dart through the quiet camp. Panic grips my heart, cold and rough, clawing up my throat until breathing is a struggle.
He can’t leave. Not after everything. He can’t.
The door to our new room bursts open with a loud crash. Zev stands by the dresser. In his hand is a large satchel, though I don’t know what could possibly be inside. All our belongings are buried beneath rubble.
“It’s true.” My voice is wooden. Flat. “You’re leaving.”
He spares me a quick glance, then turns back to the dresser. “Yes.”
Anger burns in my chest.
“Were you even going to say goodbye?”
He sighs, as if I’m inconveniencing him. “No, Mayah.” His voice is tight. “I wasn’t.”
“How can you just go?” I wrap my arms around myself, as if that might protect me from the pain gripping my heart. “You can’t just leave me here.” Alone.
He shrugs. “You found your place. Your friends. You’ll be safe.”
And not my concern anymore.
“You’re a coward.” My voice cracks, tears pricking my eyes. “You’re afraid.” He just keeps packing, the stubborn man. “I know you love me, Zev.”
His hand stills. He doesn’t look at me when he says, “That doesn’t mean I can be with you.”
Tides drown me. In this lifetime and in any that follow.
My heart splits open, tears slipping down my cheeks.
“I wielded blood for you!” I scream. Hopelessness wraps its cold fingers around my throat. “How can you still think my heart belongs to anyone else?”
He doesn’t look at me. Just ties his bag closed.
Tides, I might faint. I squeeze my arms tighter around myself, bracing against the door.
“We’re married,” I whisper brokenly.
“Right,” he sighs again. Another inconvenience. “I’ll ask Tairna to annul it.” His voice is detached.
He’s really going to leave.
Because he’s afraid. He’s afraid to love me.
“Fine,” I snap, trying to keep my tears out of my voice. “Leave.” I fill my lungs with a deep, shuddering breath. It does nothing to ease the frantic beat of my heart, the suffocating grief gouging my throat. “I-I hate you.”
He freezes, a violent shudder cascading through him.
In a blink, he’s crossed the room, fingers gripping my wrist.
“Say that again.” His voice is low, desperate.
“I hate you?”
A muscle twitches in his jaw.
“Again.”
“I hate you. I hate you so much, I can’t stand—”
He kisses me.
His lips crash into mine with so much force it sends my head slamming into the door. Zev’s hand threads through my hair, gripping tightly, one arm twining around my waist.
He draws back. “Say it again,” he murmurs against my lips.
“I hate you.” It comes out breathy and soft.
Another tremor ripples through his body, and he drags me to an armchair, tugging me into his lap.
My legs dangle over the side. He kisses me again, our teeth knocking together.
His lips move over mine as if he’s been starved for me, his tongue coaxing my lips open.
A loud moan escapes me as we part for air.
I’m panting as he grips my jaw, trailing hot kisses down the column of my throat.
“Zev?” I breathe, chest heaving, all the anger kissed out of me. “Not that I mind, but I’m … confused.”
“Do. You. Want. Me. To. Stop?” he asks between kisses that set my pulse ablaze.
“No,” I whimper as his teeth scrape against my collarbone.
Another deep kiss, slow and languid, his tongue stroking mine.
“Then let me savor this, baby.”
Zev kisses me until I can’t think, can’t breathe, can’t function. I don’t exist except where he touches me. My lips tingle beneath the faint scratch of his stubble, my hair a knotted mess from his roving hands.
He finally pulls back, tucking me close to his chest. His hands are gentle, yet even still, barely restrained desire thrums beneath his skin.
For the first time since that wretched, wretched night in the tunnels, his face is open. Unguarded. Warmth and tenderness swirl in his gaze. The way he used to look at me before—
My chin quivers. His eyes track the movement, and he brushes a soft kiss to my cheek. “My sweet Mayah,” he breathes. “I’ve been keeping a secret of my own.”